# Please, for the love of all that's holy, get the damn Marmite out of my skull! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [November 17, 2003, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629 "2003-11-17T02:49:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Palewriter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/db5fbb/32.png) [@Palewriter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Palewriter)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 4:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/61 "2003-11-19T04:49:01Z")
"do you US folks actually _have_ any savoury toast spreads? " Not a one, I’m afraid. How anyone can enjoy a boiled egg without marmite soldiers is quite beyond me. - PW ---
**Author:** ![trabi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ecae2f/32.png) [@trabi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/trabi)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 12:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/62 "2003-11-19T12:49:15Z")
A few years back my mother’s French lodger found a jar of marmite in the kitchen and, thinking it was some kind of chocolate spread, she dug into it with a spoon… ---
**Author:** ![WILLASS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/54ee81/32.png) [@WILLASS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WILLASS)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 1:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/63 "2003-11-19T13:17:25Z")
Has anyone here ever heard of/tried a little known food stuff called ‘Gentlemans Relish’? It sounds like its made out of jizz and pretty much tastes like it is too, its kind of like hyper marmite, a testosterone fueled older brother of marmite with a lot more attitude. I think its eaten mainly by the posh and is actually made from anchovies (it smells like those fish flakes for goldfish) what i’m trying to say here is; if you think marmite is harsh, just wait 'til you get a load of this abomination… [www.elsenham.com/patum](http://www.elsenham.com/patum) ---
**Author:** ![curly\_chick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ba0ec/32.png) [@curly\_chick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/curly_chick)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 1:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/64 "2003-11-19T13:28:53Z")
I’ve tried that and as a staunch Marmiteer, I have to say I thought it was absolutely diabolical. It is obvious why though, and I agree with you wholeheartedly, **WILLASS** - I lack the requisite degree of poshicity It must take years of breeding, generations of empire building and documented evidence that your ancestors were around at the time of William the Conquerer, in order to have tastebuds equal to the challenge of the mighty Gentleman’s Relish. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 1:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/65 "2003-11-19T13:36:14Z")
I’m a great fan of gentleman’s relish, and you’ll often find me swallowing it, not spitting as you two seem to do. Seriously though, I do occasionally treat myself to a bit of _patum peperium_. It’s anchovy heaven and I recommend it. Highly flavoured and to be spread even thinner than marmite. Gorgeous. ---
**Author:** ![Bibliovore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7ba0ec/32.png) [@Bibliovore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bibliovore)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 1:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/66 "2003-11-19T13:43:06Z")
Great stuff indeed, **jjimm**. Remember to keep that little finger poised when partaking of this salty delight. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 1:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/67 "2003-11-19T13:59:03Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by curly chick \* > \*\*It must take years of breeding, generations of empire building and documented evidence that your ancestors were around at the time of William the Conquerer, in order to have tastebuds equal to the challenge of the mighty Gentleman’s Relish. \*\* 'fraid not. I meet all the criteria above and still think that Gentleman’s Relish is vile stuff. But marmite, ooh, what you need is a cold Sunday night, a nice cup of tea, and a stack of buttered toast with a thin, thin spreading of marmite. Heaven, especially if Bullseye is playing on the telly. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 2:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/68 "2003-11-19T14:22:38Z")
Are you therefore No True Scotsman then? Answer the question in the time it takes Bully to revolve. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 4:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/69 "2003-11-19T16:01:04Z")
Holy Shit! Someone shall pay for this. So, I did, in fact, hop down to my local gourmet food store and asked for vegemite. The startled clerk gaped at me and led me down the aisles. Finally, he shows me a jar. “Here ya go…mind if I ask why?” Silly fool I thought…I’m going to try it tonight. he shrugged and walked away, but I think I heard giggling… Later that night I made toast, put real butter on it and then a delicate slither of vegemite. It smelled…bad, but I thought some other foods do too, but have a wonderful taste. So, I chomped down. I’m guessing that if you stored scapings of athlete’s foot fungers onto a petri dish full of agar agar and then left it in a jar for a year, you’d get something close to this. That was VILE. And, now, as mentioned, I’m having flashbacks…horrible acid-trippy flashbacks. Mmmm look, snickers, yum…BLORT-rancid, putrid nastiness…maybe later. My coworkers think that I’ve become anorexic. Thanks guys. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/70 "2003-11-19T16:20:00Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jjimm \* > **Are you therefore No True Scotsman then?** Not during winter months, when a pair of Marks and Spencers finest is essential for the rather chilly conditions up here. > [@](#): > > Answer the question in the time it takes Bully to revolve. \*\* Ah, happy days. I can almost feel the rosy glow of knowing your homework is done, and you’ve still got a few hours left of the weekend. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/71 "2003-11-19T16:25:22Z")
**BottledBlondJeanie** , no wonder you nearly barfed. you bought _Vegemite_, which is the devil’s smegma, rather than Marmite. :smack: Go back to the deli and try again with the proper stuff. ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/72 "2003-11-19T16:30:31Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by BottledBlondJeanie \* > \*\*Holy Shit! > > Someone shall pay for this. > > \*\* I’ll be glad to take the rest of the jar off your hands! I’ve got an order in for the 2 kilo tub, but it hasn’t arrived yet. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/73 "2003-11-19T17:17:13Z")
**Palewriter** , keep an eye out for olive pesto. Safeway did have a brand that I liked but the last one I was in didn’t seem to have it. Randalls is the operated by the same company so you could try there if any are near where you are. Another good brand is HT Traders but only Harris Teeter carries it and they don’t exist west of Tennessee. Both brands are somewhat dry, I have to add a bit of oil to make them spreadable. ---
**Author:** ![singular1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ba9def/32.png) [@singular1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/singular1)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/74 "2003-11-19T19:11:18Z")
So while we’re on the subject, anybody have a recipe for an olive and walnut spread? I got it from Heloise years ago, but it’s no longer on their website, and it is sublime. It has olives (well, duh…), walnuts, cream cheese and dill, I think, but there was more. I’m doing Atkins, and it would be really nice to have something different like this. ---
**Author:** ![BottledBlondJeanie](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/0ea827/32.png) [@BottledBlondJeanie](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BottledBlondJeanie)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/75 "2003-11-19T19:39:44Z")
I ain’t tryin’ no freakin’ marmite. It’s akin to vegemite, therefore it must be AWFUL! **Qadgop** you’d be welcome to it except for it’s now become the talk of the office (now I’ll KNOW if there are any other dopers here). There will be a tasting party tomorrow at lunch. [sub]I wonder if I’ll get fired when everyone goes home ill[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/76 "2003-11-19T23:25:54Z")
Does anyone else here spread their marmite as thick as jam? I would use up half a tablespoon of marmite on a slice of bread, mmmmmmm. ---
**Author:** ![DarkPrince](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ce73a5/32.png) [@DarkPrince](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DarkPrince)\ **Post date:** [November 19, 2003, 11:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/77 "2003-11-19T23:53:32Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by GMRyujin \* > \*\*Moral of the story: Never trust the British. They’re still pissy about losing to a rabble like us. \*\* Probably because their troops were too busy trying to control their gag reflex to aim the muskets correctly. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/78 "2003-11-20T00:23:29Z")
**DarkPrince** from the Liquid soul dimension… your a Marmite salesman aren’t you? ---
**Author:** ![MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/bb73d2/32.png) [@MC\_Master\_of\_Ceremonies](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MC_Master_of_Ceremonies)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/79 "2003-11-20T00:43:16Z")
I hate marmite, it’s disgusting (they make with the by-products of colonic irrigation). Anyone who likes what is essientally goat semen should be excluded from positons of power. ---
**Author:** ![Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ac8455/32.png) [@Bippy\_the\_Beardless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bippy_the_Beardless)\ **Post date:** [November 20, 2003, 12:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629/80 "2003-11-20T00:50:24Z")
But goat semen and marmite taste completely different. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-for-the-love-of-all-thats-holy-get-the-damn-marmite-out-of-my-skull/213629.md?page=5)