Please don't felch the animals.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Of course many of us know the joy that only calling somebody a felcher can bring. However, in a thread in The Pit, Esprix called somebody a yak felcher. Of course I was freaked out by it, because it is too close to my screen name for comfort.

I have taken it upon myself to request that some animals be removed from felching consideration, to protect some fellow posters: Bears (purplebear), Cows (iamthecowgod), Ducks (Duck Duck Goose), Falcons (Falcon), Kangaroos (Mega the Roo), Ponies (Blue Pony), Trout (trout mask replica), and of course the aforementioned Yaks.

Since I don’t want to stifle anybody in their quest for the perfect flame, I will suggest a few new animals to felch: Walruses, Badgers, Bole Weevils, Squid, Porcupines, Musk Ox, Water Buffalo, Asian Elephants, African Elephants, Great White Sharks.

Thanks for your attention in this matter.

2

When I was a teenager living on a farm, my family acquired two sheep as pets. On day my father announced that he’d discovered the larger one would stand stock-still if he rubbed her breasts. I asked exactly why he’d been rubbing her breasts to begin with, but I didn’t get a satisfactory answer.

In fact…to this day I haven’t gotten a satisfactory answer. Oh Dad…

3

Rememeber dragons also. You might have a tough time felching them though.

4

ahem…let’s not forget our friends in the canine population…

butt sniffing: yes
felching: nope

dave

5

MysterEcks, normally sheep “breasts” are called udders. Course if your dad ever starts calling 'em tits you know he’s stopped respecting the sheep.

6

adam yax,

I would like to make some corrections to your list of felchable animals, if I may. I do this strictly in the interest of safety to any of our would-be animal felchers out there. The following information can be found in the online magazine The Daily Felcher.

Squid and Great White Sharks
Do not attempt to felch these animals. As they are underwater, many drownings have occurred as a result of poeple trying to felch a fish. Aside from that, the Great White Shark doesn’t seem to like it one bit and has a tendency to eat the felchers.

Porcupines
Please wear protective eyewear when attempt this act with this animal. 43% of all blind animal felchers are blind because of the porcupine getting too excited and getting a quill in the felchers eye.

I hope this will save some of our readers the painful experience of learning this informatino the hard way.

7

…and if he calls 'em “norks”, “funbags” or “shirt bollocks” run for your life.

8

Yeah, and keep yer straws away from seals, too.

9

HEY! Don’t forget iguanas!

10

Wanderer

You’ll have to forgive me–unlike my male parental unit, it’s not a subject I ever looked into closely.

(I do seem to recall that when I asked the question, he looked a bit sheepish.)

Hey, better that than if I’d woken up one day and found I had a new step-maaaaaam.

11

How bout felching an elephant afer ANOTHER elephant has already been there. I dont know ANYBODY that could drink that fast.

12

OH OH! We could adopt the WORST flame on record to be “Why dont you go felch adam yax!!”

I’m in for it! Lets take a vote. All with say “Aye” all opposed “Nay”

“Aye!”

13

You’re forgetting squirrels (sqrlcub).

The ultimate flame would be “Go felch adam**'s** yax.”

14

if i hear of anyone felching a waffle, i’m going to be realy pissed.

15

Bunnies - you forgot the bunnies. We don’t like felching or being felched or whatever it is that you call it either.

16

Ok, I’m a betting man and I need to know what the odds are on how long it takes before a newbie wants to know the definition of felching.

And why hasn’t Coldfire been here yet?

17

Bratman, some newbies this week have wanted to know what felching is.

And may I remind you I’m still only three weeks old and I wanted to know . . . until I found out.

However, I got back by telling my academic team about felching and squicking.

18

I am sorry for forgetting some of you, but there are almost 7500 registered TM’s. I haven’t crossed paths with everyone yet.

As far as forgetting Sqrlcub, I’m not sure but I don’t think he’d be offended if I were to call someone a squirrel felcher. Call somebody an Ed Asner Felcher, and I’m sure that Sqrl would be all over your case.

19

“ahem…let’s not forget our friends in the canine population.”

I gotta agree with beagledave here. If you can’t eat dogs, you shouldn’t be allowed to felch 'em.
Well, except for poodles. The little ones.
Toy poodles you can eat and felch with impunity.
But no eating or felching of real dogs.
Peace,
mangeorge

20

And muffins! Do not felch muffins!

And before anyone makes any cracks, I am not talking about muffs!