# Pirates vs Ninjas
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion
**Created:** [April 12, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894 "2010-04-12T23:10:18Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/1 "2010-04-12T23:10:18Z")
I am here talking about Age of Sail pirates (blunderbuss et al) and medieval Japan ninjas. No higher technology allowed.
Who wins?
Most importantly, why?
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2010, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/2 "2010-04-12T23:12:51Z")
Pirates.
Because ninjas never attacked each other with lit cannon fuses in their beards. That is all.
History: So much weirder than fiction.
Edit: SIX fucking pistols. Who the hell fights with SIX pistols? That’s like straight out of _Boondock Saints_. Except again, not fiction.
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### Author:  [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2010, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/3 "2010-04-12T23:50:17Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> …
>
> Edit: SIX fucking pistols. Who the hell fights with SIX pistols? That’s like straight out of _Boondock Saints_. Except again, not fiction.
Only one shot per pistol.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [April 12, 2010, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/4 "2010-04-12T23:53:01Z")
> [@garygnu](#):
>
> Only one shot per pistol.
I’m aware.
That doesn’t change the fact that he had six fucking pistols strapped to his body.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/5 "2010-04-13T00:10:34Z")
Pirates; guns are a huge advantage.
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> That doesn’t change the fact that he had six fucking pistols strapped to his body.
Prince Rastar of Therdan does even better!
> [@](#):
>
> “We’ll see,” Rastar snorted, dropping his reins and controlling the _civan_ with legs alone as he drew four of his dozen pistols. “If we survive.”
Having four arms helps, no doubt.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/6 "2010-04-13T00:19:15Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#):
>
> Pirates; guns are a huge advantage.
>
> Prince Rastar of Therdan does even better!
>
> Having four arms helps, no doubt.
This Prince sounds like my kind of guy.
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### Author:  [@sinjin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sinjin)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/7 "2010-04-13T01:10:18Z")
Ninja Pirate Zombie Robots please. And if they happen to be young adults\* above the age of consent that have the hots for old ladies all the better.🆒
\*No turtles please. (Stop laughing Ben that’s not what I meant.)
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### Author:  [@Peremensoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Peremensoe)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 1:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/8 "2010-04-13T01:21:47Z")
Ninjas, of course, provided they have the element of surprise. They’d probably have to take the pirates while they’re in port, or at least near shore.
Otherwise, pirates.
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### Author:  [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/9 "2010-04-13T02:04:24Z")
A ninja wouldn’t operate without surprise or else he’s not a ninja.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/10 "2010-04-13T02:10:18Z")
[WRONG](http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Beverly-Hills-Ninja-ps02.jpg)
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### Author:  [@Max\_the\_Immortal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_the_Immortal)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/11 "2010-04-13T02:10:20Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#):
>
> Pirates; guns are a huge advantage.
You can’t shoot what you can’t see.
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### Author:  [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/12 "2010-04-13T02:12:34Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#):
>
> [WRONG](http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Beverly-Hills-Ninja-ps02.jpg)
Simply being called a ninja won’t make you one. Trust me, I’ve tried. 😃
Also, pirates lose even harder if it’s just a one-on-one fight. Pirate will be most dead from his bread and water diet anyways, the ninja will simply be enthusiastically putting him out of his misery.
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### Author:  [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/13 "2010-04-13T02:14:47Z")
Pirates. Because they cheat.
Ninjas, being the products of feudal Japan, operated within a certain set of ‘ninja codes’. Pirates, on the other hand, just had “a set of guidelines”…
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### Author:  [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/14 "2010-04-13T02:16:26Z")
Are you kidding? Ninjas only exist _because_ they don’t have a code of ethics or honor.
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### Author:  [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/15 "2010-04-13T02:26:48Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> Simply being called a ninja won’t make you one. Trust me, I’ve tried. 😃
>
> Also, pirates lose even harder if it’s just a one-on-one fight. Pirate will be most dead from his bread and water diet anyways, the ninja will simply be enthusiastically putting him out of his misery.
He didn’t just call himself a ninja. He was the legendary white ninja of prophecy. He could communicate telepathically with other ninjas. Do not question what you know to be true.
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### Author:  [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/16 "2010-04-13T02:50:40Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> A ninja wouldn’t operate without surprise or else he’s not a ninja.
He could be a Hollywood Ninja.
“How can you tell he’s a Hollywood Ninja?”
“Because it’s underground, and he’s wearing all white. If it was aboveground in the snow, he’d be wearing all black.”
> [@Max\_the\_Immortal](#):
>
> You can’t shoot what you can’t see.
That’s what cannons loaded with grapeshot are for!
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### Author:  [@Least\_Original\_User\_Name\_Ever](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Least_Original_User_Name_Ever)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/17 "2010-04-13T03:44:17Z")
Ninjas.
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### Author:  [@Suburban\_Plankton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Suburban_Plankton)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 3:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/18 "2010-04-13T03:51:42Z")
> [@Covered\_In\_Bees](#):
>
> Are you kidding? Ninjas only exist _because_ they don’t have a code of ethics or honor.
I beg to differ…on second thought, forget the begging…I’ll just differ:
[The Ninja Code](http://www.instructables.com/id/Becoming-a-samurai-ninjaronin-and-daimyo-or-sho/step4/The-ninja-code/)
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### Author:  [@Autolycus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Autolycus)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 4:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/19 "2010-04-13T04:26:03Z")
Ninjas were peasants trained how to wield modified farming instruments. They were instructed in the basics of stealth, especially concerning disguise, but in a fight mano-y-mano, they were no better than any other warrior.
Pirates were also regular schmoes, but they suffered the brutal environment of the sea. They had to worry about storms, scurvy, other pirate raids, royal navies, and Johnny Depp.
Assuming both parties are at peak condition, I give this one to the pirates. They have way more combat experience in a plain, one-on-one setting. If it’s at sea, then it’s a total slaughter.
Of course, I grant you that ninjas are way cooler, totally sweet, and will probably win this poll.
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### Author:  [@Merneith](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Merneith)
#### Post date: [April 13, 2010, 6:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/20 "2010-04-13T06:00:23Z")
[Pirates. Duh.](http://www.giantitp.com/comics/oots0121.html)
Another sensual massage, Pirate Queen?
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