# Please give me your thoughts on my poem **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [May 28, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952 "2003-05-28T04:31:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 13\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/1 "2003-05-28T04:31:39Z")
Here is the opening part of my poem. Please give me your honest thoughts on it. It’s called “In Her Bed, Dreaming of You.” Spirits couldn’t chase my thoughts of you away So, I turned to a woman for what wine and liquior wouldn’t do An exotic beauty, I had been with before What would it matter if we were together once more? As my hands follow from head, back, down to her thighs Can’t escape thoughts of how I love the curves on your body From your waste to your eyes (You can read the rest of it [here.](http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/blairpoems3.html)) ---
**Author:** ![Baraqiyal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ecccb3/32.png) [@Baraqiyal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baraqiyal)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/2 "2003-05-28T06:30:46Z")
Heh. I get it. ---
**Author:** ![Snooooopy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Snooooopy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Snooooopy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/3 "2003-05-28T06:41:46Z")
Liquior? ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/4 "2003-05-28T06:49:47Z")
I like the general theme of the piece. Drop the rhyming and concentrate on getting just the right word – concisely. Write more as if these thoughts are coming from your mind instead of a fountain pen. If you want to be a poet, the first thing that you should do is being to read _good_ contemporary poets. Keep at it! There is potential! ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/5 "2003-05-28T15:58:10Z")
I get it too. Always so clevah, **Satisfying Andy Licious** … ---
**Author:** ![stolichnaya](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bcef8e/32.png) [@stolichnaya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stolichnaya)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/6 "2003-05-28T16:36:51Z")
You should get a job at a newspaper. ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 6:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/7 "2003-05-28T18:32:04Z")
Funny joke on plagiarism, but I wonder if it belongs in Cafe Society . . . ---
**Author:** ![Gatopescado](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gatopescado/32/5711_2.png) [@Gatopescado](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gatopescado)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/8 "2003-05-28T19:02:47Z")
I don’t think I get it. Unless its about coprophilia. Then I don’t want to get it. * * * Fagjunk Theology: Not just for sodomite propagandists anymore. ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/9 "2003-05-28T22:34:12Z")
“From your waste to your eyes” Hmmm, maybe you could change thing one? ---
**Author:** ![handy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/b5a626/32.png) [@handy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/handy)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/10 "2003-05-28T22:39:13Z")
There is my other personality typing ‘thing’ when it should have been ‘this’ … ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [May 28, 2003, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/11 "2003-05-28T22:51:50Z")
(hint: check the website…particularly page one) ---
**Author:** ![Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Satisfying\_Andy\_Licious](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Satisfying_Andy_Licious)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/12 "2003-05-30T05:28:49Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lisa-go-Blind \* > \*\*I get it too. > > Always so clevah, **Satisfying Andy Licious** … \*\* You may be blind, but you see right through me. ---
**Author:** ![jackelope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/a6a055/32.png) [@jackelope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jackelope)\ **Post date:** [May 30, 2003, 8:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-give-me-your-thoughts-on-my-poem/177952/13 "2003-05-30T08:01:11Z")
Well done, **Satisfying Andy Licious**! The poem sucks. Except for this bit: > [@](#): > > I jump to the couch with a giant leap > Blow a kiss to you in Baltimore, a second before I sleep Nice little couplet there, but the rest of it sounds like a lovesick 16-year-old.