# Pirates attack cruise ship! Yarrr!! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 8, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066 "2005-11-08T17:31:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/1 "2005-11-08T17:31:04Z")
[http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051108/us\_nm/somalia\_pirates\_dc\_1](http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051108/us_nm/somalia_pirates_dc_1) Ok…so how did this bunch of pirates in their piece of shit motorboats armed with a couple of RPGs, some small arms and what appears to be a stick plan to stop 10,000 tons of cruise ship? More to the point, where did they plan to store their pirate booty? And can secret pirate caves even handle todays modern cruise ships? Yaarrr!! ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/2 "2005-11-08T17:43:38Z")
[I want to know where I can get a sonc blaster.](http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,2087-1859626,00.html) ---
**Author:** ![Epimetheus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c4cdca/32.png) [@Epimetheus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Epimetheus)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/3 "2005-11-08T17:45:46Z")
Well, you tie the stick to your feet, launch the dud RPG, firmly entrenching it into the boat, and when they run away, you ski like there is no tommorow, and when they slow down thinking they lost ya, you climb aboard and hold them up at stick point and take the boat to a pre-determined place, namely your pirate cove, and now you have treasure and skeletons (from the crew), and even a new pirate boat for your next victims. Maybe even a better stick. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/4 "2005-11-08T17:54:57Z")
Sonic blasters are all well and good, but there is nothing that deters assholes in motorboats like [Ma Deuce.](http://www.combatindex.com/hardware/detail/cannon/m2hb.html) Carnival could skimp a bit on the grade of caviar they serve and outfit each of their ships with a few of these. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/5 "2005-11-08T17:55:06Z")
Yarrrrr. _gets the rum and skittles off_ ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/6 "2005-11-08T17:56:32Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Sonic blasters are all well and good, but there is nothing that deters assholes in motorboats like [Ma Deuce.](http://www.combatindex.com/hardware/detail/cannon/m2hb.html) Carnival could skimp a bit on the grade of caviar they serve and outfit each of their ships with a few of these. I don’t know, it kind of distracts from the party atmosphere to see some machine guns on deck. I’d be happy to see the pirates blown off their feet by a loud bang. Laughter all around! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/7 "2005-11-08T18:08:59Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I don’t know, it kind of distracts from the party atmosphere to see some machine guns on deck. I’d be happy to see the pirates blown off their feet by a loud bang. Laughter all around! Well, they don’t have to actually be _on_ deck every moment, do they? They just have to be deployable with a reasonable degree of speed. That essentially just means that each gun’s crew removes it from its storage locker, places it on its mount, and loads a belt of ammo. You want laughter all around? Heck, watching said assholes in motorboats attempting to flee from intersecting machinegun fire is the very definition of hilarity! If you want to promote the party atmosphere, then have each gun use different colored tracers. Guests from the various sections of the ship will then be able to brag about how splendidly “their” gun crew performed during the excitement. We won’t even go into the fun that could be had from betting… ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/8 "2005-11-08T18:15:08Z")
Although it’s not as easy as Bruce Willis and his peers make it look to hit a small target (pirate boat) from the deck of a moving ship. Our trained gunners on the carriers could only hit a target a couple of times during live fire exercises, and that was after expending one hell of a lot of rounds. Of course, the noise from these fast blunderblusses would probably be enough to scare the scurvy dogs off. Yarrr. We’ve come for your shuffleboard. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/9 "2005-11-08T18:16:31Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Well, they don’t have to actually be _on_ deck every moment, do they? They just have to be deployable with a reasonable degree of speed. That essentially just means that each gun’s crew removes it from its storage locker, places it on its mount, and loads a belt of ammo. You want laughter all around? Heck, watching said assholes in motorboats attempting to flee from intersecting machinegun fire is the very definition of hilarity! If you want to promote the party atmosphere, then have each gun use different colored tracers. Guests from the various sections of the ship will then be able to brag about how splendidly “their” gun crew performed during the excitement. We won’t even go into the fun that could be had from betting… Better yet, get rid of the skeet shooting and let the passengers themselves take turns shooting at the pirates! ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/10 "2005-11-08T18:20:40Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > Better yet, get rid of the skeet shooting and let the passengers themselves take turns shooting at the pirates! Now you’re talking! And at the end of the cruise you get a complimentary guncamera DVD from when it was your turn at the trigger! Man, can you imagine the envy in everyone’s eyes when you get back to Omaha and invite everyone over to see the videos from your cruise? ---
**Author:** ![CWN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc79bd/32.png) [@CWN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CWN)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/11 "2005-11-08T18:21:17Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > I don’t know, it kind of distracts from the party atmosphere to see some machine guns on deck. I’d be happy to see the pirates blown off their feet by a loud bang. Laughter all around! I know this would enhance the party atomosphere -[Party favors](http://www.combatindex.com/hardware/images/gun/nav/mk7/mk-7_gun_07.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/12 "2005-11-08T18:40:26Z")
> [@Kythereia](#): > > Yarrrrr. > > _gets the rum and skittles off_ _wakes up_ Hrm? _reads the article_ Huh. Amateurs. Give me another wake-up call when **Anaamika** ’s ship is within firing range. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/13 "2005-11-08T18:52:09Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Now you’re talking! And at the end of the cruise you get a complimentary guncamera DVD from when it was your turn at the trigger! Man, can you imagine the envy in everyone’s eyes when you get back to Omaha and invite everyone over to see the videos from your cruise? Do you get a discount on your next cruise if you actually hit a pirate? How about if you blow a hole in the side of their ship? What if six people shoot at once and the ship sinks? Who gets the credit? ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/14 "2005-11-08T18:53:05Z")
> [@ArrMatey!](#): > > _wakes up_ Hrm? > > _reads the article_ > > Huh. Amateurs. Give me another wake-up call when **Anaamika** ’s ship is within firing range. Ha! We’re making off with your booty and rum, you’ll never catch us! Ahoy! _swings away_ ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/15 "2005-11-08T18:54:44Z")
Thus proving conclusively what I’ve always known: every international cruise ship should be stocked with a staff of reliable ninjas for just such an occasion. _Am I really the first person to think of this?_ ---
**Author:** ![Crandolph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7cd45c/32.png) [@Crandolph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crandolph)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/16 "2005-11-08T18:56:24Z")
Pirate attacks on cargo ships are still actually pretty common. Apparently a real trouble spot would be the [Straits of Malacca](http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/3908821.stm). ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 6:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/17 "2005-11-08T18:59:56Z")
> [@Asimovian](#): > > Thus proving conclusively what I’ve always known: every international cruise ship should be stocked with a staff of reliable ninjas for just such an occasion. > > _Am I really the first person to think of this?_ Crew the ship with ninjas? The only advantage to that might be that the pirates would wear themselves out sodomizing the ninjas to death and be too tired to do much harm to the passengers. ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/18 "2005-11-08T19:00:17Z")
I was just on a cruise in the Carribean. In spite of what you see in the movies and the Disney ride, there weren’t any pirates. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![UncleRojelio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/unclerojelio/32/3160_2.png) [@UncleRojelio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UncleRojelio)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/19 "2005-11-08T19:02:42Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Sonic blasters are all well and good, but there is nothing that deters assholes in motorboats like [Ma Deuce.](http://www.combatindex.com/hardware/detail/cannon/m2hb.html) Carnival could skimp a bit on the grade of caviar they serve and outfit each of their ships with a few of these. Pashaw!!! [This is what they need!](http://www.fas.org/man/dod-101/sys/ship/weaps/mk-15.htm) I double dog dare a pirate to get past the Cheese-Whizzz! ---
**Author:** ![Asimovian](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asimovian/32/172_2.png) [@Asimovian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Asimovian)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2005, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066/20 "2005-11-08T19:03:24Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Crew the ship with ninjas? The only advantage to that might be that the pirates would wear themselves out sodomizing the ninjas to death and be too tired to do much harm to the passengers. How DARE you! Some of my best friends wish they were ninja ship captains! [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-attack-cruise-ship-yarrr/330066.md?page=2)