# Please stop using singular they for posters who have an established gender **URL:** \ **Category:** About This Message Board\ **Created:** [December 29, 2023, 10:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306 "2023-12-29T10:11:56Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Bob\_Blaylock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_blaylock/32/3235_2.png) [@Bob\_Blaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Blaylock)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/101 "2023-12-29T21:38:01Z")
  Use of _“they”_ to refer to a single individual reminds me of the story in [Mark 5](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/mark/5?lang=eng&id=9#p8)/[Luke 8](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/luke/8?lang=eng&id=30#29) wherein Jesus confronts a man that is possessed by devils, and when he asks that man his name, the man replies [_“My name is Legion: for we are many.”_](https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/scriptures/nt/mark/5?lang=eng&id=9#p8) ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 9:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/102 "2023-12-29T21:39:01Z")
“Please stop using singular they for posters who have an established gender” No. Please stop being bothered by this. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/103 "2023-12-29T22:19:11Z")
We’ve spent years trying to be inclusive and accepting. We don’t like Jewish people to have to wear stars. Ethic people don’t want you looking at their color. Some people with accents and less than perfect understanding of English don’t want to be thought less of. Now here we are expected to single out a whole group of people, who have a perfect right to think of themselves as anything they want, with specific pronouns. And I should know this. How? ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/104 "2023-12-29T22:21:50Z")
Reading. This place is good for it. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/105 "2023-12-29T22:25:31Z")
I can read it. A message board doesn’t tell me your identifying pronoun. In the real world, it may be possible. With dressing styles, fashions and accoutrement. Unless I’m told I will not address you. Sorry. I wouldn’t know exactly what to say. (May just be me) ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/106 "2023-12-29T22:25:52Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Now here we are expected to single out a whole group of people, who have a perfect right to think of themselves as anything they want, with specific pronouns. And I should know this. How? Most trans people want to be referred to as “he” or “she”. Nonbinary people, AIUI, might prefer “they”. You will know this because they will tell you. The issue for this thread and similar contexts is also that, not only on the internet does nobody know if you’re a dog, but most of the time nobody knows what gender you are, either. And we’ve been singling out whole groups of people with specific pronouns ever since we invented different pronouns for male and female people. I don’t, offhand, know when that was; but it was long before either of us was born. Calling everybody “they” would be the exact opposite of singling out groups of people with specific pronouns. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/107 "2023-12-29T22:31:34Z")
That explains it better. Thx ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/108 "2023-12-29T22:32:58Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > Ethic people don’t want you looking at their color. > Some people with accents and less than perfect understanding of English don’t want to be thought less of. Of course. Naturally. And who is it that is not ethnic? Who are these ethnic people you speak of? ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/109 "2023-12-29T22:38:04Z")
You know what I’m talking about. African-American, Hispanic, Mid-eastern, Far-eastern(not sure if that is the correct term). ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/110 "2023-12-29T22:40:40Z")
> [@thorny\_locust](#): > > You will know this because they will tell you. This is the key. Just tell me how you (general “you”) prefer your pronouns and how you’d like to be referred to and I will happily oblige. Do not get mad at me if I do not know better and go with a lifetime of using he/she or opt for “they” if unclear. ---
**Author:** ![Andy\_L](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/c67d28/32.png) [@Andy\_L](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Andy_L)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/111 "2023-12-29T22:46:16Z")
This dialogue: “Mom somebody’s at the door!” “What do they want?” sounds perfectly natural to me. ---
**Author:** ![thorny\_locust](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thorny_locust/32/431_2.png) [@thorny\_locust](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/thorny_locust)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/112 "2023-12-29T22:48:57Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You know what I’m talking about. African-American, Hispanic, Mid-eastern, Far-eastern(not sure if that is the correct term). Southern USA white Protestant? Everybody’s got an ethnicity (or quite commonly, especially in the USA, a combination of them.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/113 "2023-12-29T22:51:58Z")
As a person who has been seen as _different_ my whole life I can’t imagine anyone asking for this. ---
**Author:** ![Whack-a-Mole](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/whack-a-mole/32/141_2.png) [@Whack-a-Mole](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Whack-a-Mole)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 10:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/114 "2023-12-29T22:54:58Z")
Ask for what? (I am not clear which post you are responding to.) ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/115 "2023-12-29T23:05:50Z")
Ask to be identified as _different_. We are different. But I’m sick of people telling me what I am. I just want to be invisible to the point I pretend I am. Why would someone want that? ---
**Author:** ![Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/left_hand_of_dorkness/32/7156_2.png) [@Left\_Hand\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Left_Hand_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/116 "2023-12-29T23:13:50Z")
> [@Beckdawrek](#): > > You know what I’m talking about. African-American, Hispanic, Mid-eastern, Far-eastern(not sure if that is the correct term). I know exactly what you’re talking about: anyone who is not white. Whiteness isn’t an ethnicity, but everything else is. I don’t think you realize this, but it’s a pretty racist assumption, that whiteness is the default, and everything else is a variation from the norm and is “ethnic.” Lots of people, white or otherwise, don’t want you or anyone else to make this assumption. ---
**Author:** ![Munch](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/munch/32/5281_2.png) [@Munch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Munch)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/117 "2023-12-29T23:16:08Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > And who is it that is not ethnic? Who are these ethnic people you speak of? This seems a little disingenuous. Beck is asking a legitimate question from her perspective. We’re all trying here to be inclusive, and it can be hard for many after years and years of ingrained societal norms. Contextually you could have very easily made a very good guess as to what she meant by “ethnic”, and made a polite correction that that may not be the most delicate term to use in the future. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/118 "2023-12-29T23:22:03Z")
Sure, I guess. Or I could have asked them what they meant. ---
**Author:** ![Bob\_Blaylock](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bob_blaylock/32/3235_2.png) [@Bob\_Blaylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bob_Blaylock)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/119 "2023-12-29T23:22:27Z")
  It is not any sane person’s responsibility to know or care what particular delusions an insane person has, nor to treat those delusions as any kind of reality. ---
**Author:** ![kenobi\_65](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kenobi_65/32/13178_2.png) [@kenobi\_65](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kenobi_65)\ **Post date:** [December 29, 2023, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306/120 "2023-12-29T23:24:36Z")
> [@Bob\_Blaylock](#): > > It is not any sane person’s responsibility to know or care what particular delusions an insane person has, nor to treat those delusions as any kind of reality. I’m trying to parse this, and understand what you’re saying here. Who are you referring to as “insane,” regarding preferred pronouns? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/please-stop-using-singular-they-for-posters-who-have-an-established-gender/995306.md?page=7)