# Pirates vs. Ninjas **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 14, 2005, 11:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267 "2005-04-14T11:41:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/41 "2005-04-15T01:29:42Z")
_ **Pirate Ambush Movie Script** _ by Shagnasty A ninja sits on his couch watching some hot chicks on TV. There is a knock at the door. A guitar wails in the background. The ninja opens the door and 3 pirates are standing there. The ninja says nothing and kicks the first one in the nuts. He explodes. The other ones line up. The ninja throws two thowing stars at the next pirate and totally decapitates him. The ninja looks at the third pirate and realizes it is a hot babe pirate. He takes her upstairs and makes out with her. When he’s done, he kicks her in the crotch so hard that she explodes into pieces. A guitar wails in the background even harder if that is even possible. The ninja goes back to watching TV and is totally revved that his show is still on. I guess that settles the debate once and for all. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/42 "2005-04-15T01:47:36Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > _ **Pirate Ambush Movie Script** _ by Shagnasty > > A ninja sits on his couch watching some hot chicks on TV. There is a knock at the door. A guitar wails in the background. The ninja opens the door and 3 pirates are standing there. The ninja says nothing and kicks the first one in the nuts. He explodes. The other ones line up. The ninja throws two thowing stars at the next pirate and totally decapitates him. The ninja looks at the third pirate and realizes it is a hot babe pirate. He takes her upstairs and makes out with her. When he’s done, he kicks her in the crotch so hard that she explodes into pieces. A guitar wails in the background even harder if that is even possible. The ninja goes back to watching TV and is totally revved that his show is still on. > > I guess that settles the debate once and for all. I think a far more likely scenario would be for the 3 pirates to serially sodomize the ninja til _he_ explodes while they drink rum and an accordian wils in the background. ---
**Author:** ![JoeSki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b487fb/32.png) [@JoeSki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoeSki)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 1:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/43 "2005-04-15T01:53:19Z")
I believe it originates from the creator of the Real Ultimate Power site that was posted here before, and the creator of [The Best Page in the Universe](http://maddox.xmission.com/), Maddox, whose a big advocate of pirates and ass-kicking. Both webpage creators are friends and like to take friendly jabs at each other about pirates killing ninjas, and ninjas killing pirates. Also, both sites are popular amongst the same people. And I agree with whoever said that Vikings would kick both of their asses. _sack and piledge indeed_ ---
**Author:** ![RandMcnally](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b782af/32.png) [@RandMcnally](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RandMcnally)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/44 "2005-04-15T03:10:08Z")
T’is true that Pirates sodomize, it’s a well known fact, but Ninjas, Ninjas can fly. Pirates can’t fly ---
**Author:** ![Tracy\_Lord](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@Tracy\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracy_Lord)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/45 "2005-04-15T03:11:10Z")
[Googlewhack](http://www.googlefight.com/index.php?lang=en_GB&word1=pirates&word2=ninjas) has the pirates coming out on top. I tend to agree. Pirates aren’t just about the ass-kicking, they’re about the PARTYING! I bet you ninjas don’t even drink _sake_. Pussies. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 3:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/46 "2005-04-15T03:57:08Z")
What about pirates who have taken over an Imperial Star Destroyer up against the Enterprise with a ninja crew? ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/47 "2005-04-15T04:24:24Z")
A ninja bit my sister once… ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/48 "2005-04-15T09:32:37Z")
What about space pirates? Han Solo was a sort of space pirate. Are you saying that Han Solo wouldn’t shoot first and kill any ninja before they got a chance to attack him? ---
**Author:** ![Shagnasty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9dc877/32.png) [@Shagnasty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shagnasty)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/49 "2005-04-15T11:52:28Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > I think a far more likely scenario would be for the 3 pirates to serially sodomize the ninja til _he_ explodes while they drink rum and an accordian wils in the background. One question: Was the TV show called Teenage Mutant _Ninja_ Turtles or Teenage Mutant _Pirate_ Turtles? I thought so. That is because even 8 year olds know that a pirate would get his butt kicked on the very first cartoon fight while a ninja can go season after season without a scratch. ---
**Author:** ![ZebraShaSha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/eada6e/32.png) [@ZebraShaSha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZebraShaSha)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/50 "2005-04-15T12:06:45Z")
“Monkey play in the jungle Robot work in the factory They will have a giant rumble Monkey v. Robot Monkey v. Robot Monkey hate technology Robot hate the monkey They will fight eternally Monkey v. Robot Monkey v. Robot Monkey mate in the jungle Robot replicate in the factory They both love their mother Why do they hate each other” Somehow, that applies here. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Badger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/848f3c/32.png) [@Dead\_Badger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Badger)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/51 "2005-04-15T12:09:50Z")
The best thing about pirating is definitely the [shanties](http://www.threeriverspress.com/catalog/display.pperl?isbn=0375423214&view=excerpt), but I am also quite certain that ninjas don’t get any hams, which is just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Scott\_Plaid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Scott\_Plaid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scott_Plaid)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/52 "2005-04-15T12:17:24Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > I thought so. That is because even 8 year olds know that a pirate would get his butt kicked on the very first cartoon fight while a ninja can go season after season without a scratch. Haven’t you studied the history books of the long running P/R conflict? As I recall, they went up against a spac pirate named Weezel, and where captured, and sold into slavery. The fact they later escaped was not due to their defeat of Weezel, for it never happened, but instead due to the fact that he had a change of heart, once he realized that their mutual enemy would kill his brother, along with the turtles. [http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-2752/epid-76785/](http://www.tvtome.com/tvtome/servlet/GuidePageServlet/showid-2752/epid-76785/) ---
**Author:** ![Muad\_Dib](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/35a633/32.png) [@Muad\_Dib](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muad_Dib)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/53 "2005-04-15T12:37:05Z")
> [@ZebraShaSha](#): > > “Monkey play in the jungle > Robot work in the factory > They will have a giant rumble > Monkey v. Robot > Monkey v. Robot > Monkey hate technology > Robot hate the monkey > They will fight eternally > Monkey v. Robot > Monkey v. Robot > Monkey mate in the jungle > Robot replicate in the factory > They both love their mother > Why do they hate each other” > > Somehow, that applies here. What is that from? ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/54 "2005-04-15T12:46:33Z")
> [@Muad'Dib](#): > > What is that from? It’s a song recorded by cartoonist James Kochalka, on Rykodisc Records. ---
**Author:** ![HMS\_Irruncible](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hms_irruncible/32/7394_2.png) [@HMS\_Irruncible](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HMS_Irruncible)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/55 "2005-04-15T13:10:19Z")
You people are completely unmanageable. ---
**Author:** ![Scumpup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce73a5/32.png) [@Scumpup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scumpup)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 1:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/56 "2005-04-15T13:13:55Z")
> [@Shagnasty](#): > > One question: Was the TV show called Teenage Mutant _Ninja_ Turtles or Teenage Mutant _Pirate_ Turtles? > > I thought so. That is because even 8 year olds know that a pirate would get his butt kicked on the very first **cartoon** fight while a ninja can go season after season without a scratch. Bolding mine. Ninja Turtles are just cartoon characters! Not flesh and blood like pirates! I’m telling you cartoons aren’t real. They’re…puppets! ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/57 "2005-04-15T14:03:12Z")
> [@Scumpup](#): > > Bolding mine. > Ninja Turtles are just cartoon characters! Not flesh and blood like pirates! I’m telling you cartoons aren’t real. They’re…puppets! They are latex foam rubber! Like fish! ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/58 "2005-04-15T14:07:41Z")
I’d never heard this expression until just now. What does it mean? Or rather how did it get its start? ---
**Author:** ![kidchameleon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/898d66/32.png) [@kidchameleon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kidchameleon)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/59 "2005-04-15T14:37:25Z")
Puh-leeze. Where do you find pirates? Everywhere there’s a large body of water. Where do you find ninjas? Holed up in an island surrounded by water. Why aren’t there ninjas everywhere? They couldn’t beat the pirates surrounding their island! Sheesh, nobody’s scared of ninjas. Are there any laws on the books outlawing ninjary? No, because nobody’s worried about it. But just about everywhere, including international waters there’s laws against piracy. People fear pirates! And look at [some](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000394/) of the [people](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001154/) the [ninjas](http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0103196/) let in their little club. It’s sad. ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [April 15, 2005, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267/60 "2005-04-15T14:48:36Z")
> [@NattoGuy](#): > > You people are completely unmanageable. ::falls out of laughing:: You just now figured that out? Hope you’re happy now; PvN references are going to break out all over the board. Nice going. 😉 Or maybe that’s what you were going for? In which case, congrats! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/299267.md?page=4)