# Pirates!!!! Pirates!!!! They're everywhere!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 22, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946 "2003-08-22T15:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/1 "2003-08-22T15:58:44Z")
I don’t like pirates. I’ve never liked pirates. I suppose you could blame reading of Treasure Island when I was too young. Or an overactive imagination watching Peter Pan, and thinking Captain Hook was going to kidnap me away from my family. Or the shame that is Cutthroat Island. I just don’t like pirates. Never have. Never will. Yet, ever since the release of the damnable Pirates of the Caribbean, the SDMB has been inundated with pirates. A quick search of the SDMB archives shows that one tenth of all the threads that even mention pirates have sprung up since July 1st of this year. ONE TENTH!!! We have had threads about [pirate names](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=205224), [pirate movies](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=205207), and [. Hell, we’ve even had [url=http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=200257]a SDMB pirate ship](]pirate fanfic[/url). And it’s not just threads about pirates, or discussions of the movie, but “piratespeak” has taken over the SDMB. We have [Yo Ho Ho](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=206369) in a thread title that have absolutely nothing to do with pirates. Even [cats are saying y’arr](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?&postid=3863792#post3863792) on the SDMB. Lo’ and Behold, even General Questions is not exempt from the use of [“matey”](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=204890&highlight=matey) in posts. It has to stop. Pirates are bad. Pirates are mean, nasty men who rape and pillage and kill for the hell of it. They spend all their time in the company of other hot, sweaty pirates, which can only lead to one thing. More pirates. And they’re so incredibly stupid that rather than spending their money on things (“You know, things we like”) they’d rather bury it in some God forsaken cave. So I am raising the call to all the right thinking people on the Board to come join me in my effort to stomp out the pirates on the SDMB!!! Together, we can put an end to this travesty. We will fight. And we will win. Maybe the [ninja’s can help.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=204148&highlight=pirat%2A). ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/2 "2003-08-22T16:10:38Z")
Hey **Hamlet** …have you ever considered pirating? You’d make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts. ---
**Author:** ![LookitMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7bcc69/32.png) [@LookitMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LookitMe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/3 "2003-08-22T16:10:43Z")
That was a joke, right? :dubious: If not, then the solution is simple. Just don’t read those Pirate threads. ---
**Author:** ![LookitMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7bcc69/32.png) [@LookitMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LookitMe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/4 "2003-08-22T16:13:01Z")
Oh, and my post was directed at the OP, not at **Lord Ashtar**. Hi, diddle-dee-dee! Yo-ho-ho! Arrrr! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/5 "2003-08-22T16:18:35Z")
Good, you were confusing me. ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/6 "2003-08-22T16:21:42Z")
Ironically, Jose Hernandez was just about to give **Hamlet** an autographed #16 shirt and Carlos Rivera was going to give him an autographed ball _Just Before_ he sent that post… ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/7 "2003-08-22T16:28:48Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lord Ashtar \* > \*\*Hey **Hamlet** …have you ever considered pirating? You’d make an excellent Dread Pirate Roberts. \*\* Watch it, or I’ll send Lt. Robert Maynard after you. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LookItMe \* > **That was a joke, right?** There is NOTHING funny about pirates. Well, maybe the Pittsburgh Pirates, but real pirates are anything but funny. They have no sense of humor. Here: Pirate #1: Why’d the chicken cross the road? Pirate #2: I don’t know. Pirate #1: _Grabs a cutlass and decapitates Pirate #2_ See? They’re not funny in the least. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by LookItMe \* > **If not, then the solution is simple. Just don’t read those Pirate threads.** It’s not just the pirate threads, but the damned piratespeak that is also cropping up everywhere. I’m all for a new Pirate Forum where all the Pirate threads go and everybody can put on eye-patches, say Ahoy Matey! and Arrrrr to their hearts content. I know I’d never go there. ---
**Author:** ![SanibelMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a88e4f/32.png) [@SanibelMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SanibelMan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/8 "2003-08-22T16:47:25Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > **There is NOTHING funny about pirates.** You’re right. The serious pirates killed all the funny ones with a 1920’s style death ray. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/9 "2003-08-22T16:50:26Z")
Hey, it’s no joke, folks. This is from last week: [Malaysian ship attacked, captain & crew abducted](http://www.brunei-online.com/bb/thu/aug14w7.htm) > [@](#): > > KUALA LUMPUR (AFP) - The captain and two crew-members of a Malaysian-owned ship have been kidnapped after the vessel was boarded by armed pirates in Indonesian waters, marine police officials said Wednesday. [Piracy alert issued to seafarers off Aceh](http://www.dailyexpress.com.my/news.cfm?NewsID=20927) > [@](#): > > Kuala Lumpur: Seafarers have been warned to maintain a sharp anti-piracy watch off Indonesia’s war-torn Aceh coast after eight attacks on ships within four months, the International Maritime Bureau (IMB) said Tuesday. (Sorry for the hijack - intersting nonetheless) ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/10 "2003-08-22T16:52:44Z")
Ye be welcome aboard the Ted anytime, don’t ye know. Always could use a new 'and on the guns or fer general skullduggery and whot not. Be ye interested? ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/11 "2003-08-22T17:12:34Z")
Welcome aboard, **IzzyR**. Since you have such a keen eye for finding pirates, and you fully recognize the threat they are, not just to the SDMB, but the world in general; I hereby name you Admiral **IzzyR** , and I give you a mighty naval vessel to aid in the fight against these rabid dogs of the sea. Go forth, and save the SDMB from pirates!!! ---
**Author:** ![Tusculan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecd19e/32.png) [@Tusculan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tusculan)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/12 "2003-08-22T17:14:15Z")
**Hamlet** , maybe you can team up with **pipper** , who’s just started a thread called [Anti-pirate (Arrgh matey type) protection ideas wanted!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=206431). ---
**Author:** ![5-HT](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/5/f19dbf/32.png) [@5-HT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/5-HT)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/13 "2003-08-22T17:17:34Z")
**Hamlet** , don’t ever join the Something Awful Forums. they’re obsessed with pirates over there and have been since long before that movie came out. Sometimes that’s all they seem to talk about… pirates and zombies, pirates and zombies. ---
**Author:** ![IzzyR](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/2acd7d/32.png) [@IzzyR](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IzzyR)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/14 "2003-08-22T17:28:40Z")
Alternatively, I might become a pirate myself, and board your vessel. (I was always fascinated by salmagundi). You’ll walk the plank, you son of a biscuit eater… ---
**Author:** ![LookitMe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7bcc69/32.png) [@LookitMe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LookitMe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/15 "2003-08-22T17:30:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > \*\*There is NOTHING funny about pirates. \*\* Actually [this](http://www.kmm-online.de/noxwise/fics/potc_slashers.html) is pretty funny. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/16 "2003-08-22T17:30:33Z")
What’s all the hate for? Can’t a guy say ‘arrr’ and not be discriminated against? That’s it. I’m forming a pirate coalition and suing Hamlet for eleventy billion dol… Wait… Hamlet? HAMLET?! Come -on-, guy, you got BROUGHT BACK TO DENMARK by frickin’ pirates! Throw us a bone, here! Doncha remember? Act 4, scene 6? We did you a good turn, and here you are, badmouthing us. Sheesh! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/17 "2003-08-22T17:31:01Z")
What about robots and monkeys? ---
**Author:** ![DogMom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@DogMom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DogMom)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/18 "2003-08-22T18:02:04Z")
> [@](#): > > They spend all their time in the company of other hot, sweaty pirates, which can only lead to one thing. More pirates. Well, see, this isn’t **necessarily** true. Unless some of the hot, sweaty pirates are women. And they can’t be because women don’t sweat. They perspire. So see? 😃 It happens like this: When a Mommy Pirate and a Daddy Pirate really love each other… :d&r: ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/19 "2003-08-22T18:55:33Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by ArrrMatey \* > \*\*What’s all the hate for? Can’t a guy say ‘arrr’ and not be discriminated against? That’s it. I’m forming a pirate coalition and suing Hamlet for eleventy billion dol… Wait… Hamlet? HAMLET?! Come -on-, guy, you got BROUGHT BACK TO DENMARK by frickin’ pirates! Throw us a bone, here! Doncha remember? Act 4, scene 6? We did you a good turn, and here you are, badmouthing us. Sheesh! 😃 \*\* Yeah, I remember. Though I tried to forget many many times. Or did you forget that I said: “I alone became their prisoner.” PRISONER!! Not, honored guest. Not co-swashbuckler. PRISONER. And then, they asked…Nay, they demanded that “I do a good turn for them.” My decorum stops me from describing, in detail, what that “good turn” was, but suffice it to say it involved a lot of alcohol, scurvy, baby oil, and a parrot. I shall never live down the shame. > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by DogMom_ > \*\*Well, see, this isn’t necessarily true. Unless some of the hot, sweaty pirates are women. And they can’t be because women don’t sweat. They perspire. So see? \*\* After my abovementioned problems with pirates, I got more than acquainted with the mating rituals of pirates. And the only thing I’ll say is that pirate women are not like normal women. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/20 "2003-08-22T19:08:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > \*\*There is NOTHING funny about pirates. Well, maybe the Pittsburgh Pirates, but real pirates are anything but funny. They have no sense of humor. Here: > > Pirate #1: Why’d the chicken cross the road? > > Pirate #2: I don’t know. > > Pirate #1: _Grabs a cutlass and decapitates Pirate #2_ > > See? They’re not funny in the least. > > \*\* That’s really funny if you are Pirate #3. Can you imagine what the board will be like if The Hunted Mansion is a good movie? Boo! Which ghost are you in the SDMB Haunted House? At least everybody admits that Pirates are real. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946.md?page=2)