# Pitting Kirstie Fucking Alley and Her Creepy-Ass "Santa Baby" Commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 30, 2003, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657 "2003-12-30T00:52:23Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/61 "2003-12-31T11:22:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Annie-Xmas \* > \*\*I have a CD that adds another refrain: > > Then I’ll pack up all my presents and my new mink stole > And go and tell old Mrs. Claus to find a some other pole\* > So Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight. > > \*whether this line is about Santa’s ethnic heritage or his penis is up to debate. \*\* Or the North Pole maybe? Kirstie Alley just skeers me, I am very, **very** glad I have not seen this Santa Baby. ---
**Author:** ![RTA](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/b4bc9f/32.png) [@RTA](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTA)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/62 "2003-12-31T14:50:09Z")
> [@](#): > > My whole family believes in scientology, and while I peronally do not, this does not mean they are weird. I’m genuinely sorry to hear that you grew up in the cult, **Paradoxical**. You may not think so, but you are definitely a victim. And “Weird” is not the word I would use. “Suckers” comes to mind immediately, but there are others. Maybe it’s a topic for another thread because it’s definitely a more serious subject than some tacky, annoying commercial. You can believe anything you want to. I, for example, believe that the Scientology cult is a criminal organization, founded on the most cynical quackery, that ought to be shut down permanently and the top five or so people prosecuted and imprisoned for life. Several countries worldwide have already taken steps in this direction … Why do you think that is? And is there any another “religion” that trumpets the success of its adherents - be they scientists or sitcom stars - as “proof” that it “works”? Here’s your cite: [www.Xenu.net](http://www.Xenu.net) ---
**Author:** ![Brad\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8dc957/32.png) [@Brad\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brad_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/63 "2003-12-31T19:01:06Z")
She reminded me of a drunken barfly at last call in that commercial. I like her, but that commercial is not one of her better moments on the screen. ---
**Author:** ![Badtz\_Maru](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e36b37/32.png) [@Badtz\_Maru](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Badtz_Maru)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/64 "2003-12-31T19:32:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Little Plastic Ninja \* > \*\*I look at that picture and I think: If she’s 200 lbs, I’m surprised. As it is, she’s not a skinny little minx, and she’s STACKED. > > If she wasn’t a Scientologist, rowr. 😉 \*\* Women carry their weight differently than men, and 90% of the time a man’s guess as to a woman’s weight is going to be much lower than their real weight. Looking at that picture, I have no doubt that Kirstie is at least 200 lbs. She’s a little over 5’7", I knew a woman who was that same height who was much skinnier, and she weighed 170. The woman I am comparing her to would not have been considered ‘fat’ by anyone, was actually considered one of the hottest women in our circle of friends. What makes me sick is when I watch beauty pageants and they show women who are 5’10" who are thin, but with nice curves, and then claim she weighs under 120. ---
**Author:** ![Sister\_Vigilante](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9de0a6/32.png) [@Sister\_Vigilante](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sister_Vigilante)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/65 "2003-12-31T20:08:36Z")
I’d say she’s pushing 200 as well. My comment wasn’t to how “disgustingly fat” she is, in any case. I just find it hypocritical that they want her for the commercial, and yet feel the need to dress her like that (I don’t see how she can **breathe** , let alone sing), and put special effects and strategically placed chairs and tables in (even her **hair** is strategically placed) to hide her bulk. And the makeup on her jawline is the clincher. I say, show it. She obviously doesn’t care how big she is. ---
**Author:** ![norinew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/eb9ed0/32.png) [@norinew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/norinew)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/66 "2003-12-31T22:07:13Z")
> [@](#): > > _Originally posted by Jean Grey_ > I just find it hypocritical that they want her for the commercial, and yet feel the need to dress her like that I think it’s possible that Pier One signed a contract with her when she was smaller, and now they can’t get out of it, but don’t want a “fat chick” mucking up their image. I think she looks fine (her eyes _are_ weird, though), and perhaps she thinks she looks fine, but that doesn’t mean that Pier One thinks she looks fine. ---
**Author:** ![Petter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/dbc845/32.png) [@Petter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Petter)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/67 "2003-12-31T22:51:33Z")
_Off topic_: **Paradoxical** : Could I persuade you to start a new thread on the inside view on Scientology? I’m interested in the Scientology studying techniques as well as how your family’s beliefs have evolved from Hubbard’s original findings. ---
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/68 "2003-12-31T22:56:25Z")
RTA, Kill us? Ha we have ESP and laser eyes…! LOSER… ---
**Author:** ![Paradoxical](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/77aa72/32.png) [@Paradoxical](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paradoxical)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 11:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/69 "2003-12-31T23:04:39Z")
Why Petter? To be ridiculed? No. ---
**Author:** ![Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Hey\_It\_s\_That\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hey_It_s_That_Guy)\ **Post date:** [December 31, 2003, 11:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/70 "2003-12-31T23:30:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by whuckfistle \* > \*\*Fran Drescher, Kirstie Alley, Joan Cusack. > > Please stop!! > > The only reason your mugs are on the tube is because you bring attention to the product in a unique annoying sort of way…which I guess is working. \*\* I find Fran Drescher incredibly hot and sexy (and I’ve heard her speak without her annoying Jersey-girl accent, which I admit IS annoying), and I’ve always thought Joan Cusack was cute too. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [January 1, 2004, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/71 "2004-01-01T00:02:56Z")
Joan Cusack rocks my socks. ---
**Author:** ![Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/258eb7/32.png) [@Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ranger)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/72 "2004-01-02T00:57:03Z")
Well, KA’s gotta do something for income. You may not recall, but SHE has to pay Parker Stevenson alimony. The judge ordered $6 million, IIRC. ---
**Author:** ![Kaspar\_Hauser](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b3f665/32.png) [@Kaspar\_Hauser](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kaspar_Hauser)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/73 "2004-01-02T20:40:27Z")
Fran Drescher + ball gag = perfect woman ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 8:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/74 "2004-01-02T20:43:45Z")
> [@](#): > > If it makes you feel better, the interior designer from QEFTSG is going to be doing all the commercials now. I’m not sure he’s going to look any better in the bustle dress… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 8:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/75 "2004-01-02T20:51:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Otto \* > \*\*I’m not sure he’s going to look any better in the bustle dress… \*\* _snerk_ Seriously. Carson would simply shriek if he opened Kirstie’s closet and found a row of velvet bustle dresses and pinafores. He’d FAINT! Right there! ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 8:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/76 "2004-01-02T20:53:45Z")
And yes, I’m aware that Thom is the interior design expert. My brain switched gears before my fingers started typing… ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [January 2, 2004, 9:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/77 "2004-01-02T21:42:02Z")
It’s OK, Carson’s the fashion guy so he probably would shriek upon throwing open Kirstie’s closet. Although with the exception of shoes he does tend to be nicer about the outfits of the women who wander through the eps. > [@](#): > > Well, KA’s gotta do something for income. You may not recall, but SHE has to pay Parker Stevenson alimony. The judge ordered $6 million, IIRC. Kirstie must just be kicking herself that Parker didn’t stay with Baywatch. ---
**Author:** ![Equipoise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/equipoise/32/151_2.png) [@Equipoise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Equipoise)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2004, 2:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/78 "2004-01-03T14:02:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Paradoxical \* > Hmmmm…making fun of other peoples beliefs isn’t right, kiddies. > No need for any smartass comments or cites assholes. My whole family believes in scientology, and while I peronally do not, this does not mean they are weird. I was raised using scientology’s study technologies (no not mind control smartass, but a very effective way of teaching). You’re talking about [Study Tech](http://www-2.cs.cmu.edu/~dst/StudyTech/) but from what you say next, your family are [Free Zoners](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Free_Zone). > [@](#): > > This way of teaching creates a more inquisitive mind, and has rendered 8, yes 8, Ph.D.'s in my family. My uncle is an astrophysicist, currently studying quasars and such. My mom is a cultural anthropologist, and my dad, was also. I’m not saying you can’t have your fun, but please remember that beliefs evolve, and \*\*my family believes something much different than Mr. Hubbard’s findings… \*\* If that’s the case then they don’t believe in $cientology. They’re not $cientologists and they shouldn’t call themselves such (or you shouldn’t say it). Messing around with Hubbard’s teachings is the biggest no-no of all. You simply cannot BE a $cientologist if you “believe something much different than Mr. Hubbard’s findings.” I’d like to hear to what an auditing session sounds like when someone casually happens to mention that they don’t believe in “Mr. Hubbard’s findings.” That would be quite entertaining. I think Hubbard stole all the best ideas that $cientology dishes up as its own anyway, such as the study tech (no, no cite, too lazy right now. Go peruse [www.xenu.net](http://www.xenu.net)). If your family is doing well because of some of those ideas, then more power to them, but, according to your own words, they’re not $cientologists. They’re Free Zoners. There’s no shame in that. I happen to love Kirsty’s eyes. At least the color. That $cieno glare she has going (Cruise and Travolta have it too, they’re taught how to do that) is way too creepy. ---
**Author:** ![CheekyMonkey613](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e480ec/32.png) [@CheekyMonkey613](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheekyMonkey613)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2004, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/79 "2004-01-03T15:05:47Z")
It didn’t bother me like I’m seeing it bothered others here. But come to think of it, **it IS a creepy-ass rendition of “Santa Baby”**. You gotta remember one thing… you name the ad and I remember the lyrics and the store. Not that I went to Pier1 because of it, but at least it was memorable. I even remember the lyrics. That is a bit haunting, on January 3rd, isn’t it? Fran Drescher in the Old Navy ads is a WHOLE OTHER STORY. That ad PISSES me off. Her at her switchboard plugging shit in and “sizzles my shizzle” or whatever the fuck she’s saying. That’s just plain annoying. It’s not even “deep” enough to be creepy. OY! _slight hijack… sorry but I have to_ :mad: There’s one ad in Canada that I find the creepiest. It’s an ad for Star Choice satellite TV. Some woman in curlers and a housecoat comes out of her house and gets the Star Choice Programming Guide in her mailbox, and with a spotlight on her, like she’s at an Awards ceremony, she says, “YOU LIKE ME, YOU REALLY LIKE ME!” (because Star Choice sent her this guide). Then some fat guy in a white undershirt (presumably her husband) walks by her and grabs the guide. And then she does this “surprised and shocked” over-dramatized look and coughs out, “OH OH OH!!!”. No commercial in my LIFE has ever pissed me off like that one. I literally change stations when it comes on. ---
**Author:** ![Ilsa\_Lund](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a6a055/32.png) [@Ilsa\_Lund](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ilsa_Lund)\ **Post date:** [January 3, 2004, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657/80 "2004-01-03T16:33:50Z")
> [@](#): > > Fran Drescher in the Old Navy ads is a WHOLE OTHER STORY. That ad PISSES me off. Her at her switchboard plugging shit in and “sizzles my shizzle” or whatever the fuck she’s saying. That’s just plain annoying. It’s not even “deep” enough to be creepy. OY! Yes, that ad is simply annoying. However, I get the feeling that Kirstie is gonna finish giving Santa blowjob, shiv him in the back, and then hunt me down with a butcher knife humming “Santa Baby.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-kirstie-fucking-alley-and-her-creepy-ass-santa-baby-commercial/221657.md?page=3)