# Pitting my future sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059 "2021-01-21T04:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/21 "2021-01-21T14:00:10Z")
Unless she has one hell of an explanation (kidnappers have her child and demanded $2500 ransom) you’re going to be in an awkward situation. I’m assuming at some point that the police will arrest her. Will that be the way she learns that you are onto her? ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/22 "2021-01-21T14:05:45Z")
How did FSIL get ahold of the ATM card? Did I miss that part? ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/23 "2021-01-21T14:07:31Z")
He works nights and was asleep. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/24 "2021-01-21T14:09:19Z")
I work nights, and sleep during the day. I have a suspicion that she slid the card out of my wallet while I was sleeping, and slid it back before I woke up. Our place is big and spacious, and we almost never close any of our interior doors. Saying that she was going to the bathroom would give her time to sneak in ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/25 "2021-01-21T14:28:28Z")
Dude, this has the hallmarks of someone with a drug problem that has recently gotten out of control. Is there someone new in her life that may be suggesting these actions to her? If possible limit her access to your home to when you and your GF are awake and able to monitor her where abouts in the home. Also, you may want to secure the keys to your car to keep it from being “borrowed” for an extended period of time. Also consider changing the locks on your home and be on the watch for windows becoming unlocked after she is there. If this isn’t drug related then you have a much more complicated situation that may require psychiatric help or incarceration. Possibly both. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/26 "2021-01-21T14:33:30Z")
How old is she and what kinds of stores did she make the $1000 purchases at? Was that in a single shopping spree or was it spread out over multiple trips? The purchases make me lean towards out of control spending rather than needing cash for drugs. ---
**Author:** ![divemaster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/divemaster/32/78_2.png) [@divemaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/divemaster)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/27 "2021-01-21T14:35:00Z")
Are there any casinos nearby? If so, I’d suspect a gambling issue. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/28 "2021-01-21T14:35:40Z")
Sometimes drug addicts will fulfill an order from their supplier by using a stolen credit card. This is usually seen as a harmless action by the drug user because they know that the credit card company will reimburse the card holder. Then they get emboldened to just take cash because the dealer has all of the stuff he needs and they are hooked on getting a larger stash. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/29 "2021-01-21T14:40:13Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > They’re a pretty tight-knit family that constantly looks out for each other. Is there _any_ chance that the sisters cooperated on this? ---
**Author:** ![Eonwe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/eonwe/32/240_2.png) [@Eonwe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eonwe)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/30 "2021-01-21T14:40:32Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > To my knowledge, this is the first time that something like this has happened. My fiancée can’t think of any other times when her sister has done anything like this. Of course, that doesn’t mean that it’s never occurred before. Why did you suspect it was her immediately, when she has not history of this kind of thing? (just trying to understand the dynamics here). That said, I echo BippityBoppityBoo; this tension was going to happen at some point. Better now, and it’s great that your fiancée isn’t defending her sister on this. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/31 "2021-01-21T14:44:00Z")
> [@Eonwe](#): > > Why did you suspect it was her immediately, when she has not history of this kind of thing? (just trying to understand the dynamics here). > [@Czarcasm](#): > > Is there _any_ chance that the sisters cooperated on this? These two items are very VERY **VERY** important. {arms flailing madly} Danger Superdude! Danger! {/arms flailing madly} [![](https://img.youtube.com/vi/1IPPn9t6dyE/hqdefault.jpg "Danger Will Robinson!") ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IPPn9t6dyE) It is definitely time to begin to think about the unthinkables. Not to jump _to_ bad conclusions, but to avoid unwittingly jumping _away_ from necessary conclusions. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/32 "2021-01-21T15:06:22Z")
I suspected her simply because she’s the sister that is the most frequent visitor to our house. Fiancée has 5 sisters, but this is the one who she sees most. To answer the question about whether it could be a collaborative effort, I’ve known fiancée for longer than we’ve been together. Going back through our history as coworkers (we met when we were partnered together on an ambulance, a few years before we started dating), friends, and everything before we got together, as since, I’m inclined to say “no.” She’s one of those anal retentive people who will walk $1 back into a store if they give her the wrong change. She once called a McDonald’s after we left the drive thru to tell them that they gave us one too many McNuggets. If I hadn’t witnessed that, I’d have never believed it. Her core is honesty and integrity. I suppose it’s technically conceivable, but nothing I know about her would lead me to think so. ---
**Author:** ![jonesj2205](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ecc23a/32.png) [@jonesj2205](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jonesj2205)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 3:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/33 "2021-01-21T15:53:27Z")
At the very least she owes you an explanation. Where to go from there depends a lot on what she says. Although the fact she’s done it multiple times doesn’t bode well. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 3:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/34 "2021-01-21T15:54:44Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Anything over $500 is a felony, so I’m put in the position of potentially sending my future sister-in-law to jail. I don’t see the problem. She’s a thief, that’s what prison is for. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/35 "2021-01-21T16:05:52Z")
I’m interested in knowing what FSIL says when you confront her (you are going to confront her, right?). You shouldn’t have to worry about stuff being taken from your wallet when you’re asleep in your own house. > [@kaylasdad99](#): > > The thought occurs that FSIL may have shoulder-surfed your fiancée at some point. This was my thought. It’s not that easy to go into someone else’s phone and find something like a PIN. (Cf. my post about walking into a stranger’s paper-strewn office and going straight to the one document you need.) ---
**Author:** ![FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friendlycurmudgeon/32/5786_2.png) [@FriendlyCurmudgeon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriendlyCurmudgeon)\ **Post date:** [January 21, 2021, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/36 "2021-01-21T22:01:34Z")
Damn that’s a rough one. My first reaction was charge her. But since she’s your fiancé’s sister that puts you in a rough spot. Charging her with the possibility of getting a criminal record isn’t going to help anyone in this situation even though it’s the right thing to do. Especially since I’m assuming she either has job that obviously isn’t paying enough or doesn’t have one. Damaging for her in either scenario. After what she did you don’t owe her any sympathy though or try to help her figure out her life problems. I would acknowledge them with her and suggest she gets help for what ever is causing her to do that. You can also let her know for the sake of your relationship with her sister is the only reason why your not pressing charges and that she is not allowed in your house again until she pays back the money she stole from you. Whether you let her back in your house after she pays you back that’s up to you. If it were me I’d put her on another 5 year restriction. ---
**Author:** ![lobotomyboy63](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobotomyboy63/32/2900_2.png) [@lobotomyboy63](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lobotomyboy63)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2021, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/37 "2021-01-22T00:58:22Z")
I’d be really clear with your fiancee how you expect the future to progress. You can exclude FSIL from your home now because it’s yours. Once you’re married, future wife has some say who can visit as well, so if you’re hosting the family Christmas party, FSIL won’t be invited with the rest and how do you explain it to the others? And if FSIL steals something from your wife (when they get together outside your home), it still impacts you. Does she plan on turning her back on her sister or watching her like a hawk or…? I’d be interested to hear her explanation for why but I can’t imagine much that would sway my opinion. > [@kayaker](#): > > Unless she has one hell of an explanation (kidnappers have her child and demanded $2500 ransom) …at which point she should have asked for a loan, right? When I was growing up, there was a woman down the block who was a known kleptomaniac. She stole small things in store—she had plenty of money to buy them. The family made it known to businesses. It’s a valid psychological diagnosis and all that, I guess, so they were totally above board and would have gladly reimbursed any losses. I was kind of waiting for the fiancee to say something to that effect. > Typically, a person with kleptomania begins showing symptoms in their late teens or early adult years. The average onset age of kleptomania is 17 years old. However, kleptomania’s age of onset can vary widely. Symptoms have been reported in children as young as 5 years old, while some people say they didn’t notice symptoms until the age of 55. > **[Kleptomania Facts and Statistics | Kleptomania and Mood Disorders](https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/mental-health/kleptomania/kleptomania-statistics/)** > > People with kleptomania have an uncontrollable urge to steal. Statistics of kleptomania show it frequently occurs along with other mental health disorders. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Zappa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/71e660/32.png) [@Mama\_Zappa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Zappa)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2021, 9:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/38 "2021-01-22T09:01:44Z")
Charging (or not) may not be your decision. You’ve reported the purchases and withdrawals as potentially fraudulent and the bank has at least partly reversed the charges. At this point, the bank is the injured party. I seem to recall once reading that if there is unauthorized use of a card by a family member, you cannot opt to skip filing a criminal complaint, unless you want to be responsible for the expenses. Something else to consider for the future: SIL may steal from her sister (your wife) in the future if given the opportunity - which she WILL have, unless your fiancee cuts off contact with her. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2021, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/39 "2021-01-22T10:41:20Z")
> [@Mama\_Zappa](#): > > Charging (or not) may not be your decision. You’ve reported the purchases and withdrawals as potentially fraudulent and the bank has at least partly reversed the charges. At this point, the bank is the injured party. > > I seem to recall once reading that if there is unauthorized use of a card by a family member, you cannot opt to skip filing a criminal complaint, unless you want to be responsible for the expenses. The bank IS the injured party on the charges that they reversed, yes, but the evidence that FSIL incurred those charges is (AFAIK) only circumstantial. Unless they were POS purchases, and took place under video surveillance to which the bank can gain access. ---
**Author:** ![Si\_Amigo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/si_amigo/32/2877_2.png) [@Si\_Amigo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Si_Amigo)\ **Post date:** [January 22, 2021, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/40 "2021-01-22T11:50:16Z")
They have her on camera using the ATM. He was already reimbursed for the purchases. He already filed a complaint in order to see the ATM photos. It is his call now to have her arrested. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=3)