# Please empty the entire two litre bottle of mayonaise onto my burger. Thankyou. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 9, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037 "2003-05-09T03:10:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 9:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/21 "2003-05-09T09:42:14Z")
**KFC drone:** and what drink would you like with your meal sir? **Me:** orangeade please. **KFC drone:** (short pause in which I realize that drone does not know what ‘orangeade’ means) **Me:** Fanta **KFC drone:** oh. Am I old fashioned? do we now live in a world where the brand name is remembered but the description of the product isn’t? or should people know that fanta, sunkist, tango, are all ‘orangeade’ as I expect them to? ---
**Author:** ![Khan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3ab097/32.png) [@Khan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Khan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 9:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/22 "2003-05-09T09:45:55Z")
Ever order, for example, a whopper without onions and get a whopper with onions and nothing else? ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 9:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/23 "2003-05-09T09:49:04Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lobsang \* > \*\*Am I old fashioned? do we now live in a world where the brand name is remembered but the description of the product isn’t? or should people know that fanta, sunkist, tango, are all ‘orangeade’ as I expect them to? \*\* I’ll tell you when I’ve finished hoovering up this biro. ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/24 "2003-05-09T09:52:31Z")
Heh. On my way to work last week I called in to a cafe that I have never been to before, and ordered a ‘double-shot’ latte. Pretty standard fare for early morning pick-me-ups, but this joint didn’t seem to understand the significance of the ‘latte’ bit. I got the double-shot alright…but no milk!! ---
**Author:** ![Another\_Primate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/f19dbf/32.png) [@Another\_Primate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Another_Primate)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/25 "2003-05-09T10:01:08Z")
I request “easy on the mayo, please”. They say “whatever, with light mayo”. Me: No, not “light mayo”, “real mayo”, but not as much as you usually put on it. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/26 "2003-05-09T10:02:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Phnord Prephect \* (bolding mine) > So I’m at taco bell. I order nachos supreme, no tomatoes. > I get nachos supreme, with tomatoes. > I go back, talk to the manager. **I get a free meal**. > I order that meal a few days later. It included an order of nachos supreme, with NO tomatoes. > I got nachos supreme, with tomatoes. > I go back, talk to the manager. **I get a free meal.** > I order that meal a few days later. It included an order of nachos supreme, with NO TOMATOES. > I get nachos supreme, with tomatoes. > I give up on the manager and call the local supervisor. **I get a free meal.** > I order that meal a few days later. It included an order of nachos supreme, with NO TOMATOES, and a few soft tacos. > I get nachos supreme, with no tomatoes. > I get urine on my soft tacos. > I no longer go to taco bell. I’m sorry you were messed about, but aren’t you on to a good thing here? Simply by speaking to the manager, you can apparently get free food for life! ---
**Author:** ![Coldfire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/a587f6/32.png) [@Coldfire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Coldfire)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/27 "2003-05-09T10:05:30Z")
In an Italian coffee joint in London, a few years ago (Cafe Nero right at the entrace to Notting Hill Gate station, if you must know). **Me** : I’ll have an espresso, please. **Cute but dumb coffee girl** : Coming right up. \ **CBDCG** : There you go, that’ll be \. **Me** : Errrrr… that’s a cappucino. **CBDCG** : Is it? Oh, yeah! I always get the two confused. **Me** \: You get cappucino and espresso confused? Is this your first day perhaps? **CBDCG** : No actually, I’ve been here for 6 months. It’s just that my Italian isn’t very good. I waited for her to finish my espresso, not bothering to continue the conversation after that. Ye Gods. ---
**Author:** ![slice](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/dec6dc/32.png) [@slice](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slice)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/28 "2003-05-09T10:20:11Z")
> [@](#): > > _originally posted by CzechMaster401k_ > Ever order, for example, a whopper without onions and get a whopper with onions and nothing else? No, but I routinely order a child sized cheesburger at Wendy’s with tomato. I have gotten a hamburger (no cheese) with tomato and nothing else, I’ve gotten a cheeseburger with everything but tomato, I’ve gotten a cheeseburger with onion, and the crown jewel of it all: I’ve gotten a bun with a tomato in it. ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/29 "2003-05-09T10:52:14Z")
Fast Food Guy: Do you want Ketchup or Mayonese? Me: Mayonese. Fast Food Guy: Sorry, we ran out of Mayonese. Me: Ok… In that case I’ll take (I made a deliberate pause of 30 seconds here)… Ketchup. ---
**Author:** ![Optihut](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/edb3f5/32.png) [@Optihut](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Optihut)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 10:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/30 "2003-05-09T10:59:40Z")
Ack… Spelling isn’t my friend. Damnit. ---
**Author:** ![pierre72](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/b2d939/32.png) [@pierre72](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pierre72)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 11:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/31 "2003-05-09T11:00:15Z")
“Cheeseburger, please. Hold the cheese.” “Er, Sir, you mean a hamburger”. “Nope. Cheeseburger, no cheese. I like the orange paper” (wait for employee’s head to explode) It’s worth the extra 10pence. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 11:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/32 "2003-05-09T11:35:38Z")
Oh yeah, at a “Mexican” restaurant in Dublin: **Me** : Sorry to bother you, but the menu said these nachos come with guacamole - may I have some please? **Waitress** : Oh yeah. I’ll get some for you. [Returns with sour cream] **Me** : Oh, sorry, that’s sour cream. **Her** : What’s gakkie-whatever then? **Me** : Avocado sauce - the green stuff. [She goes to kitchen. Returns 10 minutes later with bowl.] **Me** : [Sigh] Those are jalapeño peppers. ---
**Author:** ![BrotherCadfael](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@BrotherCadfael](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BrotherCadfael)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 12:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/33 "2003-05-09T12:48:06Z")
Already mentioned upthread, but my wife always orders “black coffee”, and is ALWAYS asked “Do you want cream and sugar with that?” No exceptions. ---
**Author:** ![Kiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiger)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 1:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/34 "2003-05-09T13:10:37Z")
I always get pickles and mayo at BK no matter how many times I say I don’t want them. It’s even printed on the receipt - no pickles, no mayo. What do I get? Pickles and mayo. And don’t ever, EVER try to order a single burger when they are doing a 2 for 1 special. Me: I want a Jr. Whopper combo. BK: It’s 2 for 1 day, you get 2. Me: No, I just want one, thanks anyway. BK: …long pause…uh, you can only get 2 Me: Oookay…well, I only want 1, so give me 1 Jr. Whopper and add some fries and a coke. BK: (Blank stare) You can’t get it that way today. (Hmmm…What happened to “Have it your way”?) Me: I can see it RIGHT THERE on your menu listed as a 1 junior whopper. Now add some fries and a coke and we’re done. BK: (Looking around for help) You can only get 2. Me: Okay, how about you give me 2 and I’ll GIVE you 1 back?? BK: Uh…you have to take 2. At this point I gave up before I resorted to strangling her and told her to just give me a #6 - something I totally didn’t want. Amazingly, I was able to get just 1 of those. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![LibrarySpy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f9ae1b/32.png) [@LibrarySpy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LibrarySpy)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/35 "2003-05-09T13:33:06Z")
Two or three times a week I swing through Burger King on the way to work for two sausage and egg crossandwiches. No cheese. Luckily, now, I’m a regular. But the first few times the “No cheese” thing frightened and terrified the drive-through staff. I never get cheese. However, I do often get my sausage and egg wrapped in buscuits or _hamburger buns_.:eek: ---
**Author:** ![Kiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b9e5f3/32.png) [@Kiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kiger)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 1:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/36 "2003-05-09T13:45:35Z")
Ordering anything plain will scare the grease off a BK employee. Mr. Kiger always orders his Whoppers plain with ketchup only. We pause for the inevitable, “Do you want the burger too?” :smack: ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/37 "2003-05-09T14:00:12Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Miller \* > \*\*The test, of course, would be to order something that doesn’t normally have pickles in it, specifically ask them to hold the pickles, and see what happens. For example, “I’ll have a small Coke. Hold the pickles.” If you later find slices of pickles floating in your Coke, consider your hypothesis proved. \*\* LOL. Seriously; if I hadn’t had a napkin in my hand, I would have had yogurt spewed over the keyboard. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![World\_Eater](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@World\_Eater](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/World_Eater)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/38 "2003-05-09T14:07:18Z")
Mayonaise is the jelly of the devil. ---
**Author:** ![Wintermute](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@Wintermute](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wintermute)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/39 "2003-05-09T14:07:21Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by blowero \* > \*\*What’s funny is that In & Out burgers do not come with pickles. But if you ask for pickles, they will put them on. My question: Why do they even have pickles in the place at all? \*\* Because pickles are _good_! I’ll take yours, if you don’t want them, pile them on! 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2003, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037/40 "2003-05-09T14:08:46Z")
I usually order my burgers “plain and dry.” Still, there are many many screwups. I’m always stunned when they ask, “You want the meat too, right?” My first question is, who orders just cheese on a bun? My second question is, if what I wanted WAS cheese on a bun, why would I have ordered the double, instead of the single? My order is so routinely screwed up that I’ll always check now before even leaving the parking lot. Once, when I checked, they’d given me a single rather than the double I paid for. I went back through the drive-through to get what I’d ordered and paid for. The lackey at the window evidently thought that my problem was with the wrapper. “We’re out of double wrappers.” When I responded, “That’s not a double, dude,” he said, “Sir, you don’t have to get rude with me, I’m not a cook.” Not a cook? What the hell does that have to do with being able to tell a single from a double? Because I don’t take kindly to being called “rude,” especially when I don’t think I was rude, I countered with, “Well, can you count to two?” to which he did not respond. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-empty-the-entire-two-litre-bottle-of-mayonaise-onto-my-burger-thankyou/174037.md?page=3)