# Pitting my best friend, regarding birthdays **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 24, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644 "2003-09-24T22:18:34Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/21 "2003-09-25T19:37:39Z")
Guess what I got for my birthday today. My step-mother called to tell me my father’s been in the hospital for 5 days now. Quit your fucking whining. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/22 "2003-09-25T19:45:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by SkipMagic \* > \*\*My wife is the best–she helped me search a toy store for what seemed like hours so that I could get that sword. > \*\* Yeah, but keep in mind that back then I wasn’t your wife yet. In fact, I didn’t even have the ring. So basically I was just schmoozing you for the rock. Now that I have it, you might be in trouble. 😉 Ooh, take that back–no sword for you on your day might mean no CHEESE for ME on MINE! And don’t forget that I wasn’t the one who found the sword . . . ---
**Author:** ![Mearl\_Dox](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Mearl\_Dox](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mearl_Dox)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/23 "2003-09-25T19:56:57Z")
I was sick over a friend’s birthday and couldn’t show for his tiny party… it wasn’t much of a party, he was only inviting 3 or 4 people, but it turns out nobody came. I felt pretty guilty, although since he lives with his girlfriend it wasn’t like he was _completely_ alone. Then again, I’d have felt more guilty if I came over and puked on his cake… ---
**Author:** ![Sauron](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ce7236/32.png) [@Sauron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sauron)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 8:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/24 "2003-09-25T20:26:57Z")
I seriously doubt this will do any good, but … Happy Birthday, **Munch**! (Sounds like you could use some cheering up.) ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 8:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/25 "2003-09-25T20:36:16Z")
Thanks, Sauron. It doesn’t come as much of a suprise to me, and he’ll probably end up with a pacemaker out of the situation. But the fact remains, I don’t put a lot of value in birthdays, because as Qadgop says, “Expectations are pre-meditated resentments.” Bitching about someone not doing something when you’ve failed to tell them what you want is assinine. Incubus, you want to do something for your birthday? Then fucking do it already. Taking the day off for your friend’s b-day was a wonderful gesture. But you’re being an asshole if you expect them to do the same. Any sense of altruism you had doing that has been completely lost when you demand it from others. ---
**Author:** ![MovieMogul](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f08c70/32.png) [@MovieMogul](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MovieMogul)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/26 "2003-09-25T20:49:20Z")
So, the OP made a big deal out of his friend’s birthday. But…[ul] [li] Did that friend ask you to take the day off of work?[/li][li] Did that friend ask you to pay for everybody?[/li][li] Did that friend promise to reciprocate your efforts for your birthday?[/ul][/li]The answer, based on the information provided, was **No No No**. I hate people who make a big deal out of your birthday (when you don’t ask them to), and then get all pouty-face when you don’t make a big deal out of theirs. Personally, I don’t give a shit about my birthday (to the point of refusing to tell people when it is), so I’m not going to make a big deal about someone else’s, especially if they drop these pathetic passive-agressive “hints.” Suck it up, birthday Doper. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/27 "2003-09-25T22:42:31Z")
Do what my wonderful hubby Jim did awhile back for his birthday - his family is apparently not big on celebrating stuff, so instead of sitting around moping that no one was making a big deal of his birthday, he figured out what _he_ wanted to do that day, and just did it. He always takes the day off of work on his birthday, and spends it at our local zoo - I take the day off of work now too, and spend it with him at our zoo. What I’m saying is make your own fun. You like to celebrate birthdays, figure out what would be fun for _you_ on your birthday, and make it happen. Depending on other people is usually a good way to get disappointed (was that too cynical? just the loner in me talking, I guess). ---
**Author:** ![EllisDee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ellisdee/32/4531_2.png) [@EllisDee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/EllisDee)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/28 "2003-09-26T00:05:25Z")
Dates always take priority over friends. I might be relying on a friend to pick me up from the airport at midnight, but if he lands a date, bet your ass I’m cabbing it home. To cancel a date for something as lame as a friend’s birthday party? What are we, 12? Good lord. ---
**Author:** ![Geek\_Mecha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/ecae2f/32.png) [@Geek\_Mecha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Geek_Mecha)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 1:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/29 "2003-09-26T01:42:16Z")
**Incubus** and **Munch** , I’m sorry you both are having craptacular birthdays. FWIW, happy birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 7:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/30 "2003-09-26T07:54:44Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by MarkofT \* > \*\*I was once fired for my brithday. They gave me my card after the meeting where they announced they were cutting back the night shift. \*\* I was once fired on my birthday, too! Only I’d taken the day off. My boss (who was a neurotic whiny bitch) called my house about 5:30, where my party was in full swing, and fired me! I hung up, grabbed another glass of champagne, and said, “Hey, I’ve just been fired.” My friends thought I was kidding. They thought she didn’t mean it. But she did. And yes, it was kind of a bummer when the champagne wore off . . . ---
**Author:** ![OneChance](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/74df32/32.png) [@OneChance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OneChance)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 8:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/31 "2003-09-26T08:12:51Z")
Bah, birthdays. Who needs’em? Eh, what? ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 1:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/32 "2003-09-26T13:37:13Z")
HAPPY BIRTHDAY INCUBUS !!! ---
**Author:** ![rekkah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/ee59a6/32.png) [@rekkah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rekkah)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2003, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/33 "2003-09-26T22:11:16Z")
My family really don’t set much store by birthdays. Last year I phoned home from abroad to say happy birthday to my mum. My dad picked up so I explained why I was calling and he passed the phone over. As we were talking I heard him say in the background “when is your birthday? Is it today?” My mum just laughed. They’ve been extremely happily married for thirty-five years and she really doesn’t care that he forgets that sort of thing, because he’s a good husband in so many other ways. I always feel a bit guilty for not organising any kind of celebration on my birthday, when most of my friends do for theirs, but being in the summer, it’s hard to get everyone together and I really don’t care enough to do it - it’s good to get together with my friends, but I don’t think my birthday is such a momentous occasion that everyone MUST be there - I’m quite happy just having a normal day. I try to remember other people’s birthdays because I know they care more than me, and I don’t want to upset or disappoint anyone I care about, but if I’m busy and thinking of lots of other things, I may well forget. It doesn’t mean I don’t care about that person. People have all kinds of different attitudes to birthdays, and you can’t assume they’ll interpret your “casual hints” the way you want - no-one’s telepathic. The best way to have a good birthday is to organise it yourself or to expect nothing and be pleasantly surprised if someone does something. That said: I hope your birthday improves and wish you _many happy returns_ of the day. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 11:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/34 "2003-09-29T23:20:20Z")
I feel your pain. Many of my friends have either had great birthday parties, or I’ve planned parties for them, and I’ve yet to have a real birthday party that I didn’t plan, and that had more than a handful of my large group of friends show up. Just once, JUST ONCE I’d like a huge blow-out event that everyone shows up for, even travels in from out of town. I turn 35 shortly, and I know this won’t happen, although I do know my new boyfriend is planning something that I’ll enjoy. And I will be happy with it. But someday… Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Trigonal\_Planar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/0ea827/32.png) [@Trigonal\_Planar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trigonal_Planar)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/35 "2003-09-30T00:40:16Z")
I hate birthdays. They just represent your being one year older and one year closer to death. that’s a little harsh, but I do feel that way to a certain extent. I never bother to celebrate my birthday. ---
**Author:** ![Weirddave](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/919ad9/32.png) [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/36 "2003-09-30T01:02:13Z")
Hey, it could be worse, at least he didn’t give you a card and forget to put your name on it. ---
**Author:** ![JeffB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeffb/32/188_2.png) [@JeffB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JeffB)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/37 "2003-09-30T02:22:39Z")
Bad, **Weirddave** , very bad. [sub]But very funny[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Audrey\_Levins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/73ab20/32.png) [@Audrey\_Levins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Audrey_Levins)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644/38 "2003-09-30T07:50:28Z")
For all the naysayers, **Incubus,** I will say that I personally DO feel your pain. It does suck when you take birthdays more seriously than your friends do. I was raised to think birthdays were a really big deal; parties, presents, balloons over the bed when you woke up, your favorite cake, dinner, etc… And it’s taken me quite some time to get over the fact that This All Goes Away Once Your Mother Is No Longer Doing It. 😃 My last several birthdays have sucked major ass, and, like several others have said, it’s mainly because of my over-achieving expectations. Mr. Levins was raised in a house that’s the exact opposite…his mom would maybe make your favorite side dish for dinner, but that’s about it…so he doesn’t “get” birthdays at all. And I have learned not to take it personally that he doesn’t do much for me on my birthday, and he is learning to do more, for my sake. Meanwhile, _I_ still go a bit overboard for friends on their birthdays, just b/c I enjoy it…but that’s my indulgence, not something I demand in return. And perhaps the biggest lesson was a good friend of mine for whom I did a “birthday day.” I saw her on _my_ birthday, six months later, but she had apparently totally forgotten about it and I was too embarrassed/hurt to mention it. (She’d known it was coming b/c I had mentioned it two days prior. We work together.) And exactly one week later, I walked into work to see a bouquet of flowers, a mini chocolate cake, a gift certificate to a salon, and a beautiful card…all laid out for me on the bar. (We both bartend, and she worked the other bar that night, and had gotten there before me to surprise me when I got there.) She told me that she hadn’t forgotten my birthday at all, but she’d had a horrible previous weekend, and had been totally broke…so she made up for it as soon as she could. How shitty did I feel for thinking badly of her! Lesson learned. Now I just do what I can, when I can, for my friends on their birthdays…and I know that they’ll do the same. One day out of the year does not a friendship make…or break. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-best-friend-regarding-birthdays/203644.md?page=1)