# Please advise me how to live with someone who has quit smoking. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 28, 2019, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501 "2019-12-28T05:48:50Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 5:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/1 "2019-12-28T05:48:50Z")
3 to 4 packs a day. Quit cold turkey when he was Dx with COPD. i adore him, but I really really don’t want to go to jail. He’s a shit. And this is at just over 6 months quit. ---
**Author:** ![Isamu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/7c8e57/32.png) [@Isamu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Isamu)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 1:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/2 "2019-12-28T13:04:27Z")
Dx with COPD? 3 to 4 packs a day is a lot. I was at one pack a day when I quit. I quit because I wanted to so I think I was happier after quitting. What behaviour is happening? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/3 "2019-12-28T14:10:35Z")
Diagnosed with Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease. - Nicoret is available on pill form. Grind it up and sneak it into his food. - Have a friend hide your handguns. ---
**Author:** ![Bijou\_Drains](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bijou_drains/32/2814_2.png) [@Bijou\_Drains](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bijou_Drains)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 3:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/4 "2019-12-28T15:37:24Z")
Try going to Naranon which is for friends/relatives of addicts. There are meetings all over. > **[Nar-Anon Family Groups](https://www.nar-anon.org/)** > > A 12-Step Program for Families & Friends of Addicts ---
**Author:** ![snfaulkner](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/snfaulkner/32/433_2.png) [@snfaulkner](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/snfaulkner)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/5 "2019-12-28T16:30:54Z")
My uncle was about 2-3 packs a day. Now he swears by, and would do free commercials for chantex. He says it’s the best thing he’s ever had to control the urges and general assholiness. ---
**Author:** ![Turble](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Turble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Turble)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 4:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/6 "2019-12-28T16:33:56Z")
EC = electronic cigarette [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5677304/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5677304/) > [@](#): > > Although ECs are not risk free, they are much less harmful than conventional tobacco smoking. The emerging clinical evidence suggests that ECs are unlikely to raise significant health concerns for the respiratory tract under normal condition of use, even in smokers with preexisting lung disease. In particular, recent studies in COPD and chronic asthma suggest that substitution of conventional tobacco cigarettes for ECs can ameliorate subjective and objective disease-related outcomes and exacerbation rates as well as improving success in abstaining from smoking long term. > > If these initial observations are confirmed in large prospective studies, the prospect for reducing the suffering of many patients with COPD may become tangible. In the interim, former smokers using and smokers intending to use ECs should receive correct information about residual risks and potential benefits of these products. Physicians should consider all the options available to a smoking patient and opt for the ones that provide the greatest probability of abolishing exposure to tobacco smoking, including ECs. For many smokers, the optimal outcome may be a long-term swapping to vaping, allowing for the small residual risk for a higher likelihood of success. I know several people with COPD who have switched from smoking to e-cigs on the advice of their doctors – all of them have improved greatly. If you look into this, please look at the actual science, not the hysterical media BS. The objective is Harm Reduction, not Moral Perfection. Yes, I am addicted to nicotine – but now I can not only walk up the cellar steps without getting out of breath, I go for a daily three mile walk or 12 mile bicycle ride. I have been vaping for 10 years and smoked 2 ½ or more packs a day for 42 years. … and I like my nicotine. ---
**Author:** ![MandaJo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ac91a4/32.png) [@MandaJo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MandaJo)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/7 "2019-12-28T17:49:39Z")
I’m glad that worked for you, but if someone else has quit all nicotine for six months, do you think it’s appropriate for the OP to push them to start using nicotine replacement therapy? ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/8 "2019-12-28T18:03:58Z")
If it’s a choice between that and killing him… ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [December 28, 2019, 10:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/9 "2019-12-28T22:52:41Z")
Six months seems to be a long time to be a jerk after quitting. I was only at a pack a day, but I stopped being a total bitch after a couple of weeks and then moved back to normal bitch mode after about a month. Its probably not a good idea to suggest heavy drinking to you…how about taking long walks on a beach. In Tahiti? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2019, 12:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/10 "2019-12-29T00:48:19Z")
Maybe not living with him might help. I’m kidding, but you could threaten to leave if doesn’t get it together. Lay down the law. Read him the riot act. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2019, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/11 "2019-12-29T02:26:35Z")
> [@Isamu](#): > > Dx with COPD? > > 3 to 4 packs a day is a lot. I was at one pack a day when I quit. I quit because I wanted to so I think I was happier after quitting. > > What behaviour is happening? Wow, that question really made me think. It’s like having a newly retired hubby suddenly at home, getting into everything you do, wondering why you do it, what you are doing etc. Only he’s not retired. So when he’s home, previously, he was fine, sitting around chain smoking, reading, playing on his phone, napping. Now I guess he simply doesn’t know what to do with himself, and he’s into my stuff. Damn, I’m a selfish old bag. I need to rethink my attitude. He’s much more short-tempered, before he was the most easy going guy, I once watched him hang blinds all though an apartment and never heard any cussing at all. Now little shit sends him off. Yesterday I overloaded the shredder (getting ready for tax time.) I told him the red light was on (full shredder) and it was sigh, groan, sigh, “get me a bag”, then more sighing and cursing because the bitty little shreds got on the floor, just a little, but OMG, like TRAGEDY!! I’m not used to him being underfoot and following me and stuff. Add his tinnitus which seems to have gotten worse, which makes it hard for him to hear, so that when he asks me stuff, I have to stop what I’m doing, face him, and speak up so he can here. Sometimes that just annoys the fuck out of me. I am really really proud of him to take this Dx and stop smoking on a dime. I knew it would be tough living with him and I gave him (in my mind) 6 mos. I guess more time will be needed. He admitted to having really bad cravings all weekend. He won’t do the lozenges or patches since he’s come so far without help. I was just hoping someone else’s spouse or SO had quit and driven them crazy and how they handled it. And we did have a come to jeezus discussion, and he knows, but he says “it just comes out.” His temper. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2019, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/12 "2019-12-29T17:46:22Z")
I wish I could you advice, but I don’t have any, except to hang in there. For ten years after I quit, I fantasized that I would be diagnosed with some fatal disease so that I could go back to smoking with a clear conscience. I certainly no longer crave cigs after 55 years, but I am not going to try smoking ever again. And I smoked only about 25 a day. And for heaven’s sake, after he has put up with it for a half year, don’t get him hooked on any nicotine product now. ---
**Author:** ![peedin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/peedin/32/14095_2.png) [@peedin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/peedin)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2019, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/13 "2019-12-30T01:10:11Z")
I quit smoking 8 weeks ago after ending up in the ED with bronchitis. I smoked a pack a day for 40 years. At this point nicotine and other substances are gone from my body. Yeah, I still crave now and then. Yeah, I miss it sometimes. At this point I’m missing the habit, not the smoking. If your friend is really jonesing, tell him to go to his doctor and get Chantix. It turns off the brain’s “I wanna smoke” switch. ---
**Author:** ![tavalla](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tavalla/32/89_2.png) [@tavalla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tavalla)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2019, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/14 "2019-12-30T08:51:41Z")
This long after quitting, it’s not the nicotine he’s craving, it’s the habit of having a cigarette and all the enjoyment that came with it. Chantix might help - but it’s also got some [side effects](https://www.everydayhealth.com/drugs/chantix), including mental health ones, like the possibility of worsening existing depression. Still, might well be worth talking to a doc about. A COPD diagnosis is a big thing. Is there any chance that his mood has been affected by being told he’s got a serious chronic illness that’s going to be with him for the rest of his life? That’s a big hit to the self-image - you go through life thinking you’re doing okay and then, wham; sorry, dude, you’ve got this now. I remember when my father had a heart attack - he was seriously rattled for a long time afterwards, because suddenly, mortality was a thing, you know? ---
**Author:** ![dflower](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dflower/32/3270_2.png) [@dflower](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dflower)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2019, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/15 "2019-12-30T18:07:59Z")
Yes Tavalla you are probably right. This man is now facing a new identity. He was comfortable with the old life and now is very uncomfortable with the present and future. He self-medicated for years. He may have depression or anxiety or both. Please talk to him and try to get him to see a doctor. There is treatment for this just as there is for his COPD. Best wishes ---
**Author:** ![SmartAleq](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/smartaleq/32/163_2.png) [@SmartAleq](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SmartAleq)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2019, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/16 "2019-12-30T18:27:10Z")
After he sees a doctor, send him to a therapist. He needs a mental realignment and someone to vent to who isn’t invested in his habits and attitudes. His behavior is affecting his life and yours and needs to be addressed and you’re not the best candidate to help him through it. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [December 30, 2019, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/17 "2019-12-30T19:05:22Z")
Wrigleys doublemint gum. And it’s not nicotine anymore. While Nicotine is a heavy monkey, it’s doesnt take that long to get it out of your system. Op, do YOU smoke? Does he hang around with old friends that smoke? ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2020, 1:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/18 "2020-05-02T13:58:52Z")
> [@dflower](#): > > Yes Tavalla you are probably right. This man is now facing a new identity. He was comfortable with the old life and now is very uncomfortable with the present and future. He self-medicated for years. He may have depression or anxiety or both. Please talk to him and try to get him to see a doctor. There is treatment for this just as there is for his COPD. Best wishes Bumped. We’re having this very issue right now where my husband’s dr wants to treat the physical aspects of the COPD first before the mental reboot, so to speak. Husband was was 2-3 packs a day back when he worked from home and had his own business. He’s since dropped back to just under a pack, which for him is a miracle. Dr surmises he had several small silent heart attacks back when we were first married and caring for my mother. Heart issues run in husband’s family, so the diagnosis, though shocking, wasn’t entirely surprising. For me, the physically active spouse with the physically active job, it’s heartbreaking. Husband cannot walk our dogs, for example, without gasping for breath halfway down the block. He has to stop several times before continuing. He wants to do yard work and will buy the equipment and such, but he either won’t follow through or if he does, he’ll only do it partially leaving me with everything else. I’ve never had to deal with chronic illness before, especially with a relatively young man (husband is in his mid 50s) who, like most men, turns either belligerent or ignores everything entirely upon realizing that he is mortal. If I didn’t do what I do for a living, I probably wouldn’t be as gobsmacked, but cripes, I’m closing in on 60 and I’m no spring chicken either. I can’t do it all. ---
**Author:** ![DummyGladHands](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/49beb7/32.png) [@DummyGladHands](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DummyGladHands)\ **Post date:** [May 2, 2020, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/19 "2020-05-02T21:46:30Z")
I am the OP & we’re doing better. We did have a come to JEEZUS meeting at about 6 mos. & He’s doing better with trying not being snappy. But of course, with the quitting comes weight gain & then knee pain. We got the cartilage replacement shots or whatever they’re called, so that’s better. Effen quarantine isn’t helping with the weight, but at least now we can walk every day. Yeah, Kiz, you will be doing more, my guy gets dizzy spells,so I do what I can. Or fuck it, I hire it done. If he don’t like it, tough. And he’ll bitch, but listen, Kiz, I’m thinking you have to take more charge of things. It TOTALLY changes the marriage/partnership dynamic in ways I do not like, but He’s alive & we’re good. PM me if you’d like anytime. I’m considering joining a group called [Wellspouse.com](http://Wellspouse.com) for private venting & advice. I used it before when my second husband was diagnosed. ---
**Author:** ![kiz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/7feea3/32.png) [@kiz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kiz)\ **Post date:** [May 4, 2020, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501/20 "2020-05-04T13:33:52Z")
> [@DummyGladHands](#): > > I am the OP & we’re doing better. We did have a come to JEEZUS meeting at about 6 mos. & He’s doing better with trying not being snappy. But of course, with the quitting comes weight gain & then knee pain. We got the cartilage replacement shots or whatever they’re called, so that’s better. Effen quarantine isn’t helping with the weight, but at least now we can walk every day. Mine is on a strict diet regime right now and we’re trying to follow it as best we can (I went on it with him for moral support) in spite of the pandemic. He’s been doing very well for him thus far but his willpower is nearly nonexistent in some cases. I’m the exact opposite so I’m like, ?!?!? But I’m rolling with it as best I can while trying not to express exasperation/frustration/you name it. \*\*Yeah, Kiz, you will be doing more, my guy gets dizzy spells,so I do what I can. Or fuck it, I hire it done. If he don’t like it, tough. And he’ll bitch, but listen, Kiz, I’m thinking you have to take more charge of things. It TOTALLY changes the marriage/partnership dynamic in ways I do not like, but He’s alive & we’re good. PM me if you’d like anytime. I’m considering joining a group called [Wellspouse.com](http://Wellspouse.com) for private venting & advice. I used it before when my second husband was diagnosed. [/QUOTE] I had to take more charge when my mother was alive and dammit, it’s HARD when you’re also working 40+ hours a week and CANNOT BE THERE because of your ever shifting schedule. That was our biggest issue and it’s going to be our biggest issue again the longer he works from home. Thank you, Dummy, I just might. I’ll also check out the wellspouse link. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-advise-me-how-to-live-with-someone-who-has-quit-smoking/845501.md?page=2)