# Pirate brutally attacks defenseless Sausage **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 10, 2003, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458 "2003-07-10T13:48:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![december](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/838e76/32.png) [@december](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/december)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/41 "2003-07-10T19:14:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > \*\*Regardless, Simon’s apology damn sure better cut the mustard. \*\* It better be a frank apology. ---
**Author:** ![Punoqllads](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/d2c977/32.png) [@Punoqllads](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Punoqllads)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/42 "2003-07-10T19:20:26Z")
I find it highly ironic this incident happened the very day that **manhattan** [tells](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=196467#post3679742) people not to open a Pirate thread. ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/43 "2003-07-10T19:25:21Z")
December, lieu, your puns are simply in the wurst taste. ---
**Author:** ![Suse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@Suse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suse)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/44 "2003-07-10T19:26:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by december \* > \*\*It better be a frank apology. \*\* I’m sure the media will report it with relish. ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/45 "2003-07-10T19:34:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by december \* > \*\*It better be a frank apology. \*\* I never sausage bad puns. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/46 "2003-07-10T19:37:35Z")
Maybe Simon was betting on the Braut?? ---
**Author:** ![carrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9de0a6/32.png) [@carrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/carrot)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/47 "2003-07-10T19:47:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by lieu \* > > \*\*You gotta wonder if the Italian would relish such a proposition. Regardless, Simon’s apology damn sure better cut the mustard. \*\* Maybe he’ll wake up one morning with a ketchup-y corndog stick in his bed. ---
**Author:** ![Philster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/13edae/32.png) [@Philster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Philster)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/48 "2003-07-10T20:04:58Z")
Deep Thought, by Jack Handy… “If you ever find yourself rolling around on the ground in a sausage costume because someone hit you with a baseball bat, you’ll have to ask yourself, ‘How did I wind up in this situation?’, and you’ll have some explaining to do to yourself” ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/49 "2003-07-10T20:23:28Z")
According to [ESPN](http://espn.go.com/mlb/news/2003/0710/1579059.html?partnersite=espn) , the incident is officially closed. > [@](#): > > Simon was booked for misdemeanor battery, but Deputy District Attorney Jon Reddin said Thursday that the women “were not interested in having him charged criminally” and didn’t believe Simon meant to hurt them. Simon was cited by the sheriff’s department for disorderly conduct and fined $432. > … > Rock 102, a Milwaukee radio station, will allow listeners to take swings at a Simon pinata later in the afternoon. [MSN.com](http://MSN.com) headlines the story: “Sausage beef with ballplayer over” ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/50 "2003-07-10T20:36:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Duke of Rat \* > \*\*Maybe Simon was betting on the Braut?? \*\* You think you’re kidding, but much money changes hands in Miller Park after the sausage race. BTW: the results are in from the prosecuters: disorderly conduct, $432 fine. Sounds about right. -lv ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/51 "2003-07-10T20:51:16Z")
Simon was probably just a big Ramones fan Beat on the Brat Beat on the brat Beat on the brat Beat on the brat with a baseball bat Oh yeah, oh yeah, uh-oh. What can you do? What can you do? With a brat like that always on your back What can you do? (lose?) ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/52 "2003-07-10T21:21:30Z")
And in further news, the Italian won today (although it was a different guy in the suit). When the ballpark announcer said “And they’ve passed safely by the Pirates dugout!” the crowd cheered. ---
**Author:** ![beergeek279](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ea924/32.png) [@beergeek279](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/beergeek279)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 12:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/53 "2003-07-11T00:01:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by bordelond \* > If he should prove unwilling to publicly apologize and abide by some kind of penalty, I hope this incident follows Simon around and taints his name for his entire career. \*\* I hate to break this to you **bordelond** , but Randall Simon has played in Detroit and Pittsburgh most of his career; how can his name be tainted any further??? ---
**Author:** ![Rubicon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/58f4c7/32.png) [@Rubicon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rubicon)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/54 "2003-07-11T01:21:32Z")
> [@](#): > > OK, on fourth review, I saw her seemingly losing her balance as she passed the Pirates’ dugout. Again, IMO, that matters not. I love the detailed review of the tape. “Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.” My favorite parts of several more views than I would care to admit: –The chivalry of the unidentified tube meat that stayed behind to help –The selfish hot dog who carries on with the race but looks back occasionally as pangs of guilt wash over her bun –The way the heads of the other weiner-types whip around when the Italian Sausage and Hot Dog go down Also worth of note: The career days had by every headline editor at every little newspaper in America; I recommend using Google News to find your favorite. Mine is: “Pirate Grilled in Sausage Attack”, but I also like “Pirate Attacks Costumed Sausage”, with its implication that the woman in the costume was actual a sausage. But by far the best part: This quote in the AP article that first ran about this fanatastic, once-in-a-lifetime incident: > [@](#): > > Ryan Borghoff, 16, who wore the bratwurst costume in the race, called the episode “unbelievable.” “He just hit the costume and she fell over,” he said. “These things are so top-heavy that it doesn’t take much.” Borghoff went on to win the race. “Somebody had to, I guess,” he said. Yes, Ryan. Someone _had_ to. “Go on without me–I’ll only slow you down.” ---
**Author:** ![NutWrench](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nutwrench/32/20193_2.png) [@NutWrench](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NutWrench)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 3:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/55 "2003-07-11T03:55:36Z")
I’m just glad she wasn’t knocked worse. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![ElwoodCuse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/edb3f5/32.png) [@ElwoodCuse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElwoodCuse)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 4:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/56 "2003-07-11T04:33:13Z")
Mr. Borghoff needs to be in a commercial or something with that Australian short-track speedskater. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 6:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/57 "2003-07-11T06:24:18Z")
After she got back up, was she able to catsup to the other runners? ---
**Author:** ![Michael\_Ellis](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/977dab/32.png) [@Michael\_Ellis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Michael_Ellis)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/58 "2003-07-11T06:48:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Rubicon \* > **I love the detailed review of the tape. "Back, and to the left. Back, and to the left."** You’re not Keith Olbermann, are you? ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 10:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/59 "2003-07-11T10:47:26Z")
Bacon, to the left… ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [July 11, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458/60 "2003-07-11T12:53:21Z")
Before the race his teammates lied and said knocking the hat off the sausage lady was a tradition. In other words, they condiment to it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-brutally-attacks-defenseless-sausage/187458.md?page=4)