# Piss-Poor Parent at the Public Park **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 26, 2004, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638 "2004-03-26T21:28:28Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 9\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/41 "2004-03-29T11:21:57Z")
> [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](#): > > Get over thyself. I think belladonna has addressed this and even conceded the point already made my others. Why make your own self out to be some sort of misunderstood martyr? Because I commited two mistakes : 1)Responding right after reading the OP without bothering to check whether this had already been adressed 2)Posting in the middle of the night when I was tired and irritated So, I apologize for having raised again an already adressed point. Though I nevertheless still am pissed off by this kind of now common attitude. And though I indeed identified myself with the person mentionned by the OP, since I’m a chainsmoker who goes alone to parks and might watch kids playing, I don’t make myself a martyr, by the way. I just point out that there are now more and more people who became paranoid and are suspecting perfectly natural and usual behavior of being an evidence of sinister motives when children are involved (or even not involved at all, since it apparently suffices that kids are merely _present_ for you swimming or sitting on a bench becoming a suspect activity). This attitude is becoming more and more unhealthy as time goes on. Everybody is becoming suspect or affraid of being suspected of pedophilia, and it will soon be impossible to have a natural, casual, attitude with kids. A female friend of mine, who is teacher, now refuses to speak to her pupils when there isn’t a tiers present, precisely because she’s affraid that someone (the parents, for instance) would suspect her, or worst, that the child would accuse her of something. When we reach such a point, there’s something grossly wrong, IMO. This, by the way, despite the risk of child abduction/rape/murder being incredibly low as compared to real dangers like falling from something they climbed on, being run over by a car, swallowing something, etc…, and despite the fact that anyway, when it happens, the culprit is quite always someone well known by the child, and not a stranger. Keeping an eye on your husband/boyfriend/brother interactions with your child is way more likely to be useful than checking on chain-smokers on park benches. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/42 "2004-03-29T14:00:05Z")
> [@mhendo](#): > > Somewhat off the actual topic, but…Actually, a public park–by definition–is a **public** park. Well, it’s nice to know that you could “live with” this person exercising his right to relax in a public space. For all you know, the “creepy older guy” just decided to take exactly the same advantage of the beautiful weather that you and all those other people did. Last time i looked chainsmoking was still not banned in most outdoor areas. In fact, given all the places that smoking **is** banned nowdays, perhaps the public park is one of the few places this guy can have a quiet cigarette or twenty without some anti-smoking activist jackbooting him for lighting up. > > (FTR, i’m not a smoker, and i hate smoking, but i also realize that smokers don’t smoke for the sole purpose of looking “creepy” or pissing me off.) “Questionable reasons”? Well, if he’s sitting on a park bench, in a public park, and there is a horde of snotty-nosed infants and their variously responsible and irresponsible parents swarming all over the place, what the fuck else is he supposed to look at? Would you have him hunch over and face the ground, or stare straight up into the sky, just so that you don’t suspect that he’s eyeing your offspring? A-ha! Now we know he’s evil. This is the definitive proof. Who, except a parent, would think to celebrate a warm spring day by spending some time at the local park? > > Seriously, i know that pedophilia and molestation and kidnapping are things that we as a society need to be concerned about, but some of you parents need to get the fuck over yourself. Well fuckin’ told, my friend! If you’re so picky about the citizens who use the park, why don’t you set up a swingset in your yard so your children won’t be subjected to humankind? —signed, An Older Person who Smokes in the Park Whenever I get the Chance ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/43 "2004-03-29T14:02:00Z")
And by “you’re” I mean the OP. Sorry if that wasn’t clear. ---
**Author:** ![belladonna](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@belladonna](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/belladonna)\ **Post date:** [March 29, 2004, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/44 "2004-03-29T14:15:54Z")
You know, when people respond in such a way as to make it abundundtly clear that they haven’t read the entire thread, I tend to disregard their opinions. Just saying. ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/45 "2004-03-30T18:39:31Z")
Some people are being really dickish, deliberately obtuse or possibly both in this thread: 1. Not all people in parks, alone whilst smoking are automatically paedophiles. 2. People (i.e. the OP) are allowed to find some people creepy. Now that we are agreed is it possible to carry on with the thread as per usual? ---
**Author:** ![CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crankyasanoldman/32/11670_2.png) [@CrankyAsAnOldMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CrankyAsAnOldMan)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/46 "2004-03-30T22:13:52Z")
> [@clairobscur](#): > > since I’m a chainsmoker who goes alone to parks and might watch kids playing, I don’t make myself a martyr, by the way. I guess I was going off the sarcastic “now I can’t look at dogs, either.” I share a lot of your concerns. I was sad to have a friend of mine, a minister, changing the way he hugs his parishoners lest it be taken the wrong way. I find I can be less frank in discussions with my doctor during a pap smear, because he feels he must bring a nurse in each time (I know the nurses significantly less well than I know him). Examples could go on. I just assumed it was belladonna’s intuition, something a mom should rely on, that caused her make note of the gentleman, rather than hysteria or the thin evidence she conveyed in her post. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/47 "2004-03-30T23:27:23Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > However, _this_ man, on _this_ day gave me the creeps. I don’t know exactly why, but it certainly wasn’t just because he was a man in a park–there were lots of other men there who didn’t raise my hackles. I can’t find it now, but I know a while back there was a thread about “Creepy Guy Radar.” It was just a gut feeling you sometimes get from someone. I remember how we all discussed getting weird vibes from someone, and those vibes turned out to be real… the guy turned out to be a cheater or hitting his girlfriend or even a stalker-type or in my case (it happened to a friend), a child molester. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2004, 11:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/48 "2004-03-30T23:29:35Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > However, _this_ man, on _this_ day gave me the creeps. I don’t know exactly why, but it certainly wasn’t just because he was a man in a park–there were lots of other men there who didn’t raise my hackles. I can’t find it now, but I know a while back there was a thread about “Creepy Guy Radar.” It was just a gut feeling you sometimes get from someone. I remember how we all discussed getting weird vibes from someone, and those vibes turned out to be real… the guy turned out to be a cheater or hitting his girlfriend or even a stalker-type or in my case (it happened to a friend), a child molester. Maybe that’s what **belladonna** was going off of. ---
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2004, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638/49 "2004-03-31T00:33:15Z")
> [@belladonna](#): > > However, _this_ man, on _this_ day gave me the creeps. I don’t know exactly why, but it certainly wasn’t just because he was a man in a park–there were lots of other men there who didn’t raise my hackles. And it wasn’t because of his appearance–I can’t even remember what he was wearing or much what he looked like. And it wasn’t due to any “preconcieved notions” I had about him–until that moment I never even knew he existed! You behaved appropriately and shouldn’t worry about anyone here who’s busting your chops about this. Read a book called _The Gift of Fear_ by Gavin de Becker–it tells you that most of the time when you get a ‘feeling’ about someone, you should treat it seriously (he says it’s your subconscious picking up on tiny cues in the person’s body language, actions, etc. that betray ill intent). The book provides several examples of people who were mugged, raped etc. and survived but realized later that they felt uneasy about their attacker even before they were attacked (unfortunately, they chose to ignore these subconscious warnings). Now I’m not saying we should all be slaves to our brain stems, but it’s entirely possible that this guy was exhibiting predatory behavior (probably without even realizing it) and that this is what the OP was picking up on some level. She didn’t shoot him or anything, but she decided to keep an eye on him which is the right thing to do. To all of you that responded that you liked watching children etc–that’s fine but I’m guessing that if you aren’t getting cold looks while you’re doing this then you’re not exhibiting the small signs that a predator would and thus not tripping any alarm bells (i.e. staring at small children is strange, simply sitting in the sun enjoying their company isn’t). Anyway, not saying that de Becker’s system is fool proof (witness the success of various serial killers, for example) but I think if you’re getting a weird vibe off of someone like the OP was, you should be a little wary. And I recommend that everyone read the book because not only does it tell you when to be on guard, it also tells you when not to be so you don’t end up worried over nothing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/piss-poor-parent-at-the-public-park/236638.md?page=2)