# Pitting Kirstie Fucking Alley and Her Creepy-Ass "Santa Baby" Commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657 "2003-12-30T00:52:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![slortar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/41 "2003-12-30T19:00:20Z")
> [@](#): > > Is something missing in her eyes (as if she’s had a lobotomy or is on serious medication)? Or is there in those eyes something unexpected – perhaps the smoldering fire of impending psychosis? That’s the Scientology. When you meet the vile buggers in person, you can also smell the brimstone. ---
**Author:** ![photopat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/e95f7d/32.png) [@photopat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/photopat)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/42 "2003-12-30T20:49:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gadfly \* > \*\*Yuwuhuruuhuuyuugruhuyurg. \*\* And the winner of the 2003 Crow T. Robot award for best written sound effect goes to… Gadfly! ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/43 "2003-12-30T20:49:42Z")
Fran Drescher, Kirstie Alley, Joan Cusack. Please stop!! The only reason your mugs are on the tube is because you bring attention to the product in a unique annoying sort of way…which I guess is working. ---
**Author:** ![Uncommon\_Sense](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Uncommon\_Sense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uncommon_Sense)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/44 "2003-12-30T20:51:57Z")
`Course Lil’ Kim can have it any day of the week. ---
**Author:** ![Mtgman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b5a626/32.png) [@Mtgman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mtgman)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/45 "2003-12-30T21:19:29Z")
Sound effect? I thought it was a pretty good text rendition of how Fran Drescher would actually sound singing “Santa Baby”. Enjoy, Steven ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/46 "2003-12-30T21:20:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whuckfistle \* > \*\*`Course Lil’ Kim can have it any day of the week. \*\* Okay…the next person who plants the image of a Li’l Kim version of Santa Baby in my mind gets a size 13-1/2 up their ethernet port… \*Yo! Santa Baby! Leave that dildo under the tree! For ME! Long and brown like a brothah should be! Santa Baby! Stick it up my chimney tonight! \* I feel so…dirty… ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 9:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/47 "2003-12-30T21:55:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jayjay \* > \*\*\*Yo! Santa Baby! > Leave that dildo under the tree! > For ME! > Long and brown like a brothah should be! > Santa Baby! > Stick it up my chimney tonight! > > * * * Methinks **jayjay** just wrote a hit single. ---
**Author:** ![Silver\_Serpentine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3be4f8/32.png) [@Silver\_Serpentine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Silver_Serpentine)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/48 "2003-12-30T22:10:52Z")
I think KA is attractive, myself. I hate fat jokes for people who aren’t, like, 400lbs. But this is the Pit - what else could I expect? But the Pier One commercials? While searching for pics of her in one of her P1 outfits, I found a bio that said she bought Lisa Marie Presley’s old manion for something like $1.5 mil. How hard up can she be? That, or she’s reeeeeeeal bad with moola. Anyway, she comes off as, “Look, I was in Cheers, DON’T FORGET ABOUT ME!” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/49 "2003-12-30T22:20:53Z")
My comments aren’t really fat jokes. Or not intended that way, anyhow. They’re more, “You’ve got CURVES, dammit! Why are you trying to hide them behind a boatload of pinafores?! Especially with such a lack of subtlety…” ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/50 "2003-12-30T23:20:36Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Babbington \* > \*\*You’re rather sort of an angry little man, aren’t you, **Ilsa\_Lund**? \*\* No. It’s a bad Lewis Black impression.😛 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 12:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/51 "2003-12-31T00:10:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Gadfly \* > \*\*Yuwuhuruuhuuyuugruhuyurg. \*\* Just thought you should know, this made me fall out of my chair at work squeaking with desperately restrained hysterics. ---
**Author:** ![Iteki](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/eada6e/32.png) [@Iteki](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Iteki)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/52 "2003-12-31T00:14:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Trunk \* > \*\*whenever I see that commercial, I think “Sorry Kirstie, Santa doesn’t date women who are fatter than he is.” \*\* Haven’t even seen the ad, but that made me start laughing 😃 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Futile Gesture \* > \*\*Pat Butcher sang it on the Christmas Eve “Eastenders” special. > \*\* Made me stop laughing :eek: But that’s ok, cos this got me laughing again 🙂 > [@](#): > > _Originally posted by jayjay \*\*\* > Long and brown like a brothah should be! > Santa Baby! > Stick it up my chimney tonight!_\* great stuff peeps! ---
**Author:** ![TwistofFate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/cdc98d/32.png) [@TwistofFate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TwistofFate)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/53 "2003-12-31T00:19:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Futile Gesture \* > \*\*Worse? Worse? You don’t _know_ just how much worse! > > Pat Butcher sang it on the Christmas Eve “Eastenders” special. > > You don’t know who I’m talking about, but believe me that all Dopers from the UK now have hairy shudders down their spines. \*\* not nearly as scary as Frank Butcher appearing naked at the backdoor with a spinning bow tie. remember that? remember? ---
**Author:** ![Manduck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manduck/32/256_2.png) [@Manduck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Manduck)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/54 "2003-12-31T00:37:17Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by AnimistDragon \* > \*\*I think KA is attractive, myself. I hate fat jokes for people who aren’t, like, 400lbs. \*\* Wait - you mean she’s _not_ 400 lbs?? [http://cache.eonline.com/On/Holly/Shows/Alley/Gallery/Images/04.alley.stevenson.jpg](http://cache.eonline.com/On/Holly/Shows/Alley/Gallery/Images/04.alley.stevenson.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![AveDementia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc8723/32.png) [@AveDementia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AveDementia)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/55 "2003-12-31T01:48:45Z")
Grandma! What red eyes you have!! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f07891/32.png) [@Little\_Plastic\_Ninja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Plastic_Ninja)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/56 "2003-12-31T03:00:02Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by RTA \* > \*\*Ron Hubbard teaches us that Jesus was actually a homosexual pedophile and a tyrant, whose benevolent legacy is the result of false memories implanted by aliens … \*\* :dubious: Wow, whoever it was thought of that was a pretty impressive loon. > [@](#): > > Wait - you mean she’s not 400 lbs?? _looks at picture_ [http://www.marilynmonroe.com/about/photos.html#](http://www.marilynmonroe.com/about/photos.html#) You were saying? I hadn’t seen Alley in some time. From this thread, I thought she musta blown up like a Zeppelin. I look at that picture and I think: If she’s 200 lbs, I’m surprised. As it is, she’s not a skinny little minx, and she’s STACKED. If she wasn’t a Scientologist, rowr. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![lavenderviolet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/cdc98d/32.png) [@lavenderviolet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lavenderviolet)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/57 "2003-12-31T04:00:30Z")
Eh, that commercial doesn’t bother me. Even though, when I really think about it, the idea of Santa as anything other than an asexual is kind of oogy…the tune is kind of catchy. 🙂 Kirstie seems like an attractive lady to me - but then, I know that my perceptions about weight are different than many people’s because I used to weigh a lot more than I do now. > [@](#): > > I hate fat jokes for people who aren’t, like, 400lbs. I think making jokes about 400+ lbs people is inappropriate as well. The suffering and self-loathing that the so-called “super-morbidly obese” feel in daily life is more than enough without anyone else adding to their pain. I speak as someone who used to weigh 370 pounds. The only reason I don’t still weigh that is because I was blessed with the option of lap-band surgery. If it weren’t for the physical changes from surgery, I would still be helpless to lose weight and keep it off, no matter how much I HATED how much I weighed and the judgements people made about me for it. ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/58 "2003-12-31T04:31:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*I have a CD that adds another refrain: > > Then I’ll pack up all my presents and my new mink stole > And go and tell old Mrs. Claus to find a some other pole\* > So Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight. > > \*whether this line is about Santa’s ethnic heritage or his penis is up to debate. \*\* This is right up there with the line from \*\*Jail House Rock \*\* - You can use a partner or a wooden chair \* :eek: Thanks for the vaguely sexual lyric reference, Annie. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Shirley\_Ujest](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/45deac/32.png) [@Shirley\_Ujest](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shirley_Ujest)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/59 "2003-12-31T04:34:13Z")
As for Kirstie Alley and her weight issue. Considering nearly every female celebrity is as thick as a stalk of celery and weighs around 105 or less, Kirstie probably is normal normally perportioned and healthy physically than the rest of the women in hollywood. It does not mean, however, that she is not nuts. Marilyn Monroe, after all, kiddies, was a size 12. ---
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/60 "2003-12-31T05:49:52Z")
Hmmmm…making fun of other peoples beliefs isn’t right, kiddies. No need for any smartass comments or cites assholes. My whole family believes in scientology, and while I peronally do not, this does not mean they are weird. I was raised using scientology’s study technologies (no not mind control smartass, but a very effective way of teaching). This way of teaching creates a more inquisitive mind, and has rendered 8, yes 8, Ph.D.'s in my family. My uncle is an astrophysicist, currently studying quasars and such. My mom is a cultural anthropologist, and my dad, was also. I’m not saying you can’t have your fun, but please remember that beliefs evolve, and my family believes something much different than Mr. Hubbard’s findings… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=4)