# Please don't kill me on my birthday, Mr. Cab Driver **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 9, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600 "2001-08-09T15:17:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 7\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![THespos](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8c91f0/32.png) [@THespos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/THespos)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/1 "2001-08-09T15:17:59Z")
I’m 29 years old today. I took a cab to work, because it’s so hot in New York City that people who descend into the subways immediately burst into flames. As I get into the cab and close the door, I notice several spent shell casings on the floorboards. “Where ya going?” “28th and Park, please.” I’m curious, so as the cab driver pulls onto the FDR Drive, I reach down and pick up one of the casings. It’s from a 9MM. I start to worry a bit. Does Mr. Cab Driver have a Glock in his glove compartment? Obviously, someone recently fired a handgun either in his cab or close to it. Will I be shot, driven to Jackson Heights and dumped in an alley? That would suck. I do, after all, have about 100 relatives and friends coming over on Saturday afternoon. It would suck if I disappeared, Chandra Levy-style, on my birthday. What would everybody think happened to me? The cops would notice the large sums of money I recently withdrew from my account. They’d think I had a mid-life crisis and took off for Mexico. They’d tell my mom and my sister that I probably needed some time away from New York to clear my head, and that I’d probably turn up in a couple weeks. They would say to my Mom, “This kind of thing happens all the time.” Meanwhile, I’d be meeting my maker, before I had the chance to redeem myself. Before I had the chance to start going to church again. Before I got married and had kids. And all because I got into the wrong cab. How is that my fault? How is that even remotely fair? Why should I get shot and killed by a crazy cab driver in the prime of my life when I try to be a good human being, help my fellow man, and- “That’ll be 8 bucks.” “Here’s 10. Keep the change.” [sub]“And thanks for not killing me.”[/sub] Sometimes my imagination is just plain weird. After all, it was only a few shell casings in a taxicab…what’s so uncommon about that? ---
**Author:** ![magdalene](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df788c/32.png) [@magdalene](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/magdalene)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/2 "2001-08-09T15:25:29Z")
I once rode in a cab where the driver had a giant pile of True Crime books on the front seat. He started graphically describing some of the crimes to me. I mean GRAPHICALLY - blood, guts, how many hours the victims had lasted, DNA evidence, that kind of stuff. When we came up to a stoplight I tossed money over the front seat and hopped out and ran. That was definitely the WRONG cab. It made my Spider senses tingle and I’m glad I got out. Next time, if a situation makes you feel creepy, GET OUT OF IT! That advice is my birthday gift to you. ---
**Author:** ![Simetra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Simetra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Simetra)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/3 "2001-08-09T15:44:16Z")
Not much to add **THespos** , but a Happy Birthday! Glad that you’re still with us. 🙂 I get brass caught in my boots everytime I go to the range. It’s always fun to find these lying around in my dorm roon. ---
**Author:** ![ultress](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/7c8e57/32.png) [@ultress](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ultress)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/4 "2001-08-09T15:47:55Z")
Happy birthday and may you stay out of cabs and enjoy many more! ---
**Author:** ![TroubleAgain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e480ec/32.png) [@TroubleAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TroubleAgain)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/5 "2001-08-09T15:52:21Z")
Happy THespos Day…and take a bus home, 'kay? 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 4:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/6 "2001-08-09T16:18:55Z")
Good heavens, THespos—you were concerned with not dying, but you got into a NYC cab?! By the way the thread title broke, I first thought it was going to read, “Please don’t kill me on my birthday, Mr. Cab . . . . . Calloway” ---
**Author:** ![lurkernomore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/d6d6ee/32.png) [@lurkernomore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lurkernomore)\ **Post date:** [August 9, 2001, 8:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-dont-kill-me-on-my-birthday-mr-cab-driver/75600/7 "2001-08-09T20:33:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by THespos \* > \*\*I’m 29 years old today. \*\* …for the 6th time… 😛 > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by THespos \* > \*\* > I took a cab to work, … > > As I get into the cab and close the door, I notice several spent shell casings on the floorboards. > > Will I be shot, driven to Jackson Heights and dumped in an alley? > \*\* Yeah, like you could get a cab to Queens, unless it was an airport run… > [@](#): > > \*\* > What would everybody think happened to me? > > The cops would notice the large sums of money I recently withdrew from my account. They’d think I had a mid-life crisis and took off for Mexico. \*\* Why? Not like you just went out and bought a Corvette or something… Happy Birthday, Tom.