# Platonic interaction with the opposite sex while in a relationship **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 10, 2011, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212 "2011-10-10T19:19:29Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/8c91f0/32.png) [@Bam\_Boo\_Gut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bam_Boo_Gut)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/21 "2011-10-11T02:47:46Z")
> [@Tastes\_of\_Chocolate](#): > > plutonic friends. **Tastes** nails it right here. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus and friends are from Pluto. ---
**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/22 "2011-10-11T02:59:45Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > Is she hot? Don’t scroll past this question; I think it’s actually important. If she is, don’t play coy; you know exactly why your GF would react at least negatively. ---
**Author:** ![even\_sven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/dfb087/32.png) [@even\_sven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/even_sven)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/23 "2011-10-11T03:07:20Z")
> [@CrazyCatLady](#): > > Yeah, that was probably not your brightest move ever. That’s the standard “couple” picture pose, assuming the other person in the shot isn’t of your non-preferred sex or related to you. Taking that sort of picture your mom or your guy friends is very obviously platonic. Taking them with some random girl you just met is…not obviously platonic. And you’re taking not-obviously-platonic pictures with some girl your GF has never even met, much less seen how you interact with. And then those pictures are getting posted on FB for all of your mutual friends to see and gossip about how not-obviously-platonic they are. Yeah, I agree with this. While it’s not sexual, it’s a classic couple picture. If it was a picture in a backyard or at a party or something, it’d be different. But specifically in front a tourist spot? That screams “Me and my girlfriend went on vacation to New York! Look how happy we are together!” If someone posted a picture like this on Facebook, I’d assume that the person they were posing with was their SO. Your girlfriend may be reacting less to the image itself, as much as to the humiliation that comes with having it look to all the world that your boyfriend is gadding about with all and sundry. I wouldn’t like my nosy mother asking “So, who was that girl that **kombat** was with?,” which is absolutely something she would ask and is always utterly humiliating, or my friends giving me pitying looks and assuring me that they are there if I need to talk to someone. It’s not jealousy, as much as not wanting everyone in the world to think my guy was messing around behind my back and I’m the fool for being with him. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 3:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/24 "2011-10-11T03:21:23Z")
You have walked into a minefield. You can’t win. Your only recourse is to something truly awful to distract her. Does she have a sister? ---
**Author:** ![Rick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9f8e36/32.png) [@Rick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/25 "2011-10-11T03:28:50Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#): > > We’ve been in a steady relationship since June of last year, dating since last April. During this time we’ve been on a couple of vacations together, and she’s even met my family from abroad. She has herself a rather high level of freedom; she parties pretty hard at the university, and has even been on vacation with her ex and their common friends (they still LARP together) without me batting an eyebrow. > > Also note that I didn’t upload the pictures myself, but my cousin’s friend. Wait, let me get this straight she goes on vacation with her ex and she has the nerve to complain about a picture of you with your arm around someone? Unfuckingbeliveable. To be blunt I suggest you run fast and run far from this double standard bitch. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 4:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/26 "2011-10-11T04:35:23Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > Wait, let me get this straight she goes on vacation with her ex and she has the nerve to complain about a picture of you with your arm around someone? > Unfuckingbeliveable. > To be blunt I suggest you run fast and run far from this double standard bitch. I wonder if she’s explained to him the difference between ‘my money’ and ‘our money’ yet. ---
**Author:** ![scootergirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e99b99/32.png) [@scootergirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scootergirl)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 5:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/27 "2011-10-11T05:55:04Z")
> [@black\_rabbit](#): > > Is she hot? I think that this is a given. As the old cliche/saying goes: “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Even with that said, this woman must be “hot.” If for instance she was by most peoples standards not attractive whatsoever, I wonder if GF’s reaction, or overreaction (however you want to look at it) would have been the same. :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 7:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/28 "2011-10-11T07:31:13Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > I wonder if she’s explained to him the difference between ‘my money’ and ‘our money’ yet. Not quite getting this comment? I never said I minded, on the contrary it implies that I trust her. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/29 "2011-10-11T08:21:47Z")
Was your ‘official talk’ before or after this incident? ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 8:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/30 "2011-10-11T08:41:05Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Was your ‘official talk’ before or after this incident? It was when we decided to be exclusive (i.e. a year and a half ago), simply to set up ground rules. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 8:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/31 "2011-10-11T08:57:50Z")
Did you raise this agreement with her when you were having this discussion about the photos? If so, what was her reaction? It’s really not fair on you if she agrees to something in theory and then disagrees with it when it actually happens. ---
**Author:** ![DWMarch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dwmarch/32/1010_2.png) [@DWMarch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DWMarch)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 9:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/32 "2011-10-11T09:39:16Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#): > > Not quite getting this comment? I never said I minded, on the contrary it implies that I trust her. Her money = hers Our money = hers Don’t get married. Just find some bitch you can’t stand and buy her a house. Saves a lot of time and trouble. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/33 "2011-10-11T10:05:47Z")
> [@DWMarch](#): > > Her money = hers > Our money = hers His money = no such thing I don’t think you did anything wrong, but what you explain of your relationship puts me in mind of the reaction a coworker of mine had when she discovered I knew her bf (we were classmates between 5th and 12th grades). She: tall, thin, blonde, blue-eyed party girl. Me: short, guitar-shaped, brown on brown brainy early bird. They’d been together since he and I were 13, the three-sided meeting happened when we were 25, yet she completely freaked out. Since they’re now married with three kids (unless I’m miscounting; last time I saw her she was pregnant with their third), I figure the way she is works for him - which is all I think you can ask for in a couple, that they be all right for each other. ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/34 "2011-10-11T10:17:02Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Did you raise this agreement with her when you were having this discussion about the photos? If so, what was her reaction? > > It’s really not fair on you if she agrees to something in theory and then disagrees with it when it actually happens. I didn’t, because I didn’t feel that she would find it relevant in her current state. We’ve had this kind of discussion before, and here normal reply is that “Well, if you’d crossed that line, you would have been unfaithful, and they we’d be having a very different discussion”. So while I choose to have a very thin line between okay/not-okay…my GF seems to have a gray area of okay/not-okay/stuff-that-I-have-a-right-to-be-pissed-about ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/35 "2011-10-11T10:18:20Z")
> [@DWMarch](#): > > Her money = hers > Our money = hers > > Don’t get married. Just find some bitch you can’t stand and buy her a house. Saves a lot of time and trouble. Ah, not an issue. Maybe it’s a Swedish thing, but we don’t have a common economy. ---
**Author:** ![sandra\_nz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/eada6e/32.png) [@sandra\_nz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sandra_nz)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/36 "2011-10-11T10:40:34Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#): > > I didn’t, because I didn’t feel that she would find it relevant in her current state. We’ve had this kind of discussion before, and here normal reply is that “Well, if you’d crossed that line, you would have been unfaithful, and they we’d be having a very different discussion”. > So while I choose to have a very thin line between okay/not-okay…my GF seems to have a gray area of okay/not-okay/stuff-that-I-have-a-right-to-be-pissed-about Is it something you could raise with her when you’re both in a calm state? Have the photos been discussed again since the initial ‘rage’? Or is the rage still on-going? ---
**Author:** ![kombatminipig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5ac83/32.png) [@kombatminipig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kombatminipig)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/37 "2011-10-11T10:58:40Z")
> [@sandra\_nz](#): > > Is it something you could raise with her when you’re both in a calm state? > > Have the photos been discussed again since the initial ‘rage’? Or is the rage still on-going? She just called me at work, in fact. She apologized and said herself that it was an overreaction. I told her that she doesn’t have to like everything I do, and that I don’t have to like everything she does either, but that I prefer to have a certain degree of freedom in a relationship; as does she as she’d like to be able to keep partying at her university and LARPing with her ex. So I guess we’re settled, this time anyway. Thanks for all the advice, everyone! ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 11:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/38 "2011-10-11T11:01:34Z")
> [@Rick](#): > > To be blunt I suggest you run fast and run far from this double standard bitch. …and there it is! ---
**Author:** ![IvoryTowerDenizen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ivorytowerdenizen/32/17937_2.png) [@IvoryTowerDenizen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/IvoryTowerDenizen)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 11:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/39 "2011-10-11T11:30:17Z")
> [@kombatminipig](#): > > She just called me at work, in fact. She apologized and said herself that it was an overreaction. I told her that she doesn’t have to like everything I do, and that I don’t have to like everything she does either, but that I prefer to have a certain degree of freedom in a relationship; as does she as she’d like to be able to keep partying at her university and LARPing with her ex. > > So I guess we’re settled, this time anyway. Thanks for all the advice, everyone! People make mistakes. It what happens when they realize they’ve made a mistake that’s important. She sounds like she is able to admit fault and see something from your point of view- good qualities, IMHO. ---
**Author:** ![robert\_columbia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e79b87/32.png) [@robert\_columbia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/robert_columbia)\ **Post date:** [October 11, 2011, 12:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212/40 "2011-10-11T12:06:52Z")
Somewhere out there in the world there are pictures of me getting a little cuddly with a female cousin, and I’m not afraid of them at all. She’s like a sweet sister to me and there is nothing inappropriate between us, nor has there been. Nobody’s ever complained to my knowledge. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/platonic-interaction-with-the-opposite-sex-while-in-a-relationship/599212.md?page=3)