# Pirates are dumb. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [April 11, 2010, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712 "2010-04-11T06:31:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 6:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/1 "2010-04-11T06:31:07Z")
[http://www.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story\_id=52519](http://www.navy.mil/search/display.asp?story_id=52519) Since nobody got hurt, I feel OK saying I find this story funny as hell. I am just trying to imagine what was going through the mind of the Pirates, and then the Naval captain as this was happening. I realize it’s not a battleship or destroyer, but who in their right mind attacks a serious warship with a rowboat and a couple of rifles? ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/2 "2010-04-11T06:32:26Z")
Ninjas \> pirates. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/3 "2010-04-11T06:39:34Z")
To be fair, aside from being painted grey an LSD doesn’t look like a ‘warship’ _per se_. The 31 March attack on a frigate, though…? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![thelurkinghorror](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7c8e57/32.png) [@thelurkinghorror](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thelurkinghorror)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 6:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/4 "2010-04-11T06:45:21Z")
I thought the OP would be a shameless ninja-funded propaganda piece. ---
**Author:** ![thirdname](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d07c76/32.png) [@thirdname](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thirdname)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/5 "2010-04-11T09:06:08Z")
This is the second time they’ve done that. On March 31 the frigate USS Nicholas was attacked by 5 pirates who were then captured. This is mentioned in the article. ---
**Author:** ![Mogle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mogle/32/12021_2.png) [@Mogle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mogle)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/6 "2010-04-11T09:15:20Z")
> [@Johnny\_L.A](#): > > To be fair, aside from being painted grey an LSD doesn’t look like a ‘warship’ _per se_. The 31 March attack on a frigate, though…? 😕 I doubt that the pirates are equipped with ship recognition charts, so I’m not that surprised that someone can mistake the [USS Nicholas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USS_Nicholas(FFG-47);074702.jpg) for a cargo ship in the dark. I bet the pirates were surprised though. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/7 "2010-04-11T09:45:44Z")
They’ve done the same thing to a Russian warship. I think that time the pirates weren’t so lucky. It’s still funny, though. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/8 "2010-04-11T15:02:54Z")
My guess? Gang initiation. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/9 "2010-04-11T15:52:01Z")
I think we’re being too “humanitarian” in simply lighting up their boat to disable it and them capturing them. If they attack a warship, we should blow the fuckers out of the water. Dead. Hell, we should be doing a sweep through those waters and giving every small boat the option of surrender (because they’re not all pirates) or destruction. You run, you die. They follow up by killing the hostages they currently have? Fine, then there’s nothing to stop us from sitting off-shore of these pirate ports and shelling them to the ground. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/10 "2010-04-11T16:10:04Z")
> [@Mogle](#): > > I doubt that the pirates are equipped with ship recognition charts, so I’m not that surprised that someone can mistake the [USS Nicholas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:USS_Nicholas(FFG-47);074702.jpg) for a cargo ship in the dark. I’m not surprised that they’d mistake an LSD for a cargo ship. But I still think that a frigate looks like a warship – even if it does only have a 3" gun. (And other things, but I assume pirates would be looking for guns.) And a Sea Hawk aft might give a clue, too. > [@Chimera](#): > > I think we’re being too “humanitarian” in simply lighting up their boat to disable it and them capturing them. If they attack a warship, we should blow the fuckers out of the water. Dead. Even in wartime, Naval ships will pick up survivors after a battle; or else have them picked up. Now, I wouldn’t be upset if a Naval vessel opened up on a skiff and destroyed it utterly; but current operations are closer to law enforcement than to war, so excessive force is not warranted and survivors are expected to be arrested. ---
**Author:** ![ralph124c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/8797f3/32.png) [@ralph124c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ralph124c)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/11 "2010-04-11T17:14:35Z")
I HOPE we are NOT bringing them to the USA for trial-this will cost the taxpayers a fortune…and then they will be in US prisons, then welfare… then citizenship. Hopefully, they get stuck in Kenya (or some other country that will take them). I don’t want them here. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/12 "2010-04-11T17:21:15Z")
I think that generally their weapons are confiscated or destroyed or dumped, and they are released to pirate another day. Of course, they have the problem of finding new weapons in Somalia. 😛 I think there is only one pirate being held in the U.S., who is awaiting trial in New York. ---
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 5:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/13 "2010-04-11T17:48:42Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > I HOPE we are NOT bringing them to the USA for trial-this will cost the taxpayers a fortune.. **and then they will be in US prisons, then welfare.. then citizenship.** > Hopefully, they get stuck in Kenya (or some other country that will take them). > I don’t want them here. How did you come up with that sequence? :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/14 "2010-04-11T19:07:54Z")
In centuries past, naval captains were legally allowed to try and hang pirates on the spot. Are those laws still in the books? ---
**Author:** ![Gorsnak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gorsnak/32/7587_2.png) [@Gorsnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gorsnak)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 7:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/15 "2010-04-11T19:33:21Z")
No yardarms on an LSD, unfortunately. Need a parrot smiley for this thread. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/16 "2010-04-11T20:06:04Z")
> [@Gorsnak](#): > > No yardarms on an LSD, unfortunately. The [rigging](http://www.ashland.navy.mil/Site%20Images/Ships%20Picture.jpg) looks strong enough. Hang 'em. Or load them on the helo, take them up a few thousand feet and see if they can fly. ---
**Author:** ![Suburban\_Plankton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/suburban_plankton/32/219_2.png) [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/17 "2010-04-11T20:18:27Z")
I read this story to my wife, who wondered if perhaps some of these pirates might be trying to get out of the business. Fire a couple rounds at a US Navy ship, and you get captured. From there, you might have a chance at getting taken ‘somewhere else’, and have the opportunity to do something better with your life. Tell your Pirate Boss that you want to quit, you most likely wind up dead. ---
**Author:** ![Starving\_Artist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/aeb1de/32.png) [@Starving\_Artist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Starving_Artist)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/18 "2010-04-11T21:20:39Z")
> [@ralph124c](#): > > I HOPE we are NOT bringing them to the USA for trial-this will cost the taxpayers a fortune..and then they will be in US prisons, then welfare.. then citizenship. > [@runner pat](#): > > How did you come up with that sequence? :rolleyes: Because that’s how we do things in America these days. In case you hadn’t noticed, there are millions of people in this very country today who are here illegally and who are nonetheless eligible to receive welfare, driver’s licenses and health care. The main difference is, they get to skip the prison part of the equation. And then there are the Gitmo prisoners who the administration is just faunching at the bit to bring here for trial, after which imprisonment or supposed exoneration they will be free to collect welfare and health care and become citizens themselves. It’s a brave new taxpayer-funded world we live in these days (well, fifty percent so, anyway) where everybody gets taken care of no matter what they’ve done by the fifty percent of our citizens who are still paying income tax. We’ve become “civilized” you see, which means we must walk around the world with “kick me” signs on our backs. In my opinion this is largely because the voting block who favors this taxpayer-funded civilization moral generosity isn’t the same one that is paying the taxes. If we had a flat-tax system I think we’d see a lot less generosity coming from the liberal contingent in this country; it’s easy to be “civilized” with other people’s money. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/19 "2010-04-11T21:30:36Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > I read this story to my wife, who wondered if perhaps some of these pirates might be trying to get out of the business. > > Fire a couple rounds at a US Navy ship, and you get captured. From there, you might have a chance at getting taken ‘somewhere else’, and have the opportunity to do something better with your life. > > Tell your Pirate Boss that you want to quit, you most likely wind up dead. Lol, I don’t think that’s a very good hypothesis. More like it’s hard to tell the difference between a warship and a large cargo vessel in the dark. This isn’t a movie. [![](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/UPw-3e_pzqU/hqdefault.jpg "Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in.") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UPw-3e_pzqU) ---
**Author:** ![pudytat72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ce7236/32.png) [@pudytat72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pudytat72)\ **Post date:** [April 11, 2010, 9:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712/20 "2010-04-11T21:35:22Z")
Both of these attacks happened at night. Last night’s attack happened at around 5 am. The moon did not come up until 5:15 am and it is pretty small, being 2 days shy of the new moon. I wonder how a US Navy Frigate compares in size to a cargo ship. The cargo ships have a very small crew and are not capable of defending themselves. I’ll bet the pirates are thinking “OH, SHIT, we picked on the WRONG ship-these guys can FIGHT BACK!!” On the other hand, like **Suburban Plankton** said, they may know the difference and want to be caught. The pirates in the skiffs are probably at the bottom of the “food chain” when it comes to the distribution of ransom money. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-are-dumb/535712.md?page=2)