# Pirates **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045 "2003-05-28T16:12:01Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![lokij](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/5e9695/32.png) [@lokij](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lokij)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/61 "2003-05-29T05:40:32Z")
How can there be a pirate thread without this classic ditty. Fifteen men on a dead man’s chest Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum Drink and the Devil hae done for the rest Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum The mate was fixed by the bosun’s pike The bosun’s brained with a marlinspike And cookey’s throat was marked belike It had been gripped by fingers of ten And there they lay, all good men Like break of day in a boozing ken Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/62 "2003-05-29T05:48:41Z")
I have a fantasy about pirates which I won’t share here. It’s, um…yeah. And how would the pirate painting from _SpongeBob Squarepants_ rate? Or even Patchy from the same show? I hate Patchy. He is _not_ part of my fantasy. And now the obligatory pirate joke. A priate with a peg leg goes to a local dance. He sees a comely lass sitting in the corner. She sees him (sort of) and approaches. “Would you like to dance?” asks the comely lass. “Would I? Would I?” asks the pirate, not believing his luck. To which the lass retorts, hurt, “Peg leg, peg leg!” That is all. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 5:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/63 "2003-05-29T05:51:03Z")
KCSuze… Pirate fantasy? Oh really… Tell me more… ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/64 "2003-05-29T05:56:40Z")
I just realized I forgot to mention in my joke that the comely lass has a wooden eye. D’oh! :smack: And **ArrrMatey** , I’d love to tell ye, but then I’d have to make ye walk the plank. TMI, you know. ---
**Author:** ![mr.splitfoot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/8e8cbc/32.png) [@mr.splitfoot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mr.splitfoot)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 8:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/65 "2003-05-29T08:05:44Z")
And now, A recipe for Grog: 1.5 ounce Jamaican Rum Squirt of honey Hot Water Cinnamon stick Cloves Lemon (optional) Pour Jamaican rum into mug. Add honey, cloves and hot water. Stir with cinnamon stick. Add lemon to garnish if desired. I expects each and every one a ya to have thee Grog at the next outing at ye local pub. Arrr. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 11:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/66 "2003-05-29T11:40:52Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KCSuze \* > \*\*I just realized I forgot to mention in my joke that the comely lass has a wooden eye. D’oh! :smack: > > And **ArrrMatey** , I’d love to tell ye, but then I’d have to make ye walk the plank. TMI, you know. \*\* I take it there aren’t any pirates in funkytown? :dubious: [sub]10 years apprenticed to these scurvy dogs for pilot school and all I can do is kill people and drink. Arrrh.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/67 "2003-05-29T13:06:23Z")
ALL HANDS ON DECK FOR THE MUSICAL BATTLE AT SEA! ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/68 "2003-05-29T13:32:02Z")
> [@](#): > > Always remember: Pillage, then burn. Bumper Sticker! ---
**Author:** ![racinchikki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/eada6e/32.png) [@racinchikki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/racinchikki)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/69 "2003-05-29T14:01:54Z")
Yo ho, yo ho, a pirate’s life for me Drinkin’ and killin’ and drinkin’ some more Out on the briny sea ---
**Author:** ![NE\_Texan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e99b99/32.png) [@NE\_Texan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NE_Texan)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/70 "2003-05-29T15:25:30Z")
Shiver Me Timbers, matey, I be wantin’ to take the family out to see _Pirates of the Caribbean_ when it hits the waves, but I ain’t sure if I can. I hear it’s rated _ **Arrrrrrr** _. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/71 "2003-05-29T15:27:30Z")
Not a pirate song persay, but I feel it’s appropriate: Drink and drink and drink and drink and fight Drink and drink and drink and drink and fight And if I see a pretty girl, I’ll sleep with her tonight Oh, I’ll drink and drink and drink and drink and FIGHT! ---
**Author:** ![Buck\_The\_Diver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Buck\_The\_Diver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Buck_The_Diver)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 3:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/72 "2003-05-29T15:59:36Z")
Which state is a pirate favorite? Arrrrrkansas! What city do they like best? Arrrrrkadelphia! ---
**Author:** ![Scuba\_Ben](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Scuba\_Ben](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scuba_Ben)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/73 "2003-05-29T16:03:28Z")
Anybody know the “Pirate Accountant” song from _Monty Python’s Meaning of Life_? ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [May 29, 2003, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/74 "2003-05-29T16:35:38Z")
It’s fun to charter an accountant And sail the wide accountancy, To find, explore the funds offshore And skirt the shoals of bankruptcy. It can be manly in insurance. We’ll up your premium semi-annually. It’s all tax-deductible. We’re fairly incorruptible. We’re sailing on the wide accountancy! Arrr! Shiver me timbers and balance me spreadsheets! ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/75 "2003-05-31T02:24:26Z")
Wrote this the other day for me nationstates buddies: Arrrr!! So we were checking the tide this morning and THIS bottle came in. It’s confusing us greatly: > [@](#): > > * * * > > Dear Sir, > > ## I am Mrs STELLA IYILE, the wife of the former minister of finance Republic of Sierra-Leone and also diamond and gold marchante. Honourable Dr JOSEPH IYILE who died on 4th December 1999 in Freetown, as a result of political crisis. I am pleaded to write to you in absolute confidence primarily to seek for your assistance to transfer of this our fund in cash of $19.5 million us dollars into your private account. Honourable Dr JOSEPH IYILE, my late husband was the depositor of this fund by himself under the custody of a private security company and was declared as family valuables and artcrafts. Before his death he gave me all the necessary documents concering the money in the security company like the certificate of deposit, the receipt of payment the telephone and fax number of the security company in Abidjan Côte d’Ivoire West Africa where the money was lodged for safe keeping. When I got to Abidjan I went straight to the security company to confirm the consignment which my late husband deposited with them, through the document which I shewed to the chief security company Director and he confirmed it that my late husband deposited a trunk box with them which he declared as family valuables and artcrafts and he later showed me the box for me to be assure and trust in him.And I told them to transfer it to oversea that is were I want to invest the money in oversea they told me that the only place they have office is in SPAIN Furthermore, pending or living the money will be there with you till we arrive at your reputable destination I proposed to trade and nationalised in your country with your help. After the necessary arrangement you are going to have 10% of the total sum of19.5 million us dollars, then another 5% percent is for any expenses that may occure during this transfer and 85% is for me and my child to start a new life with you in your country. I am now in Abidjan with my only son. Your reply is highly and urgently needed as fast as possible Thanks, With the best regards MRS.STELLA IYILE AND SON. Ar? We’re scratching our heads at this, that’s fer sure. So, does she want us to do anything? Who is this woman? Does she have gold? She says she does. We’re not sure. I think she wants our account number. Gee, we don’t have an account. What’s an account? I ain’t got one. Shorttooth here ain’t got one. :Shrug: We got chests though. Chests of treasure, that we dig… into the ground. They’re secure that way. Then you makes yourself a map of it, and no one’s gonna know about it. Not even you, if you lose your map. Pretty secure, aye? Er, I mean, arrr!! Our treasure is secured by me muskets and me fine pistols! Failing that, my sword’ll skewer any one of you thievin, greedy DOGS trying to steal my gold! This woman claims she has a son, does she want to sell him? How much is she planning to sell him for? He’s apparently worth saving, so maybe that means he’ll fetch a good price? Is this boy opposed to working outdors, like in the rum, sugarcane, and herb fields or maybe would he enjoy something indoorsy, like the galleys? A whole 5% of that 20, that’s errr ah, errrr, arrr, ummmm, 5? Yeah, I’ll go with that, just for sayings. 5 out of 20 is a lot for a transfer fee. Gee, she could’ve saved money and time if she just let us take it from her; maybe kill her and take her son, without paying for him, off in slavery, in some sort of medicinal herb plantation, on and island… Sheesh, lady. She said this gold is in Spain. That means, me hearties, golden Spanish dubloons! And this is a bear market, you know. Gold’s the smart thing to invest in nowadays. By investing in gold and jewels, we’ve been ahead of the curve. Not bad, aye? Better than that MUTUAL FUNDS crap, arrr haw yar yar yar yar yar! The gold bees in Spain, then. TO SPAIN!! -Adam Baldridge Captain, Anarchic Debauchery Quasi-executive head, Free Land of New Smyrnia ---
**Author:** ![insomnia4AM](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/4bbf92/32.png) [@insomnia4AM](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/insomnia4AM)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/76 "2003-05-31T03:45:28Z")
It’s a silly name generator, but [What’s your Pirate Name?](http://www.fidius.org/quiz/pirate.php) ---
**Author:** ![Pixiesnix](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/898d66/32.png) [@Pixiesnix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pixiesnix)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 3:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/77 "2003-05-31T03:52:44Z")
> [@](#): > > I take it there aren’t any pirates in funkytown? Well, there was that McDonald’s pirate guy hanging around, but he was friends with **The Hamburglar** , so he had to go. ---
**Author:** ![Blackeyes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/f6c823/32.png) [@Blackeyes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackeyes)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/78 "2003-05-31T04:18:18Z")
I’ll have you know the Queen of Phazania happened to like it. ---
**Author:** ![teleute12](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/3d9bf3/32.png) [@teleute12](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teleute12)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/79 "2003-05-31T05:32:22Z")
So who here is Johnny Depp, and who’s Orlando Bloom? KCSuze, i’m right there with you as far as the pirates fantasies go. The promo shots for Pirates of the Carribean? Not helping this [one](http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&id=1808405417&cf=pg&photoid=478545&intl=us) [bit](http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&id=1808405417&cf=pg&photoid=478558&intl=us). ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [May 31, 2003, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045/80 "2003-05-31T11:09:01Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by insomnia4AM \* > \*\*It’s a silly name generator, but > > [What’s your Pirate Name?](http://www.fidius.org/quiz/pirate.php) \*\* AARRRRRRrrr! > [@](#): > > Mad Sam Kidd > Every pirate is a little bit crazy. You, though, are more than just a little bit. Even though you’re not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pirates/178045.md?page=5)