# Pirates vs. Ninjas **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 14, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267 "2005-04-14T11:41:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/21 "2005-04-14T16:25:22Z")
> [@Me](#): > > “funny” answer: I cannot believe I am seeing this discussion again! It is really disturbing how this debate sticks simply to Pirates and Ninja. Every intelligent person knows that you need [**Monkeys and Robots**](http://www.rpg.net/reviews/archive/10/10377.phtml), too. :mad: That’s it, I’m going to bring in Hillbillies. (posts 35 and down of [Aeschines lived in Japan for eight years!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=311798) ) They have pitchforks, and Ninja have little problem with arrows, but they are vulnerable to shotguns. (See Kill Bill, for more info.) ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/22 "2005-04-14T16:49:35Z")
Then I will send LAWYERS! ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/23 "2005-04-14T17:01:16Z")
> [@Big Bad Voodoo Lou](#): > > Then I will send LAWYERS! Guns and Money? ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/24 "2005-04-14T17:03:03Z")
Ninjas can turn invisible. Ninjas win. ---
**Author:** ![Waverly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/57b2e6/32.png) [@Waverly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Waverly)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/25 "2005-04-14T17:25:20Z")
I think the real question is whether a Piccard Ninja could beat a Kirk Pirate. Mods, let’s move this over to Cafe Society and Great Debates both. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/26 "2005-04-14T17:26:26Z")
Pirates and ninjas both have swords. Pirates and ninjas both wear cool costumes. Pirates have cannons but ninjas do not. Pirates sing, dance, and play the accordian but ninjas do not. Pirates were known to enjoy rum and sodomy but ninjas were not. Partly because of the sodomy, but mainly because of the cannons, I see the Pirates coming out on top every time. ---
**Author:** ![Greathouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/greathouse/32/2992_2.png) [@Greathouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Greathouse)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/27 "2005-04-14T17:40:44Z")
Am I the only one who **DIDN’T** know about this? I’ve never heard of this shit before in my life. This is pretty damn funny. ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/28 "2005-04-14T18:13:52Z")
Gotta disagree with **Scumpup** here. Pirates: Smelly, poorly-dressed bums in rickety old boats, getting sick on scurvy. Ninjas: Silent, invisible, well-dressed killers who go anywhere they want. Pirates: Armed with big, loud cannons and big, unweily cutlasses. Ninjas: Armed with poison darts, poison _shruken,_ and the ability to kill someone by grabbing them in the right place. Pirates: Live in rickety old boats. Ninjas: Live in secret temples, secret caves, and secret dojos. Pirates: Can barely read a treasure map. Ninjas: Know ninja magic. Ninjas, hands down. And if you say otherwise, I’m gonna wig out and chop your head off. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/29 "2005-04-14T18:29:58Z")
Real [**Edward Teach**](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_Teach) [http://www.toynk.com/catalog/edward\_teach\_-\_blackbeard\_the\_pirate\_2801877.htm](http://www.toynk.com/catalog/edward_teach_-_blackbeard_the_pirate_2801877.htm) vs. Fake [**example of a Ninja**](http://toychest.diamondcomics.com/toys/08_04/Ninja%20Figure.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 6:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/30 "2005-04-14T18:31:33Z")
I must say, I find these ninjas to be quite the shady characters. Just what is their purpose, anyway? Are they even mammals? ---
**Author:** ![CynicalGabe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/3e96dc/32.png) [@CynicalGabe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CynicalGabe)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/31 "2005-04-14T19:13:23Z")
Who would win in a Pirates vs. Ninjas fight? C’mon, like anyone could ever know that! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/32 "2005-04-14T19:14:56Z")
> [@Waverly](#): > > I think the real question is whether a Piccard Ninja could beat a Kirk Pirate. > > Mods, let’s move this over to Cafe Society and Great Debates both. No-no-no. Piccard _Pirate_ & Kirk _Ninja_. Pirates _can_ be bald, but ninjas must either have hair, or be in disguise. And a toupee is a disguise. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![rjung](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/45deac/32.png) [@rjung](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rjung)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/33 "2005-04-14T19:15:04Z")
Real [Hanzo Hattori](http://www.skhquest.com/articles/HanzoHattori.aspx) vs. Fake [Example of pirates](http://www.johnnydeppfan.com/movies/pirates29.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![cher3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/da6949/32.png) [@cher3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cher3)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/34 "2005-04-14T19:28:39Z")
[Aaaaaaarrr](http://moblog.co.uk/blogs/393/moblog_c2453c78eca5a.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Sweetums](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Sweetums](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweetums)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/35 "2005-04-14T19:52:43Z")
:Tick: Those darn ninjas, they’re wacky! :Tick: ``` All I know is that pirates throw better parties! ``` In the end, isn’t that what matters most? ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/36 "2005-04-14T19:53:18Z")
> [@BrotherCadfael](#): > > Monkey Ninjas! ATTAAAAAACK!!!" Better yet: Monkey butler suit dancer ninjas! ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/37 "2005-04-14T19:55:19Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Pirates sing, dance, and play the accordian but ninjas do not. Ninjas may play the _shakuhachi_ (traditional Japanese bamboo flute) in their spare time, but they are also known for WAILING ON GUITARS! And wailing guitars beat a little wussmary accordion every time. If you ask me, there’s no contest, and that’s why ninjas have real ultimate power. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/38 "2005-04-15T00:04:47Z")
Yes, but what about the sodomy? _What about the sodomy?_ AFAIK ninjas are not sodomy masters. The pirates have them at a clear, unequivocal disadvantage there. One that isn’t going to be surmounted by a few smoke bombs or shuriken, I might add. ---
**Author:** ![furt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/439d5e/32.png) [@furt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/furt)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/39 "2005-04-15T00:13:03Z")
Hack her to death with a kitchen knife. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/40 "2005-04-15T00:23:36Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Yes, but what about the sodomy? _What about the sodomy?_ AFAIK ninjas are not sodomy masters. I reckon that’s really impossible to know for certain, if we can take as evidence the fact that ninjas “can be in and out before anybody ever knows they were there.” OW! What was that? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267.md?page=3)