# Please, for the love of all that's holy, get the damn Marmite out of my skull! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629 "2003-11-17T02:49:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Wabbit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/ba9def/32.png) [@Wabbit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wabbit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/1 "2003-11-17T02:49:26Z")
Ok, I’ve always had a lot of respect for the British because of all that Churchill-ian ‘stiff upper lip’ stuff during the Big-ass War Pt. 2, Monty Python, keeping those damn Irish in line, etc. etc. This view has radically changed in the week, however, because I’ve recently come to the realization that your benighted isle is actually home to a civilization of baby-eating, knuckle-dragging, slope-headed troglodytes who are hell bent on bringing about the extermination of all that is right and holy on this blue planet by a variety of unsavory and ill-conceived practices. What inspired this profound insight? One word: Marmite. Allow me to fill you in on how my life has been unalterably changed by this vile substance. One of my co-workers is British and, I must admit, I had a great deal of respect for her (she looked like my freakin’ grandma for chrissakes, how could I NOT respect her?). So, when she brought in a dark brown jar of something called ‘Marmite’ and innocently asked if I’d like a taste I answered in the affirmative without hesitation. I mean, this is my British pseudo-grandma right? Surely SHE wouldn’t do anything to harm my immortal soul! Suffice to say that I was horribly, horribly wrong. I don’t usually bother to smell my food (which in this case was a near fatal mistake) so I innocently accepted a cracker that was slathered in what looked to be a dark brownish black jelly-like substance. “No problem,” I thought to myself, “apple butter looks kind of like that and I know my English grandmum wouldn’t feed me anything nasty. It probably tastes really good!” I can only marvel at how innocent and naive the pre-Marmite Wabbit was. Oh, how I now long for those days… As the cracker was enroute to my mouth, I got a faint whiff of something nasty, something rotting, something corrupt, which seemed to be emanating from it. I can’t really explain how foul, how EVIL this smell was, but I must try: it was the smell of rotting yeast, but not normal rotting yeast. This was yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more until it was finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers. After moldering in a pile of radioactive yeast feces for a few millennia, this decomposing yeast extract was found by a shambling simian-wannabe called an ‘Englishman’ who scraped it out of whatever dark recesses of Mother Earth he found it in, stuck it in a jar and began selling it to his less intelligent peers. But I digress. This…substance…was enroute to my mouth and by golly once the Wabbit food subroutine gets started there’s nothing baring a close proximity nuclear blast that derails it. Down the hatch it went, followed almost immediately by a powerful gag reflex. I can’t explain what it tasted like–it’s too impossible. The closest I can come is ‘salty, yeasty evil’. And now this foul essence is in me: it’s coating my interior organs like some scummy, slimy oil and I swear to sweet Christ almighty it’s reproducing itself in my brain. I can’t get that foul taste out of my mouth no matter how much good, clean, wholesome Merican food I consume. I think I’m being assimilated into some horrid collective consciousness, and I kind of resent that (especially because it’s British). So, although I fear I may soon become smitten with Queen Elizabeth (or Big E as I’ve taken to calling her majesty), I wanted to let everyone know that it’s not me talking, it’s the Marmite. And for the life of me I can’t figure out why anyone would think the scum at the bottom of a barrel would be worth eating. Those crazy English… 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/2 "2003-11-17T03:05:32Z")
I always thought it was an Australian invention. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/3 "2003-11-17T03:26:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Wabbit \* > **This was yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more until it was finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers.** That is the greatest description ever. I knew the stuff was nasty just from being a fan of brit humo(u)r, but that’s just a perfect description. [sub]Is **wabbit** married?[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/4 "2003-11-17T03:26:54Z")
Marmite is quite british, and quite yummy. It’s vegemite that’s Australian. Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. Vegemite is yeast extract from yeast grown on vegetable broth. I love 'em both!! ---
**Author:** ![fushj00mang](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/d26b3c/32.png) [@fushj00mang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fushj00mang)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/5 "2003-11-17T03:28:00Z")
> [@](#): > > finally gunned down, burned, stabbed, nailed to a large tree and set on fire by a vengeful mob of its peers. So, there is a mob of yeast that had killed numerous baby yeasts, been executed by the yeasty powers-that-be (whatever they are), been resurrected by some ill-conceived yeast government experiment only to run amok once more? ---
**Author:** ![C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/b2d939/32.png) [@C\_K\_Dexter\_Haven](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/C_K_Dexter_Haven)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/6 "2003-11-17T03:29:36Z")
I haven’t had marmite, just vegemite. And that god-awful taste didn’t leave my mouth for weeks. It’s been almost ten years, and when I hear the word “vegemite”, my mouth and tongue still shudder. ---
**Author:** ![Duke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e8c25b/32.png) [@Duke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 3:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/7 "2003-11-17T03:44:24Z")
Nooooo! Not Marmite! In England Marmite was actually advertised for a while with the slogan “I Hate Marmite.” I guess the idea was that people who (I can’t believe I’m typing this) enjoy Marmite positively _revel_ in the fact that the sane majority despises it. ---
**Author:** ![Wikkit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c0e974/32.png) [@Wikkit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wikkit)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 4:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/8 "2003-11-17T04:08:13Z")
mmmm… liquid masochism… ---
**Author:** ![Palewriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@Palewriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palewriter)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/9 "2003-11-17T04:11:35Z")
Nonsense. Marmite is an ESSENTIAL part of the great English breakfast delicacy, beans on toast. Beans on toast without Marmite is quite unthinkable. Personally, I can’t eat scrambled eggs without Marmite on toast on the side. What is this heathen crap? Of course, Marmite on a cracker? Lord no. Plus, you probably spread it too thick, being the greedy American that you are. Marmite would be the soul food of England, if the English had souls. 🙂 - PW ---
**Author:** ![kambuckta](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/53a042/32.png) [@kambuckta](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kambuckta)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 6:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/10 "2003-11-17T06:48:30Z")
You won’t get any argument out of me about the evil muck that is Marmite (and Promite). But don’t you go dissin’ Vegemite **Dex**. We don’t let you through Customs here unless you proclaim a deep and meaningful love for Vegemite. And that’s the way it should be too…Vegemite-haters are not welcome on our shores. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Netbrian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71e660/32.png) [@Netbrian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Netbrian)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 9:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/11 "2003-11-17T09:15:40Z")
ZOT!!! Oh, sorry. I thought you said marm **o**. Carry on. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 9:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/12 "2003-11-17T09:18:50Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > \*\*Marmite is quite british, and quite yummy. It’s vegemite that’s Australian. > > Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. Vegemite is yeast extract from yeast grown on vegetable broth. > > I love 'em both!! \*\* So, basically, I could get my own home-made Marmite by licking the dishes I left in the sink last week. Yum. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Babbington](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Mr.Babbington](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Babbington)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/13 "2003-11-17T09:26:17Z")
Props to the OP. I haven’t laughed that hard in a very long time. Thanks. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/14 "2003-11-17T10:35:40Z")
> [@](#): > > **Marmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth.** I think you’re thinking of Bovril. Marmite is 100% vegetarian. In fact, it’s a byproduct of beer manufacture - for years in London the Marmite factory was next to the Guinness one with a pipe running between the two. So blame the Irish. Anyway, anyone who doesn’t like it is a saddo who smells of wee. FACT. ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 10:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/15 "2003-11-17T10:43:37Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Qadgop the Mercotan \* > [BMarmite is yeast extract from yeast grown on beef broth. \*\* Wrong. Marmite is produced from yeast that produced during brewing. It’s approved by the Vegetarian Society, so you can be assured that it has nothing to do with beef broth. ---
**Author:** ![Ayesha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c0e974/32.png) [@Ayesha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ayesha)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 10:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/16 "2003-11-17T10:49:00Z")
I am so very thankful for my snack of toast spread with raspberry flavored cream cheese and coffee this morning. That marmite stuff sounds like some my grandfather would have liked, but then again he ate brains scrambled into eggs. The man was sick ! ---
**Author:** ![Futile\_Gesture](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/f05b48/32.png) [@Futile\_Gesture](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Futile_Gesture)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 10:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/17 "2003-11-17T10:54:41Z")
I forgot to add… Those who can’t eat marmite have inferior constitutions and are probably morally defective. Natural selection, given a chance, will eventually weed them out. And vegemite is is just marmite-lite for babies and other weaklings who can’t handle the real stuff. So there. ---
**Author:** ![One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/838e76/32.png) [@One\_And\_Only\_Wanderers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/One_And_Only_Wanderers)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 11:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/18 "2003-11-17T11:04:37Z")
Add 1 to the english ‘I Hate Marmite’ crowd. Ill eat black pudding, steak & kidney pies are fantastic, I even like liver, but I have to draw the line at Marmite. BTW you’re all wrong, marmite is extracted from yeast cultivated in Satan’s Jockstrap ---
**Author:** ![Aankh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ebca7d/32.png) [@Aankh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Aankh)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 11:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/19 "2003-11-17T11:12:44Z")
You people made me so curious, I asked my SO (who’s returning from Australia in a few days) to bring back some vegemite for me. Will I regret it? Hmm… ---
**Author:** ![blackhobyah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/41988e/32.png) [@blackhobyah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blackhobyah)\ **Post date:** [November 17, 2003, 11:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/20 "2003-11-17T11:22:53Z")
I don’t know if you’ll regret it or not, Vegemite is a bit of an acquired taste, and I tend to think you need to acquire it early. However, if you’re going to try it, do it properly. Make a couple of slices of thick toast, spread them generously with butter and apply a THIN scraping of vegemite on top. Vegemite has a pretty strong flavour, you don’t want it thick, just a nice thin layer. If you prefer your food bland or sweet you mightn’t like Vegemite, but if you like things like anchovies, olives or capers there’s a good chance you’ll enjoy it. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629.md?page=2)