# Pit Etiquette, and relationships in other threads **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 18, 2014, 12:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117 "2014-01-18T00:25:44Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 17\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![andros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/e480ec/32.png) [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/41 "2014-01-20T15:22:45Z")
> [@obfusciatrist](#): > > But then my emotional involvement here to have “pit” relationships with anybody was pretty well worn out by 2003 or so. Ditto. I can’t be fucked to “pit” anyone or anything. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/42 "2014-01-20T15:27:20Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > So… Is it hypocritical to say, “Thou dolt” here, and “Oh, good point,” in another forum? Is it cheesey? Or is it a case of “What happens in the Pit stays in the Pit” and one can operate as if there is an hermetic seal – like the wax ring under a toilet fixture – so that the ill feelings exist here only, and out there in the bigger, brighter, happier world, we can chat as friends? > > Is it “two faced” or just good diplomacy? If we’re mad at each other here, is it better to quietly ignore each other out there? Is the relationship inescapably tainted by the hot words and harsh language of the Pit? Or does one man in his time play many parts? If you ask me, I think instead of thinking “if I was nasty to the guy in one forum can I still be nice in another?”, the question is “if the guy seems like a decent guy in one forum, maybe I shouldn’t blow my stack at him in the Pit just because of one aspect of his posting”. As I see it, the Pit is about SDMB rules, not about how you should behave. Just because you’re allowed to be obnoxious here doesn’t mean you have to be. All that said … in my case at least, there is a difference between how I act on MBs and IRL. That being that in the case of MBs, I feel like on the one hand a healthy and vigorous exchange of ideas is what I and others signed up for, and no one has cause for complaint about it, and on the other, if someone is insulted, it doesn’t affect my life in any other way. By contrast, suppose for example I think my neighbor’s opinions on politics or whatever are completely idiotic I would refrain from serious discussion of these matters with him, because I’m not interested in messing up my friendly relationship with my neighbor over matters of this sort. ---
**Author:** ![FXMastermind](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fxmastermind/32/7289_2.png) [@FXMastermind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FXMastermind)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 3:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/43 "2014-01-20T15:30:35Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > I pretty much treat each thread as a stand alone conversation, largely unrelated to any other conversation. Yeah, I usually read the words on the page, rather than listen to the voices in my head. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Interesting topic; and it raises a question about software capabilities. The ultimate software would allow each user to filter out ideas and concepts they disagree with, so they never get upset over anything. > [@Shodan](#): > > What happens in the Pit stays in the Pit, or at least it should as far as I am concerned. > > And the Pit should be at least a little tongue in cheek. Otherwise it’s no fun. Hell, everything should be a little bit fun. Why else would you post (or read) a message board? If it’s not fun, what the hell is matter with you? Why are you still reading? > [@watchwolf49](#): > > What annoys the fuck out of me is any dirty bastard that pits me elsewhere (with just cleaner language). > > What I can’t figure out is why people log into a humor site without their sense of humor … go figure … Well, some parts of the forum are about getting answers to questions, so it’s not all fun and games. > [@Shakes](#): > > Funny story though. There was one poster on this board who I was sort of crush’n on because some of the things she was saying lately were things I could totally relate to or I thought they were really funny. I was going to post something telling her she’s an awesome girl. But before I did, a red flag went off in my head. I vaguely remembered this girl not liking me too much. > > After doing some brief research, I realized that this particular woman thinks I’m a total jack ass in how I relate to females. I thought better of sending that complimentary posts as I’m sure I’m the last guy she wants to be complimented from. That was a good story. I know what you mean. Sometimes you actually have to remember what somebody said, which is hard. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/44 "2014-01-20T20:37:36Z")
> [@Fotheringay-Phipps](#): > > If you ask me, I think instead of thinking “if I was nasty to the guy in one forum can I still be nice in another?”, the question is “if the guy seems like a decent guy in one forum, maybe I shouldn’t blow my stack at him in the Pit just because of one aspect of his posting”. But that’s the trouble; one person can have two very different aspects of his posting. And, worse, if I’m nice one place and mean another, then I am showing two different aspects of my posting. > [@](#): > > As I see it, the Pit is about SDMB rules, not about how you should behave. Just because you’re allowed to be obnoxious here doesn’t mean you have to be. My view is that IMHO and GD and GQ and CS are where you can say, “I disagree” to someone you disagree with, and even “You’re wrong” to someone who is wrong, but that the Pit is where you get to say, “Holy shit, that’s fuckin’ STOOPID” to someone who has just said something so staggeringly wrong as to be off the scale of normal error. If you say, “The Raiders are the greatest football team,” I’ll laugh and say, “Nuh uh.” But if you say, “Football concussions are legally murder, and the NFL Commissioner ought to be tried and executed for them,” wow, that falls through the floorboards and into the Pit. > [@](#): > > . . . By contrast, suppose for example I think my neighbor’s opinions on politics or whatever are completely idiotic I would refrain from serious discussion of these matters with him . . . Sure; perfectly valid. Same with family members and co-workers. You have to be near these people! Can’t escape 'em! You, I can escape pretty easily, just by ignoring your threads. But the nice guy next door who believes in Chem-Trails has too great an ability to harm me (or just alarm me) if he gets the feeling I’m “trying to get him.” ---
**Author:** ![levdrakon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/49beb7/32.png) [@levdrakon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/levdrakon)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/45 "2014-01-20T20:55:22Z")
I think both the Pit and GD have a lot of trolls whose sole purpose is to say things like “that’s the most moronic argument I’ve ever heard in my life!” Then the other person comes back and says “oh, go fuck yourself.” Ding! Mod warning! Troll wins. I’m more likely to skip past the posts of known (to me) pit & GD trolls, but like others I don’t remember too many names for long. ---
**Author:** ![Fotheringay-Phipps](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d9b06d/32.png) [@Fotheringay-Phipps](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fotheringay-Phipps)\ **Post date:** [January 20, 2014, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/46 "2014-01-20T21:05:57Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > But that’s the trouble; one person can have two very different aspects of his posting. That’s true, but it can be helpful to bear one in mind when confronted with the other. > [@](#): > > My view is that IMHO and GD and GQ and CS are where you can say, “I disagree” to someone you disagree with, and even “You’re wrong” to someone who is wrong, but that the Pit is where you get to say, “Holy shit, that’s fuckin’ STOOPID” to someone who has just said something so staggeringly wrong as to be off the scale of normal error. Well you certainly _can_ do that. That’s rules. Question is whether there’s really anything productive that comes out of it. (Actually FWIW your Pit suggestion is not in violation of the rules of other forums either, to my understanding.) ---
**Author:** ![Anise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anise/32/21721_2.png) [@Anise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anise)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/47 "2014-01-21T02:50:25Z")
I don’t want anyone to ever be mean to anyone else again in the whole wide world. Something tells me that this idea may not get very far.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/48 "2014-01-21T05:57:33Z")
If I had a bottle, I could leave a message in it. If I had a pen and paper. And if this was the ocean instead of the desert. Oh, well…it was a good idea. (Seriously, I would be very happy if nobody was mean to anybody, ever again. There was an old sci-fi story where someone released a “Golden Rule” virus, and, from that point forward, we felt the results of whatever we did to others. Hit somebody in the nose? Your nose hurts too! Cuss somebody out? You feel depressed too! You invent the virus, and I’ll deploy it!) ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/49 "2014-01-21T06:56:19Z")
Yeah, but under conditions of boink, then I feel what my co-conspirator feels, as well as what I feel. Well, OK, so far so good, doesn’t _need_ to be better but sure! Except that now she feels what I feel feeling what she feels, so an orgasmic feedback loop sets in and nobody gets anything done ever again. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/50 "2014-01-21T07:15:15Z")
Exponential orgasm? What a way to go! (Larry Niven alludes to it in “The Magic Goes Away,” where a magician warns a non-magician about the dangers of having sex where both partners have telepathy spells operating.) ---
**Author:** ![BubbaDog](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bubbadog/32/333_2.png) [@BubbaDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BubbaDog)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 1:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/51 "2014-01-21T13:57:54Z")
> [@Trinopus](#): > > If I had a bottle, I could leave a message in it. If I had a pen and paper. And if this was the ocean instead of the desert. > > Oh, well…it was a good idea. > > (Seriously, I would be very happy if nobody was mean to anybody, ever again. There was an old sci-fi story where someone released a “Golden Rule” virus, and, from that point forward, we felt the results of whatever we did to others. Hit somebody in the nose? Your nose hurts too! Cuss somebody out? You feel depressed too! You invent the virus, and I’ll deploy it!) It would really suck to be a dentist. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/52 "2014-01-21T15:16:04Z")
Damon Knight’s “Rule Golden.” IIRC, it only applied to violent acts, or hostile ones. Dentists and surgeons could still function, although they would feel their patients anxiety. ---
**Author:** ![Anise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/anise/32/21721_2.png) [@Anise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anise)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/53 "2014-01-21T20:48:00Z")
In fourth grade, we used to sing a song that roughly went, “Happiness is… two kinds of ice cream, having a sister, getting along!” I don’t remember the rest. Anyway, it would seem to celebrate getting along. Seriously, though, I just can’t be inflammatory/mean/a name-caller/un-nice/whatever on the net. Ever ever ever. Personally, I find it to be a miserable experience and to add to uncivility in the world. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/54 "2014-01-22T00:55:29Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Damon Knight’s “Rule Golden.” > > IIRC, it only applied to violent acts, or hostile ones. Dentists and surgeons could still function, although they would feel their patients anxiety. Thank’ee! Been a long time, and I no longer have the anthology it was in. (I’m also very fond of his “Analogues” stories.) ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/55 "2014-01-22T01:34:13Z")
> [@Anise](#): > > In fourth grade, we used to sing a song that roughly went, > > “Happiness is… two kinds of ice cream, having a sister, getting along!” > > I don’t remember the rest. Anyway, it would seem to celebrate getting along. > > Seriously, though, I just can’t be inflammatory/mean/a name-caller/un-nice/whatever on the net. Ever ever ever. Personally, I find it to be a miserable experience and to add to uncivility in the world. YMMV. Happiness. From You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown. Love that song: [http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/games/songs/movies/happinessmp3.htm](http://kids.niehs.nih.gov/games/songs/movies/happinessmp3.htm) ---
**Author:** ![Drunky\_Smurf](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drunky_smurf/32/449_2.png) [@Drunky\_Smurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drunky_Smurf)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/56 "2014-01-22T20:25:27Z")
> [@Loach](#): > > Yes. > > And don’t confuse the board with reality. I’ve been to one Dopefest. There was a poster there who’s board persona could at best be considered prickly and who eventually got banned. In person he was a gentleman, polite and engaging. Sounds like a total dick. My take is in the Pit everyone is a tard\*. Outside they have to prove it and then I just start skipping over their posts. - It makes the Pit fun. Like that other tard said. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2014, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117/57 "2014-01-22T20:43:18Z")
Well, to me there’s two kinds of PITing. One is where you go out of your way to start a nasty hate filled diatribe vs another poster. I think that bridge is burned. Another is where someone else starts that diatribe, and you chime in with “yeah, I noticed that also.” Or there’s a PIT thread not about a poster but you snark the hell out of some post. In those cases, I think all can be forgiven- assuming you weren’t really nasty. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pit-etiquette-and-relationships-in-other-threads/679117.md?page=2)