# Pit Etiquette, and relationships in other threads **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117 "2014-01-18T00:25:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/1 "2014-01-18T00:25:44Z")
This is technically an IMHO question, but since it relates directly to the Pit, I think it may belong here. Mods can move it, but I think it should be here, because harsh language may occur. The question: if I’ve pitted someone, here in the Pit (duh, where else?) what happens if I want to engage them in a friendly discussion in another thread? Example: **Buddha\_David** and I are saying Pittish things to each other here – but over in IMHO, he said something clever, witty, and insightful, and I would have liked to engage him – in agreement! – on it. Example: **Bricker** is on my Pit-list – but in a thread in CS not long ago, he posted about music, and I found myself admiring his tastes! I believe I actually did engage him about that. So… Is it hypocritical to say, “Thou dolt” here, and “Oh, good point,” in another forum? Is it cheesey? Or is it a case of “What happens in the Pit stays in the Pit” and one can operate as if there is an hermetic seal – like the wax ring under a toilet fixture – so that the ill feelings exist here only, and out there in the bigger, brighter, happier world, we can chat as friends? Is it “two faced” or just good diplomacy? If we’re mad at each other here, is it better to quietly ignore each other out there? Is the relationship inescapably tainted by the hot words and harsh language of the Pit? Or does one man in his time play many parts? If someone in the Pit called you a reeking dolt…and at the same time in Cafe Society asked a question about your favorite movie…do you answer the question about the movie, and tacitly pretend the Pit exchange is in some alternative reality? Or do you quietly ignore the question, because the other guy is, in the Pit at least, a stinking jerk? ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/2 "2014-01-18T00:33:40Z")
Alternative reality. A little social amnesia makes hanging out on the boards better. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/3 "2014-01-18T00:41:37Z")
IMO, if you don’t like the rules, stay off the field. I like having the different forums, each with their own rules and etiquette. There are a few posters here whose opinions I enjoy being offended by in the Pit (“Man, what an asshole!”), but then I’m able to enjoy learning from them about pop culture in other forums (“Wow, he really knows his Spider Man universe.”). I know Robert Frost was being ironic when he said “good fences make good neighbors”, but still, there is some truth in that. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/4 "2014-01-18T00:52:36Z")
There are very few posters I remember by name, and even fewer posts that I remember belong to them. You and I could be having a knock down drag out in one thread, and getting our kumbayaya’s out in another, and chances are, I would never notice that it was you in both threads. I pretty much treat each thread as a stand alone conversation, largely unrelated to any other conversation. That’s just me and my brain, though. I’m sure it’s not like that for everyone. ---
**Author:** ![Labrador\_Deceiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Labrador\_Deceiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Labrador_Deceiver)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/5 "2014-01-18T00:55:04Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > There are very few posters I remember by name, and even fewer posts that I remember belong to them. You and I could be having a knock down drag out in one thread, and getting our kumbayaya’s out in another, and chances are, I would never notice that it was you in both threads. I pretty much treat each thread as a stand alone conversation, largely unrelated to any other conversation. > > That’s just me and my brain, though. I’m sure it’s not like that for everyone. That’s exactly what it’s like with me, unless the topic carries over to another thread. ---
**Author:** ![Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hentor_the_Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/6 "2014-01-18T00:55:27Z")
Hentor holds a grudge. ---
**Author:** ![Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/43a26b/32.png) [@Pine\_Fresh\_Scent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pine_Fresh_Scent)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/7 "2014-01-18T00:58:19Z")
> [@Hentor\_the\_Barbarian](#): > > Hentor holds a grudge. You just made the list, buddy. ---
**Author:** ![Typo\_Negative](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/typo_negative/32/484_2.png) [@Typo\_Negative](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Typo_Negative)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 1:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/8 "2014-01-18T01:03:03Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > Or is it a case of “What happens in the Pit stays in the Pit” and one can operate as if there is an hermetic seal – like the wax ring under a toilet fixture – so that the ill feelings exist here only, and out there in the bigger, brighter, happier world, we can chat as friends? I think this is best. I try not to take things in the pit personally, and I think it would be bad form to drag things from the pit into other forums. Someone can act like a dick in a pit thread but I will still treat them with civility in a game thread. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/9 "2014-01-18T01:19:20Z")
I do perceive a trend…and it’s a trend I like, so, okay, done deal. This is a “pocket universe” with no wormholes to the more comfortable cosmos outside. **WhyNot** : Grin! I know what’cha mean! I’ve been here for years and years, but still, every few days, I come to a conscious realization of a member – well, like you, today, for instance! – as if knowing them for the first time. The roster here is quite large – it’s less like a cocktail party and more like a rave! **Hentor the Barbarian** : you are actually the very first person I “got to know” here, so I will always have a very happy association in my mind for you. (It helps a lot that I also agree with nearly everything you say here!) I guess I just flunked out of Barbarian school! ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/10 "2014-01-18T01:37:52Z")
> [@IvoryTowerDenizen](#): > > Alternative reality. Yup. I could call **Clothahump** or **BigT** a retard in one thread and laugh at or give a thumbs up to something they say in another. It’s a message board, people. If I actually got myself genuinely worked up over every dumb thing I saw here I’d have given myself a hernia by now. ---
**Author:** ![Antinor01](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecae2f/32.png) [@Antinor01](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Antinor01)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/11 "2014-01-18T01:47:00Z")
Depends on how badly they piss me off or how low my opinion of them drops from that pit thread. There’s at least one poster (who may not even post anymore) that said enough hateful things to me in a pit thread that I would never interact with them again on any topic. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 3:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/12 "2014-01-18T03:14:13Z")
I see the pit as just a way to be a little less strict in an argument. Even the best of friends can have some heated arguments and disagreements, especially on topics that one is passionate about. It is thru that discourse that we all have a chance to learn and grow in our knowledge. So, if I enjoin in a pit thread, it allows me to, when needed, let off steam and/or not so much worry about decorum when it comes to expressing sentiments about the poster when appropriate. Frustrations are a normal part of conversations - especially on a message board. I don’t see it as hypocritical to engage these same people in other discussions in an entirely different manner - I can entirely disagree with their opinions on one item and still enjoy a good conversation with them on something entirely different. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/13 "2014-01-18T04:12:40Z")
If it feels too weird to be nicey-nice, you can always preface a compliment with something like, “I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but we’re in total agreement about this!” Or you can say what I often say. “Damn you for making me agree with you!” With a smilie, of course. It’s nice but it still lets the person know you haven’t forgotten how much of a jerkface they are. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/14 "2014-01-18T05:10:25Z")
That’s part of hanging out with Smart People\*. Even the jerks here Know A Buncha Stuff! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read a GQ or MPSIMS post by someone I’ve been arguing with in the Pit, and had to pause and say “Whoa, good point!” \*Shout out to _The **Ezra L. Koon** Honors Dormitory_, where I crashed (even though I wasn’t a genius like everyone else), and learned the joys of being the dumbest guy at the party. Learned more there than in my classes. The tradition continues here. Thanks, all. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 5:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/15 "2014-01-18T05:59:16Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > If it feels too weird to be nicey-nice, you can always preface a compliment with something like, “I know we’ve had our differences in the past, but we’re in total agreement about this!” > > Or you can say what I often say. “Damn you for making me agree with you!” With a smilie, of course. It’s nice but it still lets the person know you haven’t forgotten how much of a jerkface they are. I’ve done the former a couple of times…but it feels wrong. It feels like rubbing their face in the disagreement, or merely of reminding them of it. It doesn’t really feel useful, or productive. “Hey, great joke…but I still hate you.” It feels like a miscarriage of diplomacy somehow… ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/16 "2014-01-18T06:37:53Z")
Interesting topic; and it raises a question about software capabilities. Let’s say that there’s a personality that you simply can’t abide when you encounter it in an arguing forum, such as the Pit, or GD. So you choose to put the beaer of that personality on your “Ignore” list. This also leads to your missing something scintillating or insightful the person may have to contribute to a conversation in a “playing nice” forum, such as CS, MPSIMS, or GQ. Does the software have the ability to permit a user to tailor his “Ignore” list by forum, for each person on it? I recognize that this feature might be considered bizarre-to-the-point-of-uselessness, by some; but I’m still curious to know whether it exists. ---
**Author:** ![VinylTurnip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b2d939/32.png) [@VinylTurnip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VinylTurnip)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/17 "2014-01-18T12:00:11Z")
Just because I may call you a dunce, a moron, an idiot, a troglodyte—or may intimate that you are a coprophage, or a zoophile, or require diapers, or possess an unfortunate slope of forehead—or imply strongly that your presence is as utile and welcome as a chili fart in an airless elevator, or that the square peg/round hole conundrum from your infancy still haunts you to this day, or that every witless thought you manage to pound out on the keyboard with your elbows is another skid mark on the collective intelligence of this forum—doesn’t mean I don’t love you. ---
**Author:** ![Darth\_Panda](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ee7513/32.png) [@Darth\_Panda](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Darth_Panda)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 12:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/18 "2014-01-18T12:27:41Z")
Horse lover lover. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/19 "2014-01-18T14:13:21Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > I’ve done the former a couple of times…but it feels wrong. It feels like rubbing their face in the disagreement, or merely of reminding them of it. It doesn’t really feel useful, or productive. “Hey, great joke…but I still hate you.” It feels like a miscarriage of diplomacy somehow… Well, it’s better than feeling like a two-face, which is how I would feel if in another thread I’m calling the poster a motherfucking douchebag. If my passions are running THAT high, I can’t do the “forgive and forget” thing. But if the fight was a long time ago and I actually have forgiven and forgotten, then I’ll just do a straight compliment. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 18, 2014, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/20 "2014-01-18T16:39:18Z")
Scripture says you have to love your neighbor. Doesn’t say anything about liking him. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117.md?page=2)