# Please help me poke fun of my wife’s culture **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [April 25, 2008, 4:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866 "2008-04-25T16:26:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![bouv](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bc8723/32.png) [@bouv](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bouv)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 5:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/21 "2008-04-27T05:43:01Z")
[QUOTE=AskNott] If an infant is allowed to sleep in the breeze of an electric fan, it can be very bad. Specifically, it will be bad for the rest of the people in the house or apartment. [/QUOTE] IIRC, TokyoPlayer’s wife _already_ believes this (“Fan Death” is a popular myth in Korea and Japan.) Which is why I would suggest to her that Western culture dictates that a pregnant woman should ALWAYS fall asleep with a fan blowing on her, so that the oxygen is “blown into” the fetus and it becomes very strong. ---
**Author:** ![brujaja](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4af34b/32.png) [@brujaja](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brujaja)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 6:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/22 "2008-04-27T06:19:08Z")
While your wife is pregnant, you should say, “Yes, Mama.” to her a lot. It encourages filial obedience in the developing fetus. 😉 P.S. Make fun _of_. Poke fun _at_. ---
**Author:** ![Pullet](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/edb3f5/32.png) [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 10:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/23 "2008-04-27T10:02:52Z")
Going to a sporting event that requires paying at least $50 for tickets every month during the pregnancy will keep the kid from becoming autistic. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 10:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/24 "2008-04-27T10:19:16Z")
[QUOTE=Hypno-Toad] “Eating chocolate during pregnancy will stunt the child’s development.” I’d only use that one if you really want to get evil. [/QUOTE] Sounds more like “if you want to get killed.” The following gem was recently on TV and involved several high-ranking Spanish government officers. Rephrased: “it has not been proven that working with a computer or a photocopier is safe for a pregnant woman, therefore women should refrain from any activity involving such.” I suggest not telling this to a pregnant gamer unless you feel like finding out what a controllerfull of teeth tastes like. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 10:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/25 "2008-04-27T10:22:19Z")
[QUOTE=KneadToKnow] How long does that usually take to run it’s course? [/QUOTE] Until the kid goes through the Stick Pointy Metallic Item Into Socket Plug ceremony. That puts the spark(le) back in them all right. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 11:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/26 "2008-04-27T11:09:41Z")
[QUOTE=Pullet] Going to a sporting event that requires paying at least $50 for tickets every month during the pregnancy will keep the kid from becoming autistic. [/QUOTE] This is good. I’ll make her sit through a K1 fight. ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 11:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/27 "2008-04-27T11:52:13Z")
> [@](#): > > Vaccinated children lack “sparkle”. What? Oh, yeah, because kids with polio are _much_ sparklier. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Them](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/898d66/32.png) [@The\_Them](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Them)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 2:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/28 "2008-04-27T14:07:14Z")
Really good home-cooked gourmet meals are more nutritious for the young’un to be, and should be made very day. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [April 27, 2008, 5:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/29 "2008-04-27T17:18:13Z")
[QUOTE=Lissla Lissar] What? Oh, yeah, because kids with polio are _much_ sparklier. [/QUOTE] If you polish up the stainless steel on the braces. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 28, 2008, 2:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/30 "2008-04-28T14:25:02Z")
A pregnant wouman should perform oral sex on her husband every day or the baby will be stupid and ugly. ---
**Author:** ![Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ea5d25/32.png) [@Happy\_Scrappy\_Hero\_Pup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Happy_Scrappy_Hero_Pup)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 2:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/31 "2008-04-29T02:28:11Z")
She should eat plenty of frozen waffles. That way the kid will be prepared to teethe on them. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 1:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/32 "2008-04-29T13:52:48Z")
[QUOTE=Zebra] A pregnant wouman should perform oral sex on her husband every day or the baby will be stupid and ugly. [/QUOTE] Good, good, good. Keep them cumming. ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 3:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/33 "2008-04-29T15:09:51Z")
A pregnant woman should never use the word ‘no’ as it creates a negative envrionment for the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Wargamer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/df705f/32.png) [@Wargamer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Wargamer)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 3:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/34 "2008-04-29T15:16:31Z")
Developing babies can sense negativity, so an expectant mother should refrain from disagreement about anything, as that would cause stress to the unborn child. ---
**Author:** ![Sunrazor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2acd7d/32.png) [@Sunrazor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sunrazor)\ **Post date:** [April 29, 2008, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/35 "2008-04-29T17:07:26Z")
Expectant fathers should drink several beers every night to build up their biceps for lifting the child, this relieving the mother of having to carry the baby. Also, men should never handle dirty diapers because too much exposure to urine and fecal matter causes low sperm count. It’s a closely guarded secret that municipal sewer workers have some of the lowerst sperm counts in America. Flirting with pretty women during his wife’s pregnancy helps the expectant father bond with the baby after birth; the more flirting, the better the bonding. Finally, long hours spent playing video and computer games helps fathers-to-be gain the dexterity they need to keep up with the little tyke when he/she becomes mobile ---
**Author:** ![Count\_Blucher](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Count\_Blucher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Count_Blucher)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/36 "2008-04-30T00:56:29Z")
Expectant mothers should not read; it will cause the baby to need glasses from eye strain. Car rides are very traumatic for unborn children. If the distance is less than 4 blocks, the mother should walk. If she must ride, her hands should be by her sides at all times, she should be as quiet as possible (so as not to traumatize the child further) and under no circumstances should she ever touch the radio, lest the sound waves affect the baby. Madge the Beautician was right all along; womens (and baby’s ) hands get softer if they soak in dishwashing liquid. Say for about 20 minutes every night between 6 and 7 pm. The most perfectly balanced meal for the mother of an unborn child is either garlic-and-onion spiced Haggis or fresh liver. Both should always be garnished with lime jello, which might help fight calcium deficiency in later years… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2008, 2:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/37 "2008-04-30T14:51:50Z")
The best way to deal with postpartum depression is to soundproof the gararge. ---
**Author:** ![TokyoBayer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tokyobayer/32/13989_2.png) [@TokyoBayer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TokyoBayer)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2008, 1:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866/38 "2008-05-01T13:31:52Z")
More silliness from Taiwan. According to my wife, she can’t go to her friend’s wedding, because being in a “congratulatory” time will interfere with the “congratulatoryness” of the bride, but because the bride’s congratulatoryness of the bride is stronger, the baby will suffer. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-help-me-poke-fun-of-my-wife-s-culture/446866.md?page=1)