Archergal, believe me, those are things I definitely think about. I worry that he won’t be able to deal with my depression long term, but on the other hand, this is the first time I’ve actually let someone get this close to me to know how bad it gets sometimes. I know that I’m the only one who’ll be able to ‘fix’ my depression and anxiety, as it were, but I’m definitely working on that - I’m getting back on a course of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication, and I’m going to start therapy soon. I definitely don’t depend on him to do that. But the fact that he’s willing to stick around while I deal with this and not completely drop me like some of my friends have done - it amazes me.
As far as knowing him, we won’t be getting married until we’ve been together almost two years. I don’t plan on rushing into the marriage, but there’s just something in me that knows, you know? Even with long term boyfriends before, I knew that it would end sometimes. I don’t get that feeling here - I’m really looking forward to spending the rest of my life with him. And I know you guys only know me from words on a screen, but my friends know that I’m the kind of person who will analyze every little twist and turn to death and I won’t take a step unless I know where I’ll be stepping. We’ll be getting engaged soon, but the actual marriage won’t take place for awhile, and more than likely, we’ll live together for a few months beforehand while I’m still in school. So if anything crops up, we’ll know then.
Thanks for all of the stories. I love hearing successful internet love stories - I know a few people who’ve met their SOs online and it’s always great to hear about. And I think it’s definitely becoming more commonplace.
I think my friend will come around. I know he just worries for me. And since I’ll be visiting him next weekend and we’ll have some alone time to talk, I may bring the subject up with him. Hopefully, we can cover some ground.
Sorry, I wasn’t trying to dis anyone, just curious. I am aware there was BBS at that time, but were there really what we think of as chatrooms? As in real-time, back-and-forth communications between multiple users? I always thought it was more of a message board scenario at that time.
My mom has been married to her current husband (pretty happily, this time, thank God, he’s number three) for six or seven years. They met online, then they met in person, and I guess the sparks flew then. It CAN happen.
As for falling in love quickly, I fell fast and hard for my ex – within a month, we’d admitted to each other that we were in love. Now I’m trying to figure out how to NOT be in love with him anymore, since he ended the relationship three months ago. But I don’t want to drag the thread down – we had a LOT of fun, though we didn’t meet online, and I was in love with him by the time we’d had five dates and spent a LOT of time on the phone.
I met my husband face-to-face, and he proposed within 8 weeks. However, we waited another year and a half before the wedding to make sure that we weren’t crazy (the jury’s still out on that one).
From one Ava to another - I have problems with depression and slight anxiety too. My husband was also the first person who could “handle” it by being supportive and positive when I am down. (My last ex always thought he’d done something wrong and he’d end up getting upset and I’d end up comforting him!!) Three and a half years later, he’s still handling it fine.
Well, see, before IM there was this little program on unix machines called “chat” or “talk.” It works exactly the same as IM, only better, on the command line. It would show your typing on one half of the screen and the other person’s on the other, usually in realtime so you could see them make spelling mistakes and correct them
I don’t know so much about BBS chat, but I figure it is probably the same sort of thing.
I know this couple that met at a dance. I know they’ve spent a lot of time dancing, but we all know you can hardly hear what another person is saying in those places. They’ve also gone out to eat together and hung out in person a few times, but they’ve never even written to each other. Now she thinks she’s in love with him.
I don’t get it. She has nothing to refer back to and re-read and contemplate. Everything was all “of the moment” and you know how it is when you’re in bodily proximity and all that, you hear what you want to hear or expect to hear and you’re paying more attention to the cute warm body than to what’s being said or the nuances of how you’re feeling (aside from the cute warm body stuff).
How could she possibly know she’s in love when they’ve never even IM’ed for an hour? Best wishes and happy future
Heh. Potter and I started dating on September 9, 2002. Since then we’ve spent an estimated eight billion hours voice chatting. I am currently closer to him than to any other person, with the possible exception of Hamish. It’s been six months, my longest relationship to date, with no signs of flagging.
But then, his parents fell in love at first sight and were engaged within a week, and have been together for a number of decades. I’d say we’re downright prudent
I would also like to add that, as yet, matt and I have not met face-to-face. In some part due to this, he is seen as my ‘internet boyfriend’, something less than real. Our relationship is not given the time and space of others around me - friends and family find it difficult to understand that not being home for a phonecall is our equivalent of not turning up at the restaurant for a date. I’m wholly glad for the way we met; frustrating though it might have been at times, it’s like an enforced courtship, we’ve had the time to get to know each other and be more honest with each other in a manner I’ve never before been in a relationship. I’m terrified to think that had we met IRL to begin with, it could’ve been just a one-nighter, and I’d have been left without this amazing, miraculous man in my life. I am constantly thankful that isn’t the case. I don’t need to touch him to know how I feel. Having said that, parts of me will explode if I don’t get to soon…
Meeting him and being with him every day is the greatest feeling in the world. Sounds like Ava knows what I’m talking about
PFS! My bf and I met IRL, dancing as a matter of fact. And when we had difficulties, we had a quicker easier time of it when we discussed them through IM!
Potter and Matt, you guys sound adorable over the 'net - you remind me of my best friend and his boyfriend (the one I’m having trouble with). They are beyond cute - it’s not even funny how sickeningly cute they are sometimes. My SO and I have hit that stage - we think it’s funny, our friends have told us to cool it around them sometimes (jokingly, of course). Best of luck to both of you:). Sounds to me like you’ve got a lot of happiness ahead of you.
I appreciate all the stories, everyone. I think my friend and I just need to talk about this on Friday when I see him. We lived together for four years, talk about everything together - this shouldn’t be a taboo subject between us.
Ava - You’ve written one of the most compelling descriptions of love that I’ve ever seen. I’m going to guess that the abrupt change to your daily routine during recuperation somehow allowed you to be more open to and/or interested in, relating to another. You are very lucky to have found each other. Please post an update thread from time to time. Cheers to you both.
Best wishes and happy future