# Pirates vs Ninjas **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 12, 2010, 11:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894 "2010-04-12T23:10:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Cazzle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cazzle/32/75_2.png) [@Cazzle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cazzle)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/21 "2010-04-13T06:41:16Z")
Chuck Norris. ---
**Author:** ![Jragon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e19b73/32.png) [@Jragon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jragon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/22 "2010-04-13T06:55:13Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Pirates; guns are a huge advantage. Hmm… my sliding scale of weapon effectiveness ranks states: bows = staffs \< guns (wielded by antagonist-aligned character) \< impractical bulky hand cannon \< guns (wielded by protagonist-aligned character) \< gunswords \<\<\<\< katanas \<= claymores no human being should logically be able to hold. ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/23 "2010-04-13T07:04:10Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > That doesn’t change the fact that he had six fucking pistols strapped to his body. It’s not actually that difficult to carry six handguns, provided you’re not especially concerned with “gun safety” or anything like that. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 7:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/24 "2010-04-13T07:09:13Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > It’s not actually that difficult to carry six handguns, provided you’re not especially concerned with “gun safety” or anything like that. Never said it was difficult. But come the fuck on. Lit cannon fuses in beard? Check. SIX GUNS STRAPPED TO YOUR BODY? Check. Two swords? Check. You, the fucking captain, right there in the middle of the combat? Check. Screaming “Prepare to meet the devil!” when you gut the enemy captain? Check. Come on guys. Piiiiirates! Not even a great fiction writer could think this shit up! ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 7:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/25 "2010-04-13T07:14:28Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Never said it was difficult. > > But come the fuck on. > > Lit cannon fuses in beard? Check. > SIX GUNS STRAPPED TO YOUR BODY? Check. > Two swords? Check. > You, the fucking captain, right there in the middle of the combat? Check. > Screaming “Prepare to meet the devil!” when you gut the enemy captain? Check. > > Come on guys. Piiiiirates! Hey, I’ll agree it’s pretty hardcore. I didn’t say it wasn’t. 😉 > [@](#): > > Not even a great fiction writer could think this shit up! Have you read George MacDonald Fraser’s _The Pyrates_? Rather a lot of that sort of thing goes on in the story. It’s also Very Silly. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 7:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/26 "2010-04-13T07:19:25Z")
> [@Martini\_Enfield](#): > > Hey, I’ll agree it’s pretty hardcore. I didn’t say it wasn’t. 😉 Damn right! > [@](#): > > Have you read George MacDonald Fraser’s _The Pyrates_? Rather a lot of that sort of thing goes on in the story. It’s also Very Silly. 😛 Nope, haven’t read it. And while I’m sure there’s awesome shit that pirates in all sorts of fiction do, the part that continues to amaze me is that the stuff I mentioned above _actually happened_. Somewhere out there, a captain was badass enough to strap guns all over his body, light fires in his beard and shout one-liners as he cut enemies into tiny pieces. And he had an awesome nickname! I hate when people choose ninjas over pirates. Weaboos, the lot of you! ---
**Author:** ![Martini\_Enfield](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/martini_enfield/32/11123_2.png) [@Martini\_Enfield](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martini_Enfield)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 7:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/27 "2010-04-13T07:27:30Z")
> [@AClockworkMelon](#): > > Damn right! > > Nope, haven’t read it. And while I’m sure there’s awesome shit that pirates in all sorts of fiction do, the part that continues to amaze me is that the stuff I mentioned above _actually happened_. Somewhere out there, a captain was badass enough to strap guns all over his body, light fires in his beard and shout one-liners as he cut enemies into tiny pieces. And he had an awesome nickname! > > I hate when people choose ninjas over pirates. Weaboos, the lot of you! [Colonel Thomas Blood](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thomas_Blood) was another interesting historical character (before Blackbeard’s time, but not by much) who did all sorts of shit you just couldn’t make up, and got away with it. Except for stealing the Crown Jewels. He _almost_ got away with that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 8:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/28 "2010-04-13T08:37:41Z")
Probably ninja pirates or pirate ninjas would win. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/29 "2010-04-13T11:50:59Z")
Mmmm, Johnny Depp, or (a very old) Lee Van Cleef. Hard one, but I think I’ll go with Pirate, thanks. ---
**Author:** ![willthekittensurvive](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/91b2a8/32.png) [@willthekittensurvive](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/willthekittensurvive)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 2:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/30 "2010-04-13T14:46:10Z")
Ninjas hide in shadows Pirates get drunk and shoot at shadows Pirates win but if you are still in doubt just do the zombie test Who would win?: zombie pirates or zombies ninjas? Pirates win thread over! ---
**Author:** ![Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dread_pirate_jimbo/32/3897_2.png) [@Dread\_Pirate\_Jimbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dread_Pirate_Jimbo)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/31 "2010-04-13T14:59:40Z")
It’s pretty obvious to me that pirates are better in every meaningful way and would win, hands-down. Even with the burden of Johnny Depp! ---
**Author:** ![Chessic\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7c8e57/32.png) [@Chessic\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chessic_Sense)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/32 "2010-04-13T15:51:44Z")
Pirates, clearly. They’re cooler, they’re meaner, and they’ve got guns. Did I mention they’re cooler? ---
**Author:** ![fluiddruid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c2a13f/32.png) [@fluiddruid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fluiddruid)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/33 "2010-04-13T15:53:57Z")
> [@Suburban\_Plankton](#): > > I beg to differ…on second thought, forget the begging…I’ll just differ: > > [The Ninja Code](http://www.instructables.com/id/Becoming-a-samurai-ninjaronin-and-daimyo-or-sho/step4/The-ninja-code/) That is… some cite you’ve got there. ---
**Author:** ![asterion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/4da419/32.png) [@asterion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asterion)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/34 "2010-04-13T16:11:50Z")
> [@fluiddruid](#): > > That is… some cite you’ve got there. [This](http://www.realultimatepower.net/index4.htm) tells me all I need to know about ninjas. ---
**Author:** ![Martin\_Hyde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/47e85d/32.png) [@Martin\_Hyde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Martin_Hyde)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/35 "2010-04-13T16:23:01Z")
Realistically speaking, Age of Sail pirates would win. From a “coolness” perspective I know that ninjas rank higher and thus they are winning this poll. People also tend to have very unrealistic ideas about what ninjas actually were. They were assassins/spies primarily, and they were not trained as professional soldiers. Something to keep in mind about pirates during the Age of Sail is that many of them were formerly members of the Royal navies (British/French/Spanish) and thus had received pretty good, professional-level training. Obviously most of their professional training prior to going into piracy was focused on seamanship, though. If I had to take a merchant ship by force, so that I could capture it for later resale or for the plundering of its cargo, I’d want pirates. If I needed someone to sneak into a castle and assassinate a military leader inside, or I needed someone to covertly eavesdrop the enemy’s war planning then I would use a ninja. While not worth a hill of beans, the show _Deadliest Warrior_ has featured both pirates and ninjas. The show had a ninja losing to a Spartan hoplite and had a pirate defeating an armored knight (I agreed with both.) Spartan beat ninja with effective use of a large shield, pirate defeated knight with gun. ---
**Author:** ![figure9](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f0a364/32.png) [@figure9](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/figure9)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/36 "2010-04-13T16:53:34Z")
Well 70% of the Earth’s Surface is ocean so the pirates are going to control a lot more territory. ---
**Author:** ![Gagundathar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a183cd/32.png) [@Gagundathar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gagundathar)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/37 "2010-04-13T17:01:30Z")
I went with pirates on this one because of the ranged weapon advantage of a blunderbuss vs a shuriken. Also, because I can’t find an image of a ninja that looks sexier than this: [http://images.epilogue.net/users/griffingirl/Epi\_Leonie2.jpg](http://images.epilogue.net/users/griffingirl/Epi_Leonie2.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![JThunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e95f7d/32.png) [@JThunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JThunder)\ **Post date:** [April 13, 2010, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/38 "2010-04-13T17:55:53Z")
Are we talking about the Pittsburgh Pirates? 'Cuz if so, then I have to give ninjas the win. ---
**Author:** ![EvilTOJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee59a6/32.png) [@EvilTOJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EvilTOJ)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 10:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/39 "2010-04-14T10:15:51Z")
Pirates get all the whores and booty, whereas ninjas sulk in the dark with their vows of celibacy. And RUM! They drank rum every day! Pirates win on that alone. ---
**Author:** ![bartleby](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bartleby/32/10491_2.png) [@bartleby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bartleby)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2010, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894/40 "2010-04-14T13:04:40Z")
> [@Cazzle](#): > > Chuck Norris. Wilford Brimley [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates-vs-ninjas/535894.md?page=3)