# Pitting people who don't RSVP **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 23, 2016, 6:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625 "2016-09-23T06:14:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![running\_coach](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/running_coach/32/15836_2.png) [@running\_coach](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/running_coach)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 3:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/21 "2016-09-24T03:53:09Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > Maybe a bad time to point out there are still children starving in Africa … Trust me, even they find **D’Anconia** unappetizing. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/22 "2016-09-24T17:39:56Z")
> [@Baker](#): > > But what I’d like to gripe about is not those that don’t show up. It’s about the contact people who have booked an event, that call up the day before the event, and suddenly have a lot more people who have responded. At the last minute. Oh, will that be a _ **problem** _? > > Yes, it will. Depending on what’s being served we may not be able to prepare, say, for 20% more people, with that little notice. Oh god, yes. We just did dinner for a certain group last night, one that holds their little fundraising dinner with us every year. The lady in charge is apparently desperate to not have to pay for a single uneaten meal. She keeps contacting attendees right through the day of the event to verify, and keeps giving us updated counts that go up and down, up and down. That is really annoying when we’re already in the process of preparing the food. The count I heard is 160 people? Great! I get busy plating up 160 individual salads. Oh, now the count is down … oh well, the salads are already made. No wait, now it’s up to 173! _grumble, get out all the salad fixings and plate up more …_ One year they booked their event as a late lunch/early dinner … on a Sunday afternoon. They had originally booked for 200, but by the Thursday before the count had dropped close to 100. So the chef ordered enough food to feed 100 plus some extra. And, given the size of the group and the fact that it was a fairly simple meal, he took the day off and let me and the other cook handle it. And then … close to 200 people showed up after all, they ran out of food, and there was absolutely nothing we could do about it because it was freaking Sunday afternoon. > [@](#): > > Oh, and another gripe, when serving buffett style, is people that mound their food high on the plate. The more who do this, the less for those coming after. And the contact person who come to us and say we didn’t give them enough food. Well, yes we did, we set out the requested amounts, but we can’t help it if your people are pigs. One of the most awkward situations is when we have a group of 500 people, and their buffet includes me carving prime rib … and the third guy in line wants me to give him _two_ slices. I have to politely and tactfully point out that there are 497 people in line behind him, so let’s make sure everybody gets _one_ slice first, and then he’s more than welcome to come back for seconds if there is any left. It’s not like we can just toss another 15-pound roast in the oven real quick if we run out. Unfortunately, Americans tend to think that “buffet” is synonymous with “all you can eat”. ---
**Author:** ![Morgenstern](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@Morgenstern](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Morgenstern)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 5:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/23 "2016-09-24T17:58:57Z")
> [@Bear\_Nenno](#): > > Yes, those poor starving Lions Club members. No matter what, this food would not have gone to people “who need it”. So, there is nothing to be upset over. But the donuts man, he threw away donuts. He could have made so many cops happy with one phone call. ---
**Author:** ![Velocity](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/velocity/32/18006_2.png) [@Velocity](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Velocity)\ **Post date:** [September 24, 2016, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/24 "2016-09-24T19:17:04Z")
> [@kaylasdad99](#): > > Just trying to brainstorm here. Can we save the criticisms until everyone has contributed their ideas? AIUI, cooked food can go bad in just 5 hours. If the convention/event lasts 4 hours and the food wasn’t refrigerated, this is just too impractical a time window to make it work. ---
**Author:** ![Damuri\_Ajashi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/898d66/32.png) [@Damuri\_Ajashi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Damuri_Ajashi)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/25 "2016-09-25T02:19:51Z")
I recently had an event and one of the people didn’t RSVP until a few hours before the event. The whole purpose of the event was so that I could introduce them to people they should meet. They knew this. They still didn’t respond until hours before the event. WTF!?!?! ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 5:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/26 "2016-09-25T05:41:20Z")
Well, I’ve been on the other side of this. It usually involves someone who lives in the area, like I have cousins EVERYWHERE, who just got back to me and at a late moment offers up something that sounds better than going to a boring awards banquet and eating banquet food, i.e. reconnecting with an old friend/family member and eating real food. Sorry. I paid for the banquet and it’s my choice to do something else instead if I want. Now, I would never do this for somebody’s wedding or any instance where somebody else is paying for my food–in that case I will show up. But at a conference? Nope. (On my own, I waste a whole bunch of food. And I feel guilty. But just because I bought it doesn’t mean I have to eat it.) I know Denver has some charity that drives around and collects this kind of food and takes it to shelters and the like, and they do it with attention to food safety and getting it quickly. ---
**Author:** ![Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/channing_idaho_banks/32/250_2.png) [@Channing\_Idaho\_Banks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Channing_Idaho_Banks)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 6:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/27 "2016-09-25T06:12:19Z")
You would think that a chef would be able to do something with a bunch of fat-ass steaks that he has left over. ---
**Author:** ![nightshadea](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/7ba0ec/32.png) [@nightshadea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nightshadea)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 7:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/28 "2016-09-25T07:39:31Z")
I don’t know about specific states but CA sort of lets people off the hook about food safety if its donated … ie the free lunch place and donator cant be sued and the like … ---
**Author:** ![mischievous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c2a13f/32.png) [@mischievous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mischievous)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 6:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/29 "2016-09-25T18:41:07Z")
> [@nightshadea](#): > > I don’t know about specific states but CA sort of lets people off the hook about food safety if its donated … ie the free lunch place and donator cant be sued and the like … That may be true, but it’s kind of a dick move to donate food to the needy and simultaneously give a bunch of poor people food poisoning. Not exactly charitable. Doubly so if the target population has limited access to healthcare, bathrooms, or clean water (i.e. homeless or housing with communal bathrooms). ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/30 "2016-09-25T19:22:17Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > I’m talking about professional events that are booked **months** in advance. The professional group’s “event coordinator” sets this all up with us, and then spends several months advertising the event to the people in whatever profession it is. Like, “Bus Driver’s Union”. Hundreds of bus drivers say, “yeah, I’m coming”. The event coordinator comes back to us and says “300 bus drivers will be attending!”. So we start planning on how to serve 300 bus drivers. I don’t disagree with your rant about the waste of food, but as you describe it, the bus drivers DID RSVP. They actively said they would be there. You’re expecting them to “update their status” as it were, to re-RSVP with their change in plans. If I RSVPed and then the day of, can’t go, I guess I wouldn’t report this to anyone. I would assume they can gather that something came up. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/31 "2016-09-25T19:24:50Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Now, I get RSVP is for both “we are coming” and “regrets” but i\*\*n my circle, if you dont RSVP either way, we assume your not coming. \*\*90% of RSVPs I get are “we are coming” > > Requiring invitees to send “Regrets” requires them to do extra work if they cant make it. bolding mine Please don’t plan for an event outside your circle, because this is not a universal understanding. Getting no response usually means they’re not sure, and you err on the side of caution and count them in. ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 25, 2016, 9:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/32 "2016-09-25T21:06:27Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > … > > Most invites I get require an RSVP. If you require attendees to send “Regrets” instead, you are an asshole. Let me show you why. > > Annoyingly enough, this past June my cousin sent me an invite to her sons graduation party, and instead of asking for a RSVP, she asked to send “Regrets” if unable to attend. What a fucking burden. > > I forgot to send my fucking “Regrets” and the week of the party and this gets back to my mother, who is all excited I will be attending the party. I slap my head and tell her I forget, wont be attending, and she freaks out because now she is afraid my cousin is going to order and cook all this extra food because she assumes I’m attending. > > So, at the last minute, I email my “Regrets” to my cousin. > > Then, the Monday after the party, I check my inbox. I sent my fucking “Regrets” to the wrong goddamn inbox. (I did send a card with a check to the kid a few days before, so I think no hard feelings). > > Now, I get RSVP is for both “we are coming” and “regrets” but in my circle, if you dont RSVP either way, we assume your not coming. 90% of RSVPs I get are “we are coming” > > Requiring invitees to send “Regrets” requires them to do extra work if they cant make it. > … I don’t why this is such a fucking burden. If it says RSVP you reply either way. If the invite says “Regrets only” then you reply only if you are NOT going. This seems like the opposite of extra work. If you are the kind of moron who “forgets” until the last minute to courteously let someone know whether you will be there or not it doesn’t matter if it was whether you were or were not going to be there–they still don’t know what to plan for. In the extremely unlikely event that you were going to plan something of this nature, what do you think YOU would like to know? If that’s what RSVP means in your circle, your circle needs to find an etiquette book and read it and apply it. How hard is it to say whether you’re coming or not? ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/33 "2016-09-26T01:45:31Z")
> [@gigi](#): > > bolding mine > > Please don’t plan for an event outside your circle, because this is not a universal understanding. Getting no response usually means they’re not sure, and you err on the side of caution and count them in. No, that’s not a universal understanding. Where on Earth did you get the idea that “no response” means they’re coming anyway? 😕 ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/34 "2016-09-26T02:21:48Z")
As someone who organizes large events, I honestly do feel your pain when it comes to the wasted food. I also share your outrage about people who don’t bother to RSVP and then show up expecting to be accommodated. Bonus points for people who show up with more than the invited guests. (“plus 1” means 1 person, not 1 entire extended family.) I am the person who will look bad if there is not enough food, so I always have to over order. The amount of extra food that ends up being thrown away after such an event is horrible. I’d never blame the catering company, though. Its the non-RSVPing people who get my wrath. ---
**Author:** ![russian\_heel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/f05b48/32.png) [@russian\_heel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/russian_heel)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/35 "2016-09-26T05:22:27Z")
> [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](#): > > If that’s what RSVP means in your circle, your circle needs to find an etiquette book and read it and apply it. How hard is it to say whether you’re coming or not? Why would I waste my money on an etiquette book when all I have to do is look to you for advice. That way, one day I can live up to your high standards. ---
**Author:** ![gigi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a587f6/32.png) [@gigi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gigi)\ **Post date:** [September 26, 2016, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/36 "2016-09-26T22:38:55Z")
> [@D\_Anconia](#): > > No, that’s not a universal understanding. Where on Earth did you get the idea that “no response” means they’re coming anyway? 😕 I don’t remember saying that; I remember saying it means they’re not sure (not that they are not coming, per **russian heel** ’s interpretation). In effect, it means I don’t know if they’re coming, and I better have enough food in case they do. ---
**Author:** ![Mister\_Rik](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mister_rik/32/491_2.png) [@Mister\_Rik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mister_Rik)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2016, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/37 "2016-09-27T00:31:32Z")
> [@Velocity](#): > > AIUI, cooked food can go bad in just 5 hours. If the convention/event lasts 4 hours and the food wasn’t refrigerated, this is just too impractical a time window to make it work. The laws around here specify that we cannot leave food on a buffet line for more than one hour, so it’s worked into the planning that the buffet will open at, say, 7:00, and the guests will have until 8:00 to grab what they want. Any food that was on the the buffet line is either eaten by the staff afterward, or discarded. Any food that never made it to the buffet line is moved from the hot-holding box to the refrigerator, if it is something that can be reheated or re-used some other way. The poster you replied to was suggesting, if I understood correctly, taking the leftovers and giving them directly to the local homeless people. That would be … impractical. We’re a “cater-in” outfit. That is, we cater events that are held on our own premises (city-owned convention center). Because we don’t “cater out”, we don’t have the necessary equipment for keeping food hot/cold outside of the building. And in any case, it’s kind of silly to hand out food that will need to be reheated to people who have no good way to do that. And so, when we can, we donate leftovers to the local shelter. > [@gigi](#): > > I don’t disagree with your rant about the waste of food, but as you describe it, the bus drivers DID RSVP. They actively said they would be there. You’re expecting them to “update their status” as it were, to re-RSVP with their change in plans. If I RSVPed and then the day of, can’t go, I guess I wouldn’t report this to anyone. I would assume they can gather that something came up. Yes, I misused “RSVP”. It sounds like what I meant was “regrets”. The events I was talking about are generally “professional” conferences of one sort or another, and as I mentioned, they’re booked months in advance. It works something like this (note: the “event planner” mentioned below is the outside representative of an organization, not one of our people): • Event planner books the event with us and provides an estimate of how many people are expected to attend. • Event planner advertises the event and starts signing people up and collecting fees if necessary. • As the event date draws near, the event planner will update the attendance estimate based upon how many people have actually said, “yes, I’m coming”. • The “no refund” day arrives. This is typically 2-3 business days before the event starts. This is the date when the event planner must finalize the attendance total. That’s because the Executive Chef needs to determine how much food to order\*, place the order, and have it arrive in time for the kitchen to prepare it. Once the Chef has ordered the food, the group is paying for it. Because _we_ have paid for it, and need that return. - Unlike a restaurant, we don’t constantly keep “everything” on hand. Aside from non-perishable staples, we don’t stock anything until an even requires it. So my complaint is based on people, who may have signed up and paid months in advance, having right up until three days before the event to cancel … and instead they just don’t show up. There is always the expectation that a few people will have last-minute change-of-plans, but I’m complaining about situations where a full third of of the attendees fail to appear. Seriously, _that many_ people suddenly had “something came up at the last minute”? And that’s just for a one-off dinner. Some “events” can last for a few days and include 2-3 meals per day plus snacks/pastries between meals. That can add up to thousands of wasted dollars. Sure, after the first day, when it is obvious the headcount is far below what was expected, we can make adjustments and prepare less food, but if we’ve already ordered the food in, somebody’s got to pay for it. If it’s frozen stuff we can just leave in the freezer and use later, or stuff we can return to our supplier, we can knock that off the bill, but if there’s a bunch of perishable produce and the like that we can’t return and isn’t going to stay good until the next event somebody’s paying for it. ---
**Author:** ![D\_Anconia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/67e7ee/32.png) [@D\_Anconia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/D_Anconia)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2016, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/38 "2016-09-27T01:12:37Z")
> [@russian\_heel](#): > > Why would I waste my money on an etiquette book when all I have to do is look to you for advice. That way, one day I can live up to your high standards. It’s not about higher standards, but common decency. If someone is offering hospitality, including food, beverages, entertainment/socializing, it’s beyond rude not to RSVP. ---
**Author:** ![Balthisar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/balthisar/32/2825_2.png) [@Balthisar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Balthisar)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2016, 11:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/39 "2016-09-27T11:16:51Z")
> [@Mister\_Rik](#): > > The actual food supplies need to be ordered far enough in advance to allow us cooks enough time to get everything ready. _And once that food is ordered, we’re stuck with it_. Most food, especially perishables, can’t just be sent back. Since event food that’s not cooked fresh always tends to kind of suck anyway, why not just use canned tomatoes, canned salmon, canned asparagus, and potato flakes from a box? Leftovers can be saved to cover for future shortages. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [September 27, 2016, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625/40 "2016-09-27T12:20:23Z")
> [@watchwolf49](#): > > Maybe a bad time to point out there are still children starving in Africa … They shoulda RSVP’d. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-people-who-dont-rsvp/766625.md?page=3)