# Pitting my future sister-in-law **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [January 21, 2021, 4:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059 "2021-01-21T04:53:58Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 6:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/141 "2021-02-08T18:18:36Z")
Well, obviously so if her sister is over at their house enough to be an immediate suspect. Of course, his fiancee might have been downplaying her relationship with her family all along. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/142 "2021-02-08T19:20:44Z")
> [@kayaker](#): > > There’s also the occasional great white shark lurking. I’ve been bitten in the past, luckily it didn’t cost me an arm and a leg. ---
**Author:** ![Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba9def/32.png) [@Just\_Asking\_Questions](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Just_Asking_Questions)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 8:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/143 "2021-02-08T20:24:34Z")
> [@FigNorton](#): > > hope this all works out because I’m really curious how the next sister screws with you. 😋 It’s both funny and sad to see someone in such denial. OP, how many chances you going to keep giving this family? Forget it, that’s a stupid question. The OP was played by Howard Jarvis at the end of Airplane! “Well, I’ll give him another twenty minutes, but that’s it!” ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/144 "2021-02-08T20:40:23Z")
I thought you said that the bank wouldn’t release the footage to you and that you had to go to the cops - did the bank change its mind? ---
**Author:** ![erysichthon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/d07c76/32.png) [@erysichthon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/erysichthon)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 8:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/145 "2021-02-08T20:44:26Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > She still denies that it’s her, but she mentioned paying me back RON HOWARD VOICEOVER: She didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Thudlow\_Boink](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thudlow_boink/32/320_2.png) [@Thudlow\_Boink](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thudlow_Boink)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 9:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/146 "2021-02-08T21:02:06Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > I took fiancée to the bank to see the footage > [@asahi](#): > > I thought you said that the bank wouldn’t release the footage to you IIUC, the bank won’t let him have (a copy of) the footage, but it will let him go in and view it. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 9:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/147 "2021-02-08T21:05:50Z")
I guess that would explain it. My apologies if I’m being insensitive. I’m honestly not trying to call BS but I am skeptical by nature, so when I spot possible inconsistencies, I ask for an explanation. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Atamasama](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/atamasama/32/12961_2.png) [@Atamasama](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Atamasama)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/148 "2021-02-08T21:44:24Z")
To be fair, pointing out inconsistencies isn’t necessarily a “gotcha” attempt, it’s also an attempt to help us understand and follow along. Especially if we’re giving advice; it’s hard to give advice if you don’t really understand the situation. ---
**Author:** ![FigNorton](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fignorton/32/5619_2.png) [@FigNorton](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FigNorton)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 9:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/149 "2021-02-08T21:56:51Z")
I gotta say, there is no damn way this sister’s first sketchy activity is sneaking into her future brother in law’s room and stealing his atm card after somehow getting the PIN. So your fiancee and future mom-in-law acting all shocked and bewildered has also kinda gotta be a little bullshit. Eta: Not lies! You know, bullshit. ---
**Author:** ![ratatoskK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ratatoskk/32/2987_2.png) [@ratatoskK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ratatoskK)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/150 "2021-02-08T22:16:25Z")
> [@The.Undeposable.Hand](#): > > In the carjacking thread, you stated that fiancee had little to no relationship with her family. Is that not the case anymore? I think the OP has said that was a different fiancee / different family. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/151 "2021-02-08T22:18:35Z")
I interpreted that comment differently. I thought he meant same fiancée, same family, but the stealing sister this time was not the carjacked sister last time. I also don’t think the stealing sister this time was the druggie sister last time whose debt problems triggered the carjacking/kidnapping. But I’m starting to get confused the more I read into it. I’m not saying my interpretation is any better than yours. But it’s clear there’s more than one way to read the sorta-cryptic explanations the OP is prone to. He’s forgetting that he has all the context and we have none. ---
**Author:** ![tripthicket](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripthicket/32/297_2.png) [@tripthicket](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tripthicket)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/152 "2021-02-08T22:56:32Z")
I do feel for the OP, and I can see there’s been a lot of thought put into all of your various replies. A _ **LOT** _ of thought. I’d use the word ‘aggressive’ for some of them. If I were the OP, I’d feel like I was standing about half-a-millimeter from a furious woodchipper whilst reading (some of) these replies. I sincerely hope that things can be worked out for you, @Superdude. Hang in there! ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/153 "2021-02-08T23:19:24Z")
> [@Superdude](#): > > She still denies that it’s her, but she mentioned paying me back, so I figure that’s a partial win, at worst. And I’m going to give her the opportunity to make good on her word. Unless she admits it, you’ve lost. ---
**Author:** ![The.Undeposable.Hand](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the.undeposable.hand/32/5594_2.png) [@The.Undeposable.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The.Undeposable.Hand)\ **Post date:** [February 8, 2021, 11:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/154 "2021-02-08T23:33:02Z")
If you declined to bring charges against one sister for kidnapping and carjacking, I’m sure the other sister feels pretty certain she won’t get arrested for robbing you. I would watch my back if I were you. ---
**Author:** ![Roderick\_Femm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/roderick_femm/32/14875_2.png) [@Roderick\_Femm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Roderick_Femm)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/155 "2021-02-09T00:42:45Z")
I’ve been following but not commenting. but this is where I check out. Felony me once, shame on you. Felony me twice, shame on me. I don’t see anything but more trouble coming. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/156 "2021-02-09T00:55:29Z")
One thing should consider is to put a lock on your credit. The sister might have gotten enough into to start opening credit cards in your name. The addict sister may try to do the same. Locking your credit is a hassle, but it’s much less troublesome than if you get your identity stolen. ---
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 1:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/157 "2021-02-09T01:32:00Z")
I was encouraged to hear that the fiancee and her mom both saw the tape and confronted the sister. (Though, how can Thieving Sis continue to deny it with her mom sitting there, having seen the evidence?) Anyhow, superbdude, as long as The Fiancee and The Mom have your back, things aren’t hopeless… though I’d bet on you never seeing a dime. And you’ll have to constantly be on the lookout for the next time a sister tries to pull something. ---
**Author:** ![Monty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/monty/32/47_2.png) [@Monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monty)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/158 "2021-02-09T01:39:12Z")
> [@digs](#): > > (Though, how can Thieving Sis continue to deny it with her mom sitting there, having seen the evidence?) Simplicity itself, my friend. It has always worked in the past. ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 2:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/159 "2021-02-09T14:16:13Z")
He said it was a different sister, same family - my read and recollection is similar to that of @LSLGuy ---
**Author:** ![asahi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/asahi/32/8693_2.png) [@asahi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/asahi)\ **Post date:** [February 9, 2021, 2:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059/160 "2021-02-09T14:28:15Z")
I would definitely start thinking along these lines, which leads me to a truth that is going to be pretty sobering for the OP: right now, I just don’t see how you can trust your fiance with your money. If it were me, this is the one of the first realizations I’d be coming to - that my fiance’s family cannot have any access to the OP’s money and the OP’s accounts, and that means that the OP’s fiance, in all likelihood, shouldn’t have access, either. There would have to be a reset in which it is understood that some degree of trust has been violated. I realize that it may not necessarily be the fiance’s fault or at least, it wasn’t her intention, but her access to his money, and her proximity to her dysfunctional family, is putting the OP in financial jeopardy. @superdude, **there is no other way to look at this**. You have to tell your fiance that any wedding plans are on hold and that you need to have your own separate accounts. You will probably need to talk about how to have some buffers between you all as a couple and her family. And I’ll say it now: I don’t expect the conversation and its after effects to be taken well. Even if your fiance is somewhat understanding, her family might feel insulted. But that is tough shit. They caused this. They’re not all equally responsible. Not everyone intended to cause harm. But they are the ones to blame, not you. And all of this is to say, you may need to ask yourself if all of this is really worth it. I know we want to believe “Love conquers all,” but frankly, that’s bullshit. That’s the stuff of literature and movies. It’s not real life. Sometimes you shouldn’t marry good people, because sometimes these good people, even though they’re ‘good’, can bring you into their world of shit. That’s a tough reality to deal with, but it’s the truth. As I said from the start, you don’t just marry the person; you absolutely marry their families, too. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-my-future-sister-in-law/931059.md?page=9)