# Platonic friends spoon, he gets a boner she gets upset.. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 5, 2012, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011 "2012-11-05T22:36:12Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 9:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/101 "2012-11-08T09:32:34Z")
She thinks an erection is some sign of disrespect? IMO, it’s the opposite – it’s practically a salute! ---
**Author:** ![Coustralee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f05b48/32.png) [@Coustralee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coustralee)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/102 "2012-11-08T14:54:39Z")
wasnt there a woody allen movie about this? ---
**Author:** ![Tristan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tristan/32/18058_2.png) [@Tristan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tristan)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/103 "2012-11-08T18:07:17Z")
I have spooned with platonic female friends, and in most cases, penis insues, but I don’t act on it. Some of the girls noticed, some didn’t. In at least one HIGHLY memorable occasion, it resulted in completely unexpected platonic friendly banging. That being said, I am not opposed to it, but I usually make an effort to NOT poke the lady in question. That’s the gentlemanly thing to do. And I have spooned with my best guy friend, but we were in the back of a truck going up 80 to Reno at like 5 in the morning in March. It was cold as hell. ---
**Author:** ![Otara](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/a88e4f/32.png) [@Otara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otara)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 7:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/104 "2012-11-08T19:10:28Z")
Getting a boner isn’t completely voluntary. Staying in ongoing physical contact once you get it generally is, unless he was asleep. This is pretty standard ‘she should have said no’ stuff, where the onus is really on him to have checked it was ok. Whether she was naive or whatever, it’s still primarily on him to act appropriately, if for nothing else because he was risking a friendship over and now has this mess to deal with, when he didn’t carry that risk if he’d acted the other way. Otara ---
**Author:** ![pancakes3](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ba9def/32.png) [@pancakes3](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pancakes3)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/105 "2012-11-08T21:58:15Z")
To paraphrase Nancy Sinatra, Penises were made for getting erect, and that’s just what they’ll do. ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/106 "2012-11-08T22:15:36Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > have said no’ stuff, where the onus is really on him to have checked it was ok. Whether she was naive or whatever, it’s still primarily on him to act appropriately, if for nothing else because he was risking a friendship over and now has this mess to deal with, when he didn’t carry that risk if he’d acted the other way. Oh baloney. More of that “I am woman hear me roar” (unless I wanna be an idiot and want to blame the evil men) BS feminism. The onus was on her to not be a naive moron. Hell, even Orphan frackin Anny knows 20 something year olds have regular boners (especially when half asleep and half drunk), particularly when spooning with women that are just this side of Jaba the Hut or better looks wise. ---
**Author:** ![Indistinguishable](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/90ced4/32.png) [@Indistinguishable](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Indistinguishable)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/107 "2012-11-08T22:55:20Z")
As I understand it, [QUOTE=Wikipedia] Nocturnal penile tumescence (NPT) is the spontaneous occurrence of an erection of the penis during sleep or when waking up. All men without physiological erectile dysfunction experience this phenomenon, usually three to five times during the night. [/quote] ---
**Author:** ![outlierrn](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/outlierrn/32/3005_2.png) [@outlierrn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/outlierrn)\ **Post date:** [November 8, 2012, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/108 "2012-11-08T23:16:04Z")
> [@Otara](#): > > Getting a boner isn’t completely voluntary. Staying in ongoing physical contact once you get it generally is, unless he was asleep. > > This is pretty standard ‘she should have said no’ stuff, where the onus is really on him to have checked it was ok. Whether she was naive or whatever, it’s still primarily on him to act appropriately, if for nothing else because he was risking a friendship over and now has this mess to deal with, when he didn’t carry that risk if he’d acted the other way. > > Otara Disagree, her issue/her onus. ---
**Author:** ![Find\_Friends](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/c37758/32.png) [@Find\_Friends](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Find_Friends)\ **Post date:** [November 21, 2012, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/109 "2012-11-21T00:08:16Z")
> [@johnpost](#): > > the guy was just being a spork. 😃 > [@johnpost](#): > > if she could control her nipple erections at will, then maybe she expects others have the the same control. if she can’t then has no complaint. > > if he didn’t get a boner then she might complaint that he thinks she’s ugly. > [@Patty\_O\_Furniture](#): > > I’d be upset if somebody spooned with me and _didn’t_ get a boner. I don’t want to be the next best thing after birth control. > [@Princhester](#): > > I read a funny quote the other day about an actor (can’t remember which) who was about to do a very intimate lovemaking scene with a 3/4 naked very beautiful actress, in which he had to lie on top of her. As he approaches the bed, he says: > > “Now, when we do this, something is either going to happen or its not. Either way, I apologise”. > > Everything you need to know about woman and the erections of men with whom they are not intimate, in two sentences. _ **THIS!** _ Imagine, just imagine, a man reacting like a man. Was “Jane” perhaps a victim of American “Higher Education” (such as it exists on many elite campuses these days)? ---
**Author:** ![the\_apples\_fell](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecb155/32.png) [@the\_apples\_fell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/the_apples_fell)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/110 "2012-11-22T16:03:23Z")
Sounds like the woman in question here is an idiot. How did she not think that a drunk guy, approximately 20 years old, wouldn’t get a hard on from that? ---
**Author:** ![hogarth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hogarth/32/1773_2.png) [@hogarth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hogarth)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/111 "2012-11-22T18:47:16Z")
This reminds me of a story my friend told me. My friend was listening to a radio call-in show and someone called in and started talking about how he liked to get “non-erotic penile massages”. That’s just one baby step away from non-erotic spooning, I think. ---
**Author:** ![Chef\_Troy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/85f322/32.png) [@Chef\_Troy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chef_Troy)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/112 "2012-11-22T19:03:11Z")
I’d like to join the group of people who are wondering why she didn’t just get behind him instead of the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![Seanette](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/seanette/32/9139_2.png) [@Seanette](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Seanette)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/113 "2012-11-22T19:53:50Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > This story came from a coworker of mine. And quite frankly, to here her tell it, cracks me the hell up. We’ll call my coworker ‘Jane’ and the guy in question ‘John’. > Over the weekend Jane and John went to a house party. While there, they both got way too hammered to drive. So they decided to sleep it off at the Host’s house. A lot of other party goers were too tipsy to drive as well, so sleeping space was limited. > > They found a bed that they could share together. Being the close NON-romantic friends they are, they figured: No harm in a little spooning. > > Well, the guy managed to get himself a boner. She eventually felt it and freaks the fuck out. Now she’s all pissy with her friend. > > My opinion on all this is that she’s being nothing less than crazy. I told her as much. Guys can’t always help that shit. Especially 20-something year olds. > > Her argument is that he is supposed to be her friend and respect that they are not like that. And that if he felt himself getting a boner he should have got out of the bed and slept somewhere else. > > I’m posting this as I am curious if there is a gender divide on this issue. > > Thoughts? Female, and I think she overreacted. I know just about enough about male functioning to realize that erection is involuntary. She could have just had him turn over or something. ---
**Author:** ![PatriotGrrrl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/9dc877/32.png) [@PatriotGrrrl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PatriotGrrrl)\ **Post date:** [November 22, 2012, 8:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011/114 "2012-11-22T20:46:42Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > I read a funny quote the other day about an actor (can’t remember which) who was about to do a very intimate lovemaking scene with a 3/4 naked very beautiful actress, in which he had to lie on top of her. As he approaches the bed, he says: > > “Now, when we do this, something is either going to happen or its not. Either way, I apologise”. > > Everything you need to know about woman and the erections of men with whom they are not intimate, in two sentences. I heard that was Sean Connery. And like many things, it’s particularly funny in his accent. 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-friends-spoon-he-gets-a-boner-she-gets-upset/640011.md?page=5)