Just say no “two” drugs.
Don’t get me started on the fricken’ “lasers.” 
WhEn pEoPlE tYpE lIkE tHiS iT rEaLlY pIsSeS mE oFf. I rEfUsE tO l@@k At ThAt.
It reminds me of a Kids in the Hall bit. They had a recurring sketch called “Pit of Ultimate Darkness” featuring Kevin McDonald as Sir Simon Milligan and Dave Foley as Manservant Hecubus. In premise it was similar to the later and hugely inferior “Goth Talk” on Saturday Night Live.
Anyhoo, amid their evilness, Hecubus injects Milligan with truth serum.
Hecubus: Master, do you love 16-year old girls?
Milligan: No, I don’t “love” 16-year old girls.
Hecubus: Well, let me rephrase the question.
Miligan, Oh, you bastard.
A place I used to work had a birthday party for an employee. The cake they bought said:
HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
“BETTY”
I laughed and laughed and joked, “Happy Birthday, Betty - IF THAT’S YOUR REAL NAME.”
No one got it.
Ever seen the Zagat restaurant guides? They put quotations everywhere.
Reminds me of the Chris Farley character on SNL who used to use air quotes for practically everything.
I would have gotten it, Legomancer.
It would have been just the two of us, laughing like idiots at everyone else. 
I also hate when my students use freaking asterisks to emphasize, instead of italics or underlines or just, for pity’s sake, choosing strong words.
Where did this “come” from?
Now every time I open a Seventeen magazine (I’m a yearbook teacher, and it’s useful for layouts) I see these giant asterisks everywhere.
FisherQueen, I use asterisks to emphasize in plain-text e-mails, simply because I have no other way. It’s possible that the custom derived from similar situations. In any other medium, however, I use italics or underlining.
Everything else here goes double for me.
G’head - single me out. I can take it!
I thought about changing both of those spellings when I previewed my post, but since I always do that in casual “conversation” [note - since I’m not really talking, I believe this is the correct usage of quotes] I left them that way. On our engineering drawings, we’re supposed to write “thru” as in “Drill thru panel and rivet to frame” - I think that’s what got me started doing it. I don’t to it to bug anyone, and I never do it when writing formally, plus I always make an effort to pronounce all the letters when speaking.
I’ve also been known to use “dunno,” “wanna,” “gonna,” and suchlike. My way of using a tone of voice, I guess. When I start using phrases like “What r u doing 2 me?” I give you full permission to chastise and berate me. But life is too short to sweat the silent letters.
FisherQueen, the asterisks come from email and IM usage, where you generally can’t underline or italicize.
Oh yeah.
If you’re going to say something like “Stuff ‘n’ things”, be sure to put the proper number of apostrophes on that N. There should be two.
Apostrophes are notation that a letter has been taken out. Since the word you’re shortening is “and”, you need two apostrophes, sandwiching the n. Use only the first one, and you’ve shortened the word “an”. “Stuff an things” makes no sense. Use only the second one, and it’s the even more bizarre and incorrect “Stuff nd things”.
I swear they went over this in elementary school.
http://www.juvalamu.com/qmarks/
I was browsing the Gallery at work and could not refrain from cackling and snorting aloud. It made me wonder about myself, that I should find misused quotation marks so hysterically funny.
My sister and I about laughed ourselves silly over a sign at the post office that said Please wipe your “feet”. As opposed to what, your hooves?
mobo85 -
While I lived in Dallas, I used to drive by a large church all the time (it was visible off of 30). I can’t remember the name of the church, but under the name it said: a “friendly” community. I always thought that was hilarious.
There’s a little sub shop across the street from where my boyfriend works. Their sign says:
NO outside food “or” [triple underlined] drinks.
While I lived in Dallas, I used to drive by a large church all the time (it was visible off of 30). I can’t remember the name of the church, but under the name it said: a “friendly” community. I always thought that was hilarious.
There’s a little sub shop across the street from where my boyfriend works. There sign says:
NO outside food “or” [triple underlined] drinks.
Well, that’s just weird. I noticed when I was posting that I had mistyped “there” for “their.” So, I hit stop and corrected it. My correction is posted before my initial post with the error!
Ugh, why did I click on that link? Now I have a headache.
Just kidding…it was very “funny,” lainaf. Thanks for “sharing”.
By the same token, Lewis Carroll was of the opinion that the proper contraction of “cannot” was ca’n’t. One appostrophe for each letter.
What boggles my mind is people who abbreviate the word “and” by writing a 3 with a vertical line through it. Where in the hell do they ever see it written that way?