# Pitting my future sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059 "2021-01-21T04:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/121 "2021-02-06T04:37:20Z")
It occurs to me the hyper-honesty evidenced in the chicken nuggets incident is a reaction to something already known to be occurring in the family…something along the lines of proving to herself she’s not dishonest like the sister. Forgive me if I read that wrong. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/122 "2021-02-06T05:41:59Z")
“something along the lines of proving to herself she’s not dishonest like the sister.” Maybe not proving to herself - if the parents always liked the thief better, maybe fiancee got blamed for her sister’s misdeeds growing up. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/123 "2021-02-06T06:26:53Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > Different sister. The fiancée is the youngest of 7 kids, with 5 of those siblings being sisters. > > But, I’ll be honest, I never even considered that act in relation to this issue. I’m glad that you brought that up, because I’m now looking at this relationship from an entirely new perspective. > > I appear to have some soul-searching to do regarding the fiancée. But I don’t know that that changes my course of action regarding my stolen money. > > Looks like there are some heavy conversations in my near future. Keep us posted, please. Some of the speculation in this thread is so juicy that it drips with portent, and only knowing the actual _dénouement_ will let SOME of us exhale again. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 8:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/124 "2021-02-06T08:52:47Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > Unless she has one hell of an explanation (kidnappers have her child and demanded $2500 ransom) you’re going to be in an awkward situation. Did you already read the other thread? ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 12:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/125 "2021-02-06T12:04:26Z")
No… ---
**Author:** ![Cheesesteak](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheesesteak/32/3694_2.png) [@Cheesesteak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheesesteak)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 12:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/126 "2021-02-06T12:39:08Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > I appear to have some soul-searching to do regarding the fiancée. But I don’t know that that changes my course of action regarding my stolen money. Just make sure you put it in perspective. You are out $1,500, would you have accepted a check for that amount, knowing it would damage the relationship with your fiancée? As you said, heavy conversations are upcoming, be sure to weigh the pros and cons of the choices you have, honestly and realistically before doing something you can’t take back. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 1:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/127 "2021-02-06T13:56:39Z")
That was kinda my take on the situation as well and why I brought it up. I wasn’t saying that his fiance was somehow part of a scam, only that she is probably aware that her family has some serious dysfunction and has done shit like this before. And as you say, this was her way of telling him in advance, “_If your gold watch or something else goes missing, I had nothing to do with it, and if it turns out my sisters did it, I’m not like them_” ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2021, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/128 "2021-02-06T14:03:42Z")
Or that the fiance was the baby and took attention away from the other sisters - attention which they felt entitled to and didn’t get. This could be a case of perceived or relative ‘deprivation,’ and now her sisters are trying to even the score. These sorts of grudges begin very early in life. Sometimes the extent of the grudges isn’t known because children have limited autonomy and don’t make decisions that can be criticized the way that adult decisions and lifestyles can. In other cases, there’s already full-blown warfare that’s apparent when siblings are still children but the parents are at least able to keep a lid on the tensions and control behaviors - until the children mature and become adults. Then it’s open, uncontrolled warfare. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2021, 5:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/129 "2021-02-07T05:09:30Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > I went back to the earlier thread @stretch came up with. I now recall having read it at the time, but didn’t post to it. > > Today I found it interesting that the OP kept us informed during the effort to find the GF. Which culminated in him reporting in post #83 that GF had been located at home. The thread then continued for another ~70 posts. Zero of which were from the OP. > > That implies to me a LOT of OP-GF drama took place. Which is all very relevant to the next episode we’ve been yakking about here. > > Right now I don’t doubt the OP’s posting sincerity. I’m starting to question his decision-making though. I really don’t know how to make a judgment of the veracity of a story. I have heard terrible stories that turned out to be true and others that were fake. I think I would make a terrible detective. I didn’t read the other thread at the time. Going back now and looking at it after the event, there are a number of strange points which would be good to be clarified. There are some details that don’t seem to add up in this one as well, but all stories, true or not, are not perfect. Who knows about those sort of things? I do wonder why the OP didn’t immediately refer back to the other thread himself and why he says that he didn’t put the connection together himself. If this story is true, which I have no opinion on it one way or the other, then I agree that his decision making is not the best. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2021, 5:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/130 "2021-02-07T05:16:00Z")
But no matter what happened, or what’s going to happen, we care about you, @superdude Really hope this works out somehow… keep us posted. Wish we could help (need a pot luck intervention with street performers and a Weird Al cover band?). ---
**Author:** ![Newtosite](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/newtosite/32/8623_2.png) [@Newtosite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Newtosite)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2021, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/131 "2021-02-07T10:40:29Z")
Great catch, stretch! ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2021, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/132 "2021-02-07T11:04:44Z")
Yes, it is. I thought I’d answered you before, but apparently not. ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 7:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/133 "2021-02-08T07:50:26Z")
Here’s the latest: I took fiancée to the bank to see the footage (I believe I mentioned that upthread). Friday, fiancée and I took her mother to the bank to see the footage, as well. Fiancée had informed Mom of what was going on, and Mom said that she wanted to be there for the conversation. I figured that, if Mom is there, she could be a good ally to have. Fiancée asked SIL to come over to our place, and she did. I broached the subject by telling her that I was aware of her accessing my account. She denied it. Her mother started reading her the riot act about being raised better than that. I told SIL that, if she’d needed money, she could have come to us. If the reason for needed money is legit, we could certainly have worked things out. I told her that, if she gives me the money back, bygones are bygones. I don’t want to send her to jail. If she gives me part of it back, we’ll work something out regarding the rest. But, I told her, if she tries to dodge me, I’ll press charges (this may not be true…I’m hoping that the threat is enough without putting me in a position to have to make that decision) She still denies that it’s her, but she mentioned paying me back, so I figure that’s a partial win, at worst. And I’m going to give her the opportunity to make good on her word. But I’m very skeptical about it. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/134 "2021-02-08T08:09:04Z")
Friend, she’s used to saying “It’s not me” and having people believe her when it’s quite clearly her. The only reason she mentioned paying you back is because you’re not one of the people who’s been letting her get away with it for her entire life and she thinks saying she’ll pay you back is the way to prevent you from making good on your stated courese of action, i.e. legal consequences. You’ll never see a penny from her unless you sit her down, tell her this is not a discussion, have her sign a promissory note or contract with scheduled payments, and the first payment due right now, no other discussion. If she does not do that, she’s going to stiff you plus continue the “poor pitiful me” routine that’s worked all her life with the people who’ve known her longer than they’ve known you. How do you think that’s going to go when you don’t have the home turf advantage here? ---
**Author:** ![Superdude](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/superdude/32/13450_2.png) [@Superdude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superdude)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 8:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/135 "2021-02-08T08:23:06Z")
Believe me…I’ve been taking the thoughts of all of the people who have responded to this thread, and I’m taking your words to heart. This is just where I am as of right this second, at 320am on a Monday morning (I work nights). When I get home, the fiancée and I will be having another serious powwow. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 2:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/136 "2021-02-08T14:32:01Z")
I hope this all works out because I’m really curious how the next sister screws with you. 😋 ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/137 "2021-02-08T14:50:40Z")
Take it from me, There are lots of other fish in the… uh… lake. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/138 "2021-02-08T15:12:38Z")
There’s also the occasional great white shark lurking. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/139 "2021-02-08T17:43:53Z")
Part I: > [@Monty](#): > > … You’ll never see a penny from her unless you sit her down, tell her this is not a discussion, have her sign a promissory note or contract with scheduled payments, and the first payment due right now, no other discussion. If she does not do that, she’s going to stiff you > … Even _with_ this arrangement she is going to stiff @Superdude and he’ll see next to nothing. His only successful recourse money wise is simple. Tell the crook: "Bring me the full amount in US bills by Thursday noon or I file multiple charges for your multiple felonies. " How the criminal raises the money is not @Superdude’s concern. Cash. Thursday. Or Else. Those are the only arrangements that have any hope of working. Part II: This bit is a gigantic red flag: > [@Superdude](#): > > She still denies that it’s her, but she mentioned paying me back, so I figure that’s a partial win, at worst. Underlining mine. If she can stare an irrefutable fact in the face and tell 2 close family members a bald-faced lie, you are dealing with a psychologically unhealthy person. That shit is permanent; there is zero hope for redemption, change of behavior, etc. That is the clear sign of a psychopath. Both you and future wife need to be 100% on board with that woman never being seen, spoken of, or thought about for as long as you’re together. Starting promptly after she ponies up the cash per the first half of my post. ---
**Author:** ![The.Undeposable.Hand](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the.undeposable.hand/32/5594_2.png) [@The.Undeposable.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The.Undeposable.Hand)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 5:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/140 "2021-02-08T17:47:32Z")
In the carjacking thread, you stated that fiancee had little to no relationship with her family. Is that not the case anymore? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=8)