# Platonic friends spoon, he gets a boner she gets upset.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011 "2012-11-05T22:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/21 "2012-11-06T00:49:59Z")
Goddammit, panache, don’t make me do that + 1 shit! Don’t do it man! ---
**Author:** ![SeaDragonTattoo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/df705f/32.png) [@SeaDragonTattoo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeaDragonTattoo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/22 "2012-11-06T00:59:06Z")
She’s overreacting, but I also think they could have managed something other than spooning for comfortable sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/23 "2012-11-06T01:10:22Z")
I concur with those who say that spooning with platonic friends is a bit odd. I suppose I could imagine doing it in a way but then again I would like to have sex with most of my female platonic friends theoretically and physically speaking, just like most men. Also the very act of spooning is peculiar because why would you not just lie on both sides? And finally how the fuck is he responsible for what he does when asleep? I assume he didn’t get the boner when awake? Actually I don’t think I would get the boner when awake if it was an obviously non sexual spoon, er unless I really tried not to in which case oops. ---
**Author:** ![Simple\_Linctus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Simple\_Linctus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simple_Linctus)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/24 "2012-11-06T01:12:50Z")
Erm again now I think a bit harder: what’s with this spooning anyway? Was this in Minnesota in an unheated house or something? Beds are pleny warm on yer own! ---
**Author:** ![Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/96bed5/32.png) [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patty_O_Furniture)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/25 "2012-11-06T01:14:50Z")
I’d be upset if somebody spooned with me and _didn’t_ get a boner. I don’t want to be the next best thing after birth control. ---
**Author:** ![squeegee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/squeegee/32/14537_2.png) [@squeegee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/squeegee)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/26 "2012-11-06T01:39:01Z")
Well, it is almost erection day. Maybe she should go to the pole. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/27 "2012-11-06T01:39:15Z")
This girl is either really confused about the plantonicity of spooning, or she’s just a drama queen. ---
**Author:** ![PandaBear77](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@PandaBear77](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PandaBear77)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/28 "2012-11-06T02:16:48Z")
Female here. Jane’s trippin’. I think spooning CAN be platonic … if the guy’s gay. Otherwise … ehh. It might be innocent and harmless, but it’s not platonic. ---
**Author:** ![Projammer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/projammer/32/559_2.png) [@Projammer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Projammer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/29 "2012-11-06T02:19:57Z")
Leaving aside the whole spooning thing. From what I remember of my 20’s and probably most of my 30’s. In bed plus asleep or nearly so will eventually equal boner. Even if penis had previously ensued. Now if he were engaged in some other non-platonic activity. Copping a feel or grinding. She would have cause to be upset. But just popping a boner? Not so much. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/30 "2012-11-06T02:29:51Z")
I don’t see how she could possibly be upset unless there was a lot more going on than just a boner. Or if she’s 12. ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/31 "2012-11-06T02:33:32Z")
> [@Inner\_Stickler](#): > > I think that he should have been the little spoon. I’ve often requested being the little spoon when I didn’t think I could promise jabba wouldn’t leave his hutt. Best laugh of the day. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![joyfool](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/df788c/32.png) [@joyfool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joyfool)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/32 "2012-11-06T03:16:26Z")
No comment on the appropriateness of spooning in general, but I think Jane is overreacting. If I’d been in that situation, I would’ve laughed and rolled him over. Problem solved and nature averted. ---
**Author:** ![Inner\_Stickler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inner_stickler/32/318_2.png) [@Inner\_Stickler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inner_Stickler)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/33 "2012-11-06T03:22:52Z")
> [@Simple\_Linctus](#): > > I concur with those who say that spooning with platonic friends is a bit odd. I imagine it depends on the crowd you run with. My college friends and I used to have nap parties at 3 or 4 in the afternoon. (I know, shut up. We only ever went nerdy crazy.) Everyone spoons together in a blanket nest for 20 minute nap, off to dinner and then split for evening clubs activities and rehearsals. It was quite nice, actually. ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/34 "2012-11-06T03:24:41Z")
> [@faithfool](#): > > If I’d been in that situation, I would’ve laughed and rolled him over. Problem solved and nature averted. He could only roll so far because, you know, kick stand. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/35 "2012-11-06T03:32:22Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > This girl is either really confused about the plantonicity of spooning, or she’s just a drama queen. What he said (except I would have said “platonicity”). 😃 Maybe she needs to be referred to that Friend Zone thread we had last week. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/36 "2012-11-06T04:09:00Z")
So whose idea was it too spoon? His or hers? Is the argument over his dick or him being dickish? I never would have spooned with someone I didn’t want to push further, even if I denied interest just to have more contact. Hey, I wasn’t always the most honest person in relationships. If there wasn’t any real sexual interest and it happened, then she’s not being realistic. If he was pushing things, even drunk, then it’s his bad, but I suspect that it’s still not realistic of her to expect that you can spoon without a reaction. ---
**Author:** ![MichaelEmouse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/michaelemouse/32/101_2.png) [@MichaelEmouse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MichaelEmouse)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/37 "2012-11-06T04:18:28Z")
Surely everyone knows how easy it is for things to go from one utensil to the other. ---
**Author:** ![gwendee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/35a633/32.png) [@gwendee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gwendee)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/38 "2012-11-06T04:21:10Z")
In my younger days I can imagine ending up needing to sleep over and crashing on the pile of coats spooning with a platonic friend, but we’d both be sleeping with our clothes on and I’m not sure I could feel a boner through two layers of jeans without trying to. My ex went to a concert with a friend-girl. Still friends absolutely not ever any romance between them. They went to the concert and over-indulged. Instead of driving home loaded they crashed in the back of his van. They way she tells it they didn’t start out spooning but she woke up in the morning with his hand on her boob. she didn’t get indignant. She just laughed it off. She’s still laughing it off twenty-five years later. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/39 "2012-11-06T04:24:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > What he said (except I would have said “platonicity”). 😃 Okay, you’re right about the platonicity part (except I would have said “she” because I’m a she). 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/40 "2012-11-06T04:34:39Z")
> [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > I’d be upset if somebody spooned with me and _didn’t_ get a boner. I don’t want to be the next best thing after birth control. > [@johnpost](#): > > if he didn’t get a boner then she might complaint that he thinks she’s ugly. I read a funny quote the other day about an actor (can’t remember which) who was about to do a very intimate lovemaking scene with a 3/4 naked very beautiful actress, in which he had to lie on top of her. As he approaches the bed, he says: “Now, when we do this, something is either going to happen or its not. Either way, I apologise”. Everything you need to know about woman and the erections of men with whom they are not intimate, in two sentences. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=3)