# Pitting my future sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059 "2021-01-21T04:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/201 "2021-02-28T16:48:56Z")
I don’t know that you need routing numbers for a cash-to-teller deposit but you sure need the account number. From an actual retired detective - something’s fishy with this whole thing. I’d consider closing the accounts and re-opening new ones, either at that bank or another. ---
**Author:** ![Guest-starring\_Id](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guest-starring_id/32/21736_2.png) [@Guest-starring\_Id](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guest-starring_Id)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/202 "2021-02-28T16:53:17Z")
Yeah, I’d immediately close those accounts, in a heartbeat. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/203 "2021-02-28T16:54:51Z")
I can’t speak to the last question, but my bank and I chatted via the app, and I asked about a cash deposit like that. What I was told was that, in a pure cash deposit into someone’s account, essentially all that the person needs is a name and DoB. My birthday was just three weeks ago, so that isn’t hard to suss out. It’s common knowledge that I’m 16 years older than my fiancée, so that is all easy to obtain. I also have a very unusual last name. I’m pretty sure that I’m the only person in existence with my first/middle/last name combo. I know I’m the only one in either Indiana or Kentucky with it. So it’s not hard for the bank to identify me as the correct customer. And there’s an open police investigation that has my bank’s info. And the deposit was done for the total amount of the ATM withdrawals, so matching the info is easy for them to do. PNC says that, since there’s a police report on the theft, they’ve forwarded the deposit info to the detective in charge of the case. So I’m excited about the prospect of this being over, but I’m not going to exhale until I talk to the cops and get an official verification from them, too. If, somehow, this turns out to be a trick, then I’ll have her ass arrested and end things with the fiancée ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 4:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/204 "2021-02-28T16:55:51Z")
That’s good advice, and I intend to take it to heart ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 5:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/205 "2021-02-28T17:12:31Z")
FWIW, I still smell fish. If (and that’s big “if” - I’m skeptical by training and experience) everything is as it appears to be, I’d not allow FSIL in the house again, family functions or not. She has burned that bridge and failed to acknowledge her actions, let alone apologize. I’d consider changing the locks as well. Get the push button kind so there’s no chance of an unattended key being copied. ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/206 "2021-02-28T17:15:20Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > So I’m excited about the prospect of this being over, but I’m not going to exhale until I talk to the cops and get an official verification from them, too. > > If, somehow, this turns out to be a trick, then I’ll have her ass arrested and end things with the fiancée Why would the case against her end even if she deposited the money back? Giving back what you stole doesn’t “undo” the original theft, and I assume the bank has an interest in ensuring that anyone stealing from a depositor is prosecuted to the full extent of the law. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 5:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/207 "2021-02-28T17:22:11Z")
Mostly family politics. I’ve said before (and I think mentioned upthread) that if I got the money back, then I’d more than likely consider withdrawing my complaint. What the law does, I have no control over ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/208 "2021-02-28T17:39:21Z")
That is the best approach. You want this to be done, and eventually forgotten. Not really forgotten, but not the kind of thing you ever want to bring up again. Unfortunately, I think it will come up again, and again, maybe not for you personally, but for someone, so I hope you and your lovely and kind future wife are of a like mind about all of this. She has to understand this sister cannot ever be trusted in a matter of such import ever again. Trust me, I know of such things. ---
**Author:** ![JaneDoe42](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/janedoe42/32/14104_2.png) [@JaneDoe42](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JaneDoe42)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 6:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/209 "2021-02-28T18:36:26Z")
I’m not speaking for Superdude, but last year a grand-nephew got into a financial bind and was looking at being homeless in a matter of hours when I learned about it. I wanted to help him out, but I didn’t want anyone to know that I had given him the money. I called the bank closest to his home and was able to not only learn that he had an over-drawn checking account there, was able to transfer money from my account to his. I had his name, age (not birth date, but I could have looked it up if needed) phone number and address. The whole process took about 15 minutes. Banks don’t seem to be nearly as cautious about taking money than they are about giving it out. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/210 "2021-02-28T18:45:01Z")
The last time I made an in-person deposit, I joked with the teller (who was looking askance at my driver’s license) “Look, if anyone’s depositing a thousand bucks into my account, don’t do anything to discourage them, I don’t care who they are!” But I really stopped in to thank **Superdude** for all his updates. We’re rooting for you and your fiancée (and for her sister to get her life together). ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/211 "2021-02-28T19:06:41Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Mostly family politics. I’ve said before (and I think mentioned upthread) that if I got the money back, then I’d more than likely consider withdrawing my complaint. Good luck, but it doesn’t work that way. Your statement to the police is part of the record, and you can’t really “withdraw” it. And you need to be very careful if you try to do so, because any subsequent statements you make in trying to have it withdrawn that may conflict with the initial statement open you up to potential prosecution for perjury. Of course, you can simply tell the police that you no longer wish for the sister-in-law to be prosecuted. Your wishes have no legal force but the DA may not wish to move forward with a prosecution if you’re not cooperative. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/212 "2021-02-28T19:53:22Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Mostly family politics. I’ve said before (and I think mentioned upthread) that if I got the money back, then I’d more than likely consider withdrawing my complaint. What the law does, I have no control over True. IIRC, you’ve mentioned purchases that the bank assumed financial liability for, making the bank itself the victim regardless of any cash restitution you received. FSIL’s willingness and ability to make the bank whole may need to be determined and negotiated. On another note, please don’t call off the wedding, or I’ll have to find some way to unload these his-n-hers cereal bowls I already ordered from your registry. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [February 28, 2021, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/213 "2021-02-28T21:13:48Z")
> [@flurb](#): > > Of course, you can simply tell the police that you no longer wish for the sister-in-law to be prosecuted. Your wishes have no legal force but the DA may not wish to move forward with a prosecution if you’re not cooperative. You have to do this. If the authorities pursue charges your SIL could end up claiming your fiancee gave her the PIN and permission to withdraw the money. You don’t want to go down that road. ---
**Author:** ![flurb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/51bf81/32.png) [@flurb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flurb)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/214 "2021-03-01T06:02:42Z")
Again, he can tell the police and DA of his wishes but they have no obligation to respect them. His initial statement, combined with the security camera footage may well be enough for the DA to decide to bring charges. And should he be called to testify, he would have no choice but to tell the truth – there’s no privilege for testifying against future sisters-in-law. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 6:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/215 "2021-03-01T06:18:19Z")
If he says he doesn’t want to testify then there is very little chance they would call him, or pursue the charges. And it will be difficult to prove the SIL didn’t get the PIN and permission from her sister. The DA doesn’t want to waste time and money on this family squabble. He doesn’t want to pursue charges himself, and whatever the DA thinks isn’t going to change his mind. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/216 "2021-03-01T17:05:13Z")
> [@digs](#): > > We’re rooting for you and your fiancée (and for her sister to get her life together). Not all of us. I’m rooting for him to grow a backbone and some self-respect and dump this entire family of grifters and addicts. Otherwise, we’ll see another thread in a year, with no lessons learned. But I’m just some random guy on the internet. Pay me no mind. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/217 "2021-03-01T17:31:34Z")
^ Yep ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/218 "2021-03-01T17:43:38Z")
I think the bottom line is that you’ve pitched your tent near a nest of snakes. ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 7:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/219 "2021-03-01T19:09:39Z")
It is a Saga now. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [March 1, 2021, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/220 "2021-03-01T19:27:00Z")
The OP was out 2500 dollars (1500 in cash and about 1,000 in purchases). The 1,500 has been replaced. What about the purchases? Those, I see, were refunded - but the bank is now out that grand. The OP may or may not wish to press charges but if it’s been reported to the bank’s fraud department, it may well be out of his hands. And I’m pretty sure the bank can do that even if they’ve been made whole. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=12)