# Please, explain partying to me. I don't get it. **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [February 17, 2012, 9:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187 "2012-02-17T21:10:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 16\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2012, 7:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/101 "2012-02-21T07:47:40Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > \*\*I have a hard time believing that there are those who can’t even imagine that anyone would enjoy it. \*\* > > If someone can say to me that they can’t even imagine that anyone would enjoy partying, then yes, I stand by my declaration that folks be feigning innocence. Well, we’re here to fight ignorance after all. Keep your ears and mind open and you may learn something. What you are saying boils down to “no one could fail to understand my particular tastes, so anyone who professes otherwise is lying.” It’s an egocentric position. ---
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2012, 4:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/102 "2012-02-21T16:28:49Z")
> [@monstro](#): > > Well, good for you, dude. What do you want people to do? Pretend that they understand something they don’t just so that they don’t look like dweebs? Never ask questions that demand others to actually think about the “why” behind their feelings? Just 'cuz you got the world figured out doesn’t mean the rest of us can’t show our ignorance every once and awhile. Obviously, I ain’t got the world figured out. For one thing, I’m perplexed by your hostility. ---
**Author:** ![Jasper\_Kent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a9a28c/32.png) [@Jasper\_Kent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasper_Kent)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/103 "2012-02-21T16:43:19Z")
> [@zweisamkeit](#): > > To me, the problem is that “understanding” really can describe two very different things: > [ul] > [li] Intellectual understanding - comprehending a concept at the cerebral level. Understanding that putting your hand on a lit burner will burn the shit out of your hand, knowing that the death of a close family member is horrible and grief-ridden, knowing that setting a goal to run a marathon and then sticking to your training regimen and actually finishing one is an amazing accomplishment. [/li] > [li]Empathetic understanding - comprehending a concept at the instinctual, emotional level. Actually having had the shit burned out of your hand when you accidentally touched a lit burner, actually having your spouse, parent, child (or whomever) die and planning their funeral, actually putting all the work into marathon training and being able to cross the finish line. [/li][/ul] > The two are _so_ different, and I believe the empathetic version is a much, much deeper understanding. The problem is, it’s incredibly hard to achieve if you have not personally experienced the thing in question. I think the _genuine_ questions relating to activities/hobbies/preferences/etc come from a desire to _try_ to understand it at that empathetic level, at least more than they currently can. This is a very good point. While I can intellectually understand other peoples’ preferences, empathetic understanding is more difficult. Not impossible, however. If I don’t “get” a particular taste, I can relate it to something I do “get.” For instance, while I do not enjoy chess, I do enjoy SCRABBLE. So I can fully appreciate an activity that involves concentration, strategy, unexpected twists, and competition. And even though the competition is a very minor part of it for me, I’d nevertheless rather win than lose-- so I can empathise somewhat with competitive people. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2012, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/104 "2012-02-21T16:43:23Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Well, we’re here to fight ignorance after all. Keep your ears and mind open and you may learn something. > > What you are saying boils down to “no one could fail to understand my particular tastes, so anyone who professes otherwise is lying.” > > It’s an egocentric position. There are folks who can’t even _ **imagine** _ that someone could enjoy something that they don’t, and _I’m_ the one that needs to open my mind? Haaa. Hahaha! You’re glib, Princhester. You’re glib. [QUOTE=zweisamkeit] …I think the problem is that because this behavior is relatively : cough : common, genuine inquiries get unfairly lumped together with them… [/QUOTE] Right, I agree. That is why I honestly tried to answer the question in my post. For those in the thread who sincerely wanted to know. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2012, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/105 "2012-02-21T23:45:27Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > There are folks who can’t even _ **imagine** _ that someone could enjoy something that they don’t, and _I’m_ the one that needs to open my mind? Yes, quite. Not being able to imagine something but asking a question in an effort to do so is an indication of an open mind. You are refusing to accept that someone could honestly not be able to imagine something. Your mind is so closed to the idea of introvercy that you would rather accuse someome of being insincere than accept people could be as different from you as they are. A better example of a closed mind would be hard to find. Sorry, probably doesn’t fit with your image of yourself, but you’ll get over it. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 2:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/106 "2012-02-22T02:36:48Z")
I’m glad I’m not the only one who finds it ironic (or whatever literary term is appropriate) that people are having a hard time imagining other people not being able to imagine something. And **Jasper** , your multiple posts about how easy it is for you to imagine stuff–as if this is at all relevant to other people’s ability to imagine–were irritating to me. It’s like saying “I can do my times tables up to 100. So everyone should be able to!” I can ignore one post like this. Multiple times is a little too much. ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/107 "2012-02-22T15:55:05Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Yes, quite. Not being able to imagine something but asking a question in an effort to do so is an indication of an open mind. > > You are refusing to accept that someone could honestly not be able to imagine something. \*\*Your mind is so closed to the idea of introvercy \*\*that you would rather accuse someome of being insincere than accept people could be as different from you as they are. > > A better example of a closed mind would be hard to find. > > Sorry, probably doesn’t fit with your image of yourself, but you’ll get over it. Bolding mine. Whoa. Are you pretending that not buying the BS of “I can’t even fathom how one could not like to just curl up with a book and a cup of tea and a kindle and a nook!” is the same as being unable to accept the idea of introvercy? Way to try to drag down the cool introverts to the level of the bullshitters who pretend to not understand that humans tend to like to mingle and drink and celebrate together. Look, I know it is embarrassing when posters are called on their shit, but this is just shameful. ---
**Author:** ![Doug\_K](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b5ac83/32.png) [@Doug\_K](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doug_K)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/108 "2012-02-22T16:42:05Z")
I, for one am having a hard time imagining that people are having a hard time imagining other people not being able to imagine something. Or something. ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/109 "2012-02-22T16:49:06Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > I, for one am having a hard time imagining that people are having a hard time imagining other people not being able to imagine something. Or something. Imagine _that_! ---
**Author:** ![Nzinga\_Seated](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b5ac83/32.png) [@Nzinga\_Seated](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nzinga_Seated)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/110 "2012-02-22T16:49:44Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > I, for one am having a hard time imagining that people are having a hard time imagining other people not being able to imagine something. Or something. Yeah, right. You are such a phony. Nice try trying to feign ignorance about imagining other people not being able to imagine people having a hard time imagining something or something. Just give me a break. ---
**Author:** ![NAF1138](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naf1138/32/3245_2.png) [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2012, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/111 "2012-02-22T20:15:59Z")
I think it’s weird that people who agree with Nzinga, Seated (and others) are all extroverts. No joke, I am so introverted that this thread got too crowded for me to continue to participate in after my first post. Posting this far into it makes me uncomfortable. I totally understand that people like to have fun, and that they can have a different idea of fun than I do. ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 12:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/112 "2012-02-23T00:57:45Z")
> [@NAF1138](#): > > I think it’s weird that people who agree with Nzinga, Seated (and others) are all extroverts. How do you know? ---
**Author:** ![NAF1138](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/naf1138/32/3245_2.png) [@NAF1138](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NAF1138)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/113 "2012-02-23T01:18:52Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > How do you know? Huh, is that what I wrote? It isn’t what I meant. I meant to write “are being seen as extroverts.” because I agree with them an am very introverted. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/114 "2012-02-23T12:49:59Z")
> [@Nzinga\_Seated](#): > > …bullshitters who pretend to not understand that humans tend to like to mingle and drink and celebrate together… You’re missing the distinction between (a) knowing what most people like to do and (b) being one of the minority for which it is not what one likes do and consequently not finding it easy to understand why the majority like doing what they like doing. If one is not one of “most people” the latter understanding is not a no brainer. You seem determined (somewhat bizarrely) to believe that anyone who lacks this understanding is insincere and out to win kudos in some weird fashion. You get kudos for being outstandingly introverted now? Weird. When I grew up, one could gain rather unkind kudos amongst a certain (quite large) crowd for cheerleading the beatdown on the introverted kid. Sound like anyone you know? ---
**Author:** ![msmith537](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d9b06d/32.png) [@msmith537](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/msmith537)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/115 "2012-02-23T14:52:09Z")
> [@Doug\_K](#): > > I, for one am having a hard time imagining that people are having a hard time imagining other people not being able to imagine something. Or something. You would think that (or imagine that…whatever), but this actually reminds me of a party-related annecdote from college. In college, I was what is disparagingly known by SDMB types as a “frat guy”. You know, one of those “losers” who lives in a mansion with 35 of his friends, has parties every weekend, bangs sorority girls and then graduates to go on and network his way into some six figure job in one of his brother’s realtive’s investment firm. But, I digress. Anyhow, one night we were going to throw a cocktail party (fraternities did lots of cocktail parties at my college) but our ice machine was on the fritz. Fortuantely one of our brothers was an RA in what was called the “quiet dorm” and was able to let us in to use their ice machine. Now the “quiet dorm” is basically what it sounds like. A special dorm with special rules and policies designed for “overly academic” types. Sort of the opposite of the fraternity row. This is relevant because while we were filling several trash bags full of ice, one of the residents stumbled across us. Presumably the sound of ice crushing interupting his Magic the Gathering game. Now, not knowing if what we were doing was against policy or merely “frowned apon” we were a bit nervous. Now what surprised us, and is relevant to our discussion on “imagining shit”, is that the his reaction was “Oh! Are you guys playing a practical joke one [some guy presumably another RA]! That’s awesome!” IOW, his brain did not comprehend that the most likely non-industrial use of massive amounts of ice would be for a party, not some lame practical joke. And we could not wrap our brains around the fact he would think that it would be for anything BUT a party. ---
**Author:** ![CarnalK](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/carnalk/32/486_2.png) [@CarnalK](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CarnalK)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2012, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187/116 "2012-02-23T16:23:29Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > When I grew up, one could gain rather unkind kudos amongst a certain (quite large) crowd for cheerleading the beatdown on the introverted kid. Sound like anyone you know? The cast of your recurring nightmares? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-explain-partying-to-me-i-dont-get-it/613187.md?page=5)