# Pitting UltraVires **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 22, 2018, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734 "2018-09-22T16:05:02Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2018, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/21 "2018-09-22T22:42:59Z")
The first time I ever remember seeing him he was still using **jtgain** as a username and it was a thread on the Newcomb paradox. There were literally 3 camps.[ul] [li]Those who favoured the one box argument but understood the two box argument[/li][li]Those who favoured the two box argument but understood the one box argument[/li][li]jtgain[/li][/ul] He went on for pages thick-headedly not understanding, despite multitudes of people on both sides of the argument explaining it to him. I painted him then as a moron and have seen nothing in the years since that would change my mind. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2018, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/22 "2018-09-22T23:45:01Z")
My main memory of him is that he thinks same-sex marriages will lead to people marrying their washing machines, or something. He’s that terrible combination of malevolent and stupid. ---
**Author:** ![Richard\_Parker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/35a633/32.png) [@Richard\_Parker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Richard_Parker)\ **Post date:** [September 22, 2018, 11:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/23 "2018-09-22T23:54:41Z")
Nm ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/24 "2018-09-23T00:08:38Z")
> [@Mr\_Shine](#): > > The first time I ever remember seeing him he was still using **jtgain** as a username OMG, that’s what happened to **jtgain**? I thought he must have taken a walk around the block and got lost or something. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 2:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/25 "2018-09-23T02:27:37Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > My main memory of him is that he thinks same-sex marriages will lead to people marrying their washing machines, or something. He’s that terrible combination of malevolent and stupid. Well now…MY washing machine is 18 or even a little bit older, and very nearly sentient, and practically able to sign binding contracts. Not to mention being pretty damn hot, when sheets are being washed at least. If I weren’t already a married man I’d have to consider going for it. I’m guessing your washing machine isn’t quite so attractive. Pity. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/26 "2018-09-23T02:40:27Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > I’m guessing your washing machine isn’t quite so attractive. Pity. Back off, dude, mine’s great, but that still doesn’t mean it’s good for much more than a tumble. ---
**Author:** ![iiandyiiii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/iiandyiiii/32/7924_2.png) [@iiandyiiii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/iiandyiiii)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/27 "2018-09-23T02:43:07Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Back off, dude, mine’s great, but that still doesn’t mean it’s good for much more than a tumble. I like to take mine for a spin. ---
**Author:** ![Ravenman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ravenman/32/2929_2.png) [@Ravenman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ravenman)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/28 "2018-09-23T02:43:31Z")
He’s the kind of lawyer who looks up to Michael Cohen without a whiff of irony. ---
**Author:** ![Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ulf_the_Unwashed)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/29 "2018-09-23T03:10:56Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Back off, dude, mine’s great, but that still doesn’t mean it’s good for much more than a tumble. A tumble, hmm? I use my dryer for that. But each to his own. ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/30 "2018-09-23T03:32:07Z")
> [@Ulf\_the\_Unwashed](#): > > A tumble, hmm? I use my dryer for that. > But each to his own. Maybe if you married one, you could change your username. ---
**Author:** ![elucidator](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/8edcca/32.png) [@elucidator](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elucidator)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 5:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/31 "2018-09-23T05:02:59Z")
Maybe does it all by hand. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/32 "2018-09-23T05:29:47Z")
**Lance** you win the Internet for starting this. **UltraVires** is a hateful, narrow-minded, illogical troglodyte. I pity his clients. I don’t know them. I may not like them. I do support a fair and equal Justice system with representation for all. This requires [del]good[/del] [del]decent[/del] some type of representation for court, but lord knows self-representation is bound to be better than having UV do it. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 11:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/33 "2018-09-23T11:05:58Z")
This was the quote I was going to Pit him over: > [@Can Democrats actually stop the nomination of Brett Kavanaugh?](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/can-democrats-actually-stop-the-nomination-of-brett-kavanaugh/820733/2140): > > This “safety” shit is nonsense. Any public figure has cranks out there running their mouths and making threats. She has half of the country behind her and there is not even a good picture of her. Her lawyer could make one phone call and have a team of security at a nice hotel anywhere in the country. ‘She’ being Dr. Ford, of course. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/34 "2018-09-23T15:16:49Z")
> [@Lance\_Turbo](#): > > Right? And he’s a for real in real life lawyer. I don’t recall his saying so directly, although he certainly implies it. My guess is he’s some nobody who learned a little terminology from watching too many TV shows, and tries to pass himself off safely on an anonymous message board. I don’t think he’s the first Doper to try that, either. ---
**Author:** ![Sunny\_Daze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sunny_daze/32/438_2.png) [@Sunny\_Daze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunny_Daze)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/35 "2018-09-23T16:33:30Z")
Did you post a link to this in the relevant thread? It took me a while to understand what this thread was for. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 4:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/36 "2018-09-23T16:35:47Z")
> [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](#): > > Maybe if you married one, you could change your username. Post of the week! ---
**Author:** ![Mr\_Shine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mr_shine/32/464_2.png) [@Mr\_Shine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr_Shine)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/37 "2018-09-23T17:07:31Z")
> [@ElvisL1ves](#): > > I don’t recall his saying so directly, although he certainly implies it. My guess is he’s some nobody who learned a little terminology from watching too many TV shows, and tries to pass himself off safely on an anonymous message board. I don’t think he’s the first Doper to try that, either. He’s not anonymous though. Either he’s stealing the online identity of someone else or he is a lawyer. ---
**Author:** ![ElvisL1ves](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/5daacb/32.png) [@ElvisL1ves](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ElvisL1ves)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/38 "2018-09-23T17:31:13Z")
I do believe he’s a West Virginian. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Lance\_Turbo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lance_turbo/32/6156_2.png) [@Lance\_Turbo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lance_Turbo)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 6:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/39 "2018-09-23T18:34:22Z")
> [@Sunny\_Daze](#): > > Did you post a link to this in the relevant thread? It took me a while to understand what this thread was for. He is aware of this thread. He’s probably reading along. Hey buddy. You’re a piece of shit. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 23, 2018, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734/40 "2018-09-23T19:44:03Z")
Being the worst lawyer in West Virginia is probably like being the worst stripper in Lubbock, TX. Pretty low bar, and the height you have to reach to be the best isn’t all that high, either. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/pitting-ultravires/821734.md?page=3)