# pitting self for being a sucker..(rambling) **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [October 9, 2003, 9:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453 "2003-10-09T09:57:10Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 15\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/21 "2003-10-10T04:08:11Z")
Boy, you are seriously in love with her and she is not in love with you, and never will be. Never, ever, ever. It’s just not gonna happen no matter how “there” you are for her. That little girl will never be yours. This is really entirely your decision to be abused or not, as her treatment of you is a crystal clear indication of her true feelings. You need to get your head screwed on straight and hook up with a real girlfriend, not a emotional puppeteer who you will come puppy dogging after whenever she whistles for a favor. ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 6:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/22 "2003-10-10T06:16:29Z")
Thanks to all, particularly: > [@](#): > > _Chimera_ > Think about this. IF you did have a relationship with her, what kind of personal hell would you be put through? and > [@](#): > > _Astro_ > Boy, you are seriously in love with her and she is not in love with you, and never will be. Never, ever, ever. It’s just not gonna happen no matter how “there” you are for her. That little girl will never be yours. These things I knew. No not subconsciously, I knew. I just needed a few good dopers to help me screw my head on right. **Cheesesteak** and **lizard** I am seriously considering this delightfully evil plan. Update: I called her and told her that I could’nt do the loan. I gave her a song and dance as to why. She then gave me a song and dance as to why she didn’t answer her phone. Although at the end I told her to call me some time. Call me some time!!? WTF! Wait this will workout when I execute operation “money puppet”. ::evil laughter:: ---
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 11:53am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/23 "2003-10-10T11:53:40Z")
I get over things faster when I just break them off cleanly. I’m just sayin’, is all. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 12:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/24 "2003-10-10T12:44:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lizard \* > I think this is the best idea anyone’s come up with. She’s playing with you, why not play with her? I know I’d personally feel better after jerking her around a while if I was in your position. I’ve rarely, if ever, heard of a woman being such a blatant user. Tell her you’ll meet her somewhere and give her the money. Then stand her up. Repeatedly. Well, other than the “because I’m better than that” line of reasoning, the advice to string her along means he’s got to deal with her more and even act nice towards her. If he’s feeling wishy-washy about getting her back for how she’s been towards him, he could have real trouble with following through on his intentions. It might be better to just break it off. And if neither of those are an issue, she might later on cry to any and all who care to hear, “ **Tony** was such a jerk; I needed his help to keep from getting evicted and he told me he would, but then he just strung me along, making promises and then breaking them. I think he just wanted to get me in bed before he’d help me out - you know how he’d always been after me.” People who don’t know the real story (including potential future girlfriend candidates for him) might believe her. ---
**Author:** ![Anonymous\_Coward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/94ad74/32.png) [@Anonymous\_Coward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anonymous_Coward)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2003, 1:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/25 "2003-10-10T13:32:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*Well, other than the “because I’m better than that” line of reasoning, the advice to string her along means he’s got to deal with her more and even act nice towards her. If he’s feeling wishy-washy about getting her back for how she’s been towards him, he could have real trouble with following through on his intentions. It might be better to just break it off. > \*\* Exactly my thoughts. It takes experience and finesse to fuck with someone’s head, and she has probably been doing this to guys since she hit puberty. **Tony** on the other hand is emotionally involved and may relapse. Cut your ties now, remember how she tried to play you for a chump and laugh when the karmic bus runs her over. ---
**Author:** ![Osip](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/4491bb/32.png) [@Osip](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Osip)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/26 "2003-10-12T15:22:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Zenster \* > \*\ ***Osip** , I honestly was tempted to add “and run like Hell” after my initial line of advice, but thought it to be unnecessary. In view of how screwed up so many people are these days, I could be wrong. \*\* yeah sorry, you are correct, everyone should know if you drop a live grenade run. _sigh_ Unfortunately RL people I have had to deal with as of late require the extra instruction. ---
**Author:** ![liirogue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dbc845/32.png) [@liirogue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/liirogue)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2003, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/27 "2003-10-12T15:43:12Z")
An update please? ---
**Author:** ![Tony\_Montana](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/278dde/32.png) [@Tony\_Montana](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tony_Montana)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/28 "2003-10-13T04:31:47Z")
I went to her place on Fri (or was that sat) nite. Anyhow we watched a DVD movie. After the movie I took her by the hand and asked her to tell me the truth about wanting to see me. To which she replies :\* " I just need more time"\* I said\* " No I dont believe you, please tell me the truth"\* She repeates same. I say “Vixen it would be better for me to know the truth and I’ d stop pressuring you if youd just say it. She finally says very quietly: _" I just want you as a friend"_ I reply\* " Now how hard was that?”\* She replies\* “I dont want to hurt anyone” \* The next day I call and ask if I could come up. She says _“could you come up later,I just woke up”_ I never call back later. Oh the money thing, at this point she was still under the impression that I was lending her the money. I told her that I was working on it. That I would call her the next day on her friends cell about it. The next day I called and said the same thing. She says _“thats OK I dont need it”_ BS she needs the cash, I’m pretty sure she she figured it out. A minute later I text her friends cell the following: _“Peace be your journey”_ As of right now I’m going through the usual “What could I have done/said differently” Knowing full well that there _is_ nothing else I could’ve done. I know I’ll get past this but… THIS SHIT HURTS!! ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e274bd/32.png) [@Boo\_Boo\_Foo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boo_Boo_Foo)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2003, 8:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/29 "2003-10-13T08:14:19Z")
To quote an old wise proverb - we choose our happiness in life, but we also choose our sadnesses too. The choice is yours Tony. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/30 "2003-10-15T22:16:51Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ferret Herder \* > \*\*Well, other than the “because I’m better than that” line of reasoning, the advice to string her along means he’s got to deal with her more and even act nice towards her. \*\* Not necessarily. There’s nothing in that plan that requires they be chummy, or even that they talk in person. \*\* > [@](#): > > And if neither of those are an issue, she might later on cry to any and all who care to hear, “ **Tony** was such a jerk; I needed his help to keep from getting evicted and he told me he would, but then he just strung me along, making promises and then breaking them. I think he just wanted to get me in bed before he’d help me out - you know how he’d always been after me.” People who don’t know the real story (including potential future girlfriend candidates for him) might believe her. \*\* So what if they _might_ believe her? They _might_ believe anything, and she might say anything, no matter what **Tony Montana** does. Sitting around thinking about “what ifs” is a big fat waste of time. He should take action based on what she has already done to him, not based on one of many hypthetical future outcomes he has no way of predicting. And as for worrying about “potential future girlfriend candidates,” well, there’s a lot of women in the world. And most of them have have never even heard of this vixen he’s dealing with. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/41988e/32.png) [@El\_Cid\_Viscoso](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Cid_Viscoso)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/31 "2003-10-15T22:41:38Z")
**Tony** : I recommend you rent _One Night At McCool’s_ and watch it with her. After the movie, excuse yourself to the bathroom and whack off into your sock. If after you reemerge she still has a grip on you, get yourself some help. ---
**Author:** ![Bone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bone/32/407_2.png) [@Bone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bone)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/32 "2003-10-15T23:07:11Z")
Other than your own personal morality, why not just be blunt? Tell her that you know she really needs the money, but you really want a hummer (not that the two are related in any way). If she concedes, still dont give her the money. If she says no, at least you gave it a shot. ---
**Author:** ![county](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ce7236/32.png) [@county](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/county)\ **Post date:** [October 15, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/33 "2003-10-15T23:31:19Z")
Give her the money, do her favors, chase her around like you are her lap dog - it’s ok, get it out of your system, after she beats you up and uses you up etc. you will be older and wiser; unless you are already old, in which case it is to late for you. ---
**Author:** ![Lizard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/dfb087/32.png) [@Lizard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lizard)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/34 "2003-10-16T05:43:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Bone \* > \*\*Other than your own personal morality, why not just be blunt? Tell her that you know she really needs the money, but you really want a hummer (not that the two are related in any way). If she concedes, still dont give her the money. If she says no, at least you gave it a shot. \*\* Hey, forget what I said before, THIS is the best idea yet! Maybe steal her car and break into her place and rip off all her stuff to make her a little more desperate, even. If you can figure out a way to drain all her bank accounts on top of all that as well, damn! You might even be getting laid! If she wouldn’t go for you even then, come back in a few days and dangle a baloney sandwish in front of her. She’ll put out. **Lizard** , who is going to hell for this. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453/35 "2003-10-16T06:32:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Osip \* > yeah sorry, you are correct, everyone should know if you drop live grenade run. _sigh_ Unfortunately RL people I have had to deal with as of late require the extra instruction. S’okay, same here. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tony Montana \* > … As of right now I’m going through the usual “What could I have done/said differently” Knowing full well that there _is_ nothing else I could’ve done. I know I’ll get past this but… THIS SHIT HURTS!! ☹ It’s sposed to. That way you have no further incentive to pursue such self-torture. You did exactly the most manful thing. You confronted her straight out and asked what she wanted of you. Most men don’t have the _ostiones_ to do so. You did. Be glad. Don’t whinge. You’re the better man for it. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-self-for-being-a-sucker-rambling/206453.md?page=1)