# Platonic friends spoon, he gets a boner she gets upset.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011 "2012-11-05T22:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/61 "2012-11-06T13:31:36Z")
I get the semi-platonic spooning thing, especially among the young and inebriated. But if you’re going to do that, you need to 1.) be the sort of person who isn’t offended by such a thing, and 2.) have the sort of relationship with your co-spooner where this wouldn’t be a big deal. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/62 "2012-11-06T14:15:48Z")
They’re 20’s, they’re drunk, she’s hot, they spoon, he gets a boner. What’s not to understand? That’s how drunken, 20yr old, men are when they rub up against hot young women. God made them that way. For a reason. She needs to get over it, in my opinion. ---
**Author:** ![LateComer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/b5ac83/32.png) [@LateComer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LateComer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 2:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/63 "2012-11-06T14:30:15Z")
Was it [more than 5 seconds? Is he Larry David? (Not Completely SFW)](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UW7s6ynwlpY) ---
**Author:** ![HoneyBadgerDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/honeybadgerdc/32/1033_2.png) [@HoneyBadgerDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HoneyBadgerDC)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/64 "2012-11-06T15:09:27Z")
I would think it more odd if someone did not get a boner when spooning. I have never successfully spooned without going all the way within about 30 min. I just learned what spooning meant this morning. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/65 "2012-11-06T15:25:26Z")
The one time I spooned with anybody, it was part of a huge pileup of people aged 18-25, all of whom had to take the same plane the next morning, sleeping on the floor at the airport. Boners, hands, feet and elbows in not-the-best places happened, as did occasional troubles disentangling, but nobody had a problem with them; we were busy being cold and trying to get more than 20’ sleep at a shot. Everybody was fully clothed and then some. It’s completely different from having some dude come rub himself against you at the bus, anybody who doesn’t understand the difference (in either direction) needs a reality check. ---
**Author:** ![Taomist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/53a042/32.png) [@Taomist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taomist)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/66 "2012-11-06T15:28:27Z")
> [@lieu](#): > > He could only roll so far because, you know, kick stand. I snorted outloud. SOL? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/67 "2012-11-06T15:39:22Z")
I’m a little put off at all the platonic spooning that’s going on, especially in the 18+ age range. Spooning is intimate. Friends don’t “just spoon” I don’t care how platonic you are. To build tangentially off Mangetout’s point about telling the bf - if it’s so platonic, would that guy feel as platonic if he contoured his body around another guy? Would she feel as platonic if she was being entwined in the arms of another woman? I agree. She’s a big, overflowing pot of vanity and insanity. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/68 "2012-11-06T16:11:37Z")
> [@msmith537](#): > > Would you mention it to her boyfriend if it doesn’t mean anything? Reminds me of the foot rub conversation from Pulp Fiction. Would a heterosexual male spoon with another dude if it “didn’t mean anything”? As for one of the early comments, without offering TMI details, from personal experience I wouldn’t take existence/nonexistence of an erection as a fail safe indicator of how inebriated someone is. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/69 "2012-11-06T16:21:17Z")
> [@Blackberry](#): > > I \<3 this thread for reminding me of the saying “spooning leads to forking”, which I’ve always just gotten a kick out of. > > Even though I’ve spooned with a lot of dudes (and one girl) I’ve never forked. But it was never platonic on both sides, because mutually-platonic spooning is not actually a thing. Spooning is the Gateway Hug ---
**Author:** ![sachertorte](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sachertorte/32/3727_2.png) [@sachertorte](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sachertorte)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/70 "2012-11-06T16:31:47Z")
Was he actually asleep at the time or awake? Not that it makes a huge difference. If he was awake, then yes, he could have done something about it like get up or roll over or whatever. I still think she’s wrong, but as a discussion point they can at least come to the agreement that “when awake and erect, don’t spoon” is a rule for them. i.e., now he knows. If he was asleep, then she needs to grow up and recognize that NOT getting an erection while sleeping is abnormal, and he would need to get that looked at by a doctor. ---
**Author:** ![Noone\_Special](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/noone_special/32/2863_2.png) [@Noone\_Special](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noone_Special)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/71 "2012-11-06T16:32:58Z")
She’s so bent out of shape for a spoon, I’m going to say the dude must have been Uri Geller. 😛 Really, in the first place, there ain’t no such beast as “platonic spooning.” Secondly, inadvertent boners during sleep are the rule, not the exception. Thirdly, she’s over-reacting. ---
**Author:** ![LurkerInNJ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/ed655f/32.png) [@LurkerInNJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LurkerInNJ)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/72 "2012-11-06T16:44:35Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I’ve shared beds and futons with platonic male friends before, but I’m not snuggling with you unless I want your penis in me. Same here. ---
**Author:** ![Sahirrnee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sahirrnee/32/13937_2.png) [@Sahirrnee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sahirrnee)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/73 "2012-11-06T17:01:23Z")
I can’t imagine spooning with someone without hoping he gets an erection. If I didn’t want him to get an erection I wouldn’t be pushing my ass against his crotch. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/74 "2012-11-06T17:08:17Z")
Meh. Mop up and go back to sleep. ---
**Author:** ![Agent\_Foxtrot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9fc29f/32.png) [@Agent\_Foxtrot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Agent_Foxtrot)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/75 "2012-11-06T17:28:47Z")
Complete overreaction. Guys don’t just turn of the sexual attraction switch like women do when it comes to platonic relationships. It’s hard-wired into our programming to want to bang anything that moves, especially when we’re in our early 20’s. I can’t see if this was in the U.S. or not, but if it is, then :rolleyes:. We are _so_ prudish in this country and it’s not unheard of for lawsuits to exist because someone saw an unwanted penis. :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 5:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/76 "2012-11-06T17:40:22Z")
> [@elbows](#): > > . . . God made them that way. For a reason. . . The reason being that there is no logical time to have children. She must want the human race to die out. Why does she hate all humans? Re: why spooning, was it cold? There’s another possible practical reason for spooning. The only time my ex and I spooned regularly was when we were visiting one set of relatives that only had one extra twin sized bed. Spooning relieved the feeling that I was about to fall out onto the floor. Re: was he asleep? He might have been awake and just hoped she wouldn’t notice because he didn’t want to move. If he was drunk and didn’t think it was important, himself, I can see him shrugging it off. Or not thinking about it at all. This is so very much nothing to complain about. The really odd thing, for me, is talking about it at work. If we’re talking about avoiding uncomfortable situations, I think I’d avoid talking to a coworker who talked about boners. > [@Procrustus](#): > > Spooning is the Gateway Hug Good one. ---
**Author:** ![Filbert](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/filbert/32/3433_2.png) [@Filbert](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Filbert)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/77 "2012-11-06T18:08:53Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > I can’t see if this was in the U.S. or not, but if it is, then :rolleyes:. We are _so_ prudish in this country and it’s not unheard of for lawsuits to exist because someone saw an unwanted penis. > > :rolleyes::rolleyes::rolleyes: Well, there’s unwanted penii and unwanted penii- even most countries where nudity is normally OK have rules saying you can’t stand outside a school in a trenchcoat doing the jiggly flash dance at all the girls. But I digress. There’s a few platonic male friends I would share a bed with, but other than a bit of minor embarrassment, it’d be silly to get annoyed at them if they wound up with a bit of morning wood, especially if spooning was involved, even if it was just alcohol and cold that made it sound sensible. ---
**Author:** ![corkboard](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e9bcb4/32.png) [@corkboard](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/corkboard)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/78 "2012-11-06T18:13:38Z")
She’s upset about the accidental hardon but not that his hand was on her boob\*? \*If there’s some other place for the big spoon’s top hand to rest, I haven’t found it. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 7:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/79 "2012-11-06T19:14:36Z")
> [@Agent\_Foxtrot](#): > > \ it’s not unheard of for lawsuits to exist because someone saw an unwanted penis.\ But how do you know if the guy wants his penis or not? The legal system is so complicated… ---
**Author:** ![Bridget\_Burke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7cd45c/32.png) [@Bridget\_Burke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bridget_Burke)\ **Post date:** [November 6, 2012, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/80 "2012-11-06T19:32:01Z")
Snipping would definitely be an overreaction! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=5)