# Pirate brutally attacks defenseless Sausage **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 10, 2003, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458 "2003-07-10T13:48:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Arnold\_Winkelried](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Arnold\_Winkelried](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arnold_Winkelried)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/21 "2003-07-10T15:58:15Z")
Maybe I’m naive and always thinking the best of people, but for a professional baseball player to assault someone with a bat during a game, in front of journalists and television cameras, seems unbelievable to me. After looking at the photographs provided by Philster my guess is that the player was trying to knock off the hat because he thought it would be funny. ---
**Author:** ![tiny\_ham](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a183cd/32.png) [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/22 "2003-07-10T16:03:24Z")
That’s exactly what he said. It was done in a playful attitude, and her head was far below the contact since the sausage is so tall. Look at the replay and some pictures and you’ll see it wasn’t done in quite the mailicious, horrific intent that some are suspecting. The woman herself says she WAS. NOT. HURT. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/23 "2003-07-10T16:03:28Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*She was hit very lightly at the top of her costume and her most serious injury was skinned knees and an inability to get up because the center of gravity is so low on those things. \*\* OK … so it sounds like this was all Simon’s bad idea of a practical joke. I got the initial impression that he laid into her with all his might. Simon still acted as a misanthropic ass who showed a lack of basic human respect for other people. If he should prove unwilling to publicly apologize and abide by some kind of penalty, I hope this incident follows Simon around and taints his name for his entire career. ---
**Author:** ![JerH](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/bb73d2/32.png) [@JerH](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JerH)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/24 "2003-07-10T16:14:21Z")
OK, just to start off: despite being a lifelong Pirates fan, I condemn what Simon did. Nobody should hit mascots with a baseball bat, unless it’s the Philly Phanatic. That said: I was watching the game, and couldn’t really tell much of anything about the hit from the clips they replayed. From the camera angle, I really couldn’t tell if he’d hit her intentionally or just happened to be standing there holding a bat. If we assume that he did hit intentionally, it doesn’t look like it was hard. My guess is it was more of a push and the weight of the costume did the rest. I think Simon should be punished somehow, but it didn’t look to me like it was a malicious attack; more like someone being stupid and not thinking. Suspend him for a week and give him a couple hundred hours community service. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/25 "2003-07-10T16:16:26Z")
Shame shame. That’s a naughty little Pirate. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/26 "2003-07-10T16:18:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Diogenes the Cynic \* > \*\*I’m sorry, but I don’t really find this all that amusing. Since when is it funny for a man to hit a woman with a baseball bat? If she wasn’t wearing the costume how funny would it be? \*\* Funnier? Really, look at the [Foxnews.com](http://Foxnews.com) video of the incident. It looks like the Italian sausage was leaning into the railing when Simon took the check swing at the upper fluffy part of the costume. It also appears as if she was tripping AS he swung at her, not afterwards. It was still a stupid thing for him to do. He deserves some reprimand. I don`t know about the handcuffs and the ride to the police station though. (He should have to don the costume the next time he plays the Brewers in Milwaukee and have the girl swing at his head.) ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/27 "2003-07-10T16:20:06Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jarbabyj \* > \*\*That’s exactly what he said. It was done in a playful attitude, and her head was far below the contact since the sausage is so tall. Look at the replay and some pictures and you’ll see it wasn’t done in quite the mailicious, horrific intent that some are suspecting. The woman herself says she WAS. NOT. HURT. \*\* I haven’t seen a video replay yet. And the stills make the force of the blow unclear. If he was just trying to knock the hat off, then I can cut Simon some slack. **Jarbaby** , I gotta tell ya – the way that this was reported on the sports radio down here in Jackson, MS is that Simon took a clearly pre-meditated home-run swing at the back of the costume. It was also implied that he had to leave the dugout and more or less chase down the sausage to take his swing. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/28 "2003-07-10T16:20:43Z")
[Here is the Fox story. With the video link.](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,91538,00.html) You`ve got to see the video here before you comment on the story. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/29 "2003-07-10T16:24:01Z")
She was clearly in trouble before he took the swing. I think she was loosing her balance as she passed Simon. ---
**Author:** ![Bert\_the\_Turtle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/b5ac83/32.png) [@Bert\_the\_Turtle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bert_the_Turtle)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/30 "2003-07-10T16:25:01Z")
To quote abc - “As she fell, a woman portraying a hot dog went down as well.” Sounds like it was actually fun for them all… if a little condusing on the gender front. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/31 "2003-07-10T16:28:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whuckfistle \* > **Really, look at the [Foxnews.com](http://Foxnews.com) video of the incident. It looks like the Italian sausage was leaning into the railing when Simon took the check swing at the upper fluffy part of the costume.** OK, I’ve just looked at this video three times … which means I looked at the incident six times total. I couldn’t tell she was tripping ahead of time, but IMO, that’s not the least bit relevant. To me, the swing was WAY too hard. I wouldn’t call it a “check swing”, but YMMV. The fact that he hit the uppermost part of the costume obviously cushioned the blow. That the woman was unhurt is irrelevant to me. The fact that Simon even thought to put his bat out there is the problem. He should go to trial and be sentenced to pay a significant fine. ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/32 "2003-07-10T16:31:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whuckfistle \* > \*\*She was clearly in trouble before he took the swing. I think she was loosing her balance as she passed Simon. \*\* OK, on fourth review, I saw her _seemingly_ losing her balance as she passed the Pirates’ dugout. Again, IMO, that matters not. There was a human being in that costume … why didn’t Simon respect that? ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/33 "2003-07-10T16:55:21Z")
It was wrong of him to do it, no question. More stupid than felonious though. If you watch her left knee, it looks like it`s already dragging as it comes into view. And the bat hasn`t even cleared the costume yet. I don`t support what he did, but it did look like he was trying to take the hat off. It was a very controlled swing, a check swing at best. ---
**Author:** ![Blunt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ccd318/32.png) [@Blunt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blunt)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 5:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/34 "2003-07-10T17:23:11Z")
I agree with **whuckfistle** here, dumb thing to do for sure, but he didn’t intend to hurt anyone or anything, he just was trying to be funny. The racers really didn’t get hurt here, they only had minor scraped knees. They are fine now. From what I have heard, this could have been worse because one of the racers had knee surgery in the past and it could have gotten screwed up again, but that didn’t happen. I think Simon should apologize to the racers involved, that’s something he’s already said he’s planning on doing. I’m sure they will let the incident go with an apology, I know I would. As far as criminal charges, I don’t think they are necessary. At least, not the battery charge. Maybe something lesser like a ticket for disorderly conduct or something. As far as a penalty from MLB or the Pirates, I think this at most warrants a fine. I think anything more, such as a suspension, would be excessive. I really think Simon leaned his lesson here. I do disagree with the posters who think the sausage was going down with or without Simon’s swing however. I am pretty convinced Simon caused this fall 100%. If anything maybe she tripped trying to avoid him leaning over the dugout rail, but I really think the only reason she fell was the swing with the bat. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 5:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/35 "2003-07-10T17:32:14Z")
Everybody who thinks the police went too far in arresting him are stupid. He hit a 20 year old girl with a bat and knocked her and a 19 year old girl to the ground, causing bruises and abrasions. If that isn’t “Misdemener Assault”, I don’t know what is. I don’t care if he didn’t realize that his half-swing would knock her over in the top-heavy costume, if stupidity was an excuse for assault I don’t think anybody would be convicted of it ever. I’m not calling for his head, I also don’t think that he should necessarily be charged, I just think that his game-check should go to the two women, and that the police were well within their rights to arrest him. I do, however, hope that the Brewers play this up today and have the Italian come out with it’s arm in a sling, or with a couple of “guys in nice suits” to deliver some “payback” or some such. -lv ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/36 "2003-07-10T17:44:51Z")
You gotta wonder if the Italian would relish such a proposition. Regardless, Simon’s apology damn sure better cut the mustard. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 5:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/37 "2003-07-10T17:59:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LordVor \* > \*\*Everybody who thinks the police went too far in arresting him are stupid. He hit a 20 year old girl with a bat and knocked her and a 19 year old girl to the ground, causing bruises and abrasions. If that isn’t “Misdemener Assault”, I don’t know what is. I don’t care if he didn’t realize that his half-swing would knock her over in the top-heavy costume, if stupidity was an excuse for assault I don’t think anybody would be convicted of it ever. I’m not calling for his head, I also don’t think that he should necessarily be charged, I just think that his game-check should go to the two women, and that the police were well within their rights to arrest him. > > I do, however, hope that the Brewers play this up today and have the Italian come out with it’s arm in a sling, or with a couple of “guys in nice suits” to deliver some “payback” or some such. > > -lv \*\* Normally I`d completely agree. This time we have to take *intent* into consideration. He did not intend for the women to go down. He didn`t intend there to be any bodily harm. It was a prank gone out of control (a little). And now, with the media spin, it has gone completely out of control. Like \*\* Lieu\*\* said, (who better to understand intent, (sorry lieu)) the Italians in the community might take offense. ---
**Author:** ![moejuck](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/57b2e6/32.png) [@moejuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moejuck)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 6:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/38 "2003-07-10T18:37:03Z")
Watch out when the Brewers head to Pittsburgh where the famous Pieroggi race will take place. I am sure that Richie Sexon will run onto the field to exact revenge as is always the case in baseball. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/39 "2003-07-10T18:41:13Z")
It’s just payback for the time I was assaulted as a child by the giant plush Province of Manitoba. (True story.) Death to the mascot oppressors. ---
**Author:** ![ArtyDooDoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/13edae/32.png) [@ArtyDooDoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArtyDooDoo)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/40 "2003-07-10T19:08:48Z")
I was punched by Jessie The Body Ventura. It was a joke punch but it still counts. I was working as airport security 12 or so years ago when the wwf guys came through. You think they look big on tv? Man they are HUGE!! They all had to walk sideways and crouch to get thru the metal detector. I was standing there like a slack jawed yocal so he hit me. Thats my claim to fame. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458.md?page=3)