# Pirate Showdown: Captain Jack Sparrow Vs. Long John Silver **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 19, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777 "2004-04-19T04:43:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 4:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/1 "2004-04-19T04:43:29Z")
We just finished watching _Muppet Treasure Island_, featuring the always delightful Tim Curry as Long John Silver. Since we have a giant poster (as well as two 8x10s) of Captain Jack Sparrow, I wondered who would win in a showdown. We were unable to decide. In this corner, with a peg leg, a sword, and a decent singing voice… **Captain Long John Silver** Advantages: Loyal crew, Tim Curry, cunning, iffy facial hair Disadvantages: Loyal crew is mostly Muppets, peg leg, beaten by Muppets And in this corner, the guy who does a decent Keith Richards impression **Captain Jack Sparrow** Advantages: Best pirate we’ve ever seen, no Muppets, cunning Disadvantages: Worst pirate we’ve ever seen, crew repeatedly sells him out, beaten by Monkeys Who would triumph?! And I’ll say it now: Batman, if he’s prepared. There, now the thread can begin. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/2 "2004-04-19T06:02:59Z")
I’d have to go with Captain Jack Sparrow. Everybody knows the good guy always wins. 🙂 Tim Curry plays the bad guy part very well! I do like him cast as the villian. ---
**Author:** ![Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3bc359/32.png) [@Second\_Star\_to\_the\_Right](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Second_Star_to_the_Right)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 6:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/3 "2004-04-19T06:09:20Z")
You’re forgetting one thing- He’s Captain Jack Sparrow! 😃 So, yeah, my vote goes to Jack. ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/4 "2004-04-19T12:49:34Z")
But Captain Jack Sparrow can’t to the Time Warp. Oh. Wrong movie. Never mind… ---
**Author:** ![El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@El\_Elvis\_Rojo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Elvis_Rojo)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/5 "2004-04-19T13:12:19Z")
I’d go with Jack as well. If he knows the battle’s coming, and he’s really concerned, he knows where immortality lies. HE can just make a little trip to the cave, snag a gold coin, go kick some ass, then drop it back off and go back to life as usual. Still, if it’s a comic book match up where the two just bump into one another…I’d still go with Jack. He’s a rather mobile guy, which gives him a huge advantage over Hop-along John; plus he’s insanely lucky. And insane. Even if that’s all just an act, it does give him quite an advantage because it makes him unpredictable. Everytime you think you’ve got him beat, he’s just working you from another angle. So yeah, Jack’s it. ---
**Author:** ![smiling\_bandit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@smiling\_bandit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/smiling_bandit)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 1:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/6 "2004-04-19T13:15:40Z")
I’d like to vote for Sparrow. But somehow I have to say that Long John wins on the grounds of being so classically stylish. ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/7 "2004-04-19T14:52:31Z")
> [@vunderbob](#): > > But Captain Jack Sparrow can’t to the Time Warp. But he does have scissors instead of fingers… ---
**Author:** ![Hampshire](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hampshire/32/4887_2.png) [@Hampshire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hampshire)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/8 "2004-04-19T16:21:29Z")
Long John Silver’s vs. Red Lobster ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 6:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/9 "2004-04-19T18:57:41Z")
Depp beats out Curry any day in my books. For all the reasons listed plus Sparrow is just so frikken hot. ---
**Author:** ![RandomLetters](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8edcca/32.png) [@RandomLetters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandomLetters)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/10 "2004-04-19T19:39:50Z")
Captain Jack Sparrow would win this easy. Not even a ninja riding a dinosaur and carrying Febreeze could beat Captian Jack Sparrow. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/11 "2004-04-19T20:47:58Z")
I dunno, I think the ninja/dinosaur combo might give Sparrow a run for his money. No love for Long John Silver, eh? ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/12 "2004-04-19T22:39:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Captain Jack Sparrow would win this easy. Not even a ninja riding a dinosaur and carrying Febreeze could beat Captian Jack Sparrow. OK, so how about Captain Jack Sparrow vs. Abraham Lincoln? ---
**Author:** ![VunderBob](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/839c29/32.png) [@VunderBob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VunderBob)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/13 "2004-04-19T22:51:40Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > OK, so how about Captain Jack Sparrow vs. Abraham Lincoln? Jack Sparrow wouldn’t have a prayer against the Abrham Lincoln, wha with the F-14s, F/A-18s, and all those nukes… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![trupa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/aeb1de/32.png) [@trupa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trupa)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 10:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/14 "2004-04-19T22:59:35Z")
likely derailment / hijack alert… Jack has my vote… ``` ....Patrick O'Brian's lucky Jack Aubrey, that is... (Russel Crowe optional) ``` He’d likely manage to give them both a full raking broadside up the stern gallery and finish 'em off using Nelson’s patented boarding bridge. 😃 We now return you to the original question, -trupa, \*landlocked lubberly O’Brian geek who’se “sailed” (paddled?) a canoe and once was a passenger on a cruise ship \* ---
**Author:** ![Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Tapioca\_Dextrin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tapioca_Dextrin)\ **Post date:** [April 19, 2004, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/15 "2004-04-19T23:02:14Z")
> [@Chronos](#): > > OK, so how about Captain Jack Sparrow vs. Abraham Lincoln? Narrator: How about you? Tyler Durden: Lincoln. Narrator: Lincoln? Tyler Durden: Big guy, big reach. Skinny guys fight 'til they’re burger. ---
**Author:** ![Master\_Wang-Ka](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/master_wang-ka/32/3325_2.png) [@Master\_Wang-Ka](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Master_Wang-Ka)\ **Post date:** [April 20, 2004, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirate-showdown-captain-jack-sparrow-vs-long-john-silver/240777/16 "2004-04-20T01:38:51Z")
Hm. Cap’n Sparrow couldn’t command the loyalty of a crew if he was holding them at gunpoint. On the other hand, if you read the movies or watch the books, neither could Long John Silver. Cap’n Sparrow had two legs. Long John did not. On the other hand, Long John was considerably more agile than he looked, and successfully took out two armed men (in the book) with nothing more than his crutch and a parrot. And the parrot even survived. Both men were devilishly clever. Cap’n Sparrow was a good guy. On the other hand, Long John Silver, while a villain, was somehow lovable, and extremely skilled at gaining people’s trust long enough to grab the money and beat feet (or let you have it upside the head with a crutch, then skewer you with a concealed dagger while you were countin’ the little birdies orbiting your head). Hard call… but I’d give Long John Silver the edge. Unless Cap’n Sparrow hadn’t tossed the Aztec gold coin back in the box, yet. In which case, Cap’n Sparrow would hack Long John into chutney, while laughing maniacally at the very surprised look on Silver’s face…