# Please leave me alone, creepy neighbor man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 27, 2020, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061 "2020-01-27T17:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![digs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/digs/32/14889_2.png) [@digs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/digs)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/21 "2020-01-28T04:34:09Z")
Do talk to the management, and your neighbors (might be a good chance to meet them, you’d be doing them a favor giving them a heads-up). Beaming calming vibes your way… May you be so calm about it that you can have the [Secret Agent theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo9k83jhFf4) running through your head… _“Creepy Neighhh-bor Man…”_ ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 5:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/22 "2020-01-28T05:40:56Z")
> [@road\_lobo](#): > > Wow. Could we get some more stigma about “mental illness” in this thread, please? > > Not directed to OP. I’m sorry. I did not mean to imply all mental illness patients were dangerous. (Heck, I suffer from my own stuff) Some are, though. Especially those not on their meds. OP- get some help with this. You shouldn’t have to live like that. Good luck. ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 7:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/23 "2020-01-28T07:41:52Z")
> [@Omar\_Little](#): > > He sounds like he may have a mental illness. I believe that your path of ignoring him, may be the best for you. Either that or tell him that you have some terrible infectious disease and he should cover his nose and mouth or else he may catch what you have. If that doesn’t sit well with you, maybe you can come up with something similar that will make him think twice? I just woke up and so my brain isn’t working very well now. But I certainly hope you will find a way to deal with this person. ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 1:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/24 "2020-01-28T13:47:55Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > Either that or tell him that you have some terrible infectious disease and he should cover his nose and mouth or else he may catch what you have. > > If that doesn’t sit well with you, maybe you can come up with something similar that will make him think twice? I just woke up and so my brain isn’t working very well now. But I certainly hope you will find a way to deal with this person. She shouldn’t engage with this person at all. ---
**Author:** ![Annie-Xmas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ecc23a/32.png) [@Annie-Xmas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Annie-Xmas)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/25 "2020-01-28T14:11:10Z")
Do not talk to him at all. If you can, be on the phone with someone every time you leave or enter your apartment. Tell the managers and the police. I had a similar situation when I worked in rental property management and a tenant thought he and I should get together. I told him to leave me alone and when he didn’t, I had the cops talk to him and took out a restraining order. That ended it. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/26 "2020-01-28T14:41:02Z")
> [@nelliebly](#): > > Do you ever see him from your apartment window? If so, that’d be the time to take his photo–assuming he doesn’t see you, of course. > > Also, how secure is your building? That is a good idea. I can’t see his sister’s door from my window, since we’re in the same building (she’s just way further down than I am). Our building is basically split up into two sections. Each section has it’s own stairwell and key. I can’t get into hers with my key and she can’t get into mine with hers. That said, the front door of my building is almost consistently broken. Sometimes I can pull it shut, but most of the time it isn’t actually closed securely. This is why my parents worry about dropping me off, and tell me to let them know I made it in okay. Management has attempted to fix it several times before. It’s definitely time to raise the issue again. Maybe they’ll need to replace the door entirely. One other thing… I also can’t see out the peephole of my apartment door without stepping on something. It’s too high up. I have a stair stepper I’ve pulled over and used, but if someone suddenly started pounding on my door or something, I wouldn’t quickly be able to see who it was. My dad has recommended asking if they’ll either replace the door with a lower peephole, or install a chain lock for safety. I never took up the issue with them, as until this week, I honestly wasn’t ever worried for my safety at the apartment. Maybe that’s something else to bring up as well. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 2:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/27 "2020-01-28T14:43:57Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > The OP sort of reminds me of something that happened to me way back around the time I was either a senior in college or just starting grad school, circa 2002-03. One evening a woman knocked on my door and said something about how her car had brocken down or somthing like that, and she needed a ride up the road to an auto parts store to buy a part. In hindsight I should have ignored her or refused her request, but at the time I wanted to be a Good Samaritan, so I gave her a ride. Got to the parts store, she went in and a bit later came back out and said they didn’t have the part in stock. On the drive back was when things started to get wierd. She asked if she could come over to my apartment and hang out. I don’t remember how I responded, I might have said that I couldn’t that night or something like that. But then the next she knocked on my door again a day or so later, asking if we could hang out. Like she thought we were now friends or something. She kept coming over and knocking on my door until I eventually stopped answering, and she eventually stopped coming. This woman seemed to have no understanding of normal social bounderies. That is so fucking weird. I did have a random woman and a friend (I think it was two people - maybe three) ask me for a ride before. My car was heating up and they met me outside when I went out to it. I refused. For the record, it wasn’t absolutely freezing that day, and there are places nearby they could duck into while waiting for a ride (like a Dairy Queen). I told them I was in a rush and couldn’t do it. They argued a little, then dropped it. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/28 "2020-01-28T14:47:22Z")
> [@digs](#): > > Do talk to the management, and your neighbors (might be a good chance to meet them, you’d be doing them a favor giving them a heads-up). > Beaming calming vibes your way… > > May you be so calm about it that you can have the [Secret Agent theme](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oo9k83jhFf4) running through your head… _“Creepy Neighhh-bor Man…”_ Well now I know what I’ll be humming the rest of the day…😃 Thank you for the calming vibes! ---
**Author:** ![Charlie\_Wayne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/4bbf92/32.png) [@Charlie\_Wayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Charlie_Wayne)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/29 "2020-01-28T16:11:13Z")
> [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](#): > > She shouldn’t engage with this person at all. I must admit you are almost certainly right about that. Sorry. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/30 "2020-01-28T17:16:47Z")
> [@Charlie\_Wayne](#): > > I must admit you are almost certainly right about that. Sorry. TBF, I absolutely appreciate your creativity 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jasmine](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jasmine/32/2964_2.png) [@Jasmine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jasmine)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/31 "2020-01-28T17:57:09Z")
I agree with the others who think this guy has a mental problem, and that means he probably isn’t very quick on the uptake in terms of interpreting your tone or body language. From what you wrote, you have yet to firmly state to him that you want him to leave you alone. He might not even realize the stress you are under. So, I think you should make a firm statement to him. That lays it on the line. If he continues, then the situation is escalated to the point where you can file a complaint and say that you clearly and firmly asked him to leave you alone and he did not. ---
**Author:** ![markn\_1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f9ae1b/32.png) [@markn\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markn_1)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 6:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/32 "2020-01-28T18:03:33Z")
> [@Kovitlac](#): > > One other thing… I also can’t see out the peephole of my apartment door without stepping on something. It’s too high up. I have a stair stepper I’ve pulled over and used, but if someone suddenly started pounding on my door or something, I wouldn’t quickly be able to see who it was. My dad has recommended asking if they’ll either replace the door with a lower peephole, or install a chain lock for safety. They don’t need to replace the door, they can just drill a hole for a second peephole. It would cost like $10 for the new peephole and would take a handyman about 5 minutes to install it. You should definitely ask them to do this. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/33 "2020-01-28T19:40:08Z")
> [@road\_lobo](#): > > Wow. Could we get some more stigma about “mental illness” in this thread, please? > > Not directed to OP. Not all mentally ill people are dangerous, but this guy is a creep whether he’s mentally healthy or not. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 28, 2020, 9:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/34 "2020-01-28T21:34:42Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Not all mentally ill people are dangerous, but this guy is a creep whether he’s mentally healthy or not. > > Regards, > Shodan Agreed. I’ve had a former neighbor who was obnoxious and was on, well, \*something \*(heard him explain to a cop who told him to turn down his music that, yes, he was on something, but no, he doesn’t remember what it does or what it’s called). He acted extremely peculiar, and was eventually evicted for having so many complaints, and even \*\*he \*\*failed to give me the heebie-jeebies like this guy does. Honestly, I don’t really get a ‘mentally ill’ feeling from the guy featured in this post. At least not in any way that would stand out. I get a ‘socially awkward and completely oblivious’ vibe from him more than anything else. I don’t \*think \*he realizes how uncomfortable he is making me, although that doesn’t mean that, if I confront him, he can’t suddenly turn dangerous or escalate, which is namely why I don’t plan on doing so. So many people who turned out to be dangerous didn’t initially appear that way. ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 9:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/35 "2020-01-29T09:05:46Z")
> [@Kovitlac](#): > > For the record, I’m not looking for advice so much as I am to vent. I made a similar post on reddit and got a lot of, “take a picture and report him, DUH”-style comments. Because taking a photo of someone has never once spawned a confrontation… Anyway, sorry, just wanted to say that, first. Advice is okay, just please don’t be condescending. > > For the last week (since Sunday, the 19th) I’ve been ‘running into’ the same guy outside my apartment building. That afternoon I was having trouble getting the ice off my windshield, no matter how long I had the defroster on for and trying to scrape at the ice. While I’m sitting in the car this guy wanders by and makes the motion to roll down my window. I’m assuming he’s another tenant and needed something, so I step out. He launches into what I can only describe as a mini interrogation: “where do you live? Who do you live with? You got a boyfriend? Hey, where you going? Who else is going? Can I come?” > > Seriously?? CAN I COME?! I said a hurried ‘no’ and as I’m getting back into my car he asks ‘why not’? I ignore him and stare intently at my phone. He wanders off and I see him standing at one of the building doors. When I look up again, he’s gone. I get out and start scraping at my car again, only to realize he was standing at another apartment door across the drive. He says something about his sister shutting him out. Then asks if he can come inside with me. BECAUSE THAT’S F’ING NORMAL TO ASK A STRANGER. > > I get back into my car. He approaches again and stands hunched over, staring intently at me through my side window. I pretend to make a phone call, and he finally wanders away and goes inside (guess his sister let him in). At that point I really do call my mom, asking if she could pick me up (we were meeting up at a bar to watch the Packer game). The guy doesn’t come back out, but I’m too nervous to get out and go into my own building. > > The next morning, I’m again fighting my car and ice that is REALLY determined not to melt. The guy passes me, but doesn’t say anything. I don’t see him anymore that week until Saturday evening. I go out to get my mail and as I’m returning, he exists the same building (I’m thinking maybe he lives in one building, and visits his sister in mine, although we do not share a stairwell, fortunately). Calls out to me asking how I’m doing, and if I want to hang out with him. I ignore him and go inside. > > Next morning, yesterday, I’m going out for coffee. I didn’t look out my window beforehand though, and he’s standing outside his door, which happens to be right where I’m parked. Starts talking to me again. Again, I ignore him. I’m not sure exactly what he’ saying here, but I think he called me gorgeous or something. Maybe not. Doesn’t really matter, because I’m trying very hard to not ever respond, anyway. > > My friends and family are worried, and as I watch more true crime than what’s probably healthy, so am I. If my parents are dropping me off from anything, they tell me to turn on the light or text when I get inside, so they know I made it. It got recommended for me to buy pepper gel, which functions like pepper spray but is supposedly much safer. I’ve got it in my amazon cart, and plan on taking it on my long summer walks, when I get approached by guys all the time (in those cases I’m walking away and only see the guy briefly, so I’m more inclined to give a straight up, “nope”). I’ve also been recommended to take a photo of him, which I think is good, but I’m scared he’ll see me and react. I’m a 5’4 woman and I live alone. I’m not the most confrontational girl AT ALL, and wish I had more of a backbone than I do. I’m trying to raise my confidence, but telling off a guy who is MUCH larger than me and lives right by me scares me… I don’t have a name or anything beyond an extremely basic description, so without a picture it’s pretty much useless to report him. And what would I even report him for? Talking to me? I’d rather he just leave me alone, but I know that’s not necessarily going to happen, and if this continues I’ll HAVE to do something myself. > > Sorry this post is so long. Like I said, I’m really looking to vent more than anything. I more or less know the options available to me; I just wish this guy wasn’t so fucking clueless that he thinks a girl ignoring him and avoiding eye contact is code for, “yes, please continue chatting me up. Let’s Netflix and chill the 47th time you ask!” :smack: He’s bigger than you and not respecting common boundaries or observing clear nonverbal signals. Why should YOU have to deal with HIS issues? He is not behaving respectfully to you. You are not his guardian. You are your own guardian. This is a basic human right. Call the non-emergency number. Do you have your own wifi? I can recommend a simple cheap security camera. ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 9:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/36 "2020-01-29T09:24:28Z")
> [@Shodan](#): > > Not all mentally ill people are dangerous, but this guy is a creep whether he’s mentally healthy or not. > > Regards, > Shodan Do people ever analyze “not all” statements? “Not all” is saying most are. And in fact, most “mentally ill” people are more likely to be victimized than victimizers. [3to5%, it seems.](https://www.mentalhealth.gov/basics/mental-health-myths-facts) Then… [Also…](https://jech.bmj.com/content/70/3/223) My sympathies to OP. [Stay safe.](https://yesmeansyesblog.wordpress.com/2011/03/21/mythcommunication-its-not-that-they-dont-understand-they-just-dont-like-the-answer/) ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 3:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/37 "2020-01-29T15:07:14Z")
> [@margin](#): > > He’s bigger than you and not respecting common boundaries or observing clear nonverbal signals. Why should YOU have to deal with HIS issues? He is not behaving respectfully to you. You are not his guardian. > > You are your own guardian. This is a basic human right. Call the non-emergency number. > > Do you have your own wifi? I can recommend a simple cheap security camera. Thank you so much for the kind words \<3 I do have my own wifi. While I don’t think keeping a security camera is ever a bad idea, I’m not sure how much a camera would help me in this specific case. All of our interactions have been outside my apartment building, on the narrow street/drive that separates the buildings. It’s where most of us have to park and is unavoidable (likewise, there’s no back entrance/exit from my building. Only the one door that leads directly to the street). Can I get a camera and aim it out the window? I suppose there isn’t really any difference between that and a doorbell camera, or any other camera you’d find on someone’s property, right? I’ll look through my lease and see if they say anything about cameras as well. I’d very much appreciate your recommendation, as I have no idea where to start, lol 🙂 Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/38 "2020-01-29T15:42:24Z")
In general, home security cameras need to be mounted outdoors as they do not function well when indoors and aimed out through a window. The best thing for the OP would be concerned and active apartment management and a responsive police department. Report and document, while taking adequate security precautions\* (being seen with a burly friend wouldn’t be a bad idea). And if the situation seems to be degenerating into determined stalking, be prepared to move. ☹ \*recalling a recent episode on Investigation Discovery, in which a young woman was being stalked by a next door neighbor who did things like stationing a chair outside his door to watch her comings and goings, scrawling messages on her door about the need to Repent and leaving piles of gifts on her front stoop. This woman left her keys in her open apartment door while she went out to her car to get stuff, and when she came back to her apartment the keys were gone. Did she 1) make an emergency call to a locksmith to get her lock re-keyed, 2) get the cops to come over while she hauled emergency supplies out to her car and got a room elsewhere for the night prior to changing the lock, or 3) say to herself oh well, guess the keys got lost somehow and forget about the incident. Yes, she chose option #3. It did not end well, though she lived and the stalker did not. Not to be alarmist, but basic awareness and good security are important. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/39 "2020-01-29T16:34:12Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > \*recalling a recent episode on Investigation Discovery, in which a young woman was being stalked by a next door neighbor who did things like stationing a chair outside his door to watch her comings and goings, scrawling messages on her door about the need to Repent and leaving piles of gifts on her front stoop. This woman left her keys in her open apartment door while she went out to her car to get stuff, and when she came back to her apartment the keys were gone. Did she 1) make an emergency call to a locksmith to get her lock re-keyed, 2) get the cops to come over while she hauled emergency supplies out to her car and got a room elsewhere for the night prior to changing the lock, or 3) say to herself oh well, guess the keys got lost somehow and forget about the incident. > Yes, she chose option #3. It did not end well, though she lived and the stalker did not. > Not to be alarmist, but basic awareness and good security are important. Ay caramba! When I was first on my own after college, there was a guy who was raping/murdering women in my area. Every time I got groceries, I would lock the apt. door if I needed to go back to the car to bring more groceries in. Good thing - when they caught him, found out his MO was to follow a lone shopper from the grocery store\* to their destination, then sneak in to the woman’s residence when they went out on their second trip. - and the grocery store I was working out of was the one I went to. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2020, 5:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/40 "2020-01-29T17:17:30Z")
That’s the grocery store _he_ was working out of. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061.md?page=3)