# Please settle this disagreement between me and my wife -- let's get between the sheets **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 21, 2024, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146 "2024-03-21T14:48:04Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/81 "2024-03-26T18:30:25Z")
Except for the few tools arrarayed above your place setting used out of order. There’s always a trap set to expose the _poseurs_. ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/82 "2024-03-26T19:02:02Z")
You mean the dessert fork and spoon? Well, you know when to use those because they’re the only utensils you’ve got left. 😆 ---
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/83 "2024-03-26T20:04:53Z")
> [@WildaBeast](#): > > Get solid colored sheets. There is no finished or unfinished side, so it won’t matter. No, there is definitely a finished side and unfinished side. It is apparent on what side the hem is on and where the tags are. I like the finished side down as the grain of the fabric is smoother. I used to fold the top down and tuck the bottom in. I don’t fold the top down anymore as I find it looks better with just the comforter viewable. Hubster has never in his life made a bed except when in the army guard. He doesn’t care if it’s made let alone how it’s made. So, as is only right and proper, I get my way. ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/84 "2024-03-26T20:41:09Z")
> [@Sylvanz](#): > > No, there is definitely a finished side and unfinished side. It is apparent on what side the hem is on and where the tags are. It seems to depend on the sheet. Mine do not have an unfinished side. They are smooth and white on both sides. Even the hem at the top looks the same on both sides. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/85 "2024-03-26T20:56:03Z")
My recent favorite sheets are bamboo. They weren’t uber pricey. But enough. The top hem is French seamed. Like that seam down the side of your Levi’s. It’s not nearly that bulky though. I have to say if you tend to lose your top sheet in the night its easy to find the top of the sheet this way. I thought it very clever. ---
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/86 "2024-03-26T20:58:07Z")
Ugh, no just no. I don’t want anyone that close to my hand or anything else. Waaaay too chummy for me. ---
**Author:** ![Sylvanz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/fbc32d/32.png) [@Sylvanz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sylvanz)\ **Post date:** [March 26, 2024, 9:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/87 "2024-03-26T21:09:34Z")
Yes, and I agree with your above comment about making your bed however you want. My last sheets are bamboo viscose blend. I like them very much, but there is definitely a finished side. I like that one against us. When I was younger my best friend’s family was on a higher socio-economic scale. We were working class/poor, they were solid middle class/upper middle class. Her mother is the one that instructed me on the finished side down thing. Now, it’s just how I do it and it would feel “wrong” if I didn’t do it that way. ---
**Author:** ![TRC4941](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/trc4941/32/6792_2.png) [@TRC4941](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TRC4941)\ **Post date:** [March 27, 2024, 2:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/88 "2024-03-27T14:38:25Z")
> [@Drum\_God](#): > > This sheet has a finished (or printed, if it has a pattern) side and an unfinished side. One of us places the finished side down. The top hem of the sheet goes all the way to the headboard. The light blanket stops several inches from the headboard. The top sheet is then folded over the blanket, leaving the finished side matching the exposed part of the fitted sheet. That’s how I always have done it. The flat sheet goes on upside down so you can turn the top of it over the blanket/comforter. I guess one of the reasons is then your face and drool aren’t on the blanket/comforter which isn’t laundered every week like the sheets are. And it looks pretty! ---
**Author:** ![Die\_Capacitrix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/die_capacitrix/32/9_2.png) [@Die\_Capacitrix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Die_Capacitrix)\ **Post date:** [March 30, 2024, 12:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/89 "2024-03-30T12:46:16Z")
This is the correct answer. We have a flat sheet for the rather rare occasions that the summer duvet is too warm. After more than two decades of using only a duvet, I find the whole sheet/blanket/quilt/coverlet issue to be too much work. One of us makes the bed every morning: - Fluff all three sleeping pillows. - Add the two decorative pillows (same size as the sleeping pillows) - Shake out the duvet and fold the top to the bottom end. > [@EddyTeddyFreddy](#): > > If the top sheet, blanket, and spread get misaligned enough to annoy me, I’ll pull the lot down to the bottom, pull each layer up separately and get them aligned again. If it’s a bed with a top sheet, etc., I have to do this every morning. I like my bedding to be orderly. For me, this is every day. > [@LSLGuy](#): > > Now to _use_ the bed, the bedspread must be removed entire, folded neatly, and stored elsewhere. If the bedspread is an heirloom quilt, then probably it should be removed so it doesn’t get tugged on during the night. Otherwise? Too much bother. > [@Drum\_God](#): > > One of us places the finished side down. The top hem of the sheet goes all the way to the headboard. The light blanket stops several inches from the headboard. If I end up making my own bed as a guest, this is the way I do it. But I usually have the light blanked, the one that is in contact with the sheet, also going to the top of the bed. I find this cozier than having just the sheet folded over the edge of the blanket. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/i_love_me_vol.i/32/521_2.png) [@I\_Love\_Me\_Vol.I](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Love_Me_Vol.I)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2024, 8:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/90 "2024-04-01T08:42:22Z")
> [@LSLGuy](#): > > Miss Manners has definitely entered the 21st Century and maybe even the 2020s with that ruling. If she’s so 2020s how come she didn’t change her Miss to Ms.? 🙃 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2024, 10:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/91 "2024-04-01T10:30:15Z")
I can’t say it every occurred to me to turn the sheet with the pattern towards the sleeper. It just always seemed natural to put the finished part on top, like you do with your clothes. No one insists that the softer part of a pair of boxers is the finished side. I can see the logic, I guess. But I can’t really say I’ve ever noticed the back side of any sheet feeling rough. And, while I have turned the bed covers, it’s usually just to hide a slightly sloppy job. A fully made bed would always have the comforter covering the whole bed with the pillows on top. No top sheet is visible. ---
**Author:** ![Drum\_God](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drum_god/32/44_2.png) [@Drum\_God](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drum_God)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2024, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/92 "2024-04-02T16:44:39Z")
Thank you everyone for your insight into this burning issue. I am gratified to see that most people who expressed a preference agreed with my approach to making the bed. Rest (ha!) assured that I will NOT be showing this to my wife. I am (only slightly) smarter than that. This weekend, I will be out of town for work. My wife has already told me that she will be washing all of the bedding (mattress pad, blankets, sheets). When I return home, I’m sure the bed will be made her way. And, I will crawl into bed and thank my lovely wife for taking such good care of us. Next up: loading the dishwasher. All I know is that I do it wrong. My wife reloads the dishwasher before running it every time. I must say, however, that she is able to fit lots of stuff in there! ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2024, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/93 "2024-04-02T19:00:59Z")
> [@Drum\_God](#): > > Next up: loading the dishwasher. All I know is that I do it wrong. My wife reloads the dishwasher before running it every time. I must say, however, that she is able to fit lots of stuff in there! Sounds like a little reframing is in order! You are not “loading the dishwasher wrong”: you are doing important work in the initial setup of the dishwasher load, which your wife subsequently tweaks to optimize loading density in the finished product. 👍 😉 Seriously, I often think it’s a pity when differences in housekeeping practice become bones of contention rather than opportunities for collaboration. You do this task this way, I do it that way, if we just figure out an efficient way to combine our efforts, then everything gets done to everybody’s reasonable level of satisfaction. And nobody has to feel judged, or flounce out of housekeeping tasks altogether because they feel judged, or resent being the one stuck with all the housekeeping tasks because their partner flounced because they felt judged, and so on in an eternal spiral of grievance and recrimination. ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2024, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/94 "2024-04-02T19:45:05Z")
Wow. Have you been hiding under my coffee table the last 2 years leading up to my separation? ---
**Author:** ![puzzlegal](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/puzzlegal/32/3827_2.png) [@puzzlegal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/puzzlegal)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2024, 12:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/95 "2024-04-03T00:49:02Z")
> [@Kimstu](#): > > > [@Drum\_God](#): > > > > Next up: loading the dishwasher. All I know is that I do it wrong. My wife reloads the dishwasher before running it every time. I must say, however, that she is able to fit lots of stuff in there! > > Sounds like a little reframing is in order! You are not “loading the dishwasher wrong”: you are doing important work in the initial setup of the dishwasher load, which your wife subsequently tweaks to optimize loading density in the finished product. 👍 😉 I agree with this approach. My husband and i both reload the dishwasher before running it. It’s not because the other does it wrong, it’s because the best way to load it depends on what needs to be washed. So as i fit in the last few dishes, i rearrange the ones that have been sitting there. Often, I’m moving dishes that i originally put there. He does the same. The rearrangement is a value judgement of how well this precise set of dishes fits, not of the other people in the household. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [April 3, 2024, 1:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/96 "2024-04-03T01:00:58Z")
Oh my. Do I judge dishwasher loading. But keep my mouth shut. As long as someone else is doing it any mistakes will be theirs. And I can sit there and think “Just as I thought…tsk, tsk” in my most judgemental tone, when they unload it. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2024, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/97 "2024-04-04T13:53:43Z")
With dishwashers, as long as what comes out is clean, I don’t care how it’s packed. We’re not solving some theoretical most-efficient packing problem here. We just want clean dishes. And with my dishwasher, you can pretty much pack it however the hell you want, as long as you don’t have dishes literally stacked on top of each other, and it will get it clean. Who cares if you can fit a few more dishes in with optimal packing? Do it on the next load. But we also don’t wait for the dishwasher to be 100% full before running it. I’ll run it at 50% just to feel “reset” with dishwashing chores. ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2024, 2:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/98 "2024-04-04T14:11:58Z")
You don’t care and I don’t care about optimal packing. But there are people in the world who do - and judging by the other things the person I live with cares about , it’s because two extra dishes in each load over the course of a year might save us a dollar or two in dishwasher detergent. ( He’s not exactly cheap - he wouldn’t care if I bought $40 a bottle shampoo. But I’d never hear the end of it if I didn’t leave it upside down so I could use every drop) ---
**Author:** ![LSLGuy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lslguy/32/5813_2.png) [@LSLGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LSLGuy)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2024, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/99 "2024-04-04T14:34:20Z")
Or in my case it’s because somebody cared greatly that it must be impossible for any two items to be jostled in a way that they could touch one another, lest they break. In 50 years of dense-packing dishwashers I don’t think I’ve broken but an item or two. If that. But my experience counted for zero. ---
**Author:** ![pulykamell](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/pulykamell/32/3166_2.png) [@pulykamell](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pulykamell)\ **Post date:** [April 4, 2024, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146/100 "2024-04-04T15:23:01Z")
Oh, when I do just try to cram stuff willy nilly on there, there’s lots of stuff touching each other. No issues. I just don’t do it efficiently, with all the plates here, all the bowls there, all the glasses here, etc [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-settle-this-disagreement-between-me-and-my-wife-lets-get-between-the-sheets/999146.md?page=6)