# Platonic friends spoon, he gets a boner she gets upset.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011 "2012-11-05T22:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8c91f0/32.png) [@Curiosity\_Kills\_Her](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Curiosity_Kills_Her)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/41 "2012-11-06T05:00:34Z")
> [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Was he grinding it into her back, because if so, he’s in the wrong. If he just got a boner, while drunk, spooned up with a woman he likes even if its not ‘that way’, assuming he wasn’t obnoxious with it she needs to get over herself. > [@alice\_in\_wonderland](#): > > Meh. I’m old. I’ve spooned with platonic friends. I don’t recall if penis ensued but if it did, I would write it off as a function of friction and boob proximity (as opposed to lust) and get over it. Pretty much, I’m **alice.** And I’m a little surprised at all of the anti-friendly-spooning flying around this joint. Y’all make me feel like a harlot.\* \*But not really. ---
**Author:** ![drewtwo99](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@drewtwo99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/drewtwo99)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/42 "2012-11-06T05:08:58Z")
As a gay guy, sometimes I have cuddled with my gay friends who I had no romantic interest in. I don’t know if I ever SPOOONED with any of them without intention to go further than that though. Sounds to me like this guy wanted more than just cuddle time with his friend, but I also think the girl is making a huge deal out of nothing. ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/43 "2012-11-06T05:26:09Z")
I’m voting unreasonable. Just because John has a platonic relationship with Jane doesn’t mean that John’s dick isn’t interested in a non-platonic relationship with Jane’s butt. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/44 "2012-11-06T05:27:15Z")
To be fair he might have a history of this kind of thing that we don’t know about. For all we know she might have already caught him looking at her ‘that way’ during one of their platonic nude oiled massage sessions. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/45 "2012-11-06T05:50:41Z")
> [@Crazyhorse](#): > > \ > For all we know she might have already caught him looking at her ‘that way’ during one of their platonic nude oiled massage sessions. Heh - that sounds about right. “But we’re just friends - friends can massage each other with oil nude, can’t they, without the guy getting _ideas_?” ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/46 "2012-11-06T05:54:44Z")
> [@MichaelEmouse](#): > > Surely everyone knows how easy it is for things to go from one utensil to the other. Absolutely. I think he really wanted to spork her. ---
**Author:** ![Crazyhorse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/crazyhorse/32/31_2.png) [@Crazyhorse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Crazyhorse)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/47 "2012-11-06T06:20:20Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > Heh - that sounds about right. “But we’re just friends - friends can massage each other with oil nude, can’t they, without the guy getting _ideas_?” I know, and let’s not forget the time she needed a platonic workout buddy for her kegel exercises. She \*trusted \*him, and this guy… well, I can’t even say it. He’s a perv - plain and simple. ---
**Author:** ![nion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/c5a1d2/32.png) [@nion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/nion)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/48 "2012-11-06T06:26:12Z")
I think intent is everything here, especially if spooning was her idea. Even if it wasn’t, she doesn’t appear to have been opposed. That said, perhaps she liked it and was disgusted with herself and played it off on him. I’ve pawned my guilt off on others in my younger years myself. I also must say that the last thing platonic friends do is push fun parts against each other without at least repressed desires. I again speak from experience. YMMV. ---
**Author:** ![Blackberry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecd19e/32.png) [@Blackberry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blackberry)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/49 "2012-11-06T06:39:49Z")
I \<3 this thread for reminding me of the saying “spooning leads to forking”, which I’ve always just gotten a kick out of. Even though I’ve spooned with a lot of dudes (and one girl) I’ve never forked. But it was never platonic on both sides, because mutually-platonic spooning is not actually a thing. ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/50 "2012-11-06T06:55:18Z")
I’ve got another theory, I think she’s stealth bragging about how her platonic friends even want her. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/51 "2012-11-06T08:25:04Z")
They’re both idiots for failing to suspect this would happen. Non-romantic spooning my ass. Imagine for a moment one or both of them has partners not present - would John’s girlfriend or Jane’s boyfriend accept: “We found a bed that we could share together. Being the close NON-romantic friends we are, we figured: No harm in a little spooning.”. No. Because ‘Non-romantic spooning’ is bullshit, in pretty much any situation outside of survival in a snow cave. ---
**Author:** ![mbh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@mbh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mbh)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/52 "2012-11-06T10:58:02Z")
Obligatory quote from [When Harry Met Sally](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098635/): > [@](#): > > Harry Burns: You realize of course that we could never be friends. > Sally Albright: Why not? > Harry Burns: What I’m saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. > Sally Albright: That’s not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. > Harry Burns: No you don’t. > Sally Albright: Yes I do. > Harry Burns: No you don’t. > Sally Albright: Yes I do. > Harry Burns: You only think you do. > Sally Albright: You say I’m having sex with these men without my knowledge? > Harry Burns: No, what I’m saying is they all WANT to have sex with you. > Sally Albright: They do not. > Harry Burns: Do too. > Sally Albright: They do not. > Harry Burns: Do too. > Sally Albright: How do you know? > Harry Burns: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. > Sally Albright: So, you’re saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? > Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too. > Sally Albright: What if THEY don’t want to have sex with YOU? > Harry Burns: Doesn’t matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. > Sally Albright: Well, I guess we’re not going to be friends then. > Harry Burns: I guess not. > Sally Albright: That’s too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York. ---
**Author:** ![leahcim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b4bc9f/32.png) [@leahcim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/leahcim)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 11:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/53 "2012-11-06T11:55:18Z")
> [@Mangetout](#): > > Non-romantic spooning my ass. I see what you did there. > [@](#): > > No. Because ‘Non-romantic spooning’ is bullshit, in pretty much any situation outside of survival in a snow cave. That being said, I don’t think there’s any particular problem with a not-otherwise-romantic couple saying, “let’s spoon for funsies, but I don’t want to go any farther than that”, however you want to label a relationship in which that happens. The issue is whether a certain bit of the male anatomy reacting as it does constitutes “going farther than that”. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/54 "2012-11-06T12:13:47Z")
I’ve done it with a girl in college who didn’t seem to think it meant anything, seeing as she had a boyfriend who we constantly talked about (and, when she let me read her diary, she wouldn’t let me read those parts, if you catch my drift.) And, at that age, that was far and above the type of contact that could cause me to salute. I remember the dental hygienist who was always getting a little too close, bumping into me all the time. ---
**Author:** ![don\_t\_ask](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e68b1a/32.png) [@don\_t\_ask](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/don_t_ask)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/55 "2012-11-06T12:23:41Z")
Tell Jane she can console herself with the thought that John was probably just fantasizing about some man. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/56 "2012-11-06T12:23:42Z")
> [@leahcim](#): > > I see what you did there. I thank you. I’ll be here all week. > [@](#): > > That being said, I don’t think there’s any particular problem with a not-otherwise-romantic couple saying, “let’s spoon for funsies, but I don’t want to go any farther than that”, however you want to label a relationship in which that happens. The issue is whether a certain bit of the male anatomy reacting as it does constitutes “going farther than that”. Absolutely - consenting adults and all that - but part of consenting is _both parties having a common understanding of what it is - not pretending it’s something it isn’t._ ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/57 "2012-11-06T12:36:51Z")
I’m sorry… it’s morning! > [@BigT](#): > > I’ve done it with a girl in college who didn’t seem to think it meant anything, seeing as she had a boyfriend who we constantly talked about (and, when she let me read her diary, she wouldn’t let me read those parts, if you catch my drift.) Would you mention it to her boyfriend if it doesn’t mean anything? This all seems like it’s venturing into “psycho chick” territory. Maybe kids are a lot different from when I was growing up. But spooning or sleeping in the same bed seems excessively intimate for people who are “just friends”. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/58 "2012-11-06T13:01:58Z")
Insufficient information. You do resalize that guys get erections while they’re asleep, right? On the basis of what’s been provided I can’t tell if the situation is: a.) They both barely make it into bed, end up “spooning” bgecause it’s cold or they want the protection or whatever, then fall asleep, and she is awakened by jabbing in the back by a passed-out sleeping guy. b.) He persuades her that they can sleep in the same bed, insists on “spooning”, and then gets a hard-on and refuses to move c.) something else, between these two cases (or elsewhere). ---
**Author:** ![StusBlues](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dc4da7/32.png) [@StusBlues](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StusBlues)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/59 "2012-11-06T13:08:16Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > (I mean, I don’t spoon with my chick friends) Well, there’s one fantasy shot to hell. ---
**Author:** ![UltraVires](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ecccb3/32.png) [@UltraVires](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UltraVires)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/60 "2012-11-06T13:11:56Z")
A young healthy male is attracted to a young healthy female and gets aroused when they are lying in bed together spooning? Stone him. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=4)