# PLEASE READ THIS THREAD AND REPLY A.S.A.P.!!!
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138
**Category:** The BBQ Pit
**Created:** [November 30, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138 "2001-11-30T16:27:12Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Podkayne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Podkayne)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/1 "2001-11-30T16:27:12Z")
If you read the title and clicked on this thread because you thought it was very important to me to get a reply, well, thank you, you have a good heart. You do not yet know the bitterness that I know.
**Am I going to open your email any faster if you put, “URGENT!” in the subject line?**
No. No one who I don’t know personally could possibly have anything to tell me through email that can’t wait until I’ve read the rest of the mail in my inbox.
**DOES IT HELP TO PUT THE SUBJECT IN ALL CAPS?**
no.
**Does ten times the punctuation mean ten times the impact???**
No!!!
**Does including “Please respond ASAP!” in your message mean I’ll reply faster?**
No. I try to reply to all my email promptly. Yours is no different. Well, except that the fact that you have the temerity to assume that your email deserves an instant answer gives me a little extra incentive to find something else to do before replying.
**Will I read your email if you don’t put “PLEASE READ!” in the subject line?**
Uh, yes. As a matter of fact, you may be shocked to hear that _most_ of the email I get does _not_ have “Please read!” in the subject line, and, amazingly enough, _I read it anyway._
**Will “I need a reply NOW!” garner an instant reply?**
Fuck no. Unless you’re in my chain of command, you don’t get to issue demands. Maybe if you’d been a little polite you’d have gotten a response. As is . . . What’s that? I think I hear the train to Deletesville! Buh-bye!
**In closing:** You are not special. Your email is not of earthshattering importance, regardless of what _you_ think. Maybe if you put three seconds of thought into writing a brief, descriptive subject line and making your message clear and interesting, you wouldn’t feel the need to indulge in cheap and ineffective attention-getting tactics.
THANX AND HAVE A NICE DAY AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!!
[sub](You know, this rant would have probably been a lot better if it were written in a sarcastic, ironic mode, but I’ll leave that as an exercise for the reader.)[/sub]
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### Author:  [@tiny\_ham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tiny_ham)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/2 "2001-11-30T16:36:06Z")
IS THIS REPLY FAST ENOUGH!!!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR PROMPT OP TO THIS MATTER
SINCERELY,
jarbaby
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### Author:  [@Ethilrist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ethilrist)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/3 "2001-11-30T16:37:52Z")
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
::picture Opus, answering the phone while wearing a towel around his waist and a shower cap on his head, still dripping from the shower…::
🙂
Ya know, that Aesop feller had a thing or two to say about this, something about boys and wolves…
What really gets me is that I delete all that stuff without reading it because actually responding by saying to never write me again just means I’ll get MORE junk email…
Also, pet peeve: people who don’t realize that ASAP means as soon as possible, not immediately. If I honestly can’t get to it until next March, that’s ASAP. Live with it.
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### Author:  [@Duck\_Duck\_Goose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duck_Duck_Goose)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/4 "2001-11-30T16:38:51Z")
.
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GET A 12-INCH COCK IN ONLY 30 DAYS WITH NEW…
[sub]those are my favorites[/sub]
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### Author:  [@LiquidLobotomy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiquidLobotomy)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/5 "2001-11-30T16:38:57Z")
DID I WIN???
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### Author:  [@casdave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/casdave)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/6 "2001-11-30T16:44:43Z")
EVERYBODY WINS…
SEND $$$ TO COLLECT YOUR PRIZE!!
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### Author:  [@andros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andros)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/7 "2001-11-30T16:44:43Z")
C’mon Goosie . . . you know you’ve been just _dying_ for a 12 inch rooster.
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### Author:  [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/8 "2001-11-30T16:49:09Z")
Duck Duck Goose,
link please?
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### Author:  [@llamasex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/llamasex)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/9 "2001-11-30T16:50:09Z")
here is the resume you wanted.
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### Author:  [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/10 "2001-11-30T16:50:15Z")
That was really mean - I rushed in here to respond, and you were just kidding. Man!
Well, anyway, I gotta go - seems I could ALREADY BE A WINNER!
Esprix
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### Author:  [@Bad\_News\_Baboon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bad_News_Baboon)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/11 "2001-11-30T16:52:29Z")
its ok:
I forwarded this to 463593264 friends.
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### Author:  [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 4:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/12 "2001-11-30T16:53:09Z")
PLEASE, (your name here), I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE!!!
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### Author:  [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/13 "2001-11-30T17:02:26Z")
Ah, yes, the joys of the internet. I was soooo happy :rolleyes: when my SIL got a computer because my in-box immediately filled up with “PLEASE READ THIS AND SEND IT BACK TO ME!!!” or “URGENT!!! WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU TAKE GOD OUT OF SCHOOLS” glurge messages. My SIL and I don’t really get along because I’m “bitter and sarcastic” and yet she feels _compelled_ to send me (and everyone else) this crap. Here’s a hint for ya, SIL, its shit like that which makes me bitter and sarcastic! Stop sending it to me and I **might** not be so damned cranky the next time I talk to you!
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### Author:  [@tevya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tevya)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/14 "2001-11-30T17:13:47Z")
I HOPE YOU ARE FEELING BETTER NOW! I MUST KNOW NOW!! IF YOU ARE NOT FEELIING BETTER YOU MAY BE ELIGIBLE TO PARTICIPATE IN OUR RESEARCH STUDY. BUT ONLY IF YOU REPLY RIGHT AWAY!!!
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### Author:  [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/15 "2001-11-30T17:16:40Z")
I send you this file in order to have your advice.
( **gobear** , that’s the excuse someone gave me after I spanked her for sending me the Klingerman virus warning. :rolleyes:)
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### Author:  [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/16 "2001-11-30T17:25:19Z")
The glurge is starting to talk back - I got one last week that said something at the end like; “If you are a bad person who doesn’t care about anybody or anything, just go ahead and delete this.” That one got deleted extra-super-fast. And I think it’s just about time to talk to my BIL who is the perpetrator of all my glurge.
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### Author:  [@slortar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/slortar)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/17 "2001-11-30T17:46:55Z")
Hah, you jerk. Just because of that trick, I’m not going to answer your damn thread. So there.
Oh, wait. Damn. ☹
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### Author:  [@Weirddave](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Weirddave)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 5:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/18 "2001-11-30T17:57:58Z")
> [@](#):
>
> \*Originally posted by gobear \*
> \*\*PLEASE, (your name here), I DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE!!! \*\*
Hehe. My e-mail is [Weirddave0@hotmail.com](mailto:Weirddave0@hotmail.com) and I get these where the “your name here” part is “Weird”. When the subject is “Hey, Weird, I’ve been looking for you” or the like, it immediately goes to the trash can. I get a lot of these from Ms. Cleo. You’d think she’d know my actual name isn’t “Weird”, being psychic and all that. 😉
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### Author:  [@El\_Kabong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Kabong)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/19 "2001-11-30T18:14:22Z")
To whom it may concern:
Your address was given to me by someone who cares about you.
With the explosive growth of e-mail and the World Wide Web, a crisis is developing which will have far-reaching implications for mankind, unless we take urgent action now. I am, of course, referring to the exponential increase in use of the exclamation point.
While it is not well known by the general public, exclamation points are a finite resource. Raw materials can only be obtained by deep mining under difficult conditions, and nearly all ores of commercial value appear to have been found. Efforts to synthesize exclamation points by adapting parts of less-used punctuation marks show promise but a workable process appears to be at least 20 years away.
A recent university study (Strunk, et al 1999) indicates that supply is at a critical level; at our present rate of consumption, we may be completely out of exclamation points by mid-2005, but in fact demand is GROWING AT THE RATE OF MORE THAN 20% ANNUALLY!!!
Can you stand by, knowing that your children are at risk of going entirely without vital means of expression? What about less delevoped countries, which are at an extreme disadvantage as market prices rise to unheard-of levels, and where millions may never know the joy of a healthy expostulation?
Our organization, the Committe for Restoring the Availability of Punctuation, can help. CRAP has been working to increase public awareness of this looming crisis, since 1995. Your donations will help us get the message out, promote conservation efforts, fund research into alternative resources, and guarantee a world where we can continue to express ourselves appropriately when we strike our thumbs with errant hammers.
Please send your donations (certified check, Paypal or credit card debit ONLY, please) to:
CRAP
1000 Voderheleshetawkinabowtstret
Rejkav, er,
Rika, er,
Rejkavich, oh the hell with it
Iceland
DO IT TODAY!!!
ONLY YOU CAN HELP PRESERVE OUR RIGHT TO FREE EXPRESSION!!!
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### Author:  [@The\_Bad\_Astronomer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bad_Astronomer)
#### Post date: [November 30, 2001, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138/20 "2001-11-30T18:22:50Z")
The irony here is that we _do_ know you, **Podkayne** , so of course we all ran to this thread when we saw your name (and, not to mention, I am cyberstalking you here at SDMB).
Anyway, the really evil spams are the ones who have subject lines like “Coming to visit” or “Re: about that memo” or some other subject that might actually be real.
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-read-this-thread-and-reply-a-s-a-p/96138.md?page=2)