# Pitch a Bad Idea for a Children's Book **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [April 20, 2011, 9:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140 "2011-04-20T21:43:06Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Hippy\_Hollow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hippy_hollow/32/4841_2.png) [@Hippy\_Hollow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hippy_Hollow)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/21 "2011-04-21T05:55:30Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > **Holy Shit, That Feels Good Charlie Brown!** > > An introduction to self-pleasure for the already curious pre-schoolers, with helpful illustrations from the popular Peanuts TM comic srtip! Awesome. I’m cracking up imagining this! ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/22 "2011-04-21T08:12:15Z")
I actually wrote one called Timmy the Terrorist in which a bullied and abused kid aquires a gun, shoots all the school bullies, and then murders his family. Later he goes to the mideast to train with Abu Nidal, who tries to make him drive the suicide bomb car. (No, it’s never been published.) But for now I’ll stick with **The Bobbsey Twins vs Dr. Mengele.** ---
**Author:** ![Raguleader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Raguleader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Raguleader)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/23 "2011-04-21T08:19:27Z")
**Children’s Bedtime Stories** , by HR Geiger. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/24 "2011-04-21T09:01:57Z")
**Uncle Joe Fritzl and his Cave of Wonders** **The Nondescript White Van of Magical Mystery** **Chesty, the Flying Chest Freezer** **The Gun That Shot Candy** **The Giving Tree’s Revenge** And the easy way to convert any children’s book: just add the subtitle **An Erotic Thriller**. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 9:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/25 "2011-04-21T09:33:22Z")
**The Pop-Up Scratch 'n Sniff Big Book of Private Parts** ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 11:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/26 "2011-04-21T11:37:07Z")
> [@KneadToKnow](#): > > What Mommy and Daddy do after you go to bed Actually, there are several ways of approaching a book with that title that might work, from the surreal to the serious. …maybe I’m just strange. ---
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 11:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/27 "2011-04-21T11:56:20Z")
The titles say it all: Mommy Cries Because Of You You’re Why Daddy Drinks You Were An Accident Knives, Screwdrivers and Other Stuff that Fits in the Outlets Grampy’s In Hell It’s Nice to Let the Dog Kiss You ---
**Author:** ![Sigmagirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c89c15/32.png) [@Sigmagirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sigmagirl)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/28 "2011-04-21T12:06:16Z")
_How Things Burn: Your Flickering Friend the Bic Lighter_ ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/29 "2011-04-21T12:14:42Z")
(not original with me) > [@](#): > > **NOBODY POOPS BUT YOU** > > _That’s concentrated evil coming out of your backside_ ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/30 "2011-04-21T12:33:21Z")
_The Adventures of Tommy, the Sociopathic Paperboy_ ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 12:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/31 "2011-04-21T12:34:47Z")
**"House Toys & Fun"** 1. "Mr Safety Razor: “Nobody Hugs Me…” 2. “G I Joe and the Blender of Change” 3. “Hotwheels VCR Parking Garage” 4. “Forgotten Toys in the Oven” 5. “Why Fluffy Bear Doesn’t Sit on Mr Toaster” 6. “A Fly in the Microwave: Science You Can Do!” 7. “The Army Man Cherry Vanilla Arctic Battle” 8. “Pulling Down the Big Brown Switch in the Big Gray Box: Ha ha ha!” 9. “Refrigrator Magnets + Mommy’s Laptop = More Playtime for You!” 10. “Can Your Pet Smell Oranges?” 11. “Washing Cars with a Cans of Coke” 12. “Hide & Seek: Mr BIC Lighter and the BBQ Grill” 13. “Staples & Deskchairs: Gotcha!” 14. “Daddy’s Leftovers & Cayenne Pepper” 15. “Mr Coffee and Dish Detergent: Clean is Better!” 16. “Do Water Bottles Microwave?” 17. “Mr Wine Rack asks: Which One Drums Best?” 18. “Concentration: Can You Remember Which CD goes Where?” 19. “Sand Art & Bedsheets” 20. “The Plastic Thing in Mommy’s Nightstand: Battle Damage!” ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/32 "2011-04-21T13:08:57Z")
**Adventures of Snouty the Cadaver Dog** (inspired by the hit TV series). ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/33 "2011-04-21T13:43:39Z")
“Heather Has Six Mommies (and a Daddy)” - original title: “Meet The FLDS”. ---
**Author:** ![dwc1970](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a183cd/32.png) [@dwc1970](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dwc1970)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/34 "2011-04-21T15:20:44Z")
Bullying for Dummies ---
**Author:** ![ExcitedIdiot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ea5d25/32.png) [@ExcitedIdiot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExcitedIdiot)\ **Post date:** [April 21, 2011, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/35 "2011-04-21T22:49:47Z")
I didn’t come up with it, but there’s [Baby Snoots, The Alcoholic Toddler](http://img169.imageshack.us/img169/4593/snoots1.jpg). ---
**Author:** ![jehan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f6c823/32.png) [@jehan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jehan)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 4:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/36 "2011-04-22T04:28:50Z")
“You are Different, and that’s Bad” ---
**Author:** ![DocCathode](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doccathode/32/18773_2.png) [@DocCathode](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DocCathode)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 4:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/37 "2011-04-22T04:36:16Z")
Years ago I wrote a children’s book “Satan- Our Misunderstood Friend” I am still looking for an illustrator. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/38 "2011-04-22T05:02:10Z")
Well known Aussie criminal [Mark “Chopper” Read](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chopper_Read), who was memorably portrayed by Eric Bana in his first lead role in [Chopper](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0221073/combined), may have beaten us to it. He wrote [Hooky the Cripple: The Grim Tale of a Hunchback Who Triumphs](http://www.fishpond.com.au/Books/Hooky-Cripple-Mark-Chopper-Read-Adam-Cullen-Illustrated-by/9781864031652). Love the cover. ---
**Author:** ![KRC](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/45deac/32.png) [@KRC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KRC)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 5:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/39 "2011-04-22T05:30:25Z")
Baader Meinhof Pop Up Fun! Comes complete with a grenade and instructions on how to throw it at your teacher. If you buy all twelve issues, you get a free kalashnikov so you can shoot the mailman when he delivers the letter saying you haven’t been in school. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [April 22, 2011, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitch-a-bad-idea-for-a-childrens-book/579140/40 "2011-04-22T06:05:14Z")
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