# Please leave me alone, creepy neighbor man **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 27, 2020, 5:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061 "2020-01-27T17:28:54Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 9:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/61 "2020-01-30T21:03:10Z")
> [@Ca3799](#): > > If you wear earphones you can both pretend you don’t hear him and take his picture with your phone at the same time. Plugging in earphones to your phone will cancel the ‘clicking’ sound the camera on your phone makes when you take a picture. > > My college student daughter wears earphones specifically to ignore people (men) who try to engage with her in weird places (like when she’s just walking down a sidewalk). Most of the time the earphones aren’t even plugged in to her phone. > > If you do have to engage with him, just give him a firm “No” even if it’s not an appropriate answer to whatever he is saying. > You don’t have to say anything else at all; no answering questions, no explaining, no justifications, just a firm “no.” Repeat a time or two if necessary, and then no more. > > It sucks that you are kind of stuck there while defrosting which gives him an opportunity to try to engage with you. > > Is that problem improvable at all? I’m in south Texas. We don’t have that ‘defrosting’ thing here. > > Does the car need a repair or does it have a feature that allows you to start the AC before you come out to the car (mine does)? I actually turn off all phone noises (like when you’re texting, taking a photo, etc) as soon as I get a phone, just because they irritate me 🙂 I do have a remote start, which does turn the defroster on. It does auto shut off after 10 minutes, so if the ice is pretty bad it some scraping will still be required. It also depends on where I park - I can only use remote start if I’m able to park close enough to my apartment. I can’t wait for the arrival of warmer weather. This has been a less ice / more snow kind of year though, and at least snow is easy to brush off. The ice can be a problem, though. I know what you mean about your daughter. I used to be the kind who felt compelled to stick around and chat, even though I didn’t want to, because just walking away felt so rude. Now I do that pretty easily. I love going on long summer walks and play Pokémon GO (no judging me - it’s helped me lose a lot of weight!). I get a lot of guys trying to chat me up. I no longer feel like I have to stick around and smile nicely - I say, ‘no’ when they ask for my name and just keep walking. This guy just freaks me out a bit more because I can’t just walk away. That, plus he seems to live here. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/62 "2020-01-30T21:09:37Z")
> [@margin](#): > > There is a brand of camera called Yi, which one can position _inside_ a window without having to worry about glare as long as one goes into the settings and turns off the infrared light AND the indicator or status light. One can watch (and listen) _through_ the camera in real time via the phone app. They’re not expensive, but one needs wifi. Also, keeping the light off (or screened by curtains) does away with any reflection difficulties. The camera may be set to motion activated and takes a 32-gb micro-sd card. I have an Android phone, so I’m not sure if it’s compatible with Apple. > > There are stationary and mobile models. They record audio as well as video. Thank you! I use Android as well. Do you know if these are the kind to record over old footage if it isn’t removed in a set period of time? Or is it something I’d have to manually wipe myself, or put a new card in to continue recording? Or are both options typically available? ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 9:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/63 "2020-01-30T21:19:41Z")
> [@BubbaDog](#): > > In analyzing BOTH of your statements I’d give each of you a nitpick score of 72% > > You extended **Shodan’s** statement into something he didn’t intend to say and he did the same to you. > > Sorry for the continued hijack. Add my vote to the crowd that says the OP should be proactive in this situation by buying some defensive deterrents and notifying the authorities, both apt management and police. Yeah, I’d be willing to bet I’ve been dealing with Shodan a decade longer than you have, which puts us into the Nineties. ---
**Author:** ![margin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@margin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/margin)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 9:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/64 "2020-01-30T21:26:04Z")
> [@Kovitlac](#): > > Thank you! I use Android as well. Do you know if these are the kind to record over old footage if it isn’t removed in a set period of time? Or is it something I’d have to manually wipe myself, or put a new card in to continue recording? Or are both options typically available? The card will eventually fill up and stop recording, depending on the quality of video you pick. You can save whichever video you want on your phone, or transfer it to anything, really. You can just choose to format the card once it gets below 1%. After seeing if there’s any footage the you’d like to save. The “dome”-style cameras turn around and go up and down, but the stationary ones are very light and small. I’ve used duct tape on the base to put them in various places, because if you have cats, I guarantee you they will think, “New toy!” at least once. What I did is wrap it around my hand a few times, sticky side out, then put it in the spot I want it. The lump of tape also gives you some tilt because the downward angle ability on the dome type of camera is not that great. I’ve gotten video of one armed robbery, one car theft, one hit-and-run and at least six accidents. ---
**Author:** ![filmore](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7993a0/32.png) [@filmore](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/filmore)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 9:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/65 "2020-01-30T21:30:05Z")
Some of the cameras will do “circle recording”, which is where the older recordings will be deleted. If that’s a feature you want, try to find cameras which can do that. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 10:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/66 "2020-01-30T22:41:19Z")
Another poster alluded to this: if the OP decides to get a camera to document harassment, an unobtrusive body cam sounds like the best bet. There are surprisingly inexpensive ones that will capture decent video and audio from any encounters, which a fixed indoor-mounted camera couldn’t do. Side note: I’m a bit peeved at the OP for her thread title, which has generated a Helen Reddy earworm. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![chela](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chela/32/21582_2.png) [@chela](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chela)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2020, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/67 "2020-01-30T23:51:14Z")
Secret Agent Man popped up in my ear worm ---
**Author:** ![Hopeful\_Crow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/da6949/32.png) [@Hopeful\_Crow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hopeful_Crow)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/68 "2020-01-31T02:18:52Z")
> [@Kovitlac](#): > > I actually turn off all phone noises (like when you’re texting, taking a photo, etc) as soon as I get a phone, just because they irritate me 🙂 Ahh, a kindred spirit! > [@Kovitlac](#): > > I do have a remote start, which does turn the defroster on. It does auto shut off after 10 minutes, so if the ice is pretty bad it some scraping will still be required. It also depends on where I park - I can only use remote start if I’m able to park close enough to my apartment. I can’t wait for the arrival of warmer weather. This has been a less ice / more snow kind of year though, and at least snow is easy to brush off. The ice can be a problem, though. I’m wondering if you could put something on the dashboard that will direct more of the heat onto the window. Perhaps a few pieces of cardboard with the bottoms folded so they will stand up and the top corners just barely touching the glass. Or perhaps a plastic pool noodle or maybe a rolled up bath towel would do, as long as it doesn’t block the vents. There’s probably something better. I’m just not coming up with it. Good luck to you with this guy. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 3:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/69 "2020-01-31T15:01:19Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > Another poster alluded to this: if the OP decides to get a camera to document harassment, an unobtrusive body cam sounds like the best bet. > > There are surprisingly inexpensive ones that will capture decent video and audio from any encounters, which a fixed indoor-mounted camera couldn’t do. > > Side note: I’m a bit peeved at the OP for her thread title, which has generated a Helen Reddy earworm. ☹ Creepy…NEEEEIIIGHBOR man, creepy…NEIGHBOR maaaan!.. Er, I mean, I humbly apologize… :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 3:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/70 "2020-01-31T15:03:23Z")
> [@Hopeful\_Crow](#): > > Or perhaps a plastic pool noodle or maybe a rolled up bath towel would do, as long as it doesn’t block the vents. There’s probably something better. I’m just not coming up with it. That’s alright; I’m quite enjoying the mental image of a pool noodle (or several) jam-packed into my Impala 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2020, 3:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/71 "2020-01-31T15:55:20Z")
> [@chela](#): > > Secret Agent Man popped up in my ear worm And now on top of it, Arlo Guthrie: _Coming into Los Angeles Bringing in a couple of keys But don’t touch me if you please Creepy Neighbor Man_ ---
**Author:** ![Patch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a183cd/32.png) [@Patch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Patch)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/72 "2020-02-01T00:11:41Z")
> [@Kovitlac](#): > > That is a good idea. I can’t see his sister’s door from my window, since we’re in the same building (she’s just way further down than I am). Our building is basically split up into two sections. Each section has it’s own stairwell and key. I can’t get into hers with my key and she can’t get into mine with hers. That said, the front door of my building is almost consistently broken. Sometimes I can pull it shut, but most of the time it isn’t actually closed securely. This is why my parents worry about dropping me off, and tell me to let them know I made it in okay. > > Management has attempted to fix it several times before. It’s definitely time to raise the issue again. Maybe they’ll need to replace the door entirely. > > One other thing… I also can’t see out the peephole of my apartment door without stepping on something. It’s too high up. I have a stair stepper I’ve pulled over and used, but if someone suddenly started pounding on my door or something, I wouldn’t quickly be able to see who it was. My dad has recommended asking if they’ll either replace the door with a lower peephole, or install a chain lock for safety. I never took up the issue with them, as until this week, I honestly wasn’t ever worried for my safety at the apartment. Maybe that’s something else to bring up as well. Install a second, lower peephole. And tell the apartment manager that they’re liable if your place gets broken into and anything is stolen or you’re assaulted because they won’t supply a door that locks securely. ---
**Author:** ![Ludovic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ab992/32.png) [@Ludovic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ludovic)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/73 "2020-02-01T00:19:59Z")
> [@Jackmannii](#): > > And now on top of it, Arlo Guthrie: > > _Coming into Los Angeles > Bringing in a couple of keys > But don’t touch me if you please > Creepy Neighbor Man_ Winner. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 1, 2020, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/74 "2020-02-01T22:34:44Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > If he’s totally sane, you have no idea whether he’s harmless, either. > > Plenty of people who are of normal or above-normal intelligence, neurotypical, and considered fully sane have committed crimes of violence. People who commit pathological crimes are by definition mentally ill. When someone is confronted by odd behavior there is reason to believe mental illness is involved. That means the person isn’t processing information correctly and by default that puts into question their ability to deal with things in a rational manner. ---
**Author:** ![zweisamkeit](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zweisamkeit/32/4360_2.png) [@zweisamkeit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zweisamkeit)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2020, 4:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/75 "2020-02-02T16:41:06Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > People who commit pathological crimes are by definition mentally ill. When someone is confronted by odd behavior there is reason to believe mental illness is involved. That means the person isn’t processing information correctly and by default that puts into question their ability to deal with things in a rational manner. Nope ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2020, 5:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/76 "2020-02-02T17:26:18Z")
> [@Magiver](#): > > People who commit pathological crimes are by definition mentally ill. When someone is confronted by odd behavior there is reason to believe mental illness is involved. That means the person isn’t processing information correctly and by default that puts into question their ability to deal with things in a rational manner. There are very many sexual predators who are not in any way considered to be mentally ill; as well as many people who commit crimes of other sorts. Committing crimes is not in itself “pathological” behavior in humans. The person in question in this thread may 1) be mentally ill; or 2) may be mentally developmentally disabled and/or not neurotypical, which is not the same thing; or 3) may be socially clueless for reasons having nothing to do with mental abilities; or 4) may be an entirely sane and normally or more than normally intelligent deliberate predator either looking for a victim who can be frightened or harrassed into compliance, or simply enjoying a long runup to a planned attack; or 5) may be an entirely sane and normally or more than normally intelligent asshole who knows perfectly well that he’s disturbing his victim(s) and doesn’t expect to do any more than that, but thinks that it’s funny to do so. We have no idea which is the case, and jumping to conclusions on the matter is not helpful – except that in terms of defending oneself, any person dealing with this problem needs to seriously consider possibility 4, while bearing in mind that it’s not the only possibility. – if any of my terminology in the above is improper, please let me know. ---
**Author:** ![Magiver](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Magiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Magiver)\ **Post date:** [February 2, 2020, 5:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/77 "2020-02-02T17:44:29Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > There are very many sexual predators who are not in any way considered to be mentally ill; as well as many people who commit crimes of other sorts. Committing crimes is not in itself “pathological” behavior in humans. that’s not what I said. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2020, 3:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/78 "2020-02-03T15:11:31Z")
I was happy to not see this guy for a week, but he appeared again Sunday afternoon, as I was heading to a Superbowl party. I didn’t approach me and he didn’t say anything, which was a relief. I was looking for a good time to subtly take a photo from inside my car, but he was always staring at me (plus I was a ways away, and since he had his coat and hood on, I honestly doubted I’d get a picture of his face at all). As I was driving out, I waved to a neighbor who was picking up trash. There are a couple exists from my apartment complex, but for the one most convenient for me that day, I basically had to exit down an alley way, out to another street, then circle around to the road I wanted to take home. Basically, I exit and reenter view of the apartment twice after leaving the drive. Each time, he was staring at me. And I mean, he had to turn around and get closer to a fence to see me, and he did. As I circled around and headed for the main road, he raised his hand and waved at me. I did not wave back. The whole party, I was picturing him breaking into my home. Of course that didn’t happen, but I tend to be a bit of an anxious person, and was relieved to get home and see everything was okay. ---
**Author:** ![Zyada](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zyada/32/3028_2.png) [@Zyada](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zyada)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2020, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/79 "2020-02-03T18:21:23Z")
Hon, just because you’ve been in situations in the past that made you anxious that turned out to not be a problem, doesn’t mean this isn’t a problem. Contact the apartment management now. Better that you contact them and it shows be no big deal, than to not contact them and have this person assault you because no one who could have made a difference didn’t know they needed to do something. Normally when people don’t take my advice, I just drop it and move on. But in this case, several people have given you advice _that could potentially save your life_, and I haven’t seen any evidence that you have taken that advice, or are even considering taking that advice. If you keep passing on the common sense precautions of contacting your building management about the threatening person that’s approaching you, about the problem with the door that is supposed to improve your safety, and the advice to get your management to install a peephole that you can actually use, I’m going to start to wonder about the real reason you’re posting about this incident. ---
**Author:** ![Kovitlac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/2bfe46/32.png) [@Kovitlac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kovitlac)\ **Post date:** [February 3, 2020, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061/80 "2020-02-03T19:22:45Z")
> [@Zyada](#): > > Hon, just because you’ve been in situations in the past that made you anxious that turned out to not be a problem, doesn’t mean this isn’t a problem. > > Contact the apartment management now. Better that you contact them and it shows be no big deal, than to not contact them and have this person assault you because no one who could have made a difference didn’t know they needed to do something. > > Normally when people don’t take my advice, I just drop it and move on. But in this case, several people have given you advice _that could potentially save your life_, and I haven’t seen any evidence that you have taken that advice, or are even considering taking that advice. > > If you keep passing on the common sense precautions of contacting your building management about the threatening person that’s approaching you, about the problem with the door that is supposed to improve your safety, and the advice to get your management to install a peephole that you can actually use, I’m going to start to wonder about the real reason you’re posting about this incident. Okay I’m not entire sure what part of, **“For the record, I’m not looking for advice so much as I am to vent… Like I said, I’m really looking to vent more than anything. I more or less know the options available to me; I just wish this guy wasn’t so fucking clueless…”** you didn’t catch from my initial post. Literally, the very first sentence is me making it pretty clear that I’m not actually looking for advice. That said, I have and continue to say that the advice I’m getting is appreciated. Also, please do not ‘hun’ me. I’m not 12. Yes, I’m very well aware of what can potentially happen. You aren’t opening my eyes to some danger I’m not seeing. I’m not sure why you’re assuming I haven’t done a single thing, but you’d be incorrect. Pepper gel has been ordered, and my apartment complex has been contacted (there is no office, so I can’t just walk in and tell someone). I’m not ordering cameras as of yet, but the option is on the table and links have been bookmarked. My sincerest apologies for not updating you with steps I’ve taken in response to advice that I never actually sought out. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-leave-me-alone-creepy-neighbor-man/847061.md?page=3)