# Pitting Kirstie Fucking Alley and Her Creepy-Ass "Santa Baby" Commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657 "2003-12-30T00:52:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/1 "2003-12-30T00:52:23Z")
Kirstie, honey? We know that you’re a washed up lunatic who couldn’t get work in a Thai sweatshop, and that you pay through the nose for your auditing sessions, but did you really have to inflict upon the world “Santa, Baby?” With your Scraggle-tooth, baby-shit-green dress and creepy-ass lyrics, your monstrosity of a Pier-One Imports commercial has been released like the eighth plague throughout the land. Wanting to fuck Santa isn’t kosher, or whatever the fuck L. Ron Hubbard’s standard of fitness for consumption are. The lyrics. They are stuck in my head. “So hurry down the chimney tonight!” Arrgghhhh, Damn YOU ALLEY! “Santa, baby, a comfy little sofa for two. Light Blue!” AWW FUCK!:mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :smack: :smack: ---
**Author:** ![applejamie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3da27b/32.png) [@applejamie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/applejamie)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/2 "2003-12-30T01:06:05Z")
If it makes you feel better, the interior designer from QEFTSG is going to be doing all the commercials now. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/3 "2003-12-30T01:13:05Z")
Personally, every time I see her on TV, I wonder where that fox from _ST II: The Wrath of Khan_ went to. Her at the Kobayashi Maru . … Rrrrrrowwwrrrrrrrrrr. 😉 Tripler Aaaah, the early 80s. :sigh: ---
**Author:** ![armedmonkey](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@armedmonkey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/armedmonkey)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/4 "2003-12-30T01:35:23Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ilsa\_Lund \* > \*\*Wanting to fuck Santa isn’t kosher, or whatever the fuck L. Ron Hubbard’s standard of fitness for consumption are. > > The lyrics. They are stuck in my head. “So hurry down the chimney tonight!” > Arrgghhhh, Damn YOU ALLEY! > \*\* You do know that _Santa Baby_ was originally recorded in 1954 by Ertha Kitt, right? It has been rerecorded by everybody from Maralyn Monroe to Madonna. Hell, Everclear even did a version of it. Kirstie may be a bit washed up (why the hell else would anyone do a commercial for Old Navy?), but you can hardly blame her for a 50 year old torch song. ---
**Author:** ![Orbifold](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/779978/32.png) [@Orbifold](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Orbifold)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/5 "2003-12-30T02:15:43Z")
It could be worse. At least she can sing reasonably well. Just imagine the same ad with, say, Fran Drescher doing the singing. ---
**Author:** ![Gadfly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/aeb1de/32.png) [@Gadfly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gadfly)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/6 "2003-12-30T02:27:44Z")
> [@](#): > > Just imagine the same ad with, say, Fran Drescher doing the singing. Yuwuhuruuhuuyuugruhuyurg. ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/7 "2003-12-30T02:29:00Z")
It didn’t seem that bad, as far as that shit goes. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/8 "2003-12-30T02:31:08Z")
> [@](#): > > You do know that Santa Baby was originally recorded in 1954 by Ertha Kitt, right? It has been rerecorded by everybody from Maralyn Monroe to Madonna. Hell, Everclear even did a version of it. > > Kirstie may be a bit washed up (why the hell else would anyone do a commercial for Old Navy?), but you can hardly blame her for a 50 year old torch song. Is she related to Eartha Kitt? 😃 It isn’t the song, just Alley’s rendition of it. ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/9 "2003-12-30T02:35:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Orbifold \* > \*\*It could be worse. \*\* Could be raining. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/10 "2003-12-30T02:39:09Z")
Somebody, however, needs to tell her that those Victorian bustle dresses don’t really hide her hips… Not that it matters much to me, not being particularly lured by the feminine form in any shape, but what was interesting costuming for the Christmas-season Pier1 commercial two years ago has become a constant, in-season or out, and it’s pretty damn obvious why she insists on wearing that style… ---
**Author:** ![Astroboy14](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/df705f/32.png) [@Astroboy14](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Astroboy14)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/11 "2003-12-30T02:41:59Z")
I thought that ad was kinda sexy, myself… but then, it’s been established that I have issues… ---
**Author:** ![Bandanaman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3ab097/32.png) [@Bandanaman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bandanaman)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/12 "2003-12-30T02:42:07Z")
I thought it was just me. That’s commercial makes my shizzle go all fazizzle. ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/13 "2003-12-30T03:45:30Z")
I think Kirstie (not Kristy? I dunno) was kinda cute in that commercial. All plump and pretty. She didn’t make up the words, you know. Nor did the commercial people. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/14 "2003-12-30T04:24:17Z")
Well…some of the words they definitely made up. I am quite certain that Eartha did not sing “slip a table under the tree” or “a comfy little sofa for two. Light blue.” Besides, I’m a purist. I find anything other than the Eartha Kitt original to be sacrilege. Yes, even Madonna’s Betty Boop homage… ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/15 "2003-12-30T04:34:02Z")
oh yes, it could have been worse. Like,with Rosanne or maybe Yoko? ---
**Author:** ![wakimika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f08c70/32.png) [@wakimika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wakimika)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/16 "2003-12-30T04:37:17Z")
Coming soon: **Ilsa** pits his own navel. “Goddamn fucking thing is hypnotic, I can’t stop staring at it.” 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 4:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/17 "2003-12-30T04:46:41Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ilsa\_Lund \* > **With your Scraggle-tooth, baby-shit-green dress and creepy-ass lyrics, your monstrosity of a Pier-One Imports commercial has been released like the eighth plague throughout the land.** True, she looks like a goddamn maniac. And true, that green dress made her ass look like it was the size of Saskatchewan. But her _Santa Baby_ ad still has to take a second-place in creepiness to the one where she _pops out of a cake!_ **Tripler’s** right, she was hot in _ST II_. But that cake ad… that could do serious pyschosexual trauma. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/18 "2003-12-30T05:05:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Uvula Donor \* > **True, she looks like a goddamn maniac. And true, that green dress made her ass look like it was the size of Saskatchewan. But her _Santa Baby_ ad still has to take a second-place in creepiness to the one where she _pops out of a cake!_** I totally forgot about that ad. She pops out of the cake in her _green velvet Victorian bustle gown_! The gown has got to go… ---
**Author:** ![Frankenbear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c0e974/32.png) [@Frankenbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frankenbear)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/19 "2003-12-30T05:46:32Z")
In case anyone is interested here are the [original lyrics](http://www.lyricsbox.com/ertha-kitt-lyrics-santa-baby-snnq9hs.html). ---
**Author:** ![aaslatten](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f14d63/32.png) [@aaslatten](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/aaslatten)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/20 "2003-12-30T05:57:12Z")
Huh. The commercial didn’t annoy me that much, but I have to say this is a pretty funny pit. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=2)