# Pitting my future sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059 "2021-01-21T04:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 15
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/281 "2021-03-04T20:34:34Z")
> [@wguy123](#): > > Superdude seems to know it was her Yes, Superdude himself went to the bank to review footage. It’s not clear that the police reviewed the footage as part of their investigation. If they did, there would be little point to the “should I or shouldn’t I confront her” discussion. The cops would have been in front of a Grand Jury by now. It’s direct theft of $1,500, and the police did not so much as set down their Krispy Kremes long enough to review ATM footage of the culprit. We expect them to review month old security footage from Foot Locker so you can tag her with a $150 misdemeanor? Or going to a half dozen stores, hoping they each have good enough footage to prove she made EVERY purchase adding up to over $500? I’m skeptical that this will go anywhere with the bank. I’ve been wrong before, in this very thread, but I can still type, dammit. ---
**Author:** ![nelliebly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nelliebly/32/5422_2.png) [@nelliebly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nelliebly)\ **Post date:** [March 4, 2021, 9:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/282 "2021-03-04T21:51:42Z")
So at this point, what are your plans re: securing accounts and, and moving forward, how do you see your and your fiancée’s relationship with the thieving sister? ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/283 "2021-03-05T01:02:06Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > In general, I believe theft requires an intent to deprive someone of their property. If something is borrowed, even without permission, that is not necessarily theft. What if the OP needed money **at that time** to buy GME calls? What if he was late on his car payment or mortgage because of it. Is not he deprived of his property for what HE wanted to use it for? Would you mind if someone decided to borrow your car for the day without your permission or knowledge and you find out about it as you step in your driveway trying to get to work. Or would you consider it stealing your car for the day. This argument is like all of the people on the web that steal copyrighted material. Despite all of their protestations of what they did is right there is one and only one fact: **I** have the right to decide how to use **my** property, **not you**. And specific to this thread, IIRC the OP did not find out via a tearful call starting, “I am so so so sorry but I didn’t know what to do …” If the OP did not take the actions he did do you believe he would have ever gotten the money back? > From LSLGuy: For awhile. The OP said he’d totally overlooked that withdrawal until the bank pointed it out to him. Had she stopped after one the crime would still be undetected today. > From Superdude: My fiancée talked to her sister. Her sister is denying everything. Despite being caught on camera and identified by my fiancée, she’s still denying it all. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/284 "2021-03-05T01:05:49Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > The cops would have been in front of a Grand Jury by now. > > It’s direct theft of $1,500, and the police did not so much as set down their Krispy Kremes long enough to review ATM footage of the culprit. I believe this is a Federal crime so that may part of the delay or local cops are not investigating because the Feds are all about Jurisdiction™ ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 1:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/285 "2021-03-05T01:25:58Z")
Could be a fed crime but doesn’t have to be; I think we’re talking grand theft, which is a pretty major felony in most local jurisdictions. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/286 "2021-03-05T12:14:10Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > how do you see your and your fiancée’s relationship with the thieving sister? What will Thanksgiving be like? If thieving sister comes to your home will you lock up your valuables? Go through her purse and pockets before she leaves? ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/287 "2021-03-05T12:39:39Z")
My fiancée is under strict instructions that her sister is no longer allowed in our house. And I will not be attending any family functions while her sister is there. Fiancée realizes that her sister is dead to me. And she says she’s going to be taking steps to remove her sister from her life, as well. ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 1:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/288 "2021-03-05T13:49:50Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I believe this is a Federal crime When I was on a local Grand Jury, (every Thursday for 18 weeks, yay!) I’m sure we had cases of stolen credit cards being used, so that crime is not inherently Federal. I don’t recall any cases of stolen ATM cards used to get cash, but that’s not surprising as ATM cards need a PIN and everyone knows they have cameras. But, I expect using an ATM would violate the same fraud laws as pretending to be the owner of a stolen credit card. By that I mean, IANAL, but I did have a lawyer read me the fraud laws so that I could participate in fraud cases. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/289 "2021-03-05T15:15:12Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > My fiancée is under strict instructions that her sister is no longer allowed in our house. And I will not be attending any family functions while her sister is there. > > Fiancée realizes that her sister is dead to me. And she says she’s going to be taking steps to remove her sister from her life, as well. I don’t think you will regret this. You got burned and are reacting appropriately. I’m glad your fiancee is cooperating; any reasonable person would. ---
**Author:** ![Saint\_Cad](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/saint_cad/32/18907_2.png) [@Saint\_Cad](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Saint_Cad)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 5:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/290 "2021-03-05T17:33:19Z")
> [@Cheesesteak](#): > > When I was on a local Grand Jury, (every Thursday for 18 weeks, yay!) I’m sure we had cases of stolen credit cards being used, so that crime is not inherently Federal. I thought Bank crime = Feds; end of discussion. I guess there are crimes in both jurisdiction with this sort of stuff. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 5:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/291 "2021-03-05T17:51:56Z")
Feds would probably get involved if it were a case in which someone were committing fraud with a perp in one state and victim in another. They probably could be involved here if there was a complaint filed directly to their offices, but fraud is a local crime as well and local agencies are more than willing and able to handle it. ---
**Author:** ![The.Undeposable.Hand](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the.undeposable.hand/32/5594_2.png) [@The.Undeposable.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The.Undeposable.Hand)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/292 "2021-03-05T20:13:59Z")
How does SIL feel about being excluded from the wedding? Has that been communicated? ---
**Author:** ![MikeF](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@MikeF](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MikeF)\ **Post date:** [March 5, 2021, 11:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/293 "2021-03-05T23:40:28Z")
"My fiancée is under strict instructions that her sister is no longer allowed in our house. And I will not be attending any family functions while her sister is there. Fiancée realizes that her sister is dead to me. And she says she’s going to be taking steps to remove her sister from her life, as well." Perfect response, in my opinion. A valuable lesson learned at some cost. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Feldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lord_feldon/32/341_2.png) [@Lord\_Feldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Feldon)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/294 "2021-03-06T02:10:17Z")
> [@Saint\_Cad](#): > > I thought Bank crime = Feds; end of discussion. I guess there are crimes in both jurisdiction with this sort of stuff. The federal government has jurisdiction over many more crimes than it actually has the resources to prosecute, so it typically leaves the small stuff to state/local authorities. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/295 "2021-03-06T02:52:03Z")
There’s not going to be a big, fancy wedding. We’ve always just said we’d go to the courthouse and do it. No fuss, no muss. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/296 "2021-03-06T03:29:10Z")
> [@MikeF](#): > > "My fiancée is under strict instructions that her sister is no longer allowed in our house. And I will not be attending any family functions while her sister is there. > > Fiancée realizes that her sister is dead to me. And she says she’s going to be taking steps to remove her sister from her life, as well." > > Perfect response, in my opinion. A valuable lesson learned at some cost. I’m very encouraged that the fiancée is choosing ‘superhubby’ over sister. It’s got to be tough on her to choose future family over current one. ---
**Author:** ![DavidNRockies](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/davidnrockies/32/6279_2.png) [@DavidNRockies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DavidNRockies)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/297 "2021-03-06T04:07:05Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > There’s not going to be a big, fancy wedding. We’ve always just said we’d go to the courthouse and do it. No fuss, no muss. This being the Pit and all, I hope you’ll forgive me a bit of levity at their expense. Oh, nice. Most of your in-laws were probably already going to be there anyway ! ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 4:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/298 "2021-03-06T04:29:48Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > My fiancée is under strict instructions That sounds like a healthy way to make decisions in your relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/299 "2021-03-06T05:22:20Z")
As long as it’s not just one side making the rules it’s perfectly healthy. ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [March 6, 2021, 5:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/300 "2021-03-06T05:37:21Z")
If I am “under instructions”, it was not a collaborative decision-making process. “We decided to not let her in the house” vs “my fiance is under instructions to not let her in the house”. This is maybe a side-track, but just one more red flag for me about the health of this relationship over all. My wife would never be “under instruction” from me; the concept feels gross. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=14) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=16)