# Pitting Kirstie Fucking Alley and Her Creepy-Ass "Santa Baby" Commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657 "2003-12-30T00:52:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr.Babbington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mr.Babbington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Babbington)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/21 "2003-12-30T06:49:56Z")
I thought it was kinda sexy. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Babbington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mr.Babbington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Babbington)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 6:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/22 "2003-12-30T06:52:14Z")
You’re rather sort of an angry little man, aren’t you, **Ilsa\_Lund**? ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/23 "2003-12-30T08:01:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by wakimika \* > \*\*Coming soon: **Ilsa** pits his own navel. “Goddamn fucking thing is hypnotic, I can’t stop staring at it.” 😃 \*\* Hah! That cracked me up. ---
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/24 "2003-12-30T13:25:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gadfly \* > \*\*Yuwuhuruuhuuyuugruhuyurg. \*\* I have been searching for the exact phrase that sums up my reaction to those damn Old Navy commercials for months now…and never been able to find it. Until now. Thanks, Gadfly. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/25 "2003-12-30T13:32:48Z")
C’mon Kirstie! Don’t be ashamed of your voluptuous figure! Wear tight-fitting pants! …mmmm, zaftig… ---
**Author:** ![eenerms](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/cdc98d/32.png) [@eenerms](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eenerms)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/26 "2003-12-30T13:34:48Z")
[QUOTE] \*Originally posted by Ilsa\_Lund \* \*\*Is she related to Eartha Kitt? 😃 Alley Kitt:D ? ---
**Author:** ![Trunk](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/87869e/32.png) [@Trunk](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trunk)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/27 "2003-12-30T13:40:03Z")
whenever I see that commercial, I think “Sorry Kirstie, Santa doesn’t date women who are fatter than he is.” ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/28 "2003-12-30T13:45:12Z")
I have a CD that adds another refrain: Then I’ll pack up all my presents and my new mink stole And go and tell old Mrs. Claus to find a some other pole\* So Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight. \*whether this line is about Santa’s ethnic heritage or his penis is up to debate. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/29 "2003-12-30T13:48:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by vanilla \* > \*\*oh yes, it could have been worse. > Like,with Rosanne or maybe Yoko? \*\* Worse? Worse? You don’t _know_ just how much worse! Pat Butcher sang it on the Christmas Eve “Eastenders” special. You don’t know who I’m talking about, but believe me that all Dopers from the UK now have hairy shudders down their spines. ---
**Author:** ![Casey1505](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/dc4da7/32.png) [@Casey1505](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Casey1505)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/30 "2003-12-30T13:54:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jayjay \* > \*\*Somebody, however, needs to tell her that those Victorian bustle dresses don’t really hide her hips… > \*\* There aren’t many things that _can_ hide her hips… Would you rather Kelly Osbourne? ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/31 "2003-12-30T13:54:51Z")
_interviewer_: So Kristie, you like Christmas, do you? _Kristie Alley_: Oh yes, I love Christmas. The birth of Jesus and the presents and all the food and what not. _interviewer_: I see here that in one of the very highest tenets of Scientology, called O.T.8, L. Ron Hubbard teaches us that Jesus was actually a homosexual pedophile and a tyrant, whose benevolent legacy is the result of false memories implanted by aliens … You’re a devout Scientologist, your thoughts? _Kristie Alley_: Um… _(grabs interviewer and shovels him into her gullet with a gobbling sound)_ BURP! ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/32 "2003-12-30T14:18:45Z")
The Eartha Kitt version was sexy. Kirstie Alley’s is just embarassing and provokes reflex stabbing for the mute button. Thanks for the perspective though re Fran Drescher, **Orbifold**. shudder. ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/33 "2003-12-30T14:31:02Z")
First, let me say that on the basis of physical attractiveness alone, I’d do Kirstie anytime, anyplace, anyway. Second, RTA- much as I would love to believe the validity of the OT-VIII “L Ron Vs Jesus” lecture, I haven’t yet been able to verify it as authentic Hubbard. Btw, I think that also contains L Ron’s claim that he is also mentioned in the Bible… as the Beast, carrying on the work of Aleister Crowley. ---
**Author:** ![BobLibDem](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/boblibdem/32/3149_2.png) [@BobLibDem](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BobLibDem)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/34 "2003-12-30T14:34:42Z")
I think the only commercial Kirstie should do is the Sally Struthers Diet Plan. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/35 "2003-12-30T15:04:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Futile Gesture \* > \*\*Worse? Worse? You don’t _know_ just how much worse! > > Pat Butcher sang it on the Christmas Eve “Eastenders” special. > > You don’t know who I’m talking about, but believe me that all Dopers from the UK now have hairy shudders down their spines. \*\* You vicious bastard, I’ve been trying to forget that abomination and you have to bring it back. Damn you to buggery! ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/36 "2003-12-30T15:09:44Z")
Heh. The lengths they go to to hide her enormity are, well, enormous. Even to the poing of adding lighting effects to cover her midsection whenever she’s not standing behind a tree or something. It’s pathetic really, if she is proud of her weight, she should show it, not resort to lighting and makeup (false jawline anyone?) to hide it. ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/37 "2003-12-30T15:09:52Z")
[www.factnet.org/Scientology/satanism/ot8.html?FACTNet](http://www.factnet.org/Scientology/satanism/ot8.html?FACTNet) - An examination of OT8 (containing Hubbard’s assertion that he could be considered the “Lucifer” figure of Revelations) and whether it’s “authentic Hubbard”. ---
**Author:** ![ArrMatey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/arrmatey/32/3522_2.png) [@ArrMatey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ArrMatey)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 4:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/38 "2003-12-30T16:45:19Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Orbifold \* > \*\*It could be worse. At least she can sing reasonably well. > > Just imagine the same ad with, say, Fran Drescher doing the singing. \*\* Aieeeeeee! I would have torn of my own ears in protest, but I’d already gnawed my own arms off in mad, fight-or-flight reaction protest! POOR PLANNING!! ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/39 "2003-12-30T17:19:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BobLibDem \* > \*\*I think the only commercial Kirstie should do is the Sally Struthers Diet Plan. \*\* [Obligatory South Park Reference] I’m really not sure that laying around all day and eating Snacky Smores is going to help Kirstie lose any weight. “No, this is my cake!” [/OSPR] ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/40 "2003-12-30T18:43:03Z")
“Creepy” is exactly the word I used when discussing this commercial with a friend the other day. There’s something about Miss Alley’s eyes… Is something missing in her eyes (as if she’s had a lobotomy or is on serious medication)? Or is there in those eyes something unexpected – perhaps the smoldering fire of impending psychosis? Pondering this is what makes the commerical so appallingly nauseatingly hypnotic for me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=3)