# Pirates!!!! Pirates!!!! They're everywhere!!! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [August 22, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946 "2003-08-22T15:58:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Jester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jester/32/8223_2.png) [@Jester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jester)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/21 "2003-08-22T19:19:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > \*\*I’m all for a new Pirate Forum where all the Pirate threads go and everybody can put on eye-patches, say Ahoy Matey! and Arrrrr to their hearts content. I know I’d never go there. \*\* That would probably be a good idea, until all the members of the Pirate Forum started boarding the other forums, raping and pillaging and hijacking them in a flood of plundered ones and zeros. ---
**Author:** ![WhiteyFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@WhiteyFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhiteyFoo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/22 "2003-08-22T19:39:03Z")
Well Hamlet, if you wish I hereby formally invite you to join my ninja clan. We are constantly flipping out and cutting off the heads of pirates. It is totally sweet! So let me know if I can count on you in our mutual flipping out over pirates. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/23 "2003-08-22T19:51:22Z")
Well, **Whitey** while I do indeed cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it, and I am so crazy and awesome that I flip out ALL the time, I think we’ll need even more help from fellow Dopers. For example, one time **IzzyR** was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon **Izzy** killed the whole town. But we need more help, especially if **IzzyR** goes to the dark side. ---
**Author:** ![SirRay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@SirRay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SirRay)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/24 "2003-08-22T20:21:38Z")
So I’m guessing you didn’t like the ‘Conquest’ episode 2 weeks again, when Peter Woodward and his team showed us how to fight and win like Pirates (Short answer: cram you ship with cannon to soften up the opposition from afar, pick merchant ships with non-loyal crews who rather surrender than fight, then when boarding the ship act and sound fierce [yes, this is where loud ‘Arrghs’ fit in], and slash and parry like a maniac [also, carry lots and lots of pistols for close in fighting]) ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 8:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/25 "2003-08-22T20:52:21Z")
> [@](#): > > Well, Whitey while I do indeed cut off heads ALL the time and don’t even think twice about it, and I am so crazy and awesome that I flip out ALL the time, I think we’ll need even more help from fellow Dopers. For example, one time IzzyR was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon Izzy killed the whole town. I love you with all of my body including my pee pee. You are so sweet I could crap my pants. ---
**Author:** ![WhiteyFoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/3e96dc/32.png) [@WhiteyFoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhiteyFoo)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/26 "2003-08-22T21:26:31Z")
I am mildly concerned with Izzy’s thoughts about possably becoming a pirate, although with his ability to flip out and chop of people’s heads he would be a great ally. Maybe he can become a Ninja Pirate double agent. He could lure the pirates into a false sense of security by saying “Arrrrrh” and “Shiver me timbers”, only to have us jump out and flip out. It would be totally sweet. We could like totally flip out on the pirates and chop off everyone’s head. Although I don’t think we can ever really trust Izzy completly. We may have to have a huge showdown when he turnes complete pirate on us. That would be sweet. I’d probably crap my pants. And we may want to bring diapers for Kantalooppi. ---
**Author:** ![JonScribe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/3be4f8/32.png) [@JonScribe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JonScribe)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/27 "2003-08-22T21:42:58Z")
Arrrr! [More](http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/business/136149_pirates22.html) pirates, off the port bow. ---
**Author:** ![fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8491ac/32.png) [@fizzygoodmakefeelnice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fizzygoodmakefeelnice)\ **Post date:** [August 22, 2003, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/28 "2003-08-22T21:53:33Z")
A Pirate walks into a bar. He walks up to the bar, sits down, and orders a drink. As the barman is serving him, he notices that the pirate has a huge ships wheel sticking out of his pants. As he gives the pirate his drink he asks why he has a huge ships wheel sticking out of his pants. The pirate looks down at the wheel and says “This thing? ARrrrrrrr, it’s drivin me nuts!” Motto of this story: Pirates just want to be loved. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/29 "2003-08-23T00:31:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kantalooppi \* > **I love you with all of my body including my pee pee.** I don’t know why but this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in a week. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/30 "2003-08-23T00:41:53Z")
> [@](#): > > Pirates are mean, nasty men who rape and pillage So a pirate captain is giving a pep talk to his crew, and he roars, “We’ll rape the men and rob the women!” A spate of nervous muttering goes through the crew, and the first mate tentatively says, “Um, Captain, don’t you mean we’ll rob the men and rape the women?” From the back of the crew a voice pipes up, “Oh leave him alone! He knowth what he’th doing!” ---
**Author:** ![BuckleberryFerry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/5f9b8f/32.png) [@BuckleberryFerry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BuckleberryFerry)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 2:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/31 "2003-08-23T02:53:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Hamlet \* > **Hell, we’ve even had [a SDMB pirate ship](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=200257).** Aye, and what o’ it? Care to join, matey? Ah, I see me **First Mate NoClue**'as beaten me to it. Ye do yer Cap’n proud. In all seriousness (and I hope I didn’t genuinely offend up there.), I respectfully disagree. I enjoy pirates and yet I also understand where you’re coming from: pirates, in reality, are law-breaking people and generally not nice. But the pretend ones are pretty OK. Not to irritate you further, but have you seen _Pirates of the Caribbean_? I’m not going to sing it’s praises here, but I want to point out that Cap’n Jack Sparrow is a relatively good man; AFAIK, he’s a very merciful pirates, and the only “bad” things I can recall him doing are trying to steal his ship back and plunder the Isla de la Muerta, which, I believe, is considered fair ground for whomever finds it. So I suppose what I’m trying to say is that the pretend pirates are all right because it’s just pretend, but I wouldn’t want to be a real pirate because they’re bad people. ---
**Author:** ![look\_ninjas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b2d939/32.png) [@look\_ninjas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/look_ninjas)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/32 "2003-08-23T03:00:46Z")
**Hamlet** - Well, form the Royal Straight Dope Navy, and protect this fair isle from the scurvy dogs, why don’t you? Keep order with rum, sodomy, and the lash. I won’t be joining you, though. As I stated in the ninjas vs. pirates thread linked above, I have mixed feelings about pirates. ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/33 "2003-08-23T03:06:59Z")
> [@](#): > > Keep order with rum, sodomy, and the lash Can I take (2) and (3) with a side of wonton soup? ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/34 "2003-08-23T03:17:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SanibelMan \* > \*\*You’re right. The serious pirates killed all the funny ones with a 1920’s style death ray. \*\* Okay, I’ve HAD It!!! Will someone please point me in the direction of the thread where this originated? I’m dying of curiosity!!! ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/35 "2003-08-23T03:38:27Z")
[Ah, they’re 1920’s style “Death Rays”.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=202225) ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/36 "2003-08-23T04:13:48Z")
Yeeesh, take a history class folks. All they had back then were 1620’s style death rays! (my god. I can’t believe I’ve made two 1620s style death ray pirate-related jokes in one day. Only on the SDMB.) ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 4:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/37 "2003-08-23T04:57:15Z")
Hamlet: Stay away from Pittsburgh and Tampa, then. Pirates and buccaneers everywhere. ---
**Author:** ![CherryBomb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@CherryBomb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CherryBomb)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 5:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/38 "2003-08-23T05:14:55Z")
But, can we spare Yellowbeard in all this pirate hate??? _Stagger, stagger… Crawl, crawl, crawl… Get shot!_ 😃 ---
**Author:** ![fnord1966](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ad7895/32.png) [@fnord1966](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fnord1966)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 7:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/39 "2003-08-23T07:55:15Z")
I do believe that this is the silliest thread I have ever laid eyes upon. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by matt\_mcl \* > \*\*So a pirate captain is giving a pep talk to his crew, and he roars, “We’ll rape the men and rob the women!” > > A spate of nervous muttering goes through the crew, and the first mate tentatively says, “Um, Captain, don’t you mean we’ll rob the men and rape the women?” > > From the back of the crew a voice pipes up, “Oh leave him alone! He knowth what he’th doing!” \*\* Just about had to replace my keyboard > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Kantalooppi \* > \*\*I love you with all of my body including my pee pee. You are so sweet I could crap my pants. \*\* WTF? Where did that come from? > [@](#): > > \*\*You’re right. The serious pirates killed all the funny ones with a 1920’s style death ray. \*\* Im still laughing, will this not die? Can’t tell which side I will join. I suppose whomever has the 1620’s style deathrays will probably come out on top. ---
**Author:** ![Kantalooppi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/a5b964/32.png) [@Kantalooppi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kantalooppi)\ **Post date:** [August 23, 2003, 9:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946/40 "2003-08-23T09:31:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by fnord1966 \* > **WTF? Where did that come from?** It appears you haven’t yet aquaintated yourself with [Real Ultimate Power.](http://www.realultimatepower.net) [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-pirates-theyre-everywhere/196946.md?page=3)